Part X

Bruce stammered and stumbled over his words as he stood in front of Tony's desk holding a handful of emeralds and garnets. Tony flashed him his award winning smiles. "Stop beating around the bush, Bruce." He said. "If you need a favor, all you have to do is curtsy."

Bruce gaped at him. "I'm sorry, you want me to do what?"

"Curtsy," Tony said simply.

Bruce rolled his eyes to the ceiling, brought one leg behind the other and bent at the knee a little bit, flinging his coat behind him as he did so. Tony began to laugh hysterically, one would think that Bruce had told the absolutely funniest joke Tony had ever heard. He smacked his hand upon the table. "Always remember that I made you do that." He said seriously.

"You say that as if you actually think there is a means of forgetting." Bruce said around a smile. "I need you to help me with my engagement ring to Colleen. I had a very specific idea for it that includes the both of us, since as much as I hate to admit it; you are also a very big part of her life."

"I am glad it took you this long to realize that." Tony said simply. It did not come as a surprise to him that Bruce planned on procuring Colleen for his own; he knew this was going to happen. He set his hands together on the desk. "So, what exactly do you want me to do for you, because having me write your proposal speech is not a good idea."

Bruce placed the gems on the desk. "I want to build her a ring. I want to put the diamond in the center and then I want three of the rubies at one side and three of the emeralds on the other. Each color representing each one of us," He said. "Also, I would like you to put some kind of tracking device in the ring, so that if something were to ever happen to her, we could find her no matter what."

"You're really afraid of her taking candy from strangers aren't you?" Tony asked as he examined the various gems Bruce had spread on his desk.

"Candy, helping them locate their lost puppy or child, all the normal ploys to kidnap a woman," Bruce said. "She's so eager to help, so eager to please everyone. I feel like she could be easily swayed by a pair of pain filled eyes. There are most likely hordes of people that are out to hurt her simply because she is attached to me, you, or Natasha."

Tony nodded in agreement. "Alright, alright, I will put a tracking device in the ring and I will design it for you as well." He said. He pointed at Bruce. "Don't say I never do anything for you."

Bruce chuckled. "The list of things you do for me isn't very long." He said. "I've never said that you haven't done things for me, though, Tony."

"Stop trying to flirt with me, Banner, you'll make Colleen jealous." Tony said as he examined each gemstone. "Now get out of here, or I am going to kiss you."

"Threatening him with a good time, sir?"

"Jarvis, mute." Tony snarled at the machine. He had clearly programmed too much of his own personality into Jarvis. "Yes, fine, I will do it, vacate my lab so that I can concentrate."

….

As the holiday came closer, the tower looked more and more like a hallmark card. The woman had even somehow managed to program Dummy to spray the house with imitation snow. This all only irked Tony more and more so, but Colleen had become more and cuddlier as the season progressed and Tony could not protest a cuddly Colleen. Even when he opened his door one morning and Dummy frosted him, she ran up to him. "Oh, Tony," She said around a giggle and began to help him out of his shirt. She pressed up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry, honey." She took his shirt and placed it in the crook of her arm. "I'll wash it right up for you."

Tony wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. "Did someone ask for a white Christmas, because I'm about to make it snow in here."

"Oh God, Tony, that was awful." She snarled and threw his shirt back at him. "You're a dog."

"Oh come on, Squeaker, it was a joke." Tony said around a smile as she ran away, he walked back into his lab, shirtless. Only to be met a few moments by a loud banging on his door. He rolled his eyes as he opened the door. "She tattled?" He asked the seething Bruce.

"Could you stop trying to get into my girlfriend's pants for two minutes, Stark?" He snarled. "For God's sake, the woman is taken."

"Irrevocably taken with me, I think you mean." Tony said nonchalantly as he tossed the shirt to the side.

"Tony, you disgust her!" Bruce snarled. "There is not a single romantic bone in your body."

"She's only disgusted by me when I'm wearing clothing."

Bruce clenched his fists. "That's not even a funny joke, Stark. If you laid a finger on her in a way that was anything but platonic…" He hissed. "Ask Jarvis, you always disgust Colleen."

"He's right, sir." Jarvis's voice came over the speaker. "The girl's pheromone levels do not suggest that she wishes to engage in coitus with you."

Tony bit his lip and smacked his fist upon the desk. "Jarvis, mute."

Bruce's eyes went wide. "You are measuring her pheromone levels?! How?! WHY?!"

"I don't have any idea what you are talking about." Tony said spinning away from Bruce.

"ANTHONY STARK!"

"NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO CALL ME THAT!"

"Doctor Banner, he is also tracking her ovulations." Jarvis spoke again.

Bruce looked as if he was very much considering throwing Tony through the glass door. "WHAT?! HOW?! That is it. She is staying in my room from now on." He growled.

Tony raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, Hey, Hey! I did that for you!" He said. "He was my honeymoon present, in case you did or didn't want to knock her up."

If Bruce looked as if he did not believe Tony, Jarvis confirmed his suspicions. "Those were not his intentions, Doctor Banner. He has these saved under the 'Tony Junior' files."

"Jarvis, I believe I told you to MUTE."

"For me, huh?!" Bruce demanded circling around the desk as Tony backed away from him quickly. "Exactly when did you plan on telling me that you were going to spill your disgusting genetics into my girlfriend's womb? My soon to be fiancée's womb, for that matter."

"Let's be serious here, you don't know that she's going to say yes." Tony said, hands still up in a surrender motion. "And excuse me, but our love child would be flawless."

"You are correct there, because this love child you speak of will never exist, nothing cannot bear a flaw." Bruce hissed, he pressed his fists against his face attempting to calm himself.

"She already bares my last name!"

"SO THAT WE COULD PUT HER ON A JOINT BANK ACCOUNT!"

"In some countries, we're legally married and she owes me three children. And a camel."

"GOD DAMN IT, STARK." Bruce yelled. "I am leaving this room, if I don't I'm going to hit you." He stomped away from Tony. "If you don't back off Colleen, I will move her and I both out of this tower. I swear to god, Tony. I will take her as far away from you as I can."

Tony's jaw dropped and he felt a sob get stuck in his throat. He did not want to be without Colleen. He did not want to be without Bruce either. Bruce was his best friend. And Colleen…and Colleen was his…. Never mind what Colleen was to him, but she was a damn important piece of his life. "I don't want that, I'll back off, Banner." He said sincerely. "I promise, just don't leave here."

"Why is it so important to you that we stay?" Bruce asked from the doorway. "You clearly don't truly care about her if you try to repeatedly crush her feelings for being in love with me. You wouldn't even be a good husband, Tony. You can't love anyone more than you love yourself. Colleen constantly fights for your attention with your own mirror. You are much too blinded by love of yourself to see that." Bruce closed the door and called for Colleen.

"Jarvis, feed me the audio from Colleen's bedroom."

"I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

"I don't care what you do and do not think is a good idea you blasted machine, just do it."

"As you wish, Mister Stark."

The sound that crackled through to him was enough to shatter what little heart Tony had left. Colleen's soft sobs echoed through to him. He really didn't realize how much he hurt her. "He's supposed to be my best friend…. But I'm certain he loves himself far more than he could ever love me." She whimpered, likely to Bruce or her dog.

He brushed his fingers against the speaker. "Oh, Squeaker," He breathed, hating himself greatly. He needed alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.