Chapter 10
Leanne had struggled with watching Eli get so upset over Ethan's departure at dinner the other night.
And then he had spent the entire evening in a foul mood. One that she hadn't been able to break him of, no matter how hard she tried.
She had tucked him into bed after he blatantly refused a story, or snuggles, and she had crawled into her own bed a few minutes later with tears in her eyes.
She felt like she was losing him, even though he was right there.
She had been almost asleep when her phone buzzed on the nightstand and she had groaned when Ethan's name flashed across the screen.
I'm sorry for running out on you guys like that. Campbell was having a conniption. She rolled her eyes at his words.
He was always one to blame Campbell, even when he was probably the least likely culprit.
It's fine. In reality, it wasn't fine.
Her son was heartbroken and now so was she.
Eli was real upset. I didn't mean for that to happen. She felt tears prick at her eyes at his sincerity.
She knew that he hadn't meant any wrong by leaving them like that.
She knew that he probably would have stayed with them all night if he could.
He's tough. He'll be okay. She didn't believe her words for one second.
She didn't know what it was that Ethan had done to win over her son, but it was slowly starting to have a negative impact.
Especially when she wasn't quite ready to give in.
Still. I'm sorry. She rolled her eyes.
Okay. She really just wanted to go to bed and forget the evening had ever happened.
We'll go get ice-cream tomorrow. I promise. She closed her eyes as the tears started to fall down her cheeks.
This man's devotion to her son was too much.
You don't have too. I know you're busy. In reality, she knew nothing about his daily routines or schedules.
But she was sure that he didn't want to waste his Saturday with them.
Nonsense. I'm meeting my step-brother in the morning and then I'm free. Tell Eli we can do whatever he wants. I'm all his if he wants me. She felt the wind leave her lungs at his statement.
Eli would most certainly be over the moon if she told him that Ethan was basically all his for the entire day.
She couldn't remember a time when her son had been that excited to spend an entire day with her.
We have things to do Ethan. That was a bold face lie. Other than going to the grocery store and getting Eli a new pair of shoes for school, they had no plans whatsoever.
But what Ethan didn't know, wouldn't hurt him.
Then just text me when you guys are done. I'll be free around noon. We could go to the park. Or go see a movie. Whatever little man wants. She shook her head as the tears fell faster.
She needed to put an end to this.
She needed to cut him off before he hurt her son, or her.
She'd never forgive him if he did so.
Look, I get it. You're scared of where this might go. But right now, being friends is enough. I care about you. And Eli. I just want to give this a shot. It doesn't have to mean anything or turn into anything. But I get the feeling that you both could use a real good friend right about now. She let out a sob as she chucked the phone across the bed.
It bounced to the floor as she curled herself into a ball, tears falling down her cheeks as she tried to calm herself down.
She hated how right he was.
She hated that he knew her so well after such a short period of time.
But mostly, she hated how badly she wanted to give this thing a try.
—
When Leanne woke up the following morning she was surprised to see that Eli had climbed into bed with her at some point.
He had tucked himself against her side and was breathing softly, his little arms wrapped tightly around hers.
She had let out a soft sigh before wrapping her arms around him and snuggling him against her side.
She would never get tired of having him in her arms.
Her phone buzzing from it's spot beside the bed broke her from her thoughts and she pushed herself up just enough to grab the object off the floor.
Ethan's name stared back at her, along with the time, 10:45am.
She couldn't remember the last time she had ever stayed in bed that late.
And especially not with Eli snuggled against her.
Dropping back against the pillows, she pulled the young boy close once more as she unlocked her phone and opened the text she had just received.
I should be done around 12:30. Wanna meet at the park? This man was ruthless if he was anything.
We're still in bed. She didn't know why she told him that.
He didn't need to know that they were taking lazy to a whole new level.
Good. Stay resting. You deserve it. She rolled her eyes at his comment.
He had no idea what she deserved.
Want me to take E for a bit? So you can have some alone time? She let her eyes wander down toward the sleeping boy at her side.
As much as she wanted to spend all day with him, she knew that he would greatly appreciate getting to spend time with Ethan.
It might even make his entire day.
If you want. I know he'd love to spend some time with you. She couldn't believe she was agreeing to this.
The old Leanne never would have let Ethan take her child for any amount of time. And certainly not without her being there with him.
But she had grown to trust the man over the past few months.
And it was obvious that her son had too.
I'll swing by and get him around 1? We'll go to the park and get some ice-cream. I can have him home by dinner. She felt herself smiling at his words.
She could tell that he was excited about the prospect of spending the afternoon with the boy.
She knew Eli would be just as excited, if not more.
Sounds good. I'll have him fed and dressed. He'll be over the moon to see you. She felt her heart flutter in her chest at the thought of Ethan being at her house.
He had never been there before.
She didn't know why she all of a sudden wanted him to just make himself at home there.
I'll see you guys soon :) She felt Eli start to stir next to her and she couldn't wait to tell him the good news.
—
Ethan had arrived promptly at 1:00pm and Eli had been waiting not so patiently on the front steps for him, a giant smile on his face the entire time.
She had pressed a kiss to the boy's head before letting him bounce off toward Ethan's car.
She had been shocked when he had pulled the Jeep into the drive.
She was fairly certain that he had only owned that wretched motorcycle and she was curious to see how he was planning to transport the tot on that.
He had also surprisingly had a booster seat in the back, just the right size for Eli, and she had raised an eyebrow at him as he buckled the overly excited boy in.
He had mentioned something about nieces and nephews before shutting the door behind him.
Eli had offered her a wave through the open window and she couldn't help but smile as she waved back.
She couldn't remember the last time the boy had been so excited about anything.
"I'll have him home around 4:30pm." Ethan's voice was soft as he moved to open the driver's side door, climbing into the front seat as he offered her a smile.
"Take your time." She really didn't mind if they stayed out a little later than that. She just wanted the boy to have a little fun for once.
Something he didn't seem to do when he was with her.
"We'll see you in a bit." And then he was starting the Jeep back up and putting it in reverse as he buckled his seat belt.
Eli waved one last time, a giant smile on his face as he had called 'goodbye' to her as they backed out of the drive.
And then she was alone, standing on her side walk with a solemn look on her face.
Part of her had wanted to go with them.
To spend the afternoon playing at the park with them.
But she knew that they needed some time together, just the two of them. That that was what they both wanted. So she had refrained.
Instead, she had wandered inside and went about her household chores.
Her mind on the two boys in her life the entire time she worked.
—
Ethan had returned Eli to her just after 4:30pm and the boy hadn't stopped talking about their adventure at the park the entire evening.
He had told her all about how Ethan had taught him how to do the monkey bars all on his own. And how he had showed him how to skip rocks on the pond.
She had smiled as she listened to him tell her about how they both enjoyed the same flavor of ice-cream, Rocky Road, and how Ethan had even let him get sprinkles on top.
And then he told Leanne that he was glad that he got to spend time with Ethan, because Ethan was his only friend, and she felt her heart break in her chest.
Her son was just shy of six years old.
The middle aged Army Colonel shouldn't be his only friend.
And yet, she got the feeling, that Eli was telling her the truth when he said that.
And it absolutely destroyed her.
—
She had given the boy a bath that night and tucked him into bed with a kiss after reading him his story.
He had asked softly when he would get to see Ethan again and she had let out a sigh as she told him she didn't know.
He had pouted for a second before curling himself around his dinosaur and closing his eyes.
He was asleep before Leanne had made it out of the room.
She had been on her way downstairs to finish up a load of laundry when her phone dinged from it's place in the bedroom.
Sighing to herself she grabbed the object off of her nightstand, Ethan's name staring back at her once again.
Thanks for letting me take E today. I had a great time. She felt her heart flutter in her chest.
She might have wanted to hate this man, but if he continued to love her son as much as he currently did, she was going to be a goner.
It's no problem. He had a blast. And she knew the boy had cherished every second that he got to spend with Ethan.
It both made her happy, and sad. And if she was being honest, a little jealous as well.
Next time you should come with us. She rolled her eyes at his words.
She would do such thing.
I'll pass. She didn't know why she said that.
She would give anything to spend the afternoon with them.
She just didn't want to admit it to herself.
All in good time I suppose… She couldn't help herself from taking a deep breath.
Goodnight Ethan. She hoped he would take a hint and get lost.
Goodnight Lea. She felt tears come to her eyes at the use of her nickname.
No one had called her that since John had died. No one at all.
And while part of her wanted to hate him for it, the other part of her felt her heart swell.
—
The rest of the weekend had been spent trying to convince Eli that he couldn't very well just show up at Ethan's house and invite himself in. Despite how badly he really, really wanted too.
He had been relatively quiet the rest of the day, and he had gone to bed without so much as a story or a kiss goodnight.
It had broken her heart watching him climb in bed all by himself, his hand pushing at hers when she tried to tuck him in.
He was entirely too young to be so grown.
And it killed her.
When she awoke Monday morning he was already downstairs and dressed for school, his dinosaur tucked under his arm as he sat in the big easy chair and flipped through a book.
He had eaten his bowl of cereal in silence and when she had dropped him off at school a little while later he had barely batted an eye at her departure.
She was glad that he had Ethan as a friend, but it was really starting to hurt their relationship, and it was breaking her heart.
When she had gotten to work a little while later she had brushed past the man in question and locked herself in her office while she tried to finish up her reports.
And when she had been called to Center Stage around lunch time she had ignored everything the Colonel said to her.
He had been bothered by her silence, she could tell, but she didn't care.
Instead, she had stalked away from him after they had stabilized their patients and she had retreated to the break room for a cup of coffee.
Jesse hadn't wasted anytime at all in seeking her out, and when he appeared at her side as she poured her cup she let out a sigh.
"What do you want Jesse?" The man was her best-friend, but right now, she wasn't in the mood for his shit.
"What's gotten into you lately daddy?" His question was soft and she turned to face him with a raised eyebrow.
"Nothing Jesse." She huffed. "Just stressed."
"Stressed? With what?" She rolled her eyes at his questions.
Where should she begin?
"Oh I don't know Jesse." She shrugged her shoulders as she set an angry look on her face. She couldn't believe he was asking her such a silly question. Surely he already knew the answer. "Work? Being a single parent? Life in general?"
"So why are you taking it out on the poor Colonel?" She felt her mouth fall open at his words.
Poor Colonel? The man wasn't poor. And he sure as hell deserved her animosity.
"On who?" She figured she could play stupid too.
"On Ethan? Dr. Willis." She knew exactly who Jesse was talking about, but that didn't stop her from playing dumb. "Why are you taking it out on him? Did he do something?"
"No." She took a sip from her cup before tossing it into the trash can beside her.
The stuff tasted like mud. She needed coffee, real coffee, and she needed it now.
"That's not very convincing." Jesse raised an eyebrow at her as she let out a sigh.
"It's, complicated." That was an understatement if there ever was one.
"Complicated? Are you two dating or something?" Part of her wished that she could answer that question with a 'yes'.
"No!" But she was also extremely glad that she couldn't. "No, Jesse, we are most certainly not dating."
"He seems to like you." She didn't understand why. She was nothing special. Surely he had women lining up to be with him.
"No he doesn't." She figured it was better to just act like she had no clue what the Colonel was up too.
"He seems pretty interested in you. And Eli." She knew that he was interested in her son. That much was obvious.
"And that's the problem." She let out a sigh as she leaned back against the counter and closed her eyes.
"What? That he's interested in you?" That was just the start. "Or that he's interested in Eli?"
"Eli's getting, attached." She hated that he seemed to be invested in the man.
She was thankful that he was having a good influence on her son.
But she was afraid the boy was going to get hurt.
And she couldn't bare to watch him suffer anymore.
"Attached? I thought you said you weren't dating?" She let out a groan at Jesse's words. She didn't understand why he was so obsessed with their potential relationship.
"We aren't. But Eli, he likes Ethan." Liking Ethan wasn't even the right way to describe it. Eli was smitten with him. He was obsessed. He wanted to know everything there was to know about the man. He wanted to be with him constantly. And it broke her that she couldn't, and wouldn't, allow him to indulge in that desire. "He wants to be his friend. And now he's getting hooked."
"And you're afraid Ethan's going to leave and Eli's going to be heartbroken?" She hated how well Jesse knew her. But she guessed that was what happened when you had been friends for almost two decades.
"I'm afraid that Eli doesn't understand. He's only five Jesse, he doesn't get it." And he didn't. He didn't understand that Ethan was temporary. That there was nothing keeping him from just up and leaving them behind. "Ethan, he doesn't have roots. He has nothing tying him to this place and he wants out. We all know that. So what's to stop him from forming a bond with my son and then disappearing into the night?"
"I don't think he would do that." Jesse barely knew the man, why was he sitting here defending him so strongly? "He doesn't seem like the type."
"We know nothing about him Jesse." And they didn't. She knew very little about him or his life or his intentions.
Not that she really cared to get to know him better.
"Not for a lack of trying on his part Leanne." Jesse gave her a look, that look, the look that said he was on to her and that she was in trouble. "I've seen him try to talk to you. He's been trying to open up to you since his first day here. He clearly sees something in you. Why are you pushing that away?"
"Because he's…" She didn't have an honest answer.
She didn't know why she was so hellbent on shoving him away.
"Him?" Jesse seemed to understand though.
"Because he's, him. And I'm, me." She didn't know if that made any sense to the man. Hell, it didn't make any sense to her. "And we, people like us, we don't work."
"You won't know until you try." He was starting to sound like Ethan and she hated it.
"I don't want to try Jesse." She whispered.
"Liar." He knew her entirely too well.
"Jesse…" She ran a hand through her hair as she eyed him softly.
She didn't want him to be right about this one.
She just wanted to forget Ethan ever existed sometimes.
"Look Leanne. I love you. And I love Eli. And I would do anything for the both of you. And I loved John and I loved Caitlin, but they're gone. And you need to move on with your life." Jesse had been there for everything. For all the good and all the bad and she was thankful for him in more ways than he probably understood. "When was the last time you went on a date?"
"I don't know." She didn't think she had been on one since John had died had she?
"Exactly my point. You need to put yourself out there." She didn't need to do anything but take care of her son. "You deserve it. And so does Eli."
"I can't afford to get hurt Jesse." She didn't think that Ethan was the type to hurt her, but again, she knew nothing about him. "And I won't have someone hurting my son."
"So it appears that dating Ethan would make perfect sense then." She rolled her eyes once more as she pushed herself up and away from the counter.
She started toward the door as she eyed Jesse curiously.
"How in the hell did you come to that conclusion?" He wasn't going to let up on this, she could tell.
"He obviously cares about you. And Eli." She was so tired of sighing, and yet, she let out another one as she pushed the door open, Jesse following right behind her quietly. "I highly doubt that he's looking to hurt either one of you."
"I can't Jesse." She stopped just outside the break room door, her eyes searching the hallway to make sure the man in question was nowhere in sight.
"Why not?" Jesse had a good point.
She didn't know why she couldn't give Ethan a chance. She just knew that she couldn't risk it.
She couldn't risk having her heart broken. Or her son's.
"Because." She felt her eyes starting to water at the thought.
She just wanted to be happy.
"Because why?" Jesse reached out and took her hands in his, offering her a soft look as he waited patiently for an answer.
"I just… can't." She swallowed as she turned her head toward the man. "And I won't."
Jesse got ready to speak up when her pager went off and she pulled from his grasp quickly.
"I've got to go Jesse." And then she was heading toward Center Stage, her eyes burning with tears and her heart aching in her chest.
She knew she wasn't being fair to herself. But what killed her more than anything, was that she wasn't being fair to Eli either.
And letting him down was the one thing she swore she would never do.
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