Thanks as always to voyageasia.

Kurt wakes, and finds that Blaine is gone. A thousands thoughts bang against his sleep-addled mind – Administration, wild animals, he's left me, oh my God he's left me – but before he can really start freaking out, he hears faint singing and remembers that Blaine wanted to take a bath.

He is so relieved he has to close his eyes again for a moment and just breathe. Blaine is fine, he thinks. And, guiltily: he's not here. I'm alone.

And how he needs to be alone. Only for a little, he knows he can't leave Blaine alone for long. He feels responsible for him; after all, it's his fault Blaine is out here in the first place. He doesn't want anything to happen to him. They're just safer together.

But just for a moment – he needs a little time to process what happened yesterday. He had never kissed anyone before, and he could never have imagined that it would feel so...so much. Completely ignoring any boundaries he set, encompassing him until he didn't know where he stopped and where Blaine began.

He's just...he isn't used to feeling so much. He's completely out of his depth, he doesn't know where to go from here, and so, suddenly he is eager to find Blaine and give him that blowjob, if just to get back on familiar territory.

First, he indulges in another moment of quiet freaking out while he packs their things and sets up a rabbit trap that with luck might provide them with dinner when they are ready to move on.

Then he stops freaking out and goes to find Blaine.

He sets off in the direction of the singing, bringing their backpacks with him. Blaine is in a small clearing, standing naked in a narrow stream with his back to Kurt. He seems to have washed his clothes; they are lying spread out in the sun to dry. He is in the process of washing his body and hair with the soap they brought with them. Kurt wonders for a moment what they'll do when they run out, but then he just watches Blaine, who is relaxed and unassuming, not knowing that he is being watched. Kurt swallows as Blaine's soapy hand parts the cheeks of his ass to wash between them. Regions of his body stir he doesn't want stirring, as that doesn't help him get back his bearings. So,

"Hey!" he calls out, and Blaine stops washing, but doesn't turn around.

"Kurt," he says, sounding slightly embarrassed. "Um...the water is cold."

Kurt needs a moment, but when he finally understands, he laughs. "I promise not to make any premature conclusions."

So Blaine turns around, and – no, he doesn't have to worry. Not that it's important for what Kurt has in mind, but he swallows again just in case. He suddenly doubts his ability to stay as detached as he wants to be, even with such a simple thing as a blowjob.

Before he can do anything about that, though, Blaine beckons him.

"What?" Kurt asks.

"Come here."

No, he won't. He won't kneel in the water, and besides, he is perched comfortably on the sun-warmed grass, and he has a really nice view. So nice that it can only be dangerous to be any closer to Blaine. He shakes his head.

"Come on!" Blaine insists. "You must have sand everywhere, too."

Of course, everything starts itching at that comment, and suddenly, the cool water seems very appealing. His clothes are filthy too, and who knows when they'll have another opportunity like this? And then there's Blaine, still standing there wet and naked, and suddenly it's too much to resist.

He undresses self-consciously – he tends to avoid nudity, with himself as well as with his clients, and without looking at Blaine, goes to wash his clothes. They are threadbare and very dirty, and he doesn't know how much of the fabric is actually only still held together by the dirt. So he washes gingerly and carefully in order to not accidentally destroy them in the process, and also – if he's honest – to stall dealing with Blaine again. He can feel Blaine's eyes on him, though, and he somehow can feel that Blaine knows exactly how scared he is, and that he won't allow him to stall much longer. And really, Blaine comes and takes the clothes one by one and spreads them out in the sun. Kurt isn't aware of how much he clings to the last piece until Blaine gently pries his fingers open to take it from him.

He stays there, on his knees, and hopes that Blaine will just come stand before him; he knows he won't protest anymore once Kurt has his lips on his cock. But Blaine steps behind him and makes him rise and turn, and Kurt can't think of what to do when he embraces him and presses their naked, wet bodies together.

A tremble goes through him, he feels it and Blaine feels it too. He pulls him even closer and strokes his back in a way that is surely supposed to be calming, but isn't.

No one has ever been so close to him. No one has ever...

"Are you cold?" Blaine asks, and Kurt shakes his head.

"It's -" he says. "I'm not – I have never – I'm not used to this."

Blaine takes a step back – a small one, he's still holding him, but it helps a little. But then he looks into Kurt's eyes, and somehow that's worse. Kurt doesn't know how to look in those eyes, he doesn't know what to feel...

But Blaine only smiles a little. "You're used to servicing your clients while you pretend not to despise them."

Surprised, Kurt laughs a little and starts shaking his head, but then he thinks, and suddenly he finds it's true. He has despised them all, every single one of them, even those he was friends with.

So he nods, a small movement of his head is all he manages. How is it that Blaine knows him so well, knows him better than himself?

"Do you despise me?" Blaine asks, and now Kurt shakes his head, vehemently.

"Never," he says.

"Then don't treat me like one of your clients," Blaine says. "I'm not your client. I'm your friend, and I'd like to be your lover."

Lover. Kurt jerks back, as if burnt.

"We can't be lovers, Blaine."

"Why not?"

"Because...I'm a whore. I don't have lovers. Nobody wants to be lovers with a whore."

The truth is a little more complicated, of course, though Kurt hardly knows what it is. But it's...through everything, through losing his parents and having to sell himself to survive and losing everything all over again, being beaten up and almost raped and threatened, he's been scared a lot of times in his life. And now he stands here, with Blaine, all alone, nothing there to threaten them, everything around them pretty and peaceful, and he still is terrified.

He has made himself a person, someone who can pick himself up again and again and remain himself. This person chooses his feelings like clothes. He has a closet full of feelings and picks those that are appropriate for the occasion, but most of the feelings stay in the closet and slowly gather dust. He never uses them, has no desire to do so. Feelings are dangerous, and he much prefers to use only those he can handle.

Blaine endangers this person he has made. Blaine makes him feel, really feel, things he has no influence over. He doesn't like it, and there's no telling what would happen if he actually let Blaine so close to him that the word lover would be warranted. Lover means more than sex. Sex he can handle, of course he can, even with Blaine, he thinks. Lover – he's pretty sure he can't handle that.

He doesn't tell Blaine, he wouldn't know how. Also, he doesn't really need to. Blaine can see he is scared. He can't see why, probably, but that doesn't matter so much. Blaine also doesn't let him hide behind his fear, doesn't leave him alone. He draws him closer again, forces him to close his eyes against the feelings that storm in on him, making him tremble.

"You're not a whore anymore, Kurt. There's nobody here to be a whore for," he says, and then he kisses him, without even giving him a chance to protest.

It happens again, and he can't help but give himself over to the kiss completely, his body acting on its own without any consideration for Kurt's fears or his feelings or anything but Blaine's lips on his. His mouth opens for Blaine's tongue, his arms wrap around Blaine's neck, his body presses against him, and it's all so much, too much, but he can't seem to stop...

Doesn't want to stop, if he's honest. It feels so good, and somewhere, in a tiny corner of his mind there is a little voice whispering that maybe he could let himself feel for just a moment. He doesn't listen for long, stops listening to his mind completely, he is only body now, only skin and lips and the sun drying his back. Soon, his hands start to roam over Blaine's body, and Blaine's hands over his. He feels his cock harden against Blaine's, and then their kiss isn't really a kiss anymore; they just pant into each other's mouths. Once, he draws back a little so he can see Blaine's face, and he knows he could drop to his knees now and put his mouth on Blaine and end it all in seconds. Blaine is so far gone, clutching to Kurt and pressing against him, his eyes closed and his mouth slack. But he doesn't want to end it, doesn't even think about it. He knows he probably looks the same; in a way, this is his first time too.

He puts his mouth back on Blaine's, and for a little while, they go back to just kissing, though there's nothing 'just' about it with their bodies and their cocks rubbing against each other, even as their hands stay in one place for now. Blaine has his in Kurt's hair, angling his head just like he wants it, and Kurt's hands are spread on Blaine's back, but soon, he can't resist anymore and slides them down to Blaine's ass. He presses him against him, and Blaine moans in his mouth as their cocks slide against each other once more. Kurt starts rocking them a little, and then faster because it feels so good, and soon Blaine moans continuously and Kurt suspects he himself does too.

He couldn't stop now if he tried, but nothing could be so far from his mind; he still wants to see Blaine come, but increasingly he wants to come, too, and he pushes one hand between them and closes it around both their cocks, and that's all it takes.

Blaine freezes, whispers, "Kurt," and squeezes his eyes shut as he comes over Kurt's hand. Kurt feels him pulsate against his cock, and that sends him over; he digs his fingers into Blaine's ass and cries out.

On wobbly knees, they walk out of the water and lie down on the grass. It's just warm enough; soon, Kurt knows, they'll have to go wash again and then dress, hoping that their clothes are dry. They'll check the traps he set up before and then they'll start walking again, away from here.

And he'll start over-thinking things and worrying if he has done the right thing and trying not to let Blaine too close while he knows at the same time that it's too late for that already.

He looks at Blaine. He has his eyes closed and is smiling a little; he looks as if there's nothing to worry about in the whole world. And for once, Kurt agrees. He manages to get his mind to shut up or at least ignore the voices that tell him there's always something to worry about, and he settles down beside Blaine, puts his head on Blaine's shoulder and smiles as Blaine pulls him closer. He closes his eyes. For now, all is good.