A/N - Ohmygosh, thank you again for all the feedback. As usual I'm way behind on responding but I promise I will eventually! And thank you to alittlebitwicked for the super fast beta, and extra googly gigantic thanks to bazingasheldonpenny on tumblr for making such an awesome graphic and passionate declaration for this story of mine. Thank you all!

It was an impossible decision to make.

Sheldon stood in front of the mirror, admiring his tux and adjusting his tie to make him look less like a clumsy kid who just stumbled into a wedding. And he was going over the choice he had to make; the choice Penny wanted him to make, for the thousandth time now. Would he break up with Amy and break her heart? The woman who came into his life and had just as many quirks as his own, the woman who was just as experienced as him (which was to say-not at all), the woman who gave him more chances than he ever deserved. Amy wasn't the most exciting person in the world and he wasn't particularly attracted to her, but she was a good person and he felt like they could build a stable life together.

Now Penny, she was dangerous. Sexy. Seductive. He was attracted to her from the first second he and Leonard saw her in the hallway, but Leonard was so confident that he and Penny were soul mates and Sheldon didn't have it in him to fight about it. Penny wasn't the most intellectual conversationalist, but she made him laugh. She made him feel a weird confidence that he hadn't experienced before. With Penny, Sheldon felt like a superhero.

And now Penny wanted to be with him. She was willing to sacrifice everything. To be with him. How would that even work? Leonard would never speak to him again. Amy would never speak to him again. He and Penny would both lose their best friends, which Sheldon was having quite a hard time wrapping his brain around. Leonard put up with Sheldon when not a lot of people would. And Sheldon didn't want to break that bond as easily as Penny was suggesting.

Next to Sheldon, Raj was shrugging on his coat and also examining himself in the mirror. They were in the dressing room at the church, and for the moment, they were alone.

"Dude, we look good."

"I suppose we do give off a certain air of intellectual handsomeness," Sheldon said. He always did look good in a suit. He remembered shopping with Penny-that look on her face when he came out in the black suit was forever imprinted in his brain. No woman had ever looked at him like that before. Just another thing to add to the list.

"So I've been meaning to ask you something..." Raj said.

"Mm-hmm, what is it?"

"How long have you been in love with Penny?"

For some reason, the question didn't surprise Sheldon. Maybe nothing surprised him anymore. Or maybe he was just so used to Raj calling him out on things that this seemed like a normal part of their routine.

"Raj, not that I don't appreciate this line of questioning, but do you think this is an appropriate time to bring it up? We're about to witness the marriage of our best friend to his beloved bride. Maybe we should put our personal issues aside until we've gotten through this day."

"Don't try to get out of this conversation, Sheldon Cooper. Come on, don't you want to tell somebody what you're feeling? Don't you want to confess? I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her. And guess what? She looks at you the same way. I'm a romantic, I notice these things."

Sheldon scoffed. "You aren't seriously trying to have a conversation with me based on the attraction you think I have to a person you think is also attracted to me? What scientific evidence do you possess to support this theory of yours? I have never been more insulted in my life…"

Sheldon stopped talking because Raj pulled something out of his suit pocket. It was his Garth Brooks ticket.

"I found this on your desk at work. And then Penny's hot friend at the party said something about Vegas. So go ahead and deny it if you want to, dude. But I think this is proof enough. You know you can talk to me. Leonard is helping Howard practice his vows. It's just us, Sheldon. I'm very good with matters of the heart. It's just my own that I have trouble with most of the time."

Sheldon sighed and kind of collapsed on the floor. It was such an un-Sheldon thing to do, but he wasn't interested in behavioral norms at the moment. He was actually desperate to talk to someone about what was going on with Penny. It was all such a mess and his jumbled emotions were getting harder and harder to interpret on his own. He needed someone to tell him the truth. To give him the ass-kicking he deserved.

Raj sat down next to him. Sheldon knew Raj wanted to ask him exactly what was going on, but he didn't say anything. He just waited. And eventually Sheldon started talking.

"It's yuanfen," he said distractedly.

"Pardon?" Raj looked truly confused.

"Yuanfen. It's a Chinese word that's impossible to translate to English. It means something akin to 'Have fate without destiny'. It's used to describe couples who meet, but who do not for whatever reason stay together. I never believed in fate before I met Penny, but this word describes us perfectly."

"Sheldon, what the hell are you talking about? English, please."

"Penny wants me to 'choose' her. And maybe she's capable of blowing everyone off to be with me, but I'm not so sure I'm willing to make that sacrifice for her. My entire life has been about depriving myself of pleasure for the sake of science, knowledge, advancement. I'm used to not getting what I want in order to gain these things. But she isn't. She's always gone for what she wants, and it just so happens that this time, what she wants is me."

Raj nodded, taking it all in. He knew Sheldon had issues, but he didn't know how truly screwed he really was.

"What do you want?"

"Does it matter?"

Raj exhaled. "Of course it matters, dude. What do you want? Who would you choose? Just admit it. Admit to me. Admit it to yourself."

Sheldon closed his eyes. Inhaled. Exhaled. "Of course I would choose Penny. She's sexy and funny and adventurous and every day would be more interesting than the last. But it's not practical. She doesn't have a stable career, she's selfish, she's unpredictable, and she's crude. She's loud and uneducated and she puts all her clothes in the washer without separating them. Amy is my ideal mate. Amy is the easier choice. We'd have a predictable life but a stable life. We'd have intelligent children. We'd enjoy rigorously planned vacations."

"Do you love her?"

"Which one?" Sheldon asked. They both chuckled.

"Either of them, both of them."

"Yes," Sheldon said.

Raj didn't ask him to specify. Instead he said, "Not to add insult to injury, but you know what this would do to Leonard, right?"

"Of course I do. And after all he's done for me over the years...all the rides to and from work and the comic book store, all the food he's gotten for me, everything in the roommate agreement...I take it seriously."

"It would kill him."

"Damn it, Raj, I know it would kill Leonard. Will you please-"

"What would kill me?" Leonard said, coming into the small fitting room with Howard, both of them looking dapper in their tuxes.

"Oh, uh, the banana split they're serving after the buffet. Sheldon was just talking about how he'd put it on his cake and eat it like a middle-aged woman with diabetes. And I said you should have some, and Sheldon said that would kill you."

It was the worst excuse ever. But Leonard must have been in an especially good mood because he bought it. "Oh. Yeah. Banana splits are like my kryptonite. Which is sad because they look so delicious."

"Well, anyway...let's party!" Raj said, trying desperately to change the subject.

They all gathered around Howard and gave him good-natured jibes about taking his vows. Leonard mentioned something about how disappointed Howard's robot was going to be now. Sheldon's crisis was given a reprieve for a few more minutes, but he'd soon have to come face to face with it.

Meanwhile, at the opposite side of the church, Amy and Penny helped Bernadette get dressed while Bernadette's mother helped with make-up.

"So when are you girls going to walk down the aisle? Penny, you and Leonard have been together for a while now. I just met the man and I can tell he's crazy about you," Bernadette's mother said, applying lipstick carefully to Bernadette's nervous lips.

Penny wanted to laugh and say that was ridiculous, don't be silly, they'd only been seeing each other for a few months. But she had a feeling Leonard didn't think it was so ridiculous. In fact, she was absolutely positive that for the past day or two, Leonard had been trying to say he loved her. He'd been stuttering and staring at her longingly and taking her hand and putting his arm around her way more than usual. It was coming. She knew it was coming and she had no idea what she was going to say. Especially since at this very wedding, she was waiting for someone else to proclaim their love for her. This was a fine mess she'd gotten herself in, that was for sure.

"Oh, I don't know if I'm ready for that," Penny said. "We've been taking it slow for a while because the first time we were together was kind of a disaster."

"Well, you better do it soon. You know women of a certain age have a harder time finding someone to settle down with."

"Mother!" Bernadette looked annoyed. "Penny isn't even 30 yet. And she doesn't even know if she wants kids. Leave the girl alone."

Her mother shook her head and then turned her target towards Amy.

"What about you and Sheldon? I know the two of you are in your thirties. What's the hold-up?"

Bernadette sighed. She'd warned everyone that her mom was kind of old-fashioned, but there wasn't any kind of warning that had prepared them for how much.

"I don't know. We've started talking about it lately. We think maybe next year, after he's got all his stuff together for the Nobel Prize, and after I've written my paper on the effect of smoking on monkeys." Amy stared dreamily at Bernadette's wedding dress, probably thinking about walking down the aisle with her tall dream hunk of a scientist.

This was news to Penny. Neither Sheldon nor Amy mentioned getting married at all. The fact that it was something they discussed together in privacy made Penny's stomach hurt even more than it already did. Oh, it was so nerve-racking waiting for this impossible decision. She shouldn't have made him choose. She shouldn't have had sex with him. Hell, when he came to her door that day and asked for kissing lessons, she should have said no. That was a line friends shouldn't cross. And now she was dealing with the consequences, and probably would be for a very long time. Sheldon was going to marry Amy, Penny was going to marry Leonard, Howard was going to marry Bernadette, and during the summer they'd all go to Napa Valley with their kids and teach them how to swim. What an amazing life Penny had to look forward to.

Penny's phone buzzed. She had a text from Elena.

Has tall guy declared his undying love for you yet? Weddings are perfect for that kind of crap.

She was sure Elena was just trying to make her smile, but it had the opposite effect.

Not yet. Time is running out. Not feeling good about my chances.

Penny felt like such a cliché. She was the other woman. The one who had to wait while the man got to choose who he wanted to be with. And suddenly she was mad at Sheldon. It was irrational, she knew that, but she was so very mad. Just looking at Amy in her Maid of Honor dress and her happy smile and her complete ignorance to what was going on right under her nose made Penny even angrier. Maybe she was using the anger to replace her guilt; she wasn't quite sure. Penny wanted to be happy for Bernadette and enjoy the wedding like a normal person should, but all she could see was a life without Sheldon, and nothing else seemed to matter.

However, an hour later, the anger and guilt were magically transformed to a sobbing mess of a girl. For the most part, Penny did not cry at weddings. But Bernadette looked gorgeous in her wedding dress and Howard looked so content and happy and amazed that this beautiful woman agreed to marry him. At the altar, Penny stood with Amy and Bernadette's cousin Lucy and on the opposite side stood Raj, Sheldon and Leonard. Penny was facing Sheldon, who kept sneaking glances at her when he thought she wasn't looking.

Bernadette's brother read a moving poem, Howard and Bernadette exchanged their vows, the preacher announced them husband and wife, and Penny burst into tears. So much so that she caused a scene. Lucy ushered her to the back of the church while Amy went hunting for some tissues. Oh, this was attractive. Just the vibe she wanted to give off at one of her best friend's weddings.

As she was trying to calm down, Leonard came in and crouched next to her. "What's wrong, babe?"

For a moment, Penny thought about Carrie Bradshaw, her style icon. Carrie told Aidan at Charlotte's wedding about her affair with Big. What if she just blurted it all out? What if, for once, she told Leonard exactly what she was thinking? What if she told him she was sobbing because she feared never having what Bernadette and Howard shared? That maybe in a different life she could have loved Leonard, but in this one, she just wasn't capable. In this one, she was head over heels in love with Sheldon Cooper and he was the only nerd she wanted. Why couldn't she just tell him that? Why was it so hard to just tell him what she wanted? What she needed?

"Oh, nothing. I just get really emotional at weddings. I'm fine."

He nodded, took off his glasses, and rubbed them on the inside of his jacket. Put them back on. Penny knew this maneuver well. It usually meant he wanted to tell her something important.

"Hey, it's okay. I know you were thinking about us up there. And I've been doing some thinking, too. Don't you think we should escalate this thing? We've been dancing around each other for almost six years; maybe we can make it more official. Because, the thing is-"

This was the moment Amy became Penny's savior, because she bust into the room and said, "Come on, guys, we need you for pictures. Then we go to the reception and dance our tushies off. Let's go."

Penny and Leonard nodded. He grabbed her hand and they walked with Amy to the lawn, where they posed for at least 3,000 pictures with the bride and groom and family of the bride and groom and friends of the bride and groom. She knew Leonard's declaration had just been temporarily halted and it was going to happen sooner or later-probably sooner. And she also noticed that Sheldon was avoiding her. Every time she was near his vicinity, he somehow continued to disappear. This made her angrier than ever. If he was going to give her bad news, why couldn't he just be a man and tell her? Get it over with? Penny knew Sheldon was a lot of things, but she never knew he was a coward.

And while she posed for pictures with a fake smile plastered on her face, Penny realized how ironic it all was. Sheldon may be a coward, but so was she. She couldn't tell Leonard the truth. She'd always believed in karma; in what comes around, goes around. And now? She was getting what was going around.

At the reception, Sheldon, Amy, Leonard, Penny, and Raj sat together and anxiously gossiped about the wedding. Sheldon nervously stared at Penny as she stuffed her face at the buffet and ate two pieces of cake. It certainly wasn't very attractive, but it was kind of endearing in a way. Of course, he pretty much found everything Penny did to be endearing. Or sexy. Or cute. Or adorable. Oh, God, this decision was impossible.

He had also watched as she sobbed during the ceremony, and he wondered what she was thinking. Was Penny thinking about him, or about Leonard? Or about either one of them? Did she want to get married? Did she want to have children? Did she have goals other than becoming a professional actress? He knew he'd probably never know the answer to these questions if he didn't make the right choice. Which he was going to have to make soon...the reception was almost over. He wondered how he was going to tell her. Hell, he wondered what he was going to tell her.

"Sheldon...why don't you ask Penny to dance?" Amy said quietly.

"Why would I do that? You know how I feel about dancing, Amy."

"Just do it, okay? For me. I feel like you two need it. You used to be such good friends and now I see you two avoiding each other and I can't help but feel like I have something to do with that. So go ask her to dance. For me."

Sheldon sighed. Not only because he dreaded this task, but also because of how clueless Amy was to the betrayal happening basically right before her eyes. Ignorance was apparently bliss for her and that irritated him. No, it didn't make sense. It wasn't logical. Spock would be very disappointed.

"Fine. You owe me."

Amy smiled happily. That was something else he liked about Amy-she was very easy to please.

Sheldon rose from his seat and walked over to Penny, who was deep in conversation with Raj about something or other that happened twelve years ago on Sex and the City.

"Penny, Amy has suggested that I ask you to dance. If it's okay with Leonard, I'd like to do that at this time."

Leonard chuckled and nodded. "Sure, but I want to collect her after a few songs."

"I will permit that," Sheldon said. "Penny, would you like to dance?"

The way she looked at him took Sheldon by surprise. He'd gotten to know those green eyes pretty well over the last five years and even more so over the last few months. There was anger in her eyes. Sadness. Fury. Indifference. When did the spark leave her eyes? This was not good. He couldn't help but feel responsible.

"I would love to," she said curtly. He took her hand and she followed him to the dance floor. The first song was a rather fast number, which they were probably both grateful for at the moment.

"Well, this is awesome," she said.

"It is rather awkward, isn't it? Amy seems to think we're mad at each other for some reason."

"Imagine that."

Sheldon sighed again. "Penny, I know you want an answer. I've thought about it over and over again. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

At that moment, Lady in Red came on and all the couples were slow dancing. Sheldon put his arms around Penny and she put her head on his shoulder. Was this what Amy had in mind when she wanted them to dance? Because it was certainly adding a weird kind of drama to their already dramatic situation.

"I know what your answer is, Sheldon. I know. And at first I was furious, but now I'm okay with it."

Sheldon looked her in the eye. "Penny...it's not like that. I don't know what I want. I'm a scientist, I don't do things on a whim. Maybe I can take the time in Switzerland to really come to a conclusion..."

"Why, so you can think about it while you fuck Amy? So you can decide who you like fucking better? That's not how it works, Sheldon. We've come to an impasse. You have to choose. I've made my choice."

Sheldon said nothing. Why was she making it so hard for him? This was not how it was supposed to happen.

"Sheldon, just tell me. You have to tell me now. You know why? Look at our table."

Sheldon looked over at their table.

"Leonard is going to get tired of us dancing pretty soon. He's going to come over here, ask to cut in, and then-and it might take him a song or two-tell me he loves me. And I'm going to say it back for the first time, because I might as well. Because if you don't tell me what I want to hear, then I'm going to give Leonard everything I have. He deserves it."

Sheldon held her tighter to him. She didn't resist.

"I do...have feelings for you, Penny. Feelings I've never experienced before. And if we didn't live in the real world where we have obligations to the people who love us, I'd take you up on your offer immediately. But I can't. I have a friendship with Leonard that I could never replace. He's my roommate. He's so many other things. And he loves you. And I have relationship with Amy, who doesn't deserve any of this."

"But I'm willing to sacrifice those things for you," Penny said quietly. "It would be hard, but eventually they'll forgive us. Eventually they'll move on."

"It's not enough for me."

Penny didn't say anything. She bit her lip, possibly to keep from crying. His heart was breaking but what did she want from him? He already gave her everything he had. He literally didn't have anything else to give.

"I don't want to hurt you. I'd give you everything if everything was different. I'd give you the world on a silver platter. But..."

"But you can't. Fine, Sheldon. I get it. I don't like it and I never will, but I get it. But sooner or later you're going to realize that Amy can't give you what I can. You'll never feel the same way with her that you do with me. And I realize it's selfish and unforgiveable but it's true. So just know. Just know that I love-"

And there was Leonard, looking quite impatient.

"May I cut in, please? It would be nice if I could get just one dance in with my girlfriend."

"Of course," Sheldon said. Penny avoided his eyes as Leonard swept her away in his arms. If this was the right thing to do, why did it make him feel like this? Sheldon had never understood the word "heartbreak" before-it wasn't practical, it wasn't scientific, it was, in his words, frivolous. But as he stood by himself on the dance floor and watched as Penny bit back her tears, he now understood the meaning of the word better than anyone could imagine.

Leonard held Penny tightly and she clung to him. With her heels, she was the same height as him. They were eye to eye. In the middle of another slow song, Leonard kissed her softly. "I've been trying to tell you for days now...I love you, Penny."

Not even Wil Wheaton could save her now.

"I love you, too," she whispered. And he sighed with relief and looked so happy and it made her happy, too, in a way. It wasn't so hard. They were just words. Maybe she did love him. And if she didn't, maybe she could. She vowed to herself that she was going to put everything she had into this relationship with Leonard. Why not? She had nothing left to lose.

During the last song of the evening, Howard and Bernadette danced cheek to cheek. Raj danced with Howard's middle aged cousin Josephine. And Amy and Sheldon, and Leonard and Penny, danced side by side. Only occasionally did Penny look up from Leonard's shoulder, and only occasionally did Sheldon glance up from Amy's embrace. They always missed each other's eyes. And now they always would.

A/N - Public service announcement: I am not responsible for any damage this chapter may cause to your emotional well-being. Please contact my lawyer for any dangerous outbursts that might have occurred upon reading.

P.S. I like angst. Did I forget to mention that?