A/n: It's been a while since the last update, my apologies! The academic year is coming to an end and it's been a little busy.

I want to give a big thank you to Coffeefilterart, orchidluv, Saltycocacola, marymary123, Sam 'Dimples' Swarek, XsummergreyX and cecily for your reviews on the previous chapter. Your support motivates me to keep going! :)

Chapter 10

Bpov

The probing and scraping inside the most intimate part of me was definitely the hardest part of the entire ordeal. It felt like a very long time to me and I was growing impatient for everything to be over, to walk out of this hospital and forget that wretched party and everything that happened there for at least a few hours.

Alice stayed by my side, handing me tissues every time the previous one was used up, or giving me my water bottle and urging me to take sips. The cool liquid going down my throat did feel a little soothing. With her help and with Jasper's help from outside I managed to get through the exam without any more interruptions.

Catherine took a few samples from my hair and pubic hair, and scraped under my nails as well as clipping the ends of all of them. I told her I hadn't really scratched or fought with anyone, but she assured me that the more she collected the more chance there was of any DNA being left. I doubted there would be anything at all, since I had taken a shower that night. It didn't really matter though. I wasn't sure that white evidence box would ever be opened again anyway. It contained all of my most intimate secrets and shame. It was very tempting to just leave it to be forgotten and destroyed, never having to face the contents again.

"Okay, Bella." Catherine told me as she stood up from her stool and started to collect her instruments. "You can get dressed now. You did great. I'm impressed." Her smile was warm and genuine. I had never encountered any doctor or nurse as friendly as she was. I felt infinitely grateful to have met her at this particular time.

I nodded weakly through the last tears escaping my swollen eyes. I couldn't tell her I'd cheated a little with Jasper's help. I couldn't say I was proud to have gotten through it, but I was immensely relieved that part was over. I couldn't imagine anything worse than this. Having the…rape…happen in the first place had already felt like the entire world was dissolving around me, like my body had been broken and mutilated until it no longer felt my own. Having to put that same body in the hands of someone else, for them to fumble around with what had already been taken away, felt like a second blow when I was already down.

Amazingly, I was still here though. I was still alive, still breathing and able to speak.

Alice helped me stay upright while I put my underwear and jeans back on, and I readjusted my shirt that Catherine had pushed up to check for bruising. My veins were pretty tough. Which was a good thing or I'd be walking around with several bruises all the time due to my clumsy nature. So Catherine didn't find much other than the scrapes and some tiny bruises around my elbows and wrists that were practically gone already. She'd made a few pictures nonetheless.

Once dressed Catherine asked my permission for a urine and blood sample. After the gynaecological exam this felt like nothing at all, so I consented. She handed me the familiar cup and showed me the way to the restroom. I carefully avoided the mirror as I washed my hands afterwards, knowing the sight wouldn't be pretty. My face felt like one big swollen lump. I was sure that if I were to be compared to a boxer no one would be able to determine which one had been pummelled to death and which one had just cried, a lot.

The blood sample was quick and easy. I glanced nervously at Alice while Catherine was busying herself with tying a rubber band around my upper arm, but she gave me a reassuring smile and pointed to her mouth, making a funny hamster face to indicate she had stopped breathing. I felt my lips twitch. Silly Alice.

Catherine took the samples away and settled back behind her desk upon her return. I was aware of my foot springing up and down in anticipation of the end, but couldn't really stop it. I couldn't wait to get out of here.

"Thank you for your patience, Bella." Catherine began. She probably read the restlessness in my expression. "I will now go over your condition and what treatment I want to recommend." I nodded, suddenly feeling some anxiety over the state of 'my condition'. The word sounded ominous to me. "I was glad to see only minor internal damage, a few signs of chafing and swelling, but you should feel no discomfort anymore. I'd say everything will soon be back to normal. As for treatment," at this she slided a prescription pad over to her and began writing as she spoke, "I think broad-spectrum anti-biotics such as azithromycin are in order, to treat any possible sexually transmitted diseases as quickly as possible. I will call you with the results of the tests by the end of next week. I will also check for pregnancy, but it might not show up this early. So I'd like for you to come back in two weeks for another round of tests, both for pregnancy and STD's. You can make an appointment at the reception or just give me a call and I'll arrange it. In any case, since it has not yet been 72 hours since it happened I'd recommend for you to take the morning-after pill or plan B, if you wish so. You can ask for it at the hospital pharmacy without prescription. The anti-biotics do need a valid prescription, so I'll quickly bring this to my colleague to get it signed for you and I'll meet you at the reception."

She spoke quickly but clearly, in a clinical and rather detached way. It helped to not think too much about the risk of me having contracted some disease, or being pregnant. Though I was already confronted with a choice: given the chance that I could get pregnant, did I wish to prevent it?

"Is there anything you wish to ask or tell me about before we wrap up?" Catherine asked me, her gentle and careful tone having returned.

I thought for a moment, processing everything she'd laid out for me. The anti-biotics were a matter of course, but the plan B? Did I really want to go for that? I felt like I did. After all, I wasn't even really pregnant yet, or if I was it wasn't even a foetus yet. I didn't feel like it would be an abortion.

But a thought popped into my head: I wasn't even sure what my future looked like anymore. The plan had been to finish my first year, then move somewhere remote to change into a vampire. Children hadn't been part of the plan. It had been one of Edward's concerns though that I would one day want children and never be able to have them with him, whether I was human or vampire. Not being able to bear a child was Rosalie's biggest regret. She'd even confessed to me that she'd be ready to give up Emmet for a human life and the possibility of being a mother. Esme had had to make do with adopted children, but of course that wasn't the same at all.

But at the same time I was assaulted by the uncertainty of even that life. The truth of what had transpired during the night of Tuesday to Wednesday had finally come to light. Edward's reaction had sounded…intense. I couldn't stop myself from thinking he must feel disgusted, even betrayed. Maybe my actions had made him see a part of me he hadn't seen before, a part he didn't like and didn't want to live with. I certainly loathed that part of myself, so how could I expect him to accept it?

Life without Edward…

I suddenly wasn't so eager to be outside anymore. The nightmare of the medical exam was over, but for what? Just to step into another nightmare? To step back into the lifeless world I had gotten to know only too well after my eighteenth birthday.

"Bella?" Alice's concerned voice and the squeeze she gave my hand brought my attention back to the present. Catherine was still waiting for an answer.

"How do you feel, Bella?" Catherine sounded very concerned as well. I wondered what my expression looked like to have them so worried.

"I'm fine." I inhaled deeply. I hadn't been breathing properly and my lungs were reaching for more oxygen. "Really." I added, working to make my voice sound steady. "I want to take plan B." I declared. I'd made a decision. If I was to go on without Edward I wouldn't want a child. I could never give it the love and support it needed, not to mention that I was nowhere near financially stable enough to provide for it. And if maybe, just maybe I'd misinterpreted Edward's reaction, if he could forgive me for how I'd behaved, then I wouldn't want to force another man's child on him, even if it meant for us to remain childless for all eternity. I couldn't even say if I could love it. Could I love a child born from one of them?

"Remember, there's a good chance you aren't pregnant." Catherine pleaded, probably trying to reign in the thoughts she saw me having.

"But if I take plan B," I insisted, "I'll never know if I was pregnant or not. The next test will just show I'm not pregnant, even if I was."

Catherine sighed. "True. It's hard to know exactly this early. There are many ways this could go." She conceded. "The most important here is to choose what feels right for you, Bella. You might want children, now or in the future. But you are young and there will be opportunities to bring a child into the world in much better circumstances than this. It's hard enough to get through this as it is. For now you should only think of what you need to work through it."

There was so much uncertainty, so much anxiety flooding into my stomach and into my chest. Just when I thought I couldn't bear it anymore Alice's cold pinkie finger laced itself into mine. "I'm here, Bella. No matter what happens I'll be there for you." Her wind-chime voice spoke earnestly.

I turned to look at her. Tears were prickling and burning my eyes, threatening to restart the torrent. One of those simultaneous sobs and giggles of relief escaped me. She had managed to say exactly what I needed to hear. Despite everything she'd heard, everything she'd seen today, she was still by my side. Even if I could no longer share my life with Edward, Alice would still be my friend, my sister. She really wanted to. I trusted her completely.

A few tears escaped me despite my efforts to hold them back and I apologized as I took another tissue from the box on the desk.

"Don't worry about it." Catherine assured me. "Do you feel ready to go home?"

"Yes." I told her, and even managed a tiny smile. "Thank you." I said with utmost sincerity. It wasn't enough to really express how grateful I was for her kindness. It was heart-warming to know that Carlisle and Esme weren't the only profoundly good and kind people in the world.

Alice and I followed Catherine out to the reception. Jasper joined us while we waited. He immediately intertwined his hand with Alice's and I believe I saw them both relax in relief. I realised this really mustn't have been easy for Alice, but neither had it been for Jasper. Not only had he felt everyone's emotional turmoil but he'd had to deal with the many humans and smells of blood without any support. I knew high school had been hard for him. I couldn't imagine what a challenge hospitals were.

"You have my number if you have any questions or thoughts." Catherine told me as she handed me my anti-biotics prescription. "I can also refer you to a therapist, should you wish for one. And you'll hear again from me by the end of next week. In the meantime, just rest and take care of yourself, okay?"

"We'll make sure she does." Alice grinned at Catherine, lighting up the mood instantly with her angelic face. I accepted the prescription and we made our way to the exit, with just a quick stop at the hospital pharmacy. My feet felt both lighter and heavier as we approached the revolving doors.

Epov

I was stuck circling the same flower beds and trees down west from the hospital entrance. It was just beside the maternity ward. A small haven of the purest, most unencumbered minds humanity could offer. Flashes of light seen through closed eyelids, feelings of warmth and affection, rhythms of heartbeats, resonating voices of mothers and more distant voices of fathers. These were the wordless memories, thoughts and dreams the tiny human creatures above my head were having. They were unaware of much other than what made them feel good and what made them feel bad. This was the simplest, most soothing place I could've escaped to, away from thoughts of fear, torment, grief and anger. But most of all away from the gynaecology waiting room.

Trying to keep the balance between giving Bella privacy and keeping an eye on the situation in case she needed help had turned out to be impossible. While Jasper had concentrated all his attention on reading the mood in the examination room I had tried to keep tabs on the nurse's and Alice's minds from a distance, keeping out the actual conversation but trying to keep my mind's ear open for any alarm or distress, any sign that I needed to intervene for Bella's sake.

I trusted Alice to take care of Bella of course, but I simply wasn't able to not watch over the woman that was my life. Giving her space and time was exactly what had caused her to be hurt so deeply it rivalled the thoughts Jacob had thrown at me. Thoughts that depicted the state Bella had fallen into when I had cowardly left her in an attempt to give her human life back. Leaving her had never turned out to be a good decision in the past. How many times could I allow myself to make the same mistake before it was fatal to her? I wouldn't risk it. I wouldn't take any chances. I'd always suspected fate to be cruel to my precious Bella and from now on I wouldn't allow the monstrous harpie to come even close to hurting her again.

I had been able to block out the words of the conversation for the most part. I mainly felt the sincere concern and kindness of the nurse towards Bella and it reassured me she was in good hands. But I hadn't been prepared for the outbursts of anger, or rather fury that had exploded from the nurse's mind. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO LEARN TO TEACH VICTIMS IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT! HOW CAN WE LET THEM TAKE THE BLAME! Her thoughts had quickly started turning vicious towards certain individuals I didn't know. I assumed she was remembering previous cases and for a moment I was swept up in her indignation and anger against the injustice.

But then, as her argument with Bella around consent continued, glimpses of her own broken heart started to shine through the nurse's thoughts. A young girl around Bella's age, someone close to her, had been hurt. I only saw images and no coherent words accompanied the young girl's face, but it was surrounded in a heavy cloud of deeply rooted grief. That amount of pain could only mean the young girl was dead. It took less than a second for me to piece together the most probable explanation. The young girl, either a sister or a close friend, had been raped and had committed suicide because of it.

The story wasn't new. Over eighty years amongst humans had brought many thoughts of the kind to my attention. Some even worse. Hell, even my family's own life stories weren't exactly fairy tales. There were seemingly no limits to the cruelty with which humans turned to each other. This time however I allowed myself to feel with this human and admire her. Despite the emotional burden this line of work brought to her, none of it transpired in her words towards Bella. She showed utmost patience and support, throwing all her pain and anger into helping the victims coming to this department.

I was submersed in the nurse's thoughts and feelings when Bella finally admitted why she was so stubbornly fighting the notion that she'd been raped. And then the nurse's anger was all but obliterated by my own fury. The act itself had been reason enough in my opinion for these men to be tortured to death, but what they'd dared speak to my beautiful Bella... They'd dared put the blame on her! They'd dared to make her feel worth less than a million times what she really was. To put these thoughts in her mind, to disrespect her, to humiliate and hurt her. I was beside myself, and combined with my powerlessness to protect her from what had already happened, I snapped. The chairs and tables around me crashed to the opposite wall before my conscious mind had caught up. Jasper had restrained me before this could go any further but he'd had to escort me outside, both because it wasn't safe to the others if I stayed and because the staff quickly demanded me to leave.

I had toured the hospital, trying to calm my emotions down, which wasn't easy with all the thoughts that usually swam around in a cramped hospital. Hence my presence by the maternity ward. I was now only keeping tabs on Jasper's thoughts.

Edward. He actively thought towards me ad caught my attention. I stopped pacing around the flower beds. They're coming out. He informed me. Alice then joined in and said they were on their way. She sounded positive. My vampire lungs felt the need to sigh in relief. Everything had gone well.

I waited by the entrance for another few minutes before the girl that had captured my lost soul made her appearance along with my siblings. I was beyond sparing a thought for restraining myself and immediately strode forward to enclose Bella into my arms. She was surprised but quickly relaxed and her weight slumped against me. She smelled salty and her cheeks shone with dried tears. Her eyes were visibly swollen and red.

I held her a little away from me to look her in the eyes. She looked exhausted but she fixed me with an almost desperate intensity. "I'm so proud of you, Bella." I told her. "I know how strong you are but you keep exceeding my expectations. You're amazing."

Somehow my words gave her a mixed expression of worry and pain. Her mind remained the usual mystery it always was. But how else could I communicate what my thoughts were to her?

We decided not to remain here any longer than we needed to, so Alice and Jasper quickly retrieved the car while I held Bella close to me. I was glad she seemed to feel comfortable with me holding her. She even wrapped her arm around me waist, gripping my sweater on the other side.

She snuggled even closer to me in the back seat of the car, looking at me with that greedy wonder that puzzled me even more. She was silent and she seemed guarded even, or was she rather resigned? I quickly sorted through all the expressions I had witnessed on her soft features during the time I had known her. One bore a striking resemblance to how she looked now: the journey back from Volterra, when she'd still been under the impression I didn't love her and only acted out of guilt.

Things clicked into place. Bella had heard my outburst of course, along with the entire floor, and probably a few floors above and under us. She was taking the blame for what had happened. She somehow managed to believe the words of blasphemy spoken to her a few nights ago, the same way she'd believed it when blasphemy had come from me. Stubborn Bella! It logically followed, in her mind at least, that I must think her at fault as well, that I was angry at her. And she believed it enough to fear I would leave her again.

Knowing Bella I resigned myself to the long process of convincing her of the contrary, but convince her I would. If it took years for me to do so, then I would. Every day I would repeat it to her, every day I would care for her and support her in any way I could, all the way until she felt like herself again and recognised the truth. She was the most wondrous human being the world had to offer and there was nothing for me to do with my existence other than be by her side.

For now it had to wait though. I knew she wouldn't want me to put her on the spot with Jasper and Alice within earshot. So I contented myself with keeping her as close to me as physically possible in the back seat of a car and infusing my own body language with all the love I held for her. Enough to fill the oceans of all the planets in all the galaxies.

"Thank you." Bella spoke somewhat timidly, addressing everyone in the car, when we were about halfway home. "Everyone. For coming with me." I could hear her struggle to keep her voice steady. We all answered it was no trouble at all and wouldn't dream of leaving her alone.

She blushed that sweet crimson I hadn't seen in a while. It made my heart flutter. "And Jasper, I wanted to thank you for…for not forcing your emotions on me, you know, letting me choose." She searched for the right words, but I still wasn't clear on what she was trying to say exactly. What had Jasper done?

My brother shook his head at this, turning to look at Bella, even though he was driving along a busy main road. It didn't bother me of course, but Bella tensed at his gesture. I chuckled internally. She still didn't trust our driving abilities. "I didn't do anything different, Bella." He countered. "It wasn't me letting you choose, it was you blocking me out."

This caught her attention and she straightened away from me. My body instantly missed her proximity. "What?"

"You've been blocking me out. I can't feel your emotions and I can only send out my own, not knowing if they even arrive to you." Jasper clarified. He did look at the road again. A few turns were coming.

"But…how did you even know when to help?" Bella insisted.

"I may technically be 'blind', but I'm not an idiot. It's just guesswork though. I keep trying to get through from time to time, but I keep hitting a wall of emptiness. It hurts my head." He said the last part more as complaint to himself.

I couldn't hold back a low chuckle. "I know the feeling." I said, remembering my early attempts to 'unlock' Bella's mind. It had all been futile.

"Yeah well I don't find it so funny." Alice pouted from the passenger seat. "It's really annoying not to see anything, you know." She shot half-accusingly, half-playfully at Bella.

"You too?" Bella's frown of confusion deepened. Obviously she wasn't at all aware of the defences she'd thrown up against all of us.

Alice hadn't meant any harm by it, I knew, but Bella seemed to take the information quite seriously. She was deeply in thought for a moment. Then her expression turned pale, apparently due to some realisation. "So…you didn't see…anything?"

It was Alice's turn to bear a pained expression, her thoughts slipping to the guilt I knew she felt for having failed to warn me about Bella. "I'm incredibly sorry, Bella." She grimaced in sorrow.

"No!" Bella hastened to correct. "I didn't mean it's your fault! Of course you can't see everything. I'd just thought…" But Bella didn't seem to want to finish that sentence. She let the words die out. There was no time nor need to push the subject any further though. We arrived in our street and I fully intended to put my plan of convincing Bella I wasn't going anywhere into motion as soon as possible.

A/n: Hey we're finally out of the hospital! That was a long medical visit. I know not that much happened. Everyone's working through their emotions, which can be tough at the best of times. Edward is also back on the scene, with lots of love and determination to make things right. He might still have some things to learn on the way, but you can't say he's not dedicated ;)

Always eager to hear from you guys, so don't hold back! Don't hesitate! Don't think something isn't worth saying! If it's on your mind, tell me about it!

I wish you all a nice weekend (whether you need to work or not).

Aoiika :)