A/N: Thank you to all the follows/favs/reviews. You guys are great!
In order for me to move forward with this story I had to go back in time. The next chapter takes place a year earlier, the night of Ana's attack. I felt the need to write this chapter as it makes perfect sense at this point in the story. There will be quite some angst, maybe even some tissue needed, so please be warned! The chapter is again in both povs, and gives you also a glimpse into where Christian was a year ago. No worries, there will be no playroom scenes with an ex sub. ;)
I have also created a pinterest page to go with the story. The URL is: anniesteelegrey/fifty-shades-of-firsts/
The URL address can also be found on my profile page.
August - one year earlier
Ana's pov
"Anastasia, why don't you stay at my place tonight instead of the hotel," he offers between cigarette puffs as I gape at him in surprise. Red Flag! We had only just met earlier that afternoon at the Seattle Career Fair when he offered to give me a tour of the city after his shift, although I'm still not quite sure how I feel about him.
"Thank you for the offer, but I'm actually driving back to Portland tonight," I lie, not quite sure how else to talk myself out of accepting his invitation.
"I'm sure you haven't eaten all day. Let me at least order some pizza so you don't go back home hungry," he grins, his eyes growing darker. "My treat."
"That's very kind of you, but it's not necessary," I interject from the passenger side of his black Jeep. "I'm sure you have better things to do on a Friday night than to cater to a college student getting a head start on her career planning."
"Not a fan of pizza?" he asks as he brings his car to a full stop at a red light. By now my inner conscience is screaming at him to drop it and to let me go back to my hotel, but I wanted to be polite when I took him up on his earlier offer to drive me around town. After all, the possibility of him becoming my new boss in a year's time was looking more than promising.
"Don't get me wrong, I love pizza, but it's been a really long day and I have to get back home before my roommate begins to worry." Not that Kate would even notice that I wasn't around. It was her idea to drag me to Seattle and the minute she eyed The Seattle Times at the fair she beelined straight to their counter leaving me on my own, stranded in the middle of a huge congress hall surrounded by college graduates and students alike in search of their dream jobs.
Her boyfriend Nathan had the bright idea of making an impromptu visit to Seattle and true to Kate fashion she automatically jumped at the opportunity to get some alone time with him in our hotel room.
So here I am, stuck with a potential future employer of mine who is looking creepier by the minute. It's not that he's unattractive by any means, and is roughly around his early thirties but something about him just rubs me the wrong way. I can't seem to shake away this eerie vibe projecting from him that looms in the air. Something just doesn't feel right.
On more than one occasion I caught his wandering eye lingering a few seconds too long on my breasts and legs, making me wish I wore a pant suit instead of a dress. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! This was clearly not one of my brightest ideas.
Rummaging through my bag, I pull out my cellphone only to realize that my battery has died. It comes as no surprise that my worst habit comes back to bite in the behind at the most inopportune of times. Can the odds work even more against me? Not only do I not know the time, but Kate hasn't the slightest idea where I am.
"Dead battery?" Is he watching my every move? I can practically feel him breathing down my neck.
"Bad habit," I say dryly with a grin, my smile not reaching my eyes.
"So it's settled," he announces as I swallow the knot in my throat. "I'll take you to my place so you can charge your battery and in the meantime we'll have dinner." I turn to look out the window, mentally throwing daggers at him and calling him and myself every name in the book. How did I get myself in this situation?
"Anastasia, it's just pizza," he attempts to reassure me as I take it out of paranoia mode and convince myself that my subconscious is probably overreacting and playing tricks on me. Why would I be in any danger? As a potential employer, it's highly doubtful that he would do anything to jeopardize his career by doing anything remotely inappropriate. That just wouldn't make any sense. I inwardly laugh at myself at the idiocy of my earlier reasoning and decide to go with the flow and accept his offer. What harm can come out of it?
"Sure," I cave as a wicked dark smile spreads across his face, making me instantly wish I could press the rewind button. But I decide to ignore my inner voice and just go with it.
Half a pizza and a beer each later, my phone is almost completely charged as Mr. Future Boss heads to what I assume is his bathroom. His apartment is nothing to write home about. Aside from the walls and floors, every piece of furniture is black. The kitchen cupboards and counters are all black, every picture frame on every stand and wall is, you guessed it, black. Even his attire is completely black. I can't for the life of me remember his name. Time to do what I do best, assign a nickname. Mr. Darth Vader? Yep, that'll do.
A few eerie paintings on the wall catch my eye. If I didn't know any better I'd say they were abstract portrayals of women in bondage. No, not alarming. At all.
Sure enough, Kate never bothered to check up on me as I go through my messages. Not that I'm surprised. Her new boy toy Nathan must have her wrapped around his tiny little finger. So I decide to give her a call instead.
"Who are you calling?" his dry voice startles me as he pops up out of nowhere.
"I just want to let my roommate know where I am and tell her that I'm on my way back," I explain as he scratches the back of his head.
"She's in Portland?"
"No, she's right here in Seattle with her boyfriend." I clench my eyes shut as the words leave my mouth before I have the chance to filter my thoughts.
"Oh? I thought you said you were driving back to Portland tonight." Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Tell him your whole life story while you're at it!
"I did?" I feign innocence.
"You most certainly did," he confirms, eyes blazing, hands fisted in his pockets. This is not looking good.
"Anastasia, I want to show you something." What the? "Follow me, and leave your cell phone in your purse." And like a puppy dog, I do just that, turning my head over my shoulder to look behind me at the eerie paintings, silently mouthing to the tied up stilled women to wish me luck.
Trembling legs follow him to a door all the way down the hallway as he draws a sharp breath upon opening it. My subconscious is screaming at me to get the hell out of there, but my clouded judgement takes over the better part of my brain. He motions for me to enter with a straight face as I begrudgingly comply.
Nothing could've prepared me for what was behind that door. Time stands still as my eyes scan the room and take in the surroundings. I've stepped into a bottomless pit and I'm in full free fall as my eyes adjust to what lay before me. Walls and walls covered in hanging objects that look like whips, belts, ropes and riding crops as chains dangle from the ceiling. I notice a wooden bench, a full length mirror and a long table, but no bed.
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," I think out loud to myself as my eyes struggle to blink.
"Do you know what this room is, Anastasia?" His voice is calm and controlled, but eerily dark.
"I'll take a lucky guess and say the Tower of London." I aim for humour as I clear my throat, my voice betraying me as the high pitched tone does nothing to disguise the fear that is rising in my gut. He continues to stare at me unamused, his face remaining unreadable and tight.
"Nice try," he says smoothly with a hint of bite, turning to close the door and locking it. "This room, Anastasia, is what I call a dungeon," he bites back as he walks towards me. Panic. Sheer and utter panic washes over my entire body.
"I was close!" I laugh nervously as the gravity of the situation begins to finally register, knowing far too well that I've gotten myself into one deep mess.
"I am a Dominant, Anastasia. Do you understand what that means?" He asks as he slowly walks around me, searching and assessing, looking like he's ready to pounce at any given moment, like a predator it's prey.
"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me." I can't fucking breathe.
"Sir," he adds. "In here you call me Sir, understood?" I nod.
"I didn't hear you," he hisses with an air of arrogance.
"Yes, Sir." Although I thought that's what I'd been calling him all day. Something tells me I'd do good not to point that out.
"Have you ever heard of BDSM, Anastasia?" He asks, standing closely behind me. In fact, too close. I don't like where this is going.
"Um, Bondage something, something … I can't remember the rest," If there's one thing I can't do is think at the moment. Have I heard of BDSM? Yes I have, somewhat. I remember hearing Ethan and some of his friends joke about it at some point in time. For one, I know this shit is supposed to be consensual, isn't it? This guy must've skipped that part in the 'BDSM for dummies' manual.
"Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism." He lost me after Discipline.
"Anastasia, are you listening?"
"Um, yes … I mean yes, Sir." I'm still stuck on Discipline. He moves my hair to the side and smells my neck, the gesture instantly making me wince and my skin crawl.
"I'd love to stay and exchange pleasantries," I say nervously. "But it's getting late and I should really head back." He runs his hands down the back of my arms bringing them together as I feel something silky wrap around them. What the hell is he doing?
"You know Anastasia, you lied to me," he reminds me. Why do I not like where this is going? "You know what happens when you lie to a Dom?" he queries as I feel the silky material tighten around my wrists. Oh fuck, the color instantly drains from my face as I realize my arms are tied together.
"You get punished." I am so. Fucking. Screwed.
"Look, I don't know what you think you're doing here," I begin, turning around to face him. "But this needs to stop now." He laughs in my face. A sinister, dark laugh. His face goes from amused to menacing in an instant as he cups my jaw in a tight grasp. I will myself to remain calm in the face of danger and resist the urge to show how truly frightened I am at the moment. My mind goes straight to Ray, and all the self-defence lessons he's taught me. I am just waiting for the right time to make my move.
"Now's not the time to play hard to get, Anastasia. You've been teasing me all afternoon and I know deep down, this is what you want." He turns me back around to face the full length mirror, making me watch as he talks over my shoulder. "I'm about to show you a different way to explore something exciting. To go beyond the outer limits of what is deemed sexually acceptable by people who don't know any better. Think of it as role play. I can take you to new heights, Anastasia." What the fuck is he talking about?
"Look, um … Sir, I apologize if I gave you the wrong impression, but you really need to let me go now."
"You willingly left with me, came into my car and let me take you to my apartment. Your intentions seemed quite clear to me," he says, raising an annoyed eyebrow, his voice sounding more and more grim. "Are you saying you lead me on?" I definitely did not. How the fuck do I answer that without pissing him off?
"Please Sir, you have it all wrong. I'm not even sexually active." His face drops in an instant. Silence. If looks could kill, this would be it.
"You little bitch!" The next few moments are a blur as I end up pinned over the bench in a swift move that catches me off guard, his knee firmly pressed against my upper back, making it hard for me to breathe or move.
"I don't fuck virgins!" he growls, his voice echoing in the cold room. Thank fuck!
"You lied to me, not once but twice! And now I've showed you my dungeon for nothing." I hear the unbuckle of a belt and I clench my eyes, fear gripping me for what is to come.
"You are going to pay dearly for this." And with that, he lifts my skirt and begins to strike without warning with what I can only assume is his belt. My screams resonate throughout the small confinements of the room.
"You can scream all you want, no one can hear you in here." My backside is now on fire, the ruthless assault becoming more and more unbearable with each blow. The shed of tears no longer containable as I desperately search within the core of my being for inner strength to help get me through this. The shock of what is occurring leaving me completely motionless until I hear the belt drop to the floor, his hands making quick work at unbinding mine. He pulls me back up by my hair and turns me to face him, his threatening eyes tinged with menace.
"That was for lying to me about going back to Portland tonight," he shouts into my ear.
"This…" He back hands me across the face before I can even react, the crack near my ear drum leaving me in excruciating pain as I fall onto the floor. "Is for leading me on."
"And this…" He kicks me right in the ribs, leaving me gasping for air as I struggle to hold it together. "Is for not telling me you were a fucking virgin."
The room is spinning and I taste blood. I still hear him talking but I no longer know what he is saying. I try to move but it's pointless as he stands over me staring at my motionless body. My vision slowly blurs as my subconscious gradually drifts to Lala land, the light of the room slowly fading until it gets completely dark.
Consciousness flickers through my hazy mind, my eyes struggling to open as my vision adjusts to the brightness fluttering through my closed eye lids.
"Annie, can you hear me?" The familiarity of the voice instantly warms my insides, making my heart smile. Ray is here, wherever here is. Where am I?
"Nurse, she's waking up." I hear him call out as it quickly dawns on me that I'm in a hospital bed. My eyes finally manage to open as I'm greeted by a beaming Ray standing over me. I reach for my face when I try to smile back, wincing from the pain.
"Annie, try to not smile or speak, you had a dislocated jaw." Had? In the blink of an eye my mind flashes back to the room that resembled a torture chamber and the vile man that put me in this bed. How did I get here? How was I found? So many questions, yet I can't even open my mouth to ask a single one.
"Do you remember what happened?" I nod, tears filling my eyes.
"Don't cry baby girl, we'll find whoever did this to you," he reassures me, caressing my head. "A police detective was in here earlier to question you, but I told him you weren't ready for an interrogation. All I know is that I'm extremely grateful to the stranger that got you help when he witnessed your attack." Witnessed? I raise a curious eyebrow in silent question.
"He was the one that called 9-1-1 after you were mugged." Mugged? What the fuck? I know I didn't imagine what happened to me. "Annie what were you thinking walking alone in a back alley at night?" Now I'm really fucking confused. I try to speak when a woman in a white coat enters the room.
"Hello Anastasia, I'm Dr. Lee. I won't be asking you any questions as I don't want you to further aggravate your facial injuries, so try to keep the use of your facial muscles to a minimum until the pain is more tolerable." I nod in agreement.
"I will examine you shortly, but first I would like to explain to you the extent of your injuries. When a person has a dislocated jaw it can be difficult to open and close your mouth," she begins, her voice soothing and calm, like a balm to my ears.
"Fortunately, the joint involved was not completely affected so this allowed us to successfully realign the jaw back to its normal position using minor manipulations. So the good news is that there will be no surgery required," she smiles. "So don't be alarmed when you look in the mirror," she implies, my face falling at her words. "Facial swelling is normal and should be gone in the next couple of days."
"You have also sustained some bruising to your ribs and back, but the good news is that there were no fractures. So you should be able to go home in a few days. But in the meantime, you need to rest and you will be given pain relief medications to assist in alleviating the pain. Do you have any questions, Anastasia?" I shake my head in a muted no.
After being thoroughly examined by Dr. Lee, the rest of the day was spent receiving visitors. Kate was a mess and keeps blaming herself for not staying with me. She brought my overnight bag from the hotel and helped me change into my yoga pants and zip up. Ray informed me that my mom, Carla was flying in for a couple of days to stay with me until I can manage on my own. Even Jose drove up to see me.
As comforting as it is being around the people that care about me the most, what I want more than anything right now is solace and answers. Ray said that I was mugged. I wish I knew how this conclusion was drawn, but as long as other people were around I couldn't bring myself to inquire.
Later that evening, I'm awaken by an all too familiar voice that instantly makes my whole body tense.
"Hello Anastasia, remember me?" My hands instinctively fist the bed sheets as my perpetrator meets me eye to eye, shielded from view by the drawn curtain. Frantic eyes desperately search for the room call button to alert a nurse that an intruder was in my room.
"Looking for this?" He holds up the device. Fuck!
"Anastasia, I'm not going to hurt you. You just need to listen to me very carefully." I sit there frozen, terrified beyond words.
"I made the call, I am the 'witness' who saw you get mugged," he says in quotes. "If you stick with this story, I will wipe out all of your student loans and settle your tuition for your entire senior year," he promises as he hands me a white envelope. "Open it." My eyes widen at the sight of the money order with what seems to show an endless amount of zeros as I wrinkle my forehead in confusion.
"It's to help pay for your medical bills," he continues as I swiftly lift my head to meet his stare. "In exchange for your cooperation and silence." Hush money. He's giving me fucking hush money! He wants to buy my silence. If I could speak I would tell him what he can do with his offer.
"It would be your word against mine if you decide to press charges. You and I both stand to lose too much. Think of what that'll not only do to my career but to your entire future. Need I remind you that you willingly left with me, a potential employer, and came to my apartment?" Blackmail. I knew it.
"Do you really want to be branded and known by every prospective employer you ever come across as an opportunistic career climbing whore? Because if any of this comes out, I vow to have that reputation follow you for the rest of your career searching days. You can kiss any chance of ever finding a job out the window, do you understand?" Cornered. Trapped. Fuck.
My eyes momentarily drop down to the money order. Ray's words coming back to haunt me as I recall him telling me hours earlier that he needed to put his house up for sale.
He'd been in a hiking accident several months ago leaving him with a concussion, a broken arm and leg. He required intense physical therapy sessions several times a week as part of his rehabilitation regimen. His medical bills went through the roof and funds were running dry as he was forced to quit his job due to his injuries.
If I keep quiet and take the money, Ray wouldn't have to put the house up for sale. Ray has done so much for me throughout the years and I know he would give his life up for me if he had to. Especially since he had just given me a charm in the shape of horse shoe that belonged to his grandmother only hours after I woke up, telling me it would bring me luck and help me get through this rough time. How can I not do this for Ray? It would be the least I can do.
So after a few days, when I'm finally able to speak with more ease, I don't recount the events of that night as they happened when the police detective interrogates me in my hospital room. Instead I agree to go along with the mugging story. I don't want to relive what happened that night in any way shape or form. So I choose to bury the hideous memories of that night into the back of my head and in my past and turn the page for good.
Christian's pov
I had to cut my business trip to New York short when Taylor pulled me out of an important client meeting to advise me there was trouble back home. It had been only a couple of weeks since I terminated my contract with Leila, my last submissive. I sent her packing when she told me she loved me and couldn't imagine her life without me.
For weeks I had one of my CPOs keep a watchful eye on her and follow her around for safety measure. Taylor made sure to change all the access and security codes to my building and at Grey House even though I didn't consider her to be a threat to me, but Taylor thought otherwise. She even went as far as telling me she was carrying my child, all in a desperate attempt to hold on to something that she couldn't have. Needless to say, her bogus pregnancy story turned out to be a fabricated lie.
My private jet just landed at Sea-Tac not even half hour ago and I'm on my way to the hospital. Leila ended up breaking into my apartment while I was in New York when Gail stepped out to do the groceries. Upon her return she found Leila standing in the kitchen with what looked like a bottle of prescription medication in her hands. She threatened to swallow all the pills if Gail didn't tell her where I was. So when she tried to reason with her and told her I was away on a business trip she accused Gail of lying.
Before she could stop her, Leila emptied the contents of the bottle into her mouth when Gail lunged towards her and tried to force her to spit it all out. Leila managed to swallow half the pills and on instinct Gail quickly dragged her out of the apartment, helped her into the backseat of her car and rushed her to the hospital. By the time she made it to the ER, Leila was out cold. She called Taylor shortly thereafter.
Flynn should already be by her side at the hospital. The minute Taylor told me what happened I made a quick call to my shrink before hopping on my jet. This whole situation with Leila escalated from nuisance to nightmare overnight. I knew she wasn't stable, but fuck I never thought she would be suicidal.
I make my way quickly towards her room, Flynn standing right outside. I know she has no next of kin around here as her entire family is located in the east coast.
"Thanks John for dropping everything on such short notice. How is she?"
"Out cold, but she'll be fine. The doctor asked me to remain close by to perform a psychiatric evaluation when she wakes up. She will most likely need to be institutionalized for now."
"John, I don't know how the fuck this happened." I tug at my hair with both hands using such force that it's a wonder I still have any hair left on my head.
"Christian, this is not your fault," he assures me, tapping my shoulder. "She is a deeply troubled girl and needs help."
I can't help but feel responsible, like I am to blame for what has come of her. The idea that I somehow broke this girl, that her zest for life is vanquished because of me makes me hate myself all the more. My guilt is fucking eating at me, my conscience tearing me up inside. I will do whatever it takes to make sure she gets all the help she needs and fix this so she can start her life over from scratch, as far away from here as possible.
"Christian it would probably be wisest that you leave before she wakes up, to not set her off." I nod in approval, my mind in turmoil as I shake the good doctor's hand when he slowly turns around to go back in Leila's room.
As I turn to leave, the sound of gut-wrenching sobs stop me in my tracks coming from the room next to Leila's. Hearing the sound of cries is nothing new and would normally never phase me. But there is something guttural about the way this heartbreaking cry sounds, like it's calling to me specifically on a deeper level. Almost like a cry for help.
With a sense of purpose I do something I would hardly ever do, something completely out of my character and nature. Looking through the doorway of this hospital room my eyes fixate on the back of a girl with long brown hair standing face pressed against the window, lost in her lament. Unable to stop myself from lurking into her room, I stand there fully invading her privacy.
She has no idea I'm intently watching her. But as much as I'm drawn to her sorrow and wish to reach out, I will myself to remain quiet, still not able to see her face. I can almost feel the anguish in her soul.
"Are you alright?" I finally speak, no longer able to just stand there and do nothing. She tenses at the sound of my voice.
"Do you need a doctor or a nurse?" She slowly shakes her head in a quiet no and visibly relaxes, never once turning to face me.
She clearly wants to be left alone and I can't blame her for not wanting an audience while shedding tears of grief. Turning to leave, I stop mid-stride as I notice what looks like a horse shoe shaped charm on the night stand next to her bed. In a moment of clarity I offer her solace the only way she allows me to. I leave her my handkerchief, neatly placing it next to the charm on the night stand and walk out of the room.
Ana's pov
The kind and friendly voice offering me a sense of calm has gone quiet. I turn around to an empty room only to feel a hint of disappointment. The man with the soothing voice is gone. Who was that? I felt him before I even heard him. As if that is even possible. Something in me has shifted as the room suddenly feels different.
Moving uncomfortably towards the bathroom so I can clean up my tear stained face, I stop mid-stride when I notice something that wasn't there before on my night stand.
"C T G," I read out loud as I inspect the soft silky white piece of cloth. It quickly occurs to me that this is a monogrammed handkerchief left for me in an offering of comfort. With a newfound sense of determination I turn on my heel and resolve to go after him to thank him in person for the sweet gesture. It's the least I can do.
In the middle of the hallway right outside my room I turn my head both ways only to spot the back of a tall broad shouldered man in a suit turning the corner without seeing his face. Determined, I move forward in pursuit of this complete stranger when the sound of a familiar voice halts my progress.
"Annie where are you going?" Ray asks from afar, eyebrows drawn together.
"Daddy, I'll be only a minute." With a struggle I resume my pursuit and turn the same corner only to watch an elevator door completely closing, inhibiting my chances of seeing the face of the man who will forever remain a mystery. The handkerchief still tightly clutched in my palm, I slowly bring it to my face and almost like magic the sadness slowly melts away.