Life in Dauntless

Chapter 10: Abnegation meal

I wake up to find my dad smiling sadly at me.

"Morning, sweetie. Your mum and I have to go to a meeting today and I don't know how long it will last. We have to head off soon but your grandma will be here, with you, okay." He tells me.

I nod.

He kisses my forehead, "We have to go now though because we have to take your brothers and sister to school. I'll see you later. I love you, we both do."

"L-l-l-love y-y-you, t-t-t-too."

He kisses my head again before standing up and leaving.

My mum comes in and says goodbye before they leave as well, she looks really upset still. I don't blame her, she's lost a baby and her father all in the space of five days.

I'm four days pregnant. I didn't conceive until the day after I was raped.

I decide to get out of bed and get ready. There's no way I am getting back to sleep.

I walk into my en-suite. I brush my teeth. I wash my face. I examine myself. The scar on my forehead. The bruise on my cheek. The scar on my chest. Every other scar or bruise on my body that are currently covered up.

I look at my stomach, in the mirror. I think about how in a few months I will start getting fatter as my baby grows.

Well, if I decide to keep the baby.

I have an appointment when I am four weeks along where I have to tell the same doctor I had after I fainted in training whether I want to keep this baby or not. He decided that four weeks was enough time for me to decide.

But it isn't.

If I keep this baby it isn't going to have a fair life, it won't have a father and I have a stutter and am terrified of pretty much everything. I don't think I can handle living in an apartment on my own, looking after a baby. I know my parents would let me and the baby stay here for as long as we need but that isn't fair to them. Especially when they have just lost their own child.

If I don't keep this baby I may end up regretting my decision for the rest of my life. This could be my only chance to be a mum. I mean, who would want to date a girl who has been raped and is terrified of sex, and of a lot of other things? Also, who would date a girl covered in scars and bruises?

I know that I could keep it until the end of the pregnancy and give it up for adoption, but I could regret that as well. It may well be my only chance to be a mum. The people adopting him or her could be horrible and beat my baby until it turns sixteen and is able to move away. I would also feel like a horrible person for growing a baby in me for nine months and then giving it away like it don't mean anything to me.

The truth is that this baby does mean something to me. At least, I think it does. I tried to protect the baby when Aaron was coming after me in the training room. I must feel something along the lines of love for me to want to willingly do that.

But how can I love something that was created in a horrible way?

I can't even think about Aaron without being terrified of what he might do to me, and my baby. If this baby looks even remotely like Aaron then I will probably end up being scared of him or her. I wouldn't be a good mum. I would be terrified of them.

I know that I have people who will help me through this.

But I don't know what to do.

Either way I could regret my decision.

I honestly don't know what to do.

When I come out of my thoughts I notice, from looking in the mirror, that my right hand is resting on my flat stomach.

Surely that must mean something.

I don't bother thinking more about it now, there is too much going on in my head.

I leave my en-suite and walk to my closet, opening it to find all my dark tops, dresses and a few pairs of trousers, hanging on their hangers neatly.

I pull out a loose, black, long-sleeved top before closing my closet and walking to my chest of drawers. I drag a pair of black leggings out of the third draw down and change into the clothes I have picked out.

I tie my hair into a messy bun and leave the room, my bare feet feel cold against the chilly tiles.

Grandma is sitting on the sofa, staring into space with her hands in her lap. The TV is on but she's not watching it.

I sit next to her and she jumps up, looking at me with sadness in her eyes.

"Hey." She says kindly.

She is wearing black now, not her Abnegation grey. She's wearing some of my mum's leggings and a black top. She looks Dauntless. Other than the fact she has an Abnegation bun styling her hair.

I wrap my arms around her middle and lean into her, she wraps her arms around my shoulders.

"I'm here. Your father told me everything. I'm here for you, Hope."

I don't know how long we sit here for, holding each other, but before I know it it's twelve o'clock.

"Hey, do you want me to make you something to eat? How about your favourite Abnegation meal?" She asks.

"Y-y-y-y-yes p-p-please." I stutter. It's the first time she's heard me stutter and she looks more upset because of how scared I am.

She kisses the top of my head and leaves the room, walking slowly into the kitchen.

About five minutes later there is a harsh knock on the door.

"Hope, could you get that please? I'm sorting out some chicken." Grandma calls from the kitchen.

I stand up and walk to the door. I take a deep breath before opening it.

Aaron is on the other side. No.

His eyes are dark. No.

He pushes me to the ground and I land on my back, hard. He climbs on top of me and starts punching me all over.

I put my hand on my stomach to protect the baby from this vicious attack.

I can't breathe.

My head hurts.

He starts kissing my neck, lowering himself.

"H-h-h-help!" I yell as best as I can, earning me another punch.

"Hey! Get off my granddaughter! Now!" Grandma yells from the kitchen door, looking at Aaron angrily.

Aaron's real eyes return and he looks down at me with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry." He says.

Tears are working their way down my cheek and my breaths are shaky.

Grandma rushes over and pulls him off me and punches him before pushing him out of the apartment and slamming the door on him.

She kneels next to me as I start sobbing, my whole body shaking.

"Hey, it's okay, he's gone now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have made you open the door." She says as she picks me up and lays me on the sofa.

Everything hurts.

"Are you in pain?"

I nod.

"Okay, I'll go and get you some pain killers." She says, going back into the kitchen.

She comes out a few minutes later with a small glass of water and my bottle of painkillers in her hands. She helps me take some tablets before putting the glass and bottle on the coffee table and looking at me, sadly.

She kisses my forehead and wipes the tears off my cheeks with her gentle, soft thumbs.

"I'm sorry."

I shake my head, saying with my eyes that she doesn't have to apologise.

"I shouldn't have made you open the door."

"Y-y-y-y-you d-d-didn't k-k-know h-h-h-h-he w-w-would be t-t-t-t-there." I tell her.

"I know, but I still shouldn't have told you to open it." She replies. "Get some rest, I'm going to go and finish lunch."

I nod and she kisses my forehead again before departing into the kitchen.

…

An hour later and lunch is done. Grandma calls me into the kitchen. I enter the room to find two plates of chicken and vegetables on the breakfast table, along with the cutlery and two glasses of orange juice.

We sit down at the table and start eating. In silence.

Eating our Abnegation meal.

…

It is two o'clock when my parents arrive home to find me and grandma on the sofa. The only thing is that I have more bruises than I did when they left.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Dad asks, rushing over to me as he shuts the door behind him and mum.

"I was making lunch and there was a knock on the door, I told Hope to get it but it was Aaron. He beat her and almost raped her again but I stopped him. Sorry. I shouldn't have told her to open the door." Grandma explains to them.

"Its fine, Natalie, you didn't know it was going to be him." Dad tells her.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Mum asks me.

I nod.

After that we all sit and watch some TV before my dad goes to pick up the kids from school.

Hey Ravens, I know this wasn't that great of a chapter but here is the next chapter anyway.

I will update again as soon as I can.

Please review!