A/N-Here it is! Hope the wait wasn't too bad!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series or its characters.
He was as beautiful as the memories I tried so hard to block out, possibly even more so. Without a second thought I ran towards him. His mouth twisted into the smile I loved as he pulled me tight against his chest. His cold arms wrapped around me. I breathed in the scent of him.
It felt like I had been holding in a breath the whole time he had been gone, and was only now letting it out. I didn't care why he was here. I didn't care if it was out of guilt or if he would push me away in a moment. Hell, he could even be a hallucination. I'd take it. It just felt so good to be in his arms again.
He pulled me back, and for a second I thought my worst fears, that he did still hate me, had been confirmed, but he simply sat down and pulled me onto his lap, looking intently at my face. I stared back at him, re-memorizing his. Suddenly he spoke, "Oh, my Katie, what did I do to you?" I looked back at him, slightly confused.
What did he mean? Suddenly, I realized he must have been referring to my extremely pale cheeks, which I'm sure almost matched his, and the dark circles under my eyes. His fingers lightly traced the bones poking out of my skin directly under my collar bone. "Have you not been eating anything?" He murmured gently. I looked down at my now much smaller body.
Before, I had been happy and toned from dance and running at a size 2. Now, two full months of barely eating or drinking anything had turned my once healthily thin body into below a zero, with my ribs visible in my stomach, collar bone, and back. I hadn't realized how tiny I had really gotten until he pointed it out.
Being in his arms, it felt like a cloth had finally been lifted from my eyes, and I could see everything clearly again. "I'm so, so, sorry, Katie." I sighed; it must have been guilt that drove him to this. I wondered vaguely if Alice had seen something.
His face twisted in anguish. I cringed, no matter what my pain; I couldn't stand to let him be in pain over me. His anguish made me sicker to my stomach than anything else possibly could. No matter what it did to me, I couldn't let him go on feeling guilty.
"It's not your fault." I said as quietly as possible. "You don't love me anymore; it's not your job to make sure I'm happy." His face twisted again, in confusion and more anguish. "Why did you come back though? Did Alice see something; I didn't make any decisions that could have clued her in……."
He was staring at me incredulously. "You……you think I don't love you anymore?" My heart skipped about two beats and then started drumming faster than a humming bird's wings. I didn't let myself dwell on the motives behind this question, I just focused on answering, "You told me. That you didn't….that…that day….." His face looked broken.
"And you believed me?" He took a deep breath, and began, while he lightly traced my face with his fingers. "My Katie-lyn, I only told you that because I needed you to let go. You weren't going to move on from me if you thought I still loved you. But I couldn't stay anymore, you where in too much danger, and if anything ever happened to you, I would never, ever forgiving myself.
"So I had to leave you. It killed me to do it, but I had to. You, your safety, are far more important than my happiness. I thought you would let go, and be happy. Be normal, and human, and safe. But, I can see now, from the pain in your eyes, that I was dead wrong. I'm so sorry. Katie, my love, I'm so very sorry." I just stared at him, trying to process what he had just said.
I began crying. "I knew it. I knew you were a hallucination!" He let out a short laugh. "You silly girl. I'm real. You're not hallucinating. I'm here, and I love you. So much, and I'm so sorry." I looked into his face, searching for something, anything to make me believe that it was real. That he really was here.
He touched my lips gently with his fingertips and leaned towards me. Gently, he pressed his lips against mine. Fireworks shot through my entire body. He pulled away, and smiling, said, "Do you believe me now?" I smiled for a minute, fully ready to believe that he was here, that he loved me.
I needed to believe it so badly. It made sense, thinking about the timing and how he did it. He was just trying to protect me. I started crying again. He ran his fingers through my hair, and murmured softly in my ear, comforting me. "Edward…." I said, "You're here! You're really here! I missed you so much. I was such a mess. I was so empty."
I was babbling. I stopped, and looked into his eyes. They were deep black. I sighed. "You're thirsty. I can go sit over there……" I didn't really mean it. But I felt the need to offer. He pulled me closer to his chest and tightened his arms around me, "No. I've gone far too long without you in my arms. You're not moving an inch. Besides, I'm fully in control over that side of my nature."
I let my fingers trace his face over and over again. I knew I didn't need to tell him what had happened, that if I just thought it he would know. But I felt the need to speak. "I was so lost. For the whole days I stayed in my room, just staring at the ceiling. On the fourth day, Ashley, Deg, Kendra, and Impag forced me out of bed and made me go to the beach with them. They tried to help me, to get me to tell them what had happened. No one knew. But I wouldn't….couldn't talk about it. I couldn't even say your name, it hurt so much.
"They passed me off to Madeline, then Danielle, then back to Nicole to go to dance, then Taylor, then Nicole Quirk, and back again, until I faked normalcy. I barely talked at first. I refused to listen to music or watch anything even remotely romantic on TV. Didn't eat. Didn't sleep. I still barely eat or sleep." I finished off in a murmur.
It was only then that I realized the intense pain that was evident on his face. "Oh! Edward! Oh my god, I didn't…I'm so sorry." I buried my face into his chest. "Don't be sad. I can't stand it when you're sad." He pulled my face up to his and looked deep into my eyes.
"I have to be sad. It's my fault," he whispered back. "At least you tried to fake normalcy. I have to admit our summers were shockingly similar. I more or less curled up in a ball in some remote corner of the world and stayed that way. I barely hunted, only when it became absolutely necessary. I missed you so much." I hugged myself closer to him.
"I missed you. Never, ever, ever, leave me again." He nodded, kissing my cheek, forehead, and then hair. "Why did you come back anyway, if you didn't know how miserable I was?"
He sighed, and gave me a small smile. "I couldn't stand being away from you any longer. I decided that if you were happy and had moved on, then I would go back to my misery, but if you weren't then I would beg for your forgiveness…." I smiled as I kissed his ice-cold jaw.
"No begging necessary. You already have my forgiveness." He kissed the tip of my nose. "No, I don't deserve it. Look what I did to you…." I shook my head, and cuddled myself against him. "You were miserable too."
"Yes, but it was my own fault." I shook my head again, "No more misery. We're back together, and that's all that counts." I felt alive again. It was almost as if the past two months had never happened. All the emptiness was gone from me. I felt whole and real again.
We stayed in the cemetery for a long time, kissing, and holding each other and talking. In the back of my mind, I still had that small fear that I would wake up soon and it would all be a dream. But right now, I didn't care. If it was a dream, I would make the most out of it. I looked at my watch a few hours later, "Oh, shit. I have my solos in 20 minutes." I looked at Edward, "Come with me?" He smiled at me. "Of course, I'm not leaving you for a minute. " I smiled as he lifted me off him and got up. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and we began to walk towards my car.
Jill, Nicole, Danielle and Alanna and Allison were all at the studio when they got there. Their mouths dropped open for two reasons. One, because I was actually truly smiling, and two, because Edward and I were hand in hand. They all hugged me hello, and as I went to go in the dance room, Danielle said to Edward, "Edward, do you mind if the four of us talk to you for a minute?"I almost let out a cry.
I didn't want to be away from him, even for a few moments. But I had known this was coming. "Wait," I said suddenly, turning around to face all of them. "Girls, can I talk to you for a second?" Nicole, Jill, Danielle, and Alanna walked into the first room with me, while Edward waited outside.
"I know I've more or less been a zombie these past few months, and I'm so sorry about that. You probably don't understand why I was like that, and the only explanation that I can give you is that I love him. You guys were so good to me, too good to me, and I will be forever grateful to you. But, you guys, I love him. So, so, so much. More than anything in the world. It's not some stupid high school romance. It's true love, and I can honestly tell you that we will get married some day.
"But wouldn't you react the same way if your true love left you? If he told you he didn't love you, out of the blue? Wouldn't you be lost? Or maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you would be better at surviving then me, and not act like a zombie. Maybe you would get angry, maybe you would get depressed. Me? I get empty. But regardless of how you would deal, it would kill you. It would rip up your heart, like it did mine.
"But what if he left you, because he loved you? What if he thought he was taking you away from your friends, family, and what you love? What if he did it because, even though he was as broken as you were, he wanted to you to be happy and safe, and thought that you couldn't be with him around? Once he told you that, would you still hold it against him? Once you saw the pain in his eyes, would you still be mad?"
Danielle sighed, and hugged me tightly. I realized it was the first time I had told anyone exactly what had happened to me. "No," she whispered, "I completely understand." Nicole and Jill joined in on the hug, while Nicole said, "We forgive you for being a zombie, and we completely understand but first….."
Alanna jumped in, the last one to throw her arms around me, "We're definitely going to need to have a little talk with him."