A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters in this story. It's also one of the shortest. Thanks for reading, alerting, reviewing, favorite-ing, and not sniffing the subetheric resonator.

Chapter 10 – Jaunty Jones Jovial Jailbird

Ianto was surprised when they returned him to the holding cell and Dylan, Tom, Mick, Ice Cream, and Dave were still there. He supposed those in the know within the Organized Crime Taskforce had determined after extensive research watching "The Usual Suspects" and reruns of "Oz" that convicts were a chatty bunch and, given the opportunity, would recount their many crimes and future schemes in length.

"Jaunty," Tom exclaimed as the door closed behind Ianto. "We were beginning to think they were giving you the phone book treatment!"

Ianto didn't know what the phone book treatment was, but he didn't ask him to elaborate. He was glad to see his friends were all in high spirits. Even Dave looked full of energy. Being arrested certainly agrees with them, he thought. He was feeling surprisingly energetic himself.

"Just a little chin wag. He's not nearly as polite or charming as he seems to think he is." Ianto got comfortable on a cement bench with his back against the wall. His stomach growled. "I could murder a curry," he said. They all burst out laughing.

"Don't worry lad. Erzsi will cook us up a proper lunch." Dylan smiled fondly, but Ianto wasn't sure if it was more for his wife or her cooking.

"I hope she isn't worried about you. Did they let you call?" Ianto felt suddenly guilty. He was so wrapped up in his own predicament he hadn't thought about his new friends. He supposed it was that kind of thinking that kept him from having old friends.

"Yeah, finally! She's calling the attorney. We'll be out soon enough, don't you doubt it!"

Ianto didn't doubt it. He imagined Jack throwing another coffee cup and demanding Gwen pull Ianto out by his ear if she had to so he could get his caffeine fix. Thinking of Jack, even angry, was a mistake. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. If he'd stayed with Jack the night before none of this would have happened. He suspected the police were under the same wrong impression as Ianto's friends. They believed Ianto was a member of a new criminal gang who would shortly be taking over Cardiff. They wouldn't have busted a senior citizens' poker game if Ianto hadn't been there.

Was it really so important if Jack said he needed Ianto? It seemed like it last night, but it didn't after a few hours in jail. Maybe if Jack wasn't too angry at Ianto he could apologize and get a little comfort. He wouldn't be surprised to find out Jack had a prison fantasy.

Ianto, missing his watch even more than he missed his belt and shoe laces, wasn't sure how much time passed, but he was sure it was over an hour. He usually could guess the time within a five minute window, but that little skill didn't seem to be working today.

They were still talking, but not about anything in particular and certainly not about their master plan. Mick explained his garden project complete with water feature which Ianto agreed to help build. Dave expressed his quandary over whether to move to Swansea to be closer to his grandkids. Ice Cream wondered if being busted was going to become a regular feature of the Friday night poker game.

It was mid-morning and they were finishing a much appreciated snack when PC Andy Davidson appeared. He looked back and forth down the deserted hall in front of the holding cell before he approached the bars.

"Ianto," he said in a loud whisper. Ianto closed his eyes and was disappointed to find he was still there when he opened them. Andy waved him over. Ianto reluctantly stood and walked to the bars.

"Yes, Andy?" Andy placed a finger to his lips and made a shushing sound. "There's nobody here except me and my desperado homies." Andy laughed then quickly schooled his features.

"It's Jack," he said passing a cell phone through the bars to Ianto. This was the moment he was dreading. His friends shared surprised looks.

Great, Ianto thought, now they think we have policemen on the take.

"Hello, sir. Going to be a bit late today," Ianto said into the phone.

"Is this Ianto 'Jaunty' Jones, Cardiff's public enemy number one," Jack asked. Ianto could picture Jack in his office with his feet on the desk laughing with the team over his predicament. It was somehow reassuring to picture their amusement. He much preferred seeing Jack smiling than the angry Jack he'd seen so much of recently even if his good cheer was at Ianto's expense.

"Yes, this is 'Jaunty' Jones, jovial jailbird. Don't suppose you could bake me a cake with a file in it?" Ianto heard Owen snort and he knew he was on speaker phone.

"I would, but you and your walker hooligans are in pretty big trouble. When you said you were playing cards with friends, I imagined Euchre with a few yuppies you met at a bar. I didn't picture you illegally gambling with 1965s most wanted list. I thought you were looking for a father figure. I didn't realize it was a grandfather figure!" There was more laughter and Ianto wondered if Gwen needed oxygen and how much time Jack had spent thinking up one liners.

"Well, sir, this is most amusing. I'm glad I was able to bring a smile to your face. Now if you'll excuse me, we need to get back to digging the tunnel."

"Wait," Jack yelled. Ianto heard him fumble with the phone and realized he was off speaker. "Okay, fun's fun. We've made the charges go away and this Organized Crime Taskforce will have to move on to greener and younger pastures. Steer clear of Detective Eisenmann. He's still convinced you're the real deal and are bringing 1950's gangster chic back in style. Your buddies have a lawyer. Tosh has already called him to say this was an illegal search and seizure and illegal surveillance so all charges will miraculously disappear. He thinks it's all due to his brilliant legal reputation. I'll be down to pick you up within the hour. And Jaunty," Jack added quietly, "you owe me. Understood?"

"Understood, sir. You're the boss." A shiver went down Ianto's spine. He hoped it was happy Jack that asked for repayment, but part of him knew it was possible Jack was happy because evil Jack had plans. "Oh," Ianto belatedly added, "you should probably know you are also known as 'Capo Jack'." Ianto ended the call and gave the phone back to Andy.

"Thank you, Andy," Ianto said.

"You're welcome, 'Jaunty'," Andy said smiling. "Do you think I could have a nickname? I've always wanted one like Andy the Bull, eh? Not bad?"

"I don't think the people on that side of the cage get to have colorful names," Ianto said.

"Well, yeah, but not always, right? Think about it." Andy practically skipped down the hall and Ianto thought of a few names he'd like to call him.

"Good news," Ianto said facing his co-conspirators. "Your lawyer put the fear into someone and they're dropping all charges. Something about illegal search. We should all be released shortly."

"I told you," Dylan said proudly. "He's a pompous windbag, but he still has the touch!"

"You're not in Dutch with the boss, are you," Tom asked.

"Hard to say," Ianto said honestly. "He finds the whole thing amusing. He's coming to pick me up...personally."

"If you need a place to lie low for a few days, we could go to my son's in Swansea," Dave offered.

"Nah," Tom said, "Jaunty's not the type to run. He'll take his lumps. Loyalty! Not enough of it these days! Just remember to protect your face," he said tapping a finger on his scarred cheek.

"I'm not real worried about it," Ianto said in an unconvincing lie. By the way his friends nodded he knew they didn't believe him, but were too polite to call him on it.

Thirty minutes later, Dylan's lawyer, Fred Maltz, came in with the good news and his clients' personal possessions. He was a little deflated to find they already had the good news, but he was thrilled to hand Ianto his business card.

"Make sure you have representation that understands your unique situation," the lawyer said with a weighty nod. Ianto nodded back. Before he could say more, Captain Jack Harkness made his entrance.

"Looks like I almost missed the party," Jack said striding to the cell. His larger than life personality made it to the bars before he did.

"Hardly call it a party without you, sir," Ianto said. He had hoped the others would be gone before Jack arrived. He didn't like his worlds interconnecting.

"You must be Jack Harkness," Dylan's lawyer said extending his hand to Jack. Jack looked at it, hesitated, and then shook it. The lawyer handed him a business card. "Fred Maltz. I was just telling young Jaunty how important good counsel is."

"Priceless," Jack said pocketing the card, "but hopefully young Jaunty isn't going to make this a habit." He smiled dangerously. The air seemed to crackle with electricity.

"Victory lunch at my house," Dylan said eventually to fill the silence. "Jack, you're welcome to join us."

"Thanks, but Ianto and I have business to attend to." Jack handed an envelope of Ianto's personal belongings to him through the bars. "How do you fit so much in your pockets when your pants are that tight," Jack asked. "And did you have to take his shoe laces? That's a bit much. He wasn't going to hang himself," he said addressing the weary policeman who had escorted him in.

"In the hands of a professional killer, those are dangerous weapons," the policeman said. Jack chuckled. Clearly he hadn't received the memo.

Ianto took the package. Jack turned his head sharply, but didn't let go. He leaned forward and sniffed.

"Have you been smoking?" He wasn't laughing. Ianto stammered a trail of vowel sounds.

"Oh no, not Jaunty! We, ah, we were smoking," Mick said stepping forward. "Not a lot of ventilation in the back room."

Jack chuckled again and let go of the package. Ianto pulled out his watch and put it on. He grabbed the shoe laces, sat down and efficiently, but meticulously re-laced his shoes.

"Gambling, smoking, probably drinking, carousing with questionable characters...no offense," Jack added looking at the senior citizens.

"None taken," Tom said.

"Your new friends are a bad influence," Jack said smiling. Ianto picked up one of Dave's shoes and laced it for him.

"He's a good lad," Dylan said.

"I expect this type of thing from Owen, but I expect better from you." Jack paused. "Wish I could have seen the look on your face when the police broke down the door! He's chomping at the bit to clean up the mess they made, isn't he?" Ianto's new friends laughed.

"I almost asked them to wipe their feet before they cuffed us," Ianto said smiling.

"Oh, I'm not looking forward to straightening up that mess," Dylan said standing. "Two doors! Kablooey!" Jack kicked a bar and looked at his shoes.

"I suppose if nothing comes up for tomorrow, Ianto could come by and help." Dylan slapped Ianto's back. "But," Jack added, "no more smoking!" He pointed at Ianto and after a moment he couldn't contain his smile any longer.

They filed out of the cell, Ianto at the end. Jack grabbed him in a playful headlock and ruffled his hair.

"You did a good job, soldier. Next time, call me before you miss a meal."

"Won't be a next time," Ianto said slipping out of the headlock.

"Hanging with this motley crew? We'll see about that." Only the confused policeman following them saw Jack slap Ianto's ass.