Chapter 10

Svadilfari had been gone for a week when Loki woke up and found that he had a message from, of all places, the police station.

"Hey brother, it's Thor," said Thor's tired voice. "It's nearly three in the morning, so I figure you won't get this until the morning. The later morning. After the sun rises." There was a heavy sigh, and Loki could see Thor running his hand over his face. "Um. This is my phone call. I'm at the police station, so if you could pick me up, that would be great."

Loki rolled out of bed, got dressed, and grabbed the car keys before either of their parents got up.

"What was he brought in for?" Loki asked the policeman at the front desk as he signed the required paperwork.

The man shrugged lazily. "If you want to know, you can ask him."

When Thor was led out to the front of the station and saw Loki, he looked so relieved Loki almost didn't want to yell at him. "Hey," said Thor. He didn't seem to be in a hurry to go anywhere. His hair was greasy and hung in front of his face. He was badly in need of a shower.

"Car's out front," Loki said in a clipped voice. Thor nodded and followed him outside. Loki started the car without a word, and Thor seemed content to just lean his head back and close his eyes.

"What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter," Thor said. He sighed. "Thanks for picking me up. Don't tell ma and pa?"

"Did you get drunk?" Loki's hands were tight on the steering wheel. It was no secret that their father veered dangerously close to alcoholism sometimes, and this wasn't the first time Loki had driven Thor home.

Thor looked at Loki. "Yes," he said bluntly, "but that wasn't what they arrested me for."

"Then what did you do?"

"Leave it alone."

"Thor."

Thor sighed and looked out the window. "I punched a guy. But he deserved it."

"Did he." Violence: just what their family needed.

"Yes, Loki, he did," Thor said, and to Loki's surprise, he actually sounded angry. "It's none of your business, okay? I don't want to talk about it."

They came to a red light, and Loki tried to stop the car slowly and calmly. He breathed through his nose. "I single-handedly paid for your bail and drove all the way out here to get you," Loki said quietly. "I think I deserve to know."

"Not everything is about you, Loki—"

"Then why are you having such a hard time just telling me—"

"He was talking shit about you, okay?" Thor shouted. The light had turned green, but it took Loki a little longer than usual to get the car moving forward again. There was a moment of silence. Thor swallowed. "He was talking shit about you because he knew about Svadilfari," Thor said in a low voice. "Everyone knows about Svadilfari."

"What do they say?" Loki knew that he was just baiting Thor, now, but everything felt very clear and cold. Loki had always had a morbid curiosity about what other people thought about him.

"Don't think I'm defending your boyfriend's honor," Thor continued, ignoring Loki's question, "because that piece of scum did not deserve you. You knew better."

"You seemed to like him well enough a week ago," Loki said reasonably.

"That's because I actually thought you cared about him. I was trying, okay? He didn't even go to your school. How do you think I felt when I found out that all that luggage I carried upstairs was yours? That he was just someone you picked up at a bar when you got out here? Since when have you been old enough to pick up guys at bars, Jesus." Thor rubbed his forehead.

"Who told you?"

"Your roommate. He said you had never hung out with anyone named Svadilfari."

"You called him?"

"Yes."

Loki didn't need to ask how Thor had gotten Heimdall's number. He had probably gone through Loki's phone and copied all his contacts the minute he had left his phone unattended, because it was exactly the invasive, overly protective sort of thing that Thor would do.

Thor smacked the window with the flat of his palm and Loki nearly veered into the other lane. "He just wanted you for a quick fuck, Loki! How could you be so stupid to use him like that?"

"We never had sex," Loki said quietly. "Well, not like that," he amended more quietly. "But he understood. I wasn't using him."

Thor glared at him. "You used him to make our parents feel like they know nothing about you. Tell me how that isn't using him."

Loki stared straight ahead. "I'm done with this conversation."

Thor turned away with a huff. They went past the grocery store, the gas station, the veterinary hospital where they had taken one of Frigga's cats when it had run away once and come back with a limp. Loki regretted having brought Svadilfari home, now—but he did not regret the rest of it. It had been refreshing to feel hands on him that were not imagined, to breathe in the scent of someone who smelled nothing like Thor. He had stollen kisses at parties with his eyes closed, and it had been very similar. He hadn't had to think, just act.

(What he had regretted was the way Thor's laugh had sounded fake, the way his mother had looked genuinely hurt, the way Svadilfari had given him knowing glances: They didn't know, did they? You didn't know how to tell them.)

"What did our parents do to upset you?" Thor asked quietly. "Why did it take you so long to get home?"

"I can't come home next summer."

"What?" Thor turned around so quickly his seatbelt protested.

Loki flexed his hands on the wheel and sighed. "I was considering not coming home for break, but the tickets were nonrefundable. We can't afford the tickets for me to fly me home for the summer."

Thor relaxed. "So?" he said, and for an instant, Loki was the angriest he had been in his entire life. "You can drive."

Loki blinked. He was silent for one beat too long. "No, you moron. I don't have a car."

"Doesn't one of your friends?"

Loki snorted. "I don't have anyone who would be willing to drive me all the way down the coast," he said derisively.

"I would."

Loki glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "No, you wouldn't. You'd have to drive all the way up to get me, probably from Oklahoma." Loki suddenly laughed. "Thor! You don't have a car either."

Thor shrugged. "I could borrow one. It wouldn't have to be from Jane. Do our parents really need two cars for, what, a weekend? How long would it take us to drive down the coast?"

Loki was silent, calculating. "Twenty hours? Fifteen? That's only one way, though."

Thor shrugged. "Two or three days, split between the two of us? No problem. I could take my time coming up. We could get ma and pa to go on vacation somewhere. They look like they need it."

"Yeah," said Loki dazedly. They were silent as Loki pulled into their driveway. Loki cut the engine and pulled out the keys.

"Loki," said Thor in a low voice, and Loki looked up. Thor slipped his hand around the back of Loki's neck, the way he used to do when they were kids. His hand was warm and solid. "I mean it. Driving you would be no problem." His eyes were slate grey in the early morning light.

"Okay," said Loki. He knew his eyes were too wide and too eager, but he let himself smile at Thor. "Okay."

Though Loki had never promised it, he didn't tell either of their parents what had happened. As far as they were concerned, Thor had gotten back late the night before and Loki had woken up early to run a quick errand.

Christmas was on them before they were ready. Loki got up early in the expectation that Thor would be already be there, shaking the presents like he always did, but the living room was empty. Loki went into the kitchen and set about making himself some coffee while he waited.

Loki was sipping at the steaming liquid and enjoying the quiet when there was a "Shit!" from upstairs, followed by a thump. Moments later, Thor came thundering down the stairs. Loki listened to the sound of his footsteps fade in the direction of the living room, where the tree was. There was a moment of silence. Apparently finding the living room as deserted as Loki had, Thor wandered into the dining room. He caught sight of Loki in the doorway to the kitchen. Loki raised an eyebrow.

Thor reddened. "I didn't realize what time it was," he mumbled. When he noticed what Loki was drinking, he brightened. "Is there any left?"

"Help yourself," Loki said dryly. He stepped out of the doorway and watched as Thor rummaged around in the cupboards for a mug. A few minutes later, their parents came down the stairs and were drawn into the kitchen by the smell of coffee. Odin grunted at them in greeting and poured out the last of the coffee for himself and his wife.

Frigga wrapped her fingers around her coffee mug with a contented sigh as she smiled at her sons. "You boys can start whenever you're ready," she told them. Thor didn't need to be told twice.

Since most of their family lived in the area, they would exchange gifts with their relatives at the party planned for that night. Thor's birthday was on December 5, so his birthday was always lumped in with Christmas celebrations and he always seemed more spoiled than the rest of them. Because of this, Loki was fairly certain he looked on Christmas mornings more fondly than Thor did; right now, Loki did not have to compete with aunts and uncles for his attention.

Since it was an odd year, Thor went first. Their parents had gotten him a new pair of football cleats, which were of course well-received. Loki had grown used to years of books for his birthday and Christmas, so he was not surprised by the size and heft of the gift from his parents. This time, it was a collection of Sappho's poetry, both in the original Greek and translated into English. The warm smile that lit up Loki's face when he saw the cover was genuine, and his parents exchanged smug looks.

Loki's present to Thor had been coordinated with his parents': a new pair of football gloves. Thor pulled Loki into a crushing hug, which Loki didn't exactly think was deserved, but he returned it warmly nonetheless. Thor's present to Loki, which Loki had at first thought was a book, slid curiously from side to side in his hands. Loki frowned at it.

"Loki, just open it," said Thor.

Loki glanced at him, still frowning, but did as he said. It was a stack of National Geographic magazines.

Loki stared at the cover of the first one in surprise. Why on earth—? He flipped through them, but he found nothing to enlighten him. The photographs were very pretty, of course, but he had never said he was interested in photography. Had he?

"It's, uh, because you said you wanted to travel," Thor said awkwardly. "They're old issues, so I thought you could rip out the pages and decorate your room with them."

"You want to travel?" Frigga asked in surprise.

"Mm," said Loki noncommittally. Had that conversation really only been a few months ago? He opened one of the magazines to a photograph of a tiger stalking its prey. That would certainly look good over his desk. It was true that his room was rather bare at the moment. Would Heimdall mind, he wondered?

"Loki," Frigga admonished.

Loki quickly looked up and grinned at his brother. "I mean, thanks. I hadn't thought of that." Thor smiled in relief, and Loki stacked his presents on top of each other.

"Now, let's eat some breakfast," said Frigga. "Then you two should get cleaned up so we can go to church."

Thor glanced at Loki in time to see his smile fade as he looked at the floor.

When Thor came downstairs ready for church, he found Loki already dressed impeccably in his suit. Thor, who had taken the steps two at a time, paused at the bottom of the steps bashfully. Loki looked at him and arched an eyebrow. "What an amazing impression of an elephant."

"Boys, are you ready to go?" asked Odin as he came in, trying his tie. Loki nodded.

"Yup," said Thor, and then he realized that he had buttoned his dress shirt up all the way. He turned away from Loki and pretended to adjust his collar in the mirror near the foot of the stairs. Frigga came in, explaining that she still needed to find her purse, and everyone was sufficiently distracted that Thor didn't think anyone noticed when he quickly undid the first two buttons of his shirt. He turned around and put his hand in his pockets. Odin followed Frigga out of the room, trying to explain that he had last seen her purse on the kitchen table while she informed him that it wasn't there. Loki and Thor were left alone once again.

Loki made a tsk noise with his tongue and came over to Thor. "You would think you would have learned how to dress yourself after all these years," he muttered, and he reached up to do up the last two buttons.

Thor held his breath. "Yes," he managed. Loki always seemed to take longer to do this than necessary, and his scent made Thor feel almost dizzy. How did Loki manage to smell like that? His fingers brushed lightly against Thor's throat, just a feather touch that must have been an accident. Then he was pulling away and Frigga and Odin's voices were coming back towards them.

"Now we're ready," Odin said impatiently, and they were all hustled off to the car. Loki was quiet and still all through mass, but whenever Thor looked at him he seemed calm and almost content. Thor had no doubt that he wasn't paying attention, but Thor was grateful he had made the effort to come regardless.

Thor dated other girls after Jane. When it started to get serious, Thor would sometimes think about getting married and having kids. He wanted at least two, like him and Loki—maybe two boys, or a girl for him to heft into his arms and throw in the air, giggling, who would know with absolute certainty that her father would always be there to catch her.

Thor wondered if at his wedding, Loki would be there to button up the last two buttons of his dress shirt, look into his eyes, and say, "Congratulations."

But none of his relationships ever got that far.