10.
The nearer she got to Tuesday night, the worse Daria felt. Her stomach was full of acid and she was sweating, and she'd have to go through the notes every so often to avoid outbursts. She'd managed to blank out for the entirety of Maths but, luckily, Mr Ewing was used to people doing that and hadn't picked up on it.
The one bright spot: Jane muttering "everything's set up, and I've ensured Trent will be awake. Well, I will ensure. I have heavy boots."
T minus six hours and counting.
Café Lawndale, inside and out, gleamed the gleam of the newly cleaned – the 'oops we waited until the last minute' clean. A proud banner outside proclaimed "OPENING NIGHT", though some wag had crossed three of the letters out and added an S and H. Attendance was high though, Li had seen to that.
"I'll pick you up straight after you're finished," said Helen, not looking at her as Daria got out of the car. "No staying."
"You're not coming to watch my marvellous display of talent and achievement?"
Her mother didn't answer that one.
Two minutes later, running slightly behind, the Tank pulled up. Even with the stress and nerves gnawing at her like rabid dogs, Daria flushed at the sight of Trent – first she'd seen him in over a week, still the same as ever, and smiling in her direction.
"I brought Max and his drum kit. Also the battery amp." He chuckled, which turned into a cough. "Plug your guitar into that and you can't be cut off."
"Thanks", she said quietly.
She wanted to say more – had to say more, wanted to beg him to stay and to help her and to admit how she felt – but Max ruined the moment by stepping out of the van and managing to drop his drums on the ground.
"We get free coffee outta this, yeah?"
"I've heard about the coffee here. They should pay you to drink it."
The moment was lost. She had to enter.
No turning back.
The other acts were… well, let's be polite and say of the nine before hers, Daria only bothered to remember three. One was Andrea's poetry reading, which was pretty bad but in an amusing way; the other was the Fashion Club doing a catwalk, which was bad and dull but in a way that lent itself to sarcastic quips; and the third was Upchuck singing Mustang Sally, which was something it would never be possible to forget.
"I don't remember that song having pelvic thrusts."
"Our boy thinks outside the box," said Jane.
"We need a bigger box."
"Is it time to go yet?" muttered Max, bored to tears.
Daria had time to scan the audience, sitting around their tables and in little coves. The teacher's had their own table, with Li, tense beyond measure, at the head (it was a round table but still she gave the impression of being at the head of it): profits and losses danced in her head. DeMartino was tenser still, on the verge of exploding. And Coach Sherman…
Coach Sherman had seen her looking and smiled back. It was not a nice smile.
You expect me to suffer. You're hoping for it. Well, keep smirking, hate's a good motivator.
In the back, keeping to himself, was Jean-Michel. He gave her a quiet nod. Some of the bile in her stomach settled at that.
"You're up next, amiga," said Jane, nudging her. "Best rouse Max."
"You'll do fine, Daria," said Trent, sounding like he really thought that and making her want to start crying.
"I don't have to worry about being overshadowed by the competition, I guess."
It was a long walk to the stage, slow and terrible, the guitar lead in her hands. Max got there before her, positioning his drums and looking fed up, hardly a help. She didn't – couldn't – look at the crowd yet, no.
She ran the notes in her mind again and again, focusing on that, trying to avoid thinking about the terror and the need to vomit and keeping down the screaming voices.
And then she was on the stage and had to turn round and oh GOD too many people. Kevin and Brittany and their hordes, and the Fashion Club with Quinn looking embarrassed to be witnessing it, and Sherman smirking away and no, can't focus on that, don't focus on the people who want you to fail or expect you to fail. There's Jane and Trent, near and yet so far, and the doctor in the back, focus on them and damn it why couldn't Mum be here and hell Ms Li just announced her name and Max was starting the drum beat and play play PLAY
The guitar wailed like a dying cat as she messed up the first notes.
Somebody laughed.
"I'm Irn Mn," she mumbled into the mike, losing her concentration and the train and messing up the next bit.
Shut your eyes, concentrate on the tune, play it – daaa, daa, dan-dah-dah, danananana daaa-nah-DAH!
Almost unnoticed by her, she began hitting the right notes.
"Daaa, daa, dan-dah-dah, danananana daaa-nah-DAH"
Her boot was tapping out the beat, and abruptly changed its pattern as she went into the first verse.
"Has she lost her mind/Can she see or is she blind/Can she walk at all/Or if she moves will she FALL?"
All feeling had dropped away. There was only the music, and the music to come. She didn't even know she was moving.
"Am I alive or dead/Have I thoughts within my head/You'll just pass me there"
Her eyes snapped open on instinct as her mouth curled up into a snarl.
"YOU ALL KNOW YOU DON'T CARE!"
She stared down the crowd as she played on, imagining she could see her mother, that she could make her a fixed point for her wrath and get her to notice. Some of the audience thought she was looking at them and pressed back into their seats, as if to escape; the rest looked uneasy, caught off guard by the rage. Li was ashen-faced.
Max, she briefly noted, had stopped playing after she'd screamed and was trying to get his groove back.
Next beat, focus:
"Daaa, daa, dan-dah-dah, danananana daaa-nah-DAH"
Trent and Jane thrust up two-fingered 'rock out' salutes into the air, and joined in. Daria grinned, wide and with teeth, and she could hear one of Quinn's friends cry out at it.
"She was turned to steel/In the great magnetic field/When she travelled time/For the future of all mankind!"
Li was making gestures for someone to cut the power, not knowing she was stuffed before she started. O'Neill looked on the verge of tears, Sherman staring in disbelief and slight fear (that's right, Tommy-boy, I'm crazy, DON'T MESS) and DeMartino was…
Was looking at the reactions of the other teachers and grinning.
"Nobody wants me/I just stare at the world"
The coffee house lights snapped off, sending everyone into a ill-lit darkness – at the worst possible time in the song that Li could have chosen:
"Planning my VENGEANCE THAT I WILL SOON UNFOLD!"
O'Neill really broke into tears at that point, Li into babbling that couldn't be heard over the music, and screams and hyperventilating came from the Fashion Club table as Stacy stared at Daria in fear. Quinn, too, was staring in horror – and Jodie and Mack, but was collateral damage –
"Daaa, daa, dan-dah-dah, danananana daaa-nah-DAH"
Everyone at school she hated and wanted to back down, all of them were freaking out as the bile and frustration poured out of her like blood. Li and O'Neill and Tommy goddamn Sherman, see them try anything now, see if the Fashion Club or Tori Jericho or whoever the hell that guy was over there, see if they dared cross her now SEE THIS HELEN –
"Now the time is here/For Iron Me to spread FEAR/Vengeance from the grave/NONE OF YOU TO BE SAVED!"
And Helen was there, she had actually come in early and entered some point during the song and was staring, well she could keep staring –
"Nobody wants me/they just turn their heads!"
That cut deep, it showed on her face it cut deep. Good.
Li had gotten out of her seat. Stacy had buried her head in Quinn for comfort.
"Nobody helps me/NOW I HAVE MY REVENGE!"
Li had reached the stage and yanked the mike from Daria – she played on, Max had stopped playing at some point she couldn't remember and Li was now yelling "THANK YOU MS MORGENDORFFER THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR!", but she continued to play. The principal had to physically yank the guitar's cable from the battery pack.
Daria came crashing down: she was exhausted, soaked with sweat and with matted hair, and people were staring at her as if afraid of her. She took heavy breaths, trying to calm herself, and walked off the stage feeling as if her legs were going to give out. Jane met her halfway, helping support the weight.
"Um, when I said 'nobody wants her' and all that, I didn't mean you or Tr-"
"Well, duh." Jane was smiling at her, and ahead she could see Trent smiling too: pride. "I'd say you've just alienated your classmates but that ship sailed long ago."
"I may have killed the Fashion Club. But on the downside…"
Now the music was gone and she was just a tired girl, the nervousness could come back. Now she could realise she may have gone too far with her mother watching, and again she felt she was approaching something worrying.
And so it was a great relief to find Dr Jean-Michel with her mother, leaving her with a fixed 'polite' smile.
"Ah, Daria, what a coincidence! I was just telling your mother, you seem to have a good grip on that therapy session – feeling better after purging those negative emotions, I trust?"
"A bit. I think I purged half my throat too though."
"Well, I shouldn't keep you if you and your mother have places to be." He shook Helen's hand before he left. "Your daughter's doing very well, you should be proud."
Helen said nothing.
A few seconds later, she mumbled that she'd get the car ready and went outside, leaving Daria with Jane for a bit longer.
"You worried what she's going to do on the drive home?"
"Nah. I think the one-two whammy she's been through will keep her silent for the rest of the night. After that…" Daria shrugged. "At least Li and Sherman are going to be off my back after that, at least for a while."
"Not much of a 'Daria Triumphant', is it?"
"It's good enough for the moment. Whatever comes up next, I'll deal with it." She smiled. "Maybe with a little help from my friends."
"You wanna get high, you're buying your own."
"I bet tomorrow, I can make Mr O'Neill cry again just by answering a question."
"You're on!" The smile dropped from Jane's face. "Stay safe, Daria."
"Watch my flank."
The girl headed out into the night, to face the unknown future.
One – two – ah one two three…
END