Chapter ten: Dreams. (A week later)
Harry sat up and let out a hoarse scream as he woke up covered in sweat. Tonight's dream had been particularly vivid. Well, they always were as he was normally reviewing memories, tonight's dream couldn't have been more different. He got up and walked past his parents questioning portraits ignoring them as he focused on putting one foot in front of the other. He walked into the bathroom and washed his face. He stared into the mirror hearing the word in his dream echoing in the silence.
"You killed me Harry. Your parents died to save you and to repay them, you kill their best friend, your Godfather. They are so disappointed in you. Those portraits they don't know you , the haven't watched you for the last fifteen years. You're nothing! Weasley was wrong, no one would mourn you, they'd mourn nothing but a scarred tool. Join us Harry, doing so would make everyone happy. It would fix everything."
"I'm so sorry. Please, Sirius, please, forgive me." he said aloud he looked down and was only slightly surprised to find a small knife in his hand. Where it came from, he didn't know; he didn't care. Taking a breath, he pressed down hesitantly and began dragging it across his wrist. He gasped as an image was forced into his mind of a sobbing Ginny sitting by his grave. Looking at the small incision with disgust, he threw the blade in the bin and walked into his room. He was startled to see Remus sitting on the sofa.
"what are you doing in here?"
Remus ignored his question and instead eyed his wrist. He looked up at Harry with a raised eyebrow. Harry looked at Remus guiltily.
"I…Sorry."
"For what Harry?"
"I couldn't do it."
"That would be a good thing" he moved over slightly and motioned for Harry to sit. "Why were you going to do it?"
"Nightmare I guess."
"You guess? And nightmares Harry? Melins balls!"
"Hey!" the portrait called out.
Remus continued "everyone has nightmares Harry. And if you are going to kill yourself at least have a solid reason as to why, it's not as if you can undo it."
"You don't understand!"
"So tell me!"
"It's complicated."
"We've got all night."
Slowly and haltingly at first, he told Remus about the dream and what Sirus had said. When he had finished his tale, Remus sat silently while Harry fidgeted. It was only when Harry had stopped fidgeting that Remus spoke again.
"What stopped you?"
"I don't know, it's weird. It's like someone ripped away my shields and planted an image there."
"Of what."
"I saw Ginny sitting by a grave, my grave."
They sat in silence until Harry suddenly burst out, "why the fuck can't I just be a normal, happy teenager?! What did I do wrong?"
"It's not who you were meant to be. I am a strong believer of fate Harry. It has nothing to do with any wrongs committed; if so you would lead the most blessed life possible. As would your parents and Sirius."
Harry looked up at him sceptically. "Are you saying that you were meant to be a werewolf?"
"As much as I hate my lycanthropy, I would like to think that it has made me a better, stronger, kinder person than I would have been otherwise"
"Oh,"
Remus sighed, "Harry, you need to talk to us. I don't care if it's Ginny or Bill or whoever, but you need to talk to one of us if you ever feel like doing this again."
Harry nodded and allowed himself to be squeezed in a tight hug before climbing into bed.
AN: sorry guys I know, I know, I need to update more consistently. Plus it's really short only 655 words jeeze!!. I've been having a lot of trouble writing at the moment. Sigh. Also Harry won't find out about being an honorary Potter until much later for those who have been asking. But you all love me cos now Harry's finally starting to heal.
I'm on a 3 wk holiday at the moment so I'll try race though a couple of chapters.
I think the problem is that my imagination has come up with another story for me. I actually had to write some of it out to wrap my head around this one. I might publish it at a later time if I finish it but for now I can think. jumping up and down with excitement