AN Hi everyone. This chapter is going to be a little shorter than most of my chapters. I am sorry for that but I wanted to get you an update before something got in the way. I know a lot of the Leyton fans are mad with me right now. I think you all will enjoy this chapter most. As always it has some Naley fluff too. You know they are my ship so I couldn't leave them out. I'll try to get you another update by the end of the week. Thanks for the great reviews and please keep them coming.
Chapter 10 Hate Me
message on voicemail: Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping
little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies
in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in
my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all
I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say
that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never
try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for
you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me
so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now
for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't
touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my
head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you
were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped
opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment
myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so
fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it
takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate
me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so
you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad
heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for
every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a
man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my
hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just
make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then
she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for
you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me
so you can finally see what's good for you
For you
For you
For you
Nathan and Haley drove down Main Street and turned in front of Clothes Over Bro's which used to be Karen's café. Haley had been dreading this all morning. They were going to meet Luke on the top of the building. She had tried to get Nathan to let her come alone but he wouldn't. He told her if Lucas got out of hand he didn't want her to deal with alone. Nathan knew Luke wouldn't physically hurt his wife but emotionally when he was mad was a different story. Luke wasn't going to like what Haley had to say and Nathan was pretty sure he would lash out at her.
As they got out of the Range Rover and made their way to the door of the store Nathan stopped her by placing his hand on her arm. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"No but I can't live with myself any longer if I don't."
"I'm right beside you Haley. I'm right here if you need me. Ok?" He hugged her tightly to his body. When she nodded and turned to walk in the store she blew out a heavy exhaled sigh.
As they reached the store counter Brooke squealed. "Oh look it's my Music Mommy and my Nephew Boy Toy" she snickered. She held up one finger and began talking on the cell phone that was up to her ear when they walked in. "Victoria I said NO! I've had it with the way you are trying to do things. Either you follow instructions or get out!"
Brooke closed her cell phone and turned to her friends with a smile. "Ok, now that she is taken care of. What are you guys doing here?"
"Well we're meeting Luke here" Nathan told her.
"Oh he's already up on the roof. I think he had some water balloons up there." She giggled.
Haley looked over to Nathan and shrugged her shoulders. "Ok Brooke, we're going to go up there ok? If you hear gun shots please call the cops"
"Gun shots? Why?"
They moved up the stairs and on to the roof. When Lucas saw them he turned around. "Hales? You remember the water balloon fights we used to get into up here?"
"Yeah. I do actually. I even remember the last one. Oh really?"
"Yeah it was the night before the Boy Toy Auction and you saw my tattoo of Nathan's jersey number for the first time."
"You mean your slutty little tramp stamp?" Lucas giggled.
"Luke, stop it. I don't want to get into an argument with you man but you better never let me hear you refer to Haley as a slut or a tramp again. She placed that there as a symbol of love. You know that. It was one of the most heartwarming things anyone has ever done and I won't let you cheapen it."
"Fine Nathan. You know I can't do anything right where Haley is concerned anymore."
"Lucas you take advantage of the fact that Haley is your best friend. When you joined the Ravens you were protective over her. Do you remember that? Would you let anyone call her a slut or a tramp even if it was just insinuating it?"
"No." Lucas held his head down. "You're right Nathan I wouldn't."
"I'm sorry Hales."
"Luke, I'm sorry too because I have to tell you something and I don't want to do it."
"What is it?" Lucas searched Haley's eyes.
Haley closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. "Luke, the night of Jamie's birthday, we saw Peyton in the mall in Wilmington"
"Yeah I know she went shopping that night. I can't remember what she needed it for but she was looking for a business suit."
"Luke she wasn't alone" Haley whispered.
"WHAT? What do you mean she wasn't alone Haley?"
"Luke I saw Peyton and she was with Jake Jagelski. They were holding hands and they kissed."
Lucas held his head back. "So that's how she decided to get me back".
"What?"
Nathan moved up and put his arm around Haley again.
"I have something that I need to tell you guys. I don't want you to freak on me ok?"
"Yeah"
"Well you know Lindsay my editor?"
"Yeah I've met her" Haley said.
"We were working late one night in her office. One thing led to another and we got caught up in the heat of the moment. We kissed and to be honest I was tempted to cheat. I didn't but I felt terrible. When I got back the next day, Peyton sensed that something was wrong. I told her. I admitted everything. I didn't try to hide anything from her. She didn't talk to me for two weeks. The two weeks prior to the night of the accident. When we got the call about you and Jamie, Peyton finally started coming around. I thought we were moving forward and rounding past everything. Maybe I was wrong"
Nathan and Haley just stared at Lucas. Nathan put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Luke? Man? Somehow it's going to work out. Peyton loves you, that I am sure of man."
"I know she does. I just hope she can forgive me. Peyton and I have so much invested in our marriage. I don't know why the kiss happened it just did."
"You're a DICK Luke. I can't believe you did that to your wife. What about your kids? What about your family? How could you do this after everything you guys have been through? I don't know how Peyton will ever be able to forgive you. I don't know if I could. If Nathan were to do this to me, I am not sure I could even look at him the same way anymore." Haley put her hand over her mouth and ran to the door, leaving the two brothers on the roof.
Nathan watched his wife run to the door and exit through it. He turned to Lucas. "Luke you have to ask yourself what you want man. If you had a chance to do it again would you?"
"No Nathan. I don't want to lose my wife or my family."
Nathan nodded his head. "Then go home and fight for them Luke. Show Peyton that you want her, not Lindsay."
"Nathan how have you done it all of these years man?"
"Luke, I just don't let myself get put into situations where it could be their word against mine. I want to make it clear that I am married and intend to stay that way. It's never questioned. Did you do that with Lindsay?"
"No I don't guess I did. But Nathan? I initiated the kiss not Lindsay"
"Luke you've got to go home and talk to your wife man."
"I know. What am I going to do about Haley? She's so disappointed in me."
"I'll talk to her but Luke? You have got to stop putting her down like you did about the tattoo, man. I don't want to fight with you but that woman is my entire world and I won't let you treat her with disrespect. If you only knew how much Haley worries about you Lucas, you'd treat her differently. She thinks of you as a brother just like I do. Things haven't changed between you for her. She is fierce in her protection of you. You have no idea how hard it was for her to come up here today. Return that genuine love to her and I won't jump in your ass anymore. I'm sick of seeing it one sided. When I started dating Haley the thing I admired about her the most was her loyalty to you. I know you felt betrayed when we started dating but I also know that she went to you and told you how she felt out of respect to your friendship. That's all I want to see you do."
"I will Nate. I promise you I will" Lucas pulled his younger brother into the man hug they had shared for years.
"Go home big brother and deal with your marriage. If you truly want to keep your family with you, you better fix this mess. I just have one request."
"What's that?"
"Find a way to keep Haley's name out of it."
"She doesn't want to lose Peyton's friendship either. It has been strained since she saw her that night and it has worried Haley to death. Peyton knows Haley saw her. I think she has been running around her waiting for the other shoe to drop. Since it's been almost two months since the accident, I don't think Peyton will automatically think it was Haley IF you handle it correctly."
"Ok Nate. I think I'll go see Skills for a while. That should give Peyton time to get home."
"Alright"
As they made their way downstairs, Brooke came up to both of them "What in the hell did you two do?"
"What?"
"What did you do to Haley? She's in the bathroom and she's upset. She won't come out. I should beat both of your asses so I can be sure I get the one that caused it."
Nathan held his hands up. "Hey it wasn't me this time Aunt Cookie"
"Scott if I find out you're lying I was castrate you do you hear me?"
"Yes Mam"
"No Lucas what in the hell did you do to my best friend?"
"I made a mistake Brooke and Haley found out about it."
"What kind of mistake?"
"I'd really rather not go into to it."
"Well you better go into that bathroom and fix this shit Luke. Haley is the sweetest most loving person that I know. She doesn't deserve to be upset like she is. Things happen in life to cause upset enough without a dumbass adding to it." Brooke pivoted on the ball of her foot and Lucas sighed.
Lucas moved to the bathroom door and knocked. "Hales? Come on open the door."
"No" she sniffled.
"Haley please talk to me"
After fifteen minutes of begging she finally opened the door, as she stepped out Lucas pulled her into his arms. "I'm going to fix this Hales. I promise" He said against her honey blonde locks. She nodded. "I'm so sorry that I haven't been a better friend to you over the years. I love you Hales. You have to know that"
"I do" she "It was hard to tell you what I saw. I didn't want you to be hurt. Now I'm not sure that you didn't deserve it. I can't understand how you can do this Luke. I don't mean to scold you but I keep putting myself in Peyton's shoes. I would die if Nathan did anything like that."
"Hales I don't think you have anything to worry about"
"She doesn't" Nathan walked up and whispered as he kissed the top of her head.
She let go of Lucas and stepped over to her husband wrapping her arms around his waist. "I love you Nathan" she looked up into his gaze.
"I love you too baby" he smiled down into her love filled eyes. Leaning down he placed a soft kiss on her lips.
"Come on you two. Damn you're old enough that you shouldn't still be doing that mess in front of people"
Nathan and Haley just laughed and looked over to Lucas. "It will never change Luke" Nathan promised his brother.
Two weeks later, Lucas called Haley and told her that he and Peyton had worked everything out. They were going to a counselor to help them through the pain they had caused each other and they both wanted their marriage to work. "Lucas if you two can find your way back, you have to make sure that nothing like this happens again"
"I know Hales. I won't let it. I promise you"
Later that day as Nathan and Jamie were at the Rivercourt playing a game of pick up Jamie turned to his dad. "Dad? What was it like to play in the NBA?"
"Jamie it was wild man I truly hated every minute of it."
"Why?"
"I hated the road trips. You know how much I was away from home."
"Yeah Mom was really sad back then too"
"I know she was buddy. That made it even worse for me"
"Dad if Grandpa Lee hadn't made that a stipulation in his will would you have played in the NBA?"
"No Jamie I wouldn't have. I had no desire to leave my family. When my coach saw it was nearly destroying me he placed me on the roster every game but I only played home games. That helped a lot. I just wanted to be at home you know man?"
"Yeah. Hey Dad?"
"Yeah Jimmy Jam?"
"You think I'll ever be good enough to play in the NBA?"
"Sure you can Jamie with hard work you know you can. Besides I own sixty eight percent of the Charlotte Bobcats. I think you can play if you want to buddy"
"No dad. If I do it I want to do it on my own."
They knocked fists and continued on with their game. "I'm proud of you son. You have been greater than any award or accomplishment that I've ever had. You and your brother and sisters."
"Thanks Dad.
As they made their way home Nathan thought about his time in the NBA. He had told Jamie the truth. He hated it. He had started his three year requirement when the twins were a year old. Haley didn't know what she would have done without Brooke back then. It was difficult to be a mother of four by yourself anyway but with two one year olds? She would have never made it without Brooke and Cooper. She was thankful when Nathan stopped traveling to away games. He had told her he couldn't stand being away from her like that. Nathan chuckled lightly. That had been an understatement.
When he was in high school if anyone had ever told him that he would give up basketball because he wanted to be with a female he would have slapped them. Back then the only thing that mattered was making his Dad proud and keeping him off of his ass. Then he had met his wife, this petite girl who accepted him as he was, tried to help him if she could and asked for nothing in return other than for him to leave Lucas alone and that wasn't even for her it was for his brother.
He had fallen quickly for Haley. She was different than anyone he had ever known. She liked him but it wasn't because of basketball or popularity or anything else. She liked him for him. Yeah Haley had totally changed him. The day that he gave her that bracelet out of the Cracker Jack box was the day that things began to turn around for him. She stepped into his life at his request and made it make sense, gave him purpose and taught him how to love. She had even made some changes in his Mom's messed up life once Deb had given her an open chance. Nathan wasn't sure how Haley had learned to love with her whole heart the way that she did but he was glad that she had. She probably would have never batted an eye at Nathan without it. She truly found the good in people. Nathan's goodness had been so buried back then he wondered sometimes how she didn't give up.
As Nathan and Jamie walked into the kitchen, Natalie and Nicole were at the table in a heated argument.
"You knew I liked Stanton why did you decide you wanted him?" Nicole asked her sister.
"He decided he wanted me Nic. I can't help it if you are too shy for him" Natalie stuck her tongue out at her sister.
Nicole moved to her sister and grabbed a handful of hair. Nathan immediately got hold of Natalie and Jamie grabbed Nicole. "Hey you two. That's enough!" Nathan told them.
"Dad she started it" Natalie told him.
"No I did not. You started it when you went after MY boyfriend"
"Nic I told you I didn't go after him"
"Well you're a liar and a whore" Nic fussed back.
"Hey that's enough of that you two. Where are your Mom and Bri?"
"Mom had to run to the grocery store. She left just before you got home." Natalie pouted.
After they had eaten dinner Natalie and Nicole still were not talking to each other. Nathan watched both of his daughters eat in silence, clean up the kitchen in silence and go to their rooms. Sometimes he could shake them. Natalie was as stubborn as Haley and as hot tempered as her dad, while Nicole was shy and reserved but also could only be pushed just so far.
Later that night Nathan and Haley were lying in bed. As she rested her head on his shoulder, she traced small circles on his chest. "What are we going to do about the girls?"
"I don't know. They don't need to let some boy cause them to fight because it's not like I'm going to let either of them have anything to do with him to begin with."
"I see now though why you and Taylor never got along. Taylor just had issues galore."
"Taylor and I were at each other's throats because until I came along she was the baby. She resented me for getting her attention. She always has."
"I guess we need to sit them down and talk to them tomorrow night after dinner. I can't stand the tension in the house that we had tonight. I felt like I was back at Dan's."
Haley chuckled. "You know I remember when we were dating, you always talked about how bad it was at your house. I knew you were telling me the truth but it used to make me feel bad that I couldn't take you away from all of that"
"Haley you did take away from all of that. You don't even see it do you?" When she shook her head he continued. "Hales, you brightened my life. I followed the light and left the darkness because of you. Don't ever sell your ability short baby. You've always had me wrapped around that little finger." He pulled her pinky to his mouth and kissed the tip of it lightly.
"No not always, Nathan."
"Oh yeah when? Name me a time that you didn't feel that you could get me to do anything you wanted."
"When I was on tour" she said quietly.
"Haley you don't have to keep reliving that baby. We found our way back together. You came home with me when I went to Atlanta. Everybody makes mistakes baby."
"I know. I just wished I hadn't made you feel the way you did."
"Haley you've more than made up for that. You've given me so much in life. You've taught me how to be a good person, a loving husband, a terrific father and a good friend and brother."
"Nathan I didn't teach you any of that. I don't know how to be all of those things"
"Maybe not but without you I could have never been all of those things either."
"Thanks for standing up for me with Luke. He told me what you said the other day earlier. You didn't have to do that you know"
"Oh yes I did. Nobody and I mean nobody is going to treat you like that. I don't and no one else is either."
Haley pushed herself up on her elbow. "I love you Nathan Scott. You have taught me so much. How did I get so lucky?"
"It helps that your hott" he said with his cocky smirk just before rolling her over to her back and working his neck up the slender column of her neck.