Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. All HP characters and places belong to JK Rowling.
Chpt 10
Days Like These
Hermione and Ron waited until eleven to go to the Potions Masters' chambers, making time for him having slept in late, but when they knocked he didn't answer. They tried again at twelve and at one in the afternoon before they got worried. They hung around the chamber portrait for a half hour before the Potions Master finally stumbled from behind a nearby tapestry rubbing his neck.
"What do you two want." Hermione narrowed her eyes right back at him and looked him up and down.
"Did you sleep in the secret passage?"
"That's none of your business." Severus sneered back, straightening his neck proudly. "Now if perhaps you'd remove yourself from in front of my door I could get inside."
"Harry asked us to come and tell you he wants you to visit him." Ron interjected.
"Inform him I'm busy. And I will be. Working the cricks from my body and getting some proper rest, as we all can't be as fresh and fit as twenty-five after being in a practical coma for a week."
"He didn't ask you to sit by him all…" Hermione elbowed Ron shortly with a glare.
"Harry told us what happened." Hermione raised her hand as the professor's face darkened and his lips twisted. "He really does want to talk to you. And perhaps if you'd get over your sensitive ego Harry could have something important to say to you."
"I don't care about what Potter wants!" Hermione resisted cringing as the professor spat back at her. "Not everyone can be at the great one's beck and call and I, certainly am not. If Potter wants to see me he'll see me when he gets out of the hospital wing to move his things out of my chambers!" Severus snarled. "Now get out of my way!"
Hermione and Ron moved aside wincing as the wall almost vibrated behind them when the Potions Master shut the portrait.
"Maybe you shouldn't have made that comment about his ego…" Ron offered into the silence.
"You didn't help either!" Hermione glared at Ron. "He does care about what Harry wants and he thinks…because of Harry's reaction to his advance that he's been rejected." Hermione crossed her arms frowning. "Hell, why does he have to be so difficult!"
They made their way back up out of the dungeons to head back up to the hospital wing to Harry, in silence, Hermione pondering. There had to be some way…some way to get Harry to reach out to Severus without him expecting something from it…from watching them together she did think that he'd be very good for Harry and even Ron had to admit the man was a softie for Harry. But how to make them do it…
A throat cleared nervously. "Hello."
Hermione looked up as Ron squeezed her hand and gasped. "Remus!" She lowered her voice from its surprised decibels. "Uh…what a…surprise."
Remus was standing awkwardly in the middle of the lobby off the main doors and seemed lost. "I…I came to see Harry."
"Err, you might want to not do that. He's not very…" Ron looked at Hermione who raised an eyebrow. "Happy with Draco right now and he associates Draco with…you."
Remus cringed. "You…know then."
"Uh huh." Hermione's voice was flat. "We know you weren't the root of the problem but…we thought you would have more control than that when it came to Harry."
"It was an accident. I mean…it wasn't supposed to happen! I'm so sorry…I kept trying to tell Harry but he wouldn't listen…I don't know if he's really been burning the letters but I…don't think he's even read them." Remus stuck his hands in his coat pockets and looked at the floor in shame. "Please. Can I at least talk to you and you can…tell Harry I came?"
Ron looked at Hermione who was impassive. "Well, I'm willing to listen. I know how much Harry loves you even if he was…is angry with you."
Hermione gestured to the Great Hall and Remus nodded, the three of them joining at the doors before going in.
"Did Severus do what I told him though? Did he keep Harry safe? I couldn't check since then…Draco was suspicious of me. I know, you're going to ask why I was still…why he was still coming to my house. Why I still let him. We were both outcasts! I felt like an outcast…and…he was the only one there. And that's no excuse…I'm sorry." Remus raked a hand through his straggly hair before sitting tiredly down on Gryffindor's bench. When Hermione and Ron joined him on the other side, he sighed. "I've ended it though. Since I heard what I did…he's not been."
"Well that's good at least. I'd hate to think you'd not mind sleeping with a murderer. Someone who'd kill off his own kid at that." Ron stated caustically.
Remus cringed. "I…I couldn't believe it when I heard but…I was alone with a fireplace and the first thing that popped into my head was to warn Harry…just in case…So what happened?"
Hermione raised her hand to forestall Ron. "It's been over a week. How come you haven't come before?"
"I've been waiting for news. To see if anything was happening at Hogwarts…before I came. Coming is a last resort because I know Harry doesn't want to see me. Besides, Draco's been trying to nose around for news too and I was afraid he'd try to follow me or something." Remus looked from Ron to Hermione. "So what's been happening?"
"Severus listened to you. But it was too late. The man had already got what he was sending to Harry. It was a box of poisoned chocolates. Three small ones. With basilisk venom."
Remus paled and half stood off the bench. "Harry…where's…what…"
"He's okay. And the baby's okay too. Miraculously." Ron added.
"Oh Gods. How!" Remus fell back onto the bench. "Where is Harry? I have to see him…I've got to now!"
"He does not want to see you." Hermione frowned. "We are going to go talk to him later. We suggest you stay and we'll tell him you're here and see if he'll have you. But right now we assure you…he's not in a visiting mood for you. He only came out of a magical coma this morning after saving his baby."
"How?" Remus whispered again.
"Severus had promised Harry some chocolates for his birthday and he'd thought they were from him, that was why there being no note or card didn't bother him when he found the box. He went to Severus to thank him and found out they weren't from him. Severus checked the chocolates and they smelled liquored…to hide the poison. But…well, Severus didn't want Harry having any alcohol in his system with the baby so he made Harry vomit it up and Cleansed him. Harry had only eaten one of the chocolates. When you sent your message he realized why the chocolates had smelled the way they had and he got Harry to the hospital wing immediately. That was around six. By then time everyone got here it was ten and we just had to wait through the night. If they both made it we thought it'd be free and clear. They made it through the night but the baby…was unstable. Severus and Madam Pomfrey had been forced to give Harry the strongest Cleansing potions they had twice along with the one from before that was weak, that was still working in his body." Hermione took a breath. "They endangered the baby because they thought it was the only way to save Harry but Harry…wasn't living without his baby. He woke once to find out its status then went under for those days. He healed the womb, reconnected the babyto him and…they'restable for now."
"Harry…" Remus breathed out. "He's always through too much." He twisted his fingers, fidgeting with his hands. "Gods, and I can't believe I became a part of one of his problems…after Sirius died I was supposed to…fill his spot. Try to help him. Not hurt him more…"
"Stay then." Ron said standing. "Hope he has some forgiveness left in his heart." Hermione joined him giving Remus a weighing look.
"Good luck."
After a small lunch to sate his stomach Severus decided to spend his afternoon making a difficult potion just to calm himself and not let his mind wander, which was why he was so surprised when a knock came on his workroom door, startling him.
"Whoever it is get out the same way you came in!" He scowled at his caldron and reached for the next ingredient. But whoever it was kept knocking and knocking…Severus' face darkened. It must be Potter's friends again. Albus would have announced himself then made tea and unlocked his door to bring it in or something such, with his stupid twinkling eyes. Whoever it was probably wasn't announcing themselves because they knew they'd not get his attention unless they annoyed him to hell…yes, it was Potter's friends. They were suicidal enough to come back.
But when he opened the door angrily he actually stopped in shock before opening the door wider and stepping out.
"I never took you for the suicidal type Draco." Severus said icily as Draco stepped back.
"I'm not with Remus anymore." Draco offered in a neutral tone. At Severus' snort he tried again. "I don't understand why you were so angry with me…"
"Oh that was nothing. You simply betrayed the man you were Promised to, who was carrying your child, to go bed his godfather!" Severus stepped forward threateningly. "Those two black eyes previously given were merely for the annoyance of me having to save Potter from killing us all when you riled him up. I'm angry now. I want to know what the hell you're doing in my chambers!"
"I know Harry's staying with you. I came to see him." Draco grated out finally.
"Well, you can turn right back around and Floo home to your empty house because he doesn't want to see you! And I shut the manor off the Floo connection." Severus' eyes narrowed.
"But not Grimmauld." Draco replied smugly. "And I'd prefer if I could see Harry myself. What are you now, his keeper?"
"Draco," Severus hissed lowly, fists clenched. "Be grateful I do not have my wand on me now. I've been more a caretaker to him than his own former fiancé has been in the past three months he's been with child! And I don't demand anything in return!"
"If I didn't know better I'd think you cared." Draco sneered lightly. "When did this sudden care for Harry spring up?"
"Since the godson I tried to change turned out to be no better than his father!" Severus shouted. "Do you want to know why you're alive now Draco! Because of me! When Narcissa didn't want you and Lucius was failing at begging her to keep your sorry life because she didn't trust him anymore after finding out he was unfaithful, who do you think convinced their dear friend to give you a chance? And it wasn't the man she was supposedly in love with."
Draco gaped before shouting. "Shut up! You don't know what…what you're talking about…my mother loved me!"
"She grew to Draco. After nine months of trying to starve herself in hopes of killing you naturally and almost a year after you were born of ignoring you. Thank Merlin you had house elves boy!" Severus spat with a spiteful smile. "Oh wait. This makes my previous statement wrong. You're not like your no-good father…you're like your attempted baby-murdering mother."
Draco paled several shades before pulling his wand with a twisted snarl. "You don't know anyth…"
Severus watched with detached satisfaction as Draco dropped his wand in favour of clutching his broken nose. He disconnected from himself and watched coldly as his hands pummeled Draco, grunting as he was hit back before sharing out some more. He finally stopped when Draco was whimpering on the floor with his bloodied face messing up his carpet.
"Get out." Severus said monotonously. "Somehow I can't bring myself to kill you like you almost killed Harry and his child. Just get out. I never want to see your face, disfigured or otherwise in my sights again. I disown you. You're below me. You're worse than grime Draco Malfoy and to the Gods, I wish I had let your mother kill you."
"I don't…need you!" Draco spat out blood crawling to the green emerald fire. He stumbled up against the mantelpiece as Severus watched, touching his split eyebrow tenderly. "You think you're ever so great and pure now but no one ever forgets the mark you used to have Snape! And you can't keep Harry from me!"
Severus smiled coldly as his step forward made Draco hurry into the fire and call out Grimmauld Place quickly. He put out his fire and cut off his Floo completely before stumbling off to get rid of his probably ruined potion and get a bath before he slept for a month.
Harry pulled nervously at his bed sheets as he waited for Hermione and Ron to bring in Remus. They had come back and told him he was there. They'd also told him about Severus' refusal to come…
He was looking down in disappointed frustration as Remus stepped into the otherwise empty wing with a small smile.
"Harry."
The green eyes looked up sharply and wavered. "Remus." Harry said flatly.
"Hello…" Remus stepped forward slowly. His smile saddened as he looked over Harry. "You look well. I…Hermione and Ron told me what happened. I tried to warn Severus in time to help. But…well anyway. You look…well."
"I'll live." Harry pushed himself up from under the sheets to prop against the headboard and pointed to a chair next to his bed. "Sit down."
"Thanks." Remus came over and sat, eyes flicking to his stomach. "How far are you now?"
"Five months, three weeks." Harry laid a hand on top of the hill of his rounded tummy. "He's fine. A bit quieter than he should be Madam Pomfrey said but I knitted him back to my body with magic so he's probably a bit…tired."
"Hermione told me Draco almost succeeded. I…I just want you to know it's over. It's definitely…I couldn't after…"
"It, shouldn't have started in the first place. And I can't believe it continued after I…!" Harry bit his lip and swallowed his anger.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I tried to explain in the letters…you burnt them. I was lonely. Since Sirius I've gone through men like…Severus was the only one who managed to last more than one month and I thought we…would last. He understood that the wolf in me couldn't…had lost its soul mate. I couldn't give myself over completely to any one person but he accepted what I gave…but after he left I just…sunk. And the full moon was in a few days when Draco had attacked me…I was…vulnerable."
Harry crossed his arms. "I can appreciate feeling left out. Cut off. Being alone. I've been alone since before Draco and I ended. He'd been pulling away from me for weeks and we hadn't been intimate in almost a month. Before that he didn't want my love either…it was just sex I was giving him…I gave him because I was grateful for him Promising to me. That's how it worked. And I only realize looking back because I thought that was how love was supposed to be. When you were grateful…when you cared…you gave it up." Harry laughed dryly. "That's how Draco taught me. So what did he teach you hmm?"
"To submit." Remus whispered. "Never the wolf. He's made the Wolfsbane occasionally for me. The other nights I was in the basement. He never had sex with me around that time again. But for the rest of each month…"
"He made you vulnerable again. Instead of leaving him behind in the first place and locking him out of your house or leaving there to come here to wait for me to cool off you stayed there with him and let him manipulate you just like he always did to me. And you saw what he did to me, what he's done!"
"All I can say is I'm sorry. Harry…I don't know what else I can do…" Remus beseeched him, reaching out but Harry moved his hand.
"Thank you for warning Severus in time so he could save me and my child. That's all I can offer you right now…I have my own problems to work out…"
"How…how is Severus?" Remus asked haltingly. "I haven't talked to him…properly, since…"
Harry's breath hitched as he looked away. "He's okay." Remus bit his lip.
"Has he been seeing anyone since…you came to stay with him?"
"No. But he's moved on. And I doubt he's looking back Remus." Harry turned back and frowned at his godfather. "Do you still…?"
"Not…quite. I miss him. I miss what we had and he was surprisingly good for me. He'd be good for anyone he loved." Remus smiled at Harry. "He loves completely or not at all. Which is why I didn't last. When Severus loves someone completely who will love him back completely…Harry, they'll know what love is supposed to be."
"Remus," Harry flushed. "Please. I know that Severus is in love with me. I don't need you hinting at it too. You're even less subtle than Hermione."
"Did he tell you then?" Remus watched Harry carefully.
"In a way. Yes. But I don't love him and I'm not going to use him. When I get out of here I have to go talk to him, explain. Last we talked was when he…sort of told me, and we didn't end on good terms. I've got problems myself see?" Harry laughed softly. "I care about Severus a lot because of how good he's been to me the past few months. He's been…what a partner should be. And I honestly do like him. He has some qualities I wouldn't mind in a lover myself!" Harry lowered his flushed face. "With time who knows what could happen but I need to talk to him! To tell him I'm just not ready yet. I may not be in love with Draco anymore but it still hurts. And I can't go into a relationship to try to love someone else while I'm still stinging."
"I guess. He's just always waiting. It seems that way to me, it must to him."
"I'm sorry I can't be what he wants right now after all he's done for me. But in helping me he also made me see that trying too hard to be what he may want of me is what's wrong. That's what I did with Draco."
"And Severus wouldn't take you like that anyway." Remus smiled sadly. "He wants you truly. Maybe one day you'll see." He stood clearing his throat. "I think I'm going to go to Albus and see if I can't stay here for a while. If you want though I can try to go talk to Severus…"
"I dunno if that'd be a good idea." Harry said quietly. "But do it at your own risk. Ron and Hermione left him in a not-so-good mood."
"He should hear what you have to say."
He'd been determined to just stay in his rooms all day but people kept coming by and knocking and calling for him. Albus had been. So had Harry's friends. It seemed Remus was in the castle as he'd been too and someone else was outside now as he tried to stare valiantly at the line in his Potions book he was trying to read. But they wouldn't bloody stop knocking…
"Would you bloody idiots just…!" The words died in his throat as Harry's green eyes blinked back at him before widening in concern.
"Did you fall or something?" His hand almost went to the cut by his eyebrow and the bruises around before he realized.
Severus narrowed his eyes back. "It is nothing. I see you're out of the hospital wing. I suppose you've come to get your things."
"I wasn't planning on leaving but if you want me to…" Harry said quietly. "Can I come in then?"
Severus stepped aside curtly and shut the portrait behind Harry who was fidgeting next to the doorway. "You may sit."
Harry looked at the spot where the chair Severus had conjured for him so long ago had been before settling on the couch, pulling on his shirt hem. "I…wanted to talk to you."
"Yes. Several people dropped by to summon me." Severus' lips twisted.
"Oh don't start that." The green eyes flashed angrily. "You stormed out of the wing before I could talk to you. I didn't know! You surprised me…I thought you were kidding…I didn't truly believe you'd be…in love with me because Remus had told me there was someone else."
Severus paused. "You couldn't believe that it would be…impossible for someone to love you?" His tone was incredulous as he watched Harry stroke his stomach absentmindedly.
"Actually yes. Most people love me for the wrong reasons too but I should have known better with you because you hate my celebrity status." Harry looked up with a crooked grin. "And I thought Draco did but he just loved that he owned me because I loved him." The dark brows frowned. "I talked to Hermione yesterday morning and she explained to me. I'm sorry…sorry I didn't believe you but I didn't know it was… me."
Severus waited as the silence stretched before finally speaking tightly. "So why are you here?"
"To explain." Harry said faintly as he looked down at his stomach with a blush. Severus blanked his face and crushed his emotions down as his heart sank slowly. "I appreciate everything you've done for me so much you will never know, no matter how much I thank you. And I do, thank you. Every day now for making me have to be strong and not letting me crawl back to Draco. Even if you were hard in the way you did it." Harry looked up firmly. "But even though I'm not in love with Draco, don't love him anymore, the past still hurts and it doesn't leave that quickly. I couldn't commit myself fully to you and I wouldn't enter a relationship unless I could. Severus I care about you too much to use you or to take advantage of how you feel about me to…"
"Please stop. Just say no, you don't love me, sorry, pack your things and get out. I don't need all the excuses and you don't have to give me anything, fluffy words included, in return for the care…I don't want pity. And I'd like as little of the ridicule as possible out of the arse I've made of myself."
"I don't pity you…" Harry started but Severus cut him off as he stood and summoned a house elf.
"Would you pack the things in that bedroom and have the cases by the door? Immediately please." Severus turned back to Harry. "The elf will have you ready to go in a few minutes. And you can go before your heart breaks from the sorrow…"
"Severus…please! What if…I just asked for time…time to see if…"
"More time for me to wait and all the more time for pity to build up for people to shower on me when you find someone else younger and prettier to be your partner!" Severus snarled pointing to the door. Harry spotted his bruised knuckles worriedly. "And if you don't feel pity for me why make such a ridiculous offer that you can't possibly promise on…"
"Because I'm not sorry for you but I am sorry!" Harry stood suddenly wobbling and shouted. "I'm sorry that I can't be madly, passionately in love with you because you do have a lot to offer to someone! And from living with you I know you have the capacity to love…greatly, looking back…but I just don't…feel it."
"There's other kinds of love Potter." Severus turned away. "I want you gone. I feel like there's a carrot dangling in front of my face every bloody day and it's not mine to have…so just go!"
He didn't watch as Harry walked to the door and left quietly but after the elf packed he looked at the colorful room he'd created for him and vanished the colors quickly before stepping out and watching as the extra chambers melted away. He should have bloody done this, months ago, when he'd started to love him…
A/N: Destiny is calling me! Open up my eagle eyyyyyyes! Cuz I'm Mr. Brightside! #stops singing and looks out at the people watching her#...err, oh. Hi. Umm, yeah, an update's here.#Has nothing to say, scurries away#