Title: Kidnapped! The Musical
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairing: JJ/Morgan, Hotch/Garcia, Rossi/Prentiss, Reid/Jordan, Kevin/Will
Genre: Musical/Comedy/Romance
Summary: Their own bizarre kidnapping and unexplained singing is definitely something the BAU could do without. But then again, there may be some positive side effects after all.

Kidnapped! The Musical

* * *

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

Jules de Gaultier

* * *

Chapter Nine – In which the team abandon one foe, and go in search of another

'Let me get this straight,' Hotch asked, exasperated. 'You went to all this trouble, setting up this place, hiring people to kidnap us, filled the hallways with all manner of strange creatures…for fun.' The concept seemed strange to him – there was usually a method behind the madness. That their kidnapper was doing this out of boredom…

'Sounds about right,' the man shrugged.

'But you have nothing to do with the singing?' asked Morgan, and Hotch could notice the desperation creeping into the younger man's voice – if he kept singing much longer, he'd lose his street cred.

'Don't look at me; I'm just as confused as you are. But if you could figure that one out, I'd be much obliged.'

Before Hotch could do anything, Morgan had slammed the man up against the cave wall. His hand went to his belt.

'I need cuffs,' he said shortly. There was a flurry of movement as the group searched their own person for anything that could be used to subdue their kidnapper. Finally, Jordan produced a pair of cuffs.

'I'll pick up another set later,' she said, winking at Reid. The young profiler gulped.

'How did you guys get here?' Morgan asked, looking around, as though some kind of teleportation device might be hidden behind a rock, or in one of Reid's pockets.

'We, uh…we walked,' Reid shrugged slightly. 'Followed the breadcrumbs.' Hotch wasn't entirely sure what that was supposed to mean, and there wasn't time to ask.

'So you're sure you remember the way back?' Morgan asked Reid.

Reid simply stared at him.

* * *

He had thought that navigating his way back to the surface would be an easy task; he was Spencer Reid, genius extraordinaire, eidetic memory, three Ph. D.s. He didn't get lost. He prided himself in being more accurate than the leading brand of in-car GPS. The fact that the GPS system, too, would have been at a loss in their present situation didn't seem to help in the slightest.

'I think it was this way?' Will provided, standing at the left fork of the tunnel. 'The air smells different.'

Reid sniffed. He couldn't tell the difference between the air there, and the air in any other part of the tunnel system.

'Maybe it is,' their kidnapper chided, 'Maybe it isn't.' Morgan kneed him in the back, resulting in a loud "oomph."

'You can really smell the difference in the air?' Emily asked curiously. 'Is that a New Orleans thing?'

'I can smell half a pinch of paprika from ten paces,' the former detective proclaimed proudly. There was a short silence, during which (had they not have been underground) the chirping of crickets would not have seemed out of place.

'That's…fascinating,' Emily said, though Reid was fairly sure that "fascinating" wouldn't have been her original choice of sentiments. She sounded – unsurprisingly – irritated, and an irritated Emily wasn't the most warm and fuzzy of creatures.

'You're sure it's the right way?' enquired Morgan, eyebrow raised with some skepticism.

'As sure as you're sportin' the slightest hint of Old Spice, ma chérie,' he winked, much to Kevin's evident consternation. 'S'okay, sugar. You're the only one for me.' 'Okay, moving on,' Hotch said, his voice strong. 'Will, lead the way.' * * * 'Walking through the darkness.
Looking for my light.
Every day the world seems like
a much more tragic place Walking through the darkness
Trying to find some peace.
Every day I'm feeling like
I just can't show my face.' Rossi cast his gaze across to Hotch, who was singing the words in a low and mournful voice. There was a look of despair on the younger man's voice; he couldn't control what he was singing, and there was no way in the world he wanted anyone else to hear the thought processes that were going through his mind. Aaron Hotchner had shields for a reason. 'We're almost out, Hotch,' Garcia whispered, squeezing the Unit Chief's arm. 'What is this, Grey's Anatomy?' asked the kidnapper, in an amused tone. 'How long will it be before you all break up, and go out with a different member of the in-group?' Morgan kicked him again, this time with much less restraint. He fell to his knees, cuffed hands in front of him. 'Resisting arrest,' said Morgan flatly. No-one argued.

As if on cue, they saw a bright light cutting through the darkness in the passage ahead. Will gave a short laugh, nudging Kevin. 'See. Nothin' gets past this nose.'

'Now what?' asked JJ, hands on her hips, sweat slicking her forehead.

'Now we find out what the hell is going on,' said Rossi decidedly.