LITTLE MISS DISASTER
IF YOU DIDN'T wish me a happy birthday then Johnny Depp won't show up on your doorstep with a dozen roses like he was planning to. Meh. That's as threatening as I get right now
Okay before I say anything else I just want to give major props to gin-inu for updating for my birthday. That was so awesome of you! You've made me and everyone who reads 'Irony Thy Name is Sakura' day. Thank you so much!
Anyway, I saw Pirates eight times now. The 8th time was the worst. The movie was great, don't get me wrong, even after eight times but Chrisshi-chan's mom decided to make us bring along this girl, Mariah from church. Now, I love my God (Jesus Christ, to let you know) but this girl, she was too much, like one of those kids in those Worship Jamz commercials or something. Everywhere we went with her she'd bring her mini-Bible, ipod and speakers with her. On her ipod: nothing but Christian rap, audio excerpts from the Bible, and country. Once, Christian was singing Bad Day by Daniel Powter and Mariah snapped at her. She said that's the devil's music. So what are the odds she'd do anything like that in the movie? Ohhh. You think you know but you have no idea. Okay, so half way through the movie and she's lecturing me, and I quote: "That wouldn't have happened if Jack Sparrow just listened to Jesus." Or "Elizabeth is going to the fiery depths of hell for cheating on her Will; adultery is a mortal sin."
I mean, I have no problem if people feel really strongly about their beliefs but not while Johnny Depp is on the screen! I was like: Shut up, watch the damn movie, put your Bible down and get your hand out of my popcorn, bitch! It was too bad Christian held me back from going Jackie Chan on her ass. This Mariah girl is home-schooled, isn't allowed to like a guy ("Jesus is the only guy you'll ever need"- a quote from Mariah's mom who ironically is married) and can't go out past 4:30 P.M on the weekends. Yeah, I'm actually considering going atheist now.
Okay, so anyway I'm going to try something different, I'm going to split the chapter in to two different POV's:Neji and Sakura. Why the change? Mainly because I hate writing Neji's POV. It's hard and just don't like it. And the next chapter will be Gaara and Sakura's POV, by the way. Anyway, tell me if it's better this way or worse.
Neji entered the premises. I closed my eyes tight so I couldn't see the look of pure disgust that would cross his face when he saw the crap hole. I heard my dad click on the light. I tried to mentally prepare myself for all the taunting Neji would do after this. I was in deep shit.
"SURPRISE!"
My eyes opened and I screamed then spontaneously jumped up. Everyone from the comatose stripper to the amateur tattoo artist started laughing wildly. They're my mom's friends. I tried to clutch my wildly beating heart with my hand.
"Where?" I managed to sputter idiotically. I looked side to side. Yup, no surprises in sight. Mom had woken up from her drunken coma, "We decided to throoow yooou an' your fiancé a suurrprise party. Coomme and miiingle" she slurred happily as she pushed me and Neji toward the crowd of people. In the sea of faces I looked for someone I knew that would explain everything to me in a way I could semi-understand. Bingo. Naruto. Childhood friend and partner in crime.
"Naruto why is everyone here?" I motioned to the large crowd of freaks that were probably breaking the floor of the mobile home. He stared at me for a minute. I repeated the sentence again, enunciating every syllable.
"Oh you know." Naruto said knowingly.
"I know?"
"Yes, you know" he took a swig of punch.
"But I don't think I know."
"But you know."
"Then I guess I must know" I shrugged.
"And now you know."
"Does he know?" I motioned toward a random guy in the corner, passed out against the wall next to my room.
"Everyone knows" he nodded.
"And I'm just now knowing?"
"No, you've always known."
"Wicked." I nodded back. I turned around. Then gasped. Neji, fiancé from hell mingling with the hooker transvestite in the cone bra. I speed walked to the Hyuuga. Griping his ear between my fingers I dragged him to my room.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I hissed.
"What's your problem?" He sassed back.
Let's see, I am engaged to a guy with the Nazi sign tattooed on his forehead. My gosh, I do have a problem, but I think it's a big step for me if I only have one. I rolled my eyes at him then poked my head out of my room and called back to Naruto.
"Naruto, if they play that drinking game call me out." You can never trust my mom and her friends with beer. Rule of thumb.
Naruto frowned, "which drinking game?"
You guessed it, there is more than one drinking game they play. Heck, there's more than 20 drinking games that they play.
"The one where you drink every time someone drinks."
"Wait. Huh?" Neji asked, deciding to join in on the conversation.
"Oh, you know." I said
"I know?" Neji asked, still confused.
"I know." A smiling Naruto reassured me.
"He knows!" Neji gasped.
"Everyone knows," I told him, nodding as Naruto had done.
"Wait. If I pretend like I know can we just drop this?"
Well, considering you, Neji were never in the conversation to begin with I guess so.
"Yes" I scowled.
"I know." Neji said.
Her room was incredibly small. It was cutesy, homey, frilly and I don't like it. Not at all. The room was littered with posters of the Backstreet boys peeling off the wall, and it was crammed with shit and many dusty stuffed animals. I guess its okay. For a girl. I picked up a dusty panda bear off her bed.
"Hey put Mr. Wrinkles down!" She whined.
"No." I held the bear over my head so she wouldn't get it.
"You can't do that," she complained, "that's like taking away Snowy from Tin Tin."
I raised an eyebrow, "do you solve crime with your panda?"
"Only on Tuesdays."
I leaned in, dangerously close to her face.
"What would you do to get Mr. Wrinkles back from me?" I batted my fluffy boy lashes at her innocently. She pushed me away.
"Do I scare you, Haruno?" I asked stepping toward her while she took a few steps back.
"No, that would be your breath." She hissed, trying to hide her flushed face.
"You're blushing." I pointed out, taking another step forward. She tried to take another back but the bed blocked her from her freedom.
"There's a fever going around and..." She trailed off, her eyes never left mine.
"Well, um look at the time. I've got to go..." Our eyes, still locked
"Go?" I asked softly.
"To..." She tried to scramble away but I caught her wrist.
"Where?"
"Um" she blushed. She didn't even realize when I threw the panda in to the closet. There was a grunt. I turned around. Grunts aren't supposed to come out of closets. She scrambled away to where the grunt was heard. I didn't try to stop her. I figured that whatever was in there; if it was dangerous it would kill her first and it would leave me time to escape. I stood there dumbly as she let out a scream.
"Gaara! Why are you in my closet?"
I absolutely hate writing Neji's POV. I'm not really happy with this chappy but oh well, I introduced Naruto and made Gaara hide in Sakura's closet (get your mind out of the gutter, sickos) I don't even know why I'm updating. Bleh. I guess at least I have shit to update.
WARNING! COMPLETELY RANDOM AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NARUTO
Sorry. Bored. I'm kind of ranting again but I was just wondering if any of you guys share my views. It seems no one else does. I'm sad about that. So I'm just typing this out to see if anyone else agrees with me and then I won't feel like such a freak...
-RANDOM THOUGHTS-
-I want to be taller. Like really tall. like 6 ft. 7inches tall. Of course, with my athletic abilities I still probably couldn't slam-dunk a basketball. And I would be considered retarded; but I could totally accept that.
-I was never one of those kids that wanted to learn to fly. It just seemed like to much work. Hell, I can barely get myself out of bed every day so, let alone, flap my arms up and down 1000 times per second.
-I think ice cream was doing just fine before someone started putting candy and cookies into it. Now it is like the crack cocaine of dessert food. I am so addicted and I blame Ben and Jerry. Those sons-a-bitches. Pretending like they care. They probably spit in our ice cream when no one's looking. But I'm so addicted!
-I still don't understand why Donuts have holes in them, I have had it explained to me several times, but I just don't get it. And how in the hell do they get pudding in those damn things? And why are they so bad for you? And
Why are they so delicious? Even the crappy ones? (Can anyone answer these questions?) Man, I hate Donuts…I really hate them. I'll still eat them, but I plan to enjoy them much less now than in the past. They have really pissed me off now. Goddamn the donuts…Damn them all…
-Whenever I have a conversation with someone at least once they always spit in my eye. Does this happen to you guys too? Does someone spits in your eye during a conversation too? Do you also feel like you are doing something wrong when you wipe it out, so sometimes you wait a second? And then that means you have forgotten to listen to them and have been consumed by a small bit of saliva that is now drying in your eye. I have devised a plan that when this happens to me, I will hock a loogy and fire at right in the person's mouth, just do buy some time to dry the eye. You guys can try it first and tell me how well it works.
-Does anyone else like the feeling of Novocain? It may sound weird but I love the feeling of it. It's so cool. I can't feel my mouth for like hours.
-I want to be Captain of a ship for a day. I don't really wish to sail anywhere, I just want to wear the outfit and make people swab the deck-that shit looks hard. I would also make people call me Captain, since that is what I would be. My friends would get really confused and try to call me Lauren, but I wouldn't answer them. They would get really annoyed and call me Captain Asshole or something, so I would kick them off the boat. People would have to learn to respect me if I was Captain. Then the next day I wouldn't be Captain anymore, I would be Lauren…I could apologize to my friends for kicking them off the boat and we could all walk by the boat again so I could call the new guy Captain Asshole. I just want to see this thing from both sides.
I think this random thought may have some effect with me watching Pirates 8 times. Whatever. Just review! Read then review! It's not that hard! Just review dammit!