Wednesday Afternoon

"You have a really cool room." Kevin gazed at all the guitar posters and collages of music-related things on her walls as he walked through the door.

"Thanks." Sami realized that was the first thing that Toby said when he'd entered her room for the first time, too. The thought gave her an odd feeling.

They sat on her bed. Sami pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, her trademark nervous habit. "Kevin? I have to talk to you about something." Her voice was quiet.

"Okay, go ahead." He was wearing a puzzled, curious expression.

She took a deep breath, and then she began to tell him the whole story, starting from the meditation session at his house. She talked slowly and she had to keep swallowing down a lump. It was so hard for the words to come out. She'd never done something harder in her life. This was so much worse than admitting it to Toby and Jim.

When she got to the part about taking his music, Kevin's eyes were wide, but he didn't say anything. She couldn't tell what he was thinking about what she'd done. Her insides were quivering with the fear of what he'd think, fear that he'd hate her. To her surprise, she found that she was more scared now than she was for Toby's reaction.

Sami told Kevin all the thoughts she'd had when she took his music, the reason she'd done it and how she had justified it to herself, and how at the beginning she hadn't intended to plagiarize his work. She felt desperate to get Kevin to understand that it hadn't been a conscious decision, that she'd just got caught up in it, and had let her longing carry her away.

She didn't stop once she'd explained how far she'd gone with his music. For some reason, without knowing why, she started telling him about Toby finding the song Kevin had written for her, and playing it for her.

Kevin's whole face flushed red when Sami talked about the song. He looked mortified. But he still didn't say anything.

She went on to tell him about Nigel Waters, and last night's performance—first how it had started out amazing, and then how wrong it had felt, and how the guilt had taken over her. She explained how she'd finally told the others about what she'd done, and how Toby had left.

Sami finished the story after that. She was glad that she'd gotten it all out, but now all her anxieties sloshed around her stomach and caused sweat to break out across her forehead. She was terrified of Kevin's reaction.

He was quiet for a while after she was done speaking. She sat there, trying to interpret his silence and nearly losing her mind with nerves.

When he finally spoke, it was the last thing she expected him to say. "I can't believe you heard the song I wrote for you. You have no idea how embarrassed I am right now."

She blinked at him, stunned. "But … I don't understand. What do you have to say about what I did? I stole your music. You're not mad?"

"Do you want me to be mad?" Confusion bordered his tone.

"Yes, I do! You should be. I plagiarized you while you were in a coma!"

Kevin was doing the opposite of what she'd predicted, and she didn't understand his response.

He shrugged. "I would have given you those songs to use in your band if you'd accepted me when I auditioned, anyway. But mostly, I understand why you did it. I know how it feels to be nothing, and how strong the need to be something is. That's why you did it. I know you didn't have bad intentions, and that you're a good person. Sure, maybe you were being selfish—but honestly, who isn't?" He laughed. "We're human beings. It's in our nature to be selfish."

Sami couldn't believe she was hearing this. Her mind brimmed with relief and gratitude. For the first time since the ordeal had started, she felt like someone was lifting the weight from her shoulders. When she'd told Toby and Jim, it hadn't relieved her burden or made a difference, because there was really only one person to whom she had needed to confess. Nothing else mattered.

"Sami?" Kevin ducked his head down as he prepared to ask her a question, lowering his eyes with coyness in a way that Sami found adorable. "Can I be in your band?"

She sighed. "No. I'm sorry."

His face crumpled.

"No! No, don't take it that way. You're really good. Of course it would be amazing if you were in our band. But you deserve better, after what I did with your music. You don't deserve to be in a band with someone who took advantage of you when you were unconscious."

"I don't care," Kevin insisted. "I forgive you. It doesn't matter to me. You should let me join."

The casual way he said that he forgave her affected Sami more than it should have. "But I don't even know if there will be a band anymore, after I blew off Nigel."

"So? Why does it matter that you don't have a record deal anymore? We don't have to be famous or discovered. We can just be a garage band."

"Okay, maybe. I don't know."

Kevin avoided looking at her again, staring down at the bed. Sami thought about how embarrassed he must have been feeling, knowing that she knew about his feelings for her.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Toby," Kevin said.

She just nodded. She hadn't told Kevin that Toby and her had kissed; for some reason, she didn't want him to know, at least not yet. But she'd told Kevin that Toby and her had been friends.

"You know something weird that happened at school today?" Kevin started, then laughed. "I mean, something a little more weird than how weird it was that everyone was talking to me?"

"What?"

"Tanya talked to me, and she was really nice—both of those things are really surprising. She wanted to know how I was and if everything was okay. And she told me she's been helping my mom pay for my hospital bills, which makes no sense. Why would she do that? She doesn't even know me."

"I don't know." Sami avoided the question. "But Tanya is nice. I found that out too."

"Oh. You know what else? She offered to help out at my house, if we needed anything. It's really sweet of her."

"Yeah, it is." So Tanya was making up for her mistake.

Kevin didn't know that Tanya had been the one to hit him, but maybe it was better that way.

"Kevin, I wanted to tell you … thank you for writing that song about me. You have no idea what it meant to me."

His cheeks and neck turned red again. "You're welcome. You know, I was planning to sing Sami at your band auditions."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah." He grinned and rolled his eyes at himself. "I thought I'd be brave enough to do it. I mean, I guess I could have done it … I prepared myself for it and I didn't get cold feet when I saw you. But then your reaction, how you didn't want me to audition, kind of discouraged me and made my confidence go away. I got really embarrassed and scared. I thought you'd hate me for singing it, or think I was weird, and that you'd make me feel like an idiot. So that's why I ran out."

Then it had been her fault that he'd gotten hit. He wouldn't have run out into the street if she hadn't been rude to him. Oh, God. She'd stolen his music and almost gotten him killed. She didn't deserve to even talk to him.

Kevin read the look on her face correctly. "No, it wasn't your fault! I should have been more careful and looked where I was going. I didn't check to make sure that there weren't any cars around. Don't blame yourself, Sami, please."

"Okay. I'll try not to." She got the courage to ask something she'd been wondering for a while. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I'm curious … how long have you liked me?"

He did that head-ducking thing of which she was becoming rather fond. "Um, I'm not sure. Maybe a few months? Since the beginning of this year. I wrote Sami in September. So, yeah, I guess three months."

"Oh." Sami felt the glow in her chest come to life.

"But I think I always saw that behind your angry attitude, you were an amazing, nice person inside, and I guess that sort of drew me. I'd always wanted to know why you were cold, and why you covered the beautiful personality inside."

Sami's breath caught, and she gaped at him. How did he know? How could he tell that she'd created a new personality for herself, and was hiding the old Sami behind it?

For some reason, she felt like she could confide in Kevin about this, about something she'd never even talked about with Duder. Kevin was just so open and sweet and easy to trust. Sami felt comfortable around him, like she could say anything to him and he would listen and he wouldn't judge or tell anyone. Besides, she owed it to Kevin to tell him what he was curious about, after what she'd done. And maybe she'd been holding this in for too long.

"Well, there actually is something that happened a couple years ago," Sami began. "See, you're right. I used to be totally different—but not a good way. I used to be really open and sensitive, and I was the type of person who always wore my feelings on my sleeve, and I ended up getting hurt because of that. There were these two girls at my old school, named Briana and Kristen. They were really popular there.

"We became friends, and I got really close to them. I thought they were my best friends and that they liked me, but then I found out that they had always hated me, and the whole time we'd been friends, they'd made up rumors about me and they'd gotten everyone to believe them, so that almost everyone in my grade hated me. Once they stopped pretending to be my friend, they made my life hell every day; they always criticized me and talked about me behind my back and bullied me, and they spread all the secrets I had told them when I thought they were my friends. I spilled out my heart to them and they took advantage of that. Because I was so sensitive and trusting and naïve, I got burned.

"So when I came to this school, I built a new personality for myself, one that would make sure I didn't get hurt again. If you're rude to everyone and push people away, they don't want to be your friend, so there aren't any risks.

"I guess Briana and Kristen changed me in a different way, too; I'm really defensive and always on my guard because of them, and I always have to lash out. And they taught me that if you hurt people, they can't hurt you."

Sami didn't realize how much she'd said until she finished the story. She'd kept that to herself for so long, it was relieving to share it with someone now.

Kevin was a good listener. He'd soaked in her words with avid interest. Entirely out of the blue, he leaned forward and hugged Sami when she finished. "Wow. I'm sorry. That really sucks. Those girls are horrible. But they weren't worth your time. You shouldn't have let them get to you; they're just stupid and jealous for judging you and making up rumors about you. Why should you care what they think?"

"I know, I shouldn't have. But I couldn't have just ignored everything they said about me. And they made everyone else hate me too."

"Well, anyone who'd believe what they said about you were stupid too, and therefore also not worth your time."

She smiled. "Thanks."

Sami couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said, how he saw the beautiful person underneath the cold shield she had formed for herself. It made her feel good about herself. And the way he'd been able to see that when he hadn't even known her was really special.

Sami thought about how she'd buried her old self deep inside of her and been rude to everyone to prevent something like Briana and Kristen from happening again. Toby was the only person to whom she'd been nice. He had started to open her up and dug inside her walls, and she had let down her guard for the first time since Briana and Kristen. She hadn't lashed out at him or pushed him away, and with him, the old Sami had started to come back. No one had been able to do that. Maybe that meant that Toby would have been good for her.

But he was taken away from her when he found out about Kevin's music, and it was all Sami's own doing. Toby had been too good to be true. She had taken that as a lesson of what happened when she let down her guard, and how she couldn't ever trust anyone again. Yet maybe Kevin could show her that wasn't true, that she could let down her guard without getting hurt.

No one but Toby had been able to bring back the old Sami, but maybe that was because no one else had tried. Maybe if someone else tried, they'd succeed. Maybe Kevin could help her bring the old Sami back. It didn't have to be Toby.

Toby had just showed her that someone could bring her back, that it was possible—and she was grateful for that. She was grateful for meeting him and the experience she'd had with him, for what it had taught Sami about herself.

"You're really talented, Kevin." She wasn't sure where the words were coming from, or why she was randomly changing the subject. "And the song you wrote for me is beautiful. Even before you woke up, I fell in love with that song."

"Oh, um … thanks." Kevin seemed taken aback by her praise.

Sami was staring at him, just staring. He was looking back, his gaze slightly awkward, but also intense. He didn't duck his head this time; he was able to meet her eyes. They held the connection for several moments, and then somehow, they were leaning forward, almost subconsciously. Neither of them knew what they were doing, but neither of them stopped it.

Kevin's mouth brushed against hers, and their lips pressed together. The kiss was barely more than a touch, but it was warm. The glow in Sami's chest blazed with triumph. She felt like warm honey was moving through her veins.

Kissing Kevin was so different than kissing Toby. With Toby, it had been fierce, passionate, crackling with flames. This one was gentle, tender, sweet. His lips were soft against her own.

It wasn't weird kissing him at all, even though she hadn't known him for that long. Sami felt like she knew Kevin well—even more than she knew Toby—because she knew Kevin through his music, and through being able to relate to his situation and place.

They pulled apart after only a few seconds. Kevin was blushing furiously, but smiling a shy smile. The warm glow inside of Sami had expanded out to crawl across her skin.

Sami finally felt at rest. The shame was beginning to wash out of her veins, starting to fade away from her mind. She was almost free from the guilt that had been holding her prisoner since she stole Kevin's music.

She took Kevin's hand. "You know, we need a new lead guitarist. Or maybe someone who can play a keyboard."

He didn't have to respond. His smile was enough.