Cuddy is missing a chart. House and Wilson have it.
Name of Patient: Gregory House
HOUSE: Owh, Wilson you want to really REALLY start with this?
Chief Complaint: Love-NOT… hahaha, NOTloved--at all.
DIAGNOSIS: Severe CUDDYcardia with intermittent tachypnea
WILSON: AND sexual hallucination and delusion of grandeur…
HOUSE: AND priapism on certain evenings, triggered by sexual fantasies on flashbacks.
WILSON: Get over it, House--It was a mistake.
HOUSE: It was never a mistake to try and taste me.
WILSON: Tell that to her. Winks.
Causative Agent: Rubel-LISA virus
WILSON: What no comment, House?
HOUSE: Whatever. Nice virus name by the way.
History of Present illness: Mild crush since Michigan years, classmates in Microbio.
Rubel-LISA virus invades the heart stimulates sympathetic response such as dyspnea, mydriasis, tachycardia, palpitation, flushing, diaphoresis, increase visual acuity--
HOUSE: --on really REALLY skinny skirts
--and transient hyperglycemia--LOVE-- initial diagnosis of Dr. Wilson
WILSON:--the best ever oncologist in history.
HOUSE: A big idiot in his own right, by the way.
WILSON: Let's laugh to that, House--harharhar, ;P
Laboratory Work-ups:
LOVE RESULT: POSITIVE
KILIG FACTOR: 9.8x106
WILSON: So, so more than the normal values.
CHEST X-RAY: Cardiomegaly.
ELECTROCARDIOGRAM: Sinus TachyCUDDY
PERFORMANCE RATING: 0
WILSON: As in, ZERO moves.
HOUSE: As if I can if it's hard. EVIL GRIN.
WILSON: You really gross me out sometimes.
HOUSE: Only sometimes?
SPERM COUNT: Still complete. No sign of recent ejaculation.
Anatomy and Physiology:
WILSON: Let me get back on that one later…
HOUSE: Forgetting your basics, Doc?
WILSON: It's just… that… I want it on a diagram…
HOUSE:Ows? Why are your eyes turned to the left?
WILSON: I glanced at something--
HOUSE:When you lie, you turn your head to your left.
WILSON: You noticed?
HOUSE:Yes, and I noticed also that you turn your hear to your right every time you kiss a girl and then you would--
WILSON: ENOUGH.
Pathophysiology of Gregory House's Love Affair:
HOUSE:What? It kind a sounds stupid, don't you think?
WILSON: No.
HOUSE:No?
WILSON: No.
PREDISPOSING FACTORS: Status SINGLE--
WILSON: and pathetic, and miserable…
HOUSE:My misery gives you joy.;
--Red Cross EMT and Instructor Volunteers
WILSON: circa 19-forgotten.
HOUSE:What? You want to talk AGE now?
WILSON: Uhm, no.
--Groupmates in Microbiology Laboratory; Schoolmates at Michigan;
Common friends include Wilson ONLY--NOTHING FOLLOWS;
Common interest include SARCASM;
HOUSE: and sex. You're forgetting Sex, Wilson.
--and Friendsters.
PRECIPITATINGFACTORS: Love Coach and Adviser INCLUDE Wilson.
WILSON: Nothing follows
Rubel-LISA virusattacks the heart
releases love hormones
stimulates sympathetic response
Vasocontriction: decrease venous return and oxygen supply
HOUSE: where?
WILSON: On certain areas...
Leading to a compensatory mechanism of SinusTachyCUDDY
misfiring of electrical impulses
altered level of consciousness like agitation, restlessness and stride desperate remarks
metastasis into the brain
affectation and effect on the limbic system
LOOOOOOOOOVE.
HOUSE: and you think you're so smart? wait 'til I even the odds.