Lullaby Chapter 10, a wrestling fanfic

This wasn't how I had planned the day to go. But here I sat on the floor, looking around the room of my small apartment. The coffee table in front of me. I looked at the glass top. It was covered in white powder, all lined up. Numerous bottles sat opened but untouched, and there were pills scattered about, mixed in with it all. Then the glimmer caught my eye. The razor that I had used to crush whatever pills I could get my hands on. I picked up the razor, wiping the powder off on my shorts. I smiled at the shiny piece of metal between my fingers. I knew how to take the pain away. How to stop the hurt.

While I was driving to the doctors, I was listening to the radio, when I heard the weather report come on. As the man read off the beautiful weather we were going to have for the next week, I was suddenly hit with what was going on with me. I grabbed my phone, and called PJ, knowing that he wouldn't answer, but I left a message, it made me happy to just hear his voice recording.

I sat in the waiting room, my nerves going crazy, I tried PJ again. Hoping that by some miracle he would be on a break, and be able to answer. He was always able to calm me down, but it went to his voicemail again. My appointment took longer than I thought it would, but at least I had some answers. I got dressed and called PJ, leaving another message. I couldn't help but smile as I picked up my purse.

I had to stop and pick up the last minute things for the wedding, as I headed to work. I had put in my two weeks notice, and was picking up my last check. Austin handed me my check, then another envelope.

"I can't make it to your wedding, Claire. But this is from my wife and I. Just a little something to say thank you for being such a great worker, and hopes of happiness for you and Paul in your future."

"You didn't have too." I said, as tears ran down my face. "Thank you." I said, hugging him. I left the bar and got in my car, and headed to my apartment to finish the packing. Most of the stuff I used everyday was already at PJ's, but I still had the big things there. Once I parked, I opened the envelope and almost passed out. It was a check for $10,000. As I picked up my phone to call PJ, it started ringing. I smiled to see Aunt Beth's number.

"Hey, are you ready to get here?" I asked.

"Claire?" A man asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"Sweetheart, this is Uncle Donnie. Baby, I need you to listen to me, ok?" He asked.

"Ok." I answered.

"Where are you at?" He asked.

"Sitting in my car. I just got to my apartment." I answered. "Is everything alright?"

"Claire..." I heard him sobbing. "Your Aunt Beth... She just died, she was in a car wreck."

"What?" I whispered. "No. But you guys are suppose to be flying here tomorrow."

"I'm sorry baby. I got to see her right before she passed. She told me to tell you some things." He said. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes." I think I answered. I was numb. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. This had to be a joke.

"She said to tell you to get married, not to let this mess up your plans. She said to tell you she loves you." He cried. "There was nothing they could do. There was too much damage, her heart gave out before they could get her into surgery."

"No." I said. "I'll talk to Paul. I'll fly in to help you with the plans."

"There are no plans. She never wanted a funeral. She is being cremated. She would want you to go ahead with your plans." He said. "Please send me pictures. I really need to go. Are you going to be ok?" He asked.

"Huh? Yeah, I'll be fine." I said. "Bye." I hung up the phone and started my car. I didn't really know what I was doing, where I was going. I remembered calling Paul, then I was back at my apartment. Several bags in my hands, as I opened my door, locking it behind me. I sat everything down on the coffee table. Things went into fast motion.

The blood trickled down my leg. The red made me snap out of the trance I had been in. While wiping the blade clean I had knicked my leg. As I processed things in my head, tears poured out of my eyes. I let my arm rest on the cushions of the couch, as I did my elbow hit something. I turned to see my laptop sitting open. The paper on the keyboard catch my eyes. As I reached for it I hit a key, bringing the laptop to life. I had been checking my email. I looked at the screen. I had a message from PJ. I clicked the email, and saw a link. I clicked it and a familiar song filled my ears.

Lullaby by Nickelback; the lyrics appeared on the screen.
Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on...

Just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone

So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

I picked up the small picture the doctor had gave me. While I looked at it, I noticed the gleam from my hand. A different gleam than I had seen earlier. My engagement ring shined in the light. I smiled, knowing that when Paul got home he would comfort me. I knew then that what I was doing wouldn't help anything.

I looked at the razor in my hand, throwing it across the room. I stood, so angry at myself for what I had come so close to doing. I flipped the table, the glass shattering as it hit the floor, the contents scattering across the room. I fell to my knees crying. My head on the couch. I let my tears fall, until I could no longer move.