Sunlight poured into the Apprentices' Den, hitting Blizzardpaw's void face. As she awoke, no emotions but insecurity and uncertainty were present in the apprentice's expression. Blizzardpaw slowly stood and exited the den, blinking at the sky's harsh light. There was not a cloud in the sky, no imperfections to the day. A gentle breeze caressed her fur, causing trees to sway and birds to hum.
But perfect weather didn't affect Blizzardpaw as it did other cats.
Fallstar paced past his daughter without so much as a nod, hurrying towards the Medicine Cat Den. As Blizzardpaw watched him enter, she caught the leader's concerned expression. An impulse of anger hit the she-cat; immediately after, a wave of trepidation fell. Her own father didn't even bother to ask about her welfare. Did he not care?
The she-cat sighed heavily and trudged towards the camp entrance, awaiting no one in particular. Blizzardpaw's mind began to wander as she waited. Snips and flashes of anger and inquiry hit her repeatedly, driving her close to the point of screaming her lungs out in frustration.
I understand Lightpaw is injured and all but...Shouldn't concern be equally carried throughout his kits?
Blizzardpaw shook her head furiously before muttering, "Like he cares. It's all about Lightpaw."
Out of nowhere, Milkclaw appeared and zoomed past Blizzardpaw, snapping the apprentice out of her angered daze. The guard, as expected, was diving for the Medicine Cat Den. A yowl of dismay and concern emitted from the den.
Blizzardpaw's head sank as she contemplated her options. I should go see Lightpaw, but she'll probably come up with some sort of insult. 'It's your fault I'm stuck here!' or something...Somehow. If I don't see her, Milkclaw and Fallstar will interrogate or punish me. Either way, I'm facing some sort of emotional blow.
After considering her choices for several minutes, she snapped. A short yell of pent-up frustration escaped her mouth. Blizzardpaw ignored the startled expressions of nearby cats and trudged towards the resting place of her sibling, accusations and questions hot on her tongue. She brushed past the bramble walls of the den, staring at Fallstar and Milkclaw. Lightpaw lifted her head and looked at Blizzardpaw; the latter was surprised to spot elation in the ginger's eyes.
Shaking her head quickly, Blizzardpaw met her parents' gazes. "I'd...like to speak to you. In private." Another thought occurred, one she was not ashamed of: Let's see if they even consider my proposal.
Milkclaw glanced at Fallstar, her eyes revealing her hesitancy. After a brief moment of communication, the guard looked at Blizzardpaw. Hope fluttered in the apprentice's chest; answers may finally be told!
"Your father is...unable to speak to you. He has other duties and…Let's leave it at that. But on the flip side, I can talk to you," Milkclaw responded. Her words were carefully picked, as if she were traversing through a mud-laden field.
Blizzardpaw nodded briskly, the hope within her making her heart pound. "C-Can we go outside of camp?"
Milkclaw nodded; if she was surprised, she hid it well. "Of course."
The apprentice led her mother to the camp's exit, elation present for the first time in moons. Answers. Answers! A relief to her maddening questions!
Blizzardpaw halted as they neared the territory's middle, trees present on all sides. The apprentice chose a shady spot to settle, doing so just in case their conversation ran into dusk. Milkclaw did likewise and stared at her daughter expectantly.
"So um...I...wish to know some things. Clarification, to be exact," Blizzardpaw began, feeling more sure of herself as she proceeded.
"Like what?"
"Like what Ashface said...Is it true?"
Milkclaw jumped slightly—ever so slightly—but Blizzardpaw was able to notice the miniscule movement. The guard swiftly recovered and murmured, "We already told you. He got the two mixed up."
"You jumped just now. And when Fallstar answered, his voice was unsteady and full of hesitancy." Not for the first time, suspicion hit Blizzardpaw like a comet, boosting her confidence tenfold.
"He...uh…," Milkclaw stammered. Her struggling was so obvious, it gave the apprentice a pang of guilt.
But then the runt's guilt molded into anger, pulsating throughout her body. Blizzardpaw's desire to be answered—to be able to know—smoldered and crackled beneath her fur, begging for an escape route. "Tell me the truth."
"W-Well, you see, Ashface wasn't exactly lying, but he wasn't being honest either-"
Milkclaw's constant stammering and evasion fueled Blizzardpaw's rage, allowing the flames to rise to the surface. "It's a simple yes or no question! When will you all quit avoiding my inquiries! It's infuriating! Whenever I ask for an answer to something like this, I'm either turned away or disappointed. No clear answer is ever given; your constant secrecy drives me insane!"
The apprentice had risen to a stand, her fur raised and tail twitching. Her usually placate eyes burned with agitation, digging into Milkclaw's shocked expression with every ounce of being possible. "It's infuriating," Blizzardpaw repeated, her voice wavering with newfound anger.
A shaky exhale escaped Milkclaw's lips. Her eyes were full of sadness and hesitancy, yet Blizzardpaw's glare did not waver. She wanted answers. She wanted good answers that made sense. The guard inhaled deeply before allowing her eyes to meet Blizzardpaw's. The own pounding of her heart was all that the apprentice was able to hear, nothing else cutting the eerie silence that had fallen.
At last, Milkclaw parted her jaws to speak. "Ashface wasn't lying. Fallstar...Fallstar and I had three kits, and two died."
"Wh-Who was...the last kit?" Blizzardpaw managed to whisper, her heart feeling as if it might burst out of her chest.
"Lightpaw was," the she-cat murmured, bowing her head in an attempt to hide her face.
Blizzardpaw felt as if a rock had fallen on top of her. Her eyes widened at the news' extremity, and her breath caught in her throat. A small exhale escaped the apprentice's mouth as she stumbled and sat, her legs quivering.
She could barely murmur, "Then...How did I come into the picture?"
Milkclaw stopped herself, but she then continued with her onpour of information. "We had a kit that looked a lot like you; we named her Songkit. But she died shortly after birth...I was grief-stricken, to put it simply. I wanted to die. Living wasn't an option after watching two lives disappear, just like that. It was horrible and worse than any torture imaginable.
"A few days later, Ashface's kittypet friends gave birth to a kit. I was the first to be told, and a plan immediately began to form. I wanted a replacement for my lost Songkit. I needed it to remain sane. So that night, I broke into the kittypet's...den and kidnapped their kit. I never looked back; I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to take away their new life."
Blizzardpaw swallowed, realization hitting her. "And that kit was me?"
A hesitant nod was all that Milkclaw gave.
Head bowed, the apprentice moped over all that she had heard, emotions spiraling throughout her mind. Anger triumphed all emotions. Agitation at her mother's selfish decision; frustration at not being informed earlier. Fury at how tortured not knowing had made her.
"So you took me away from a happy young family, just to replace your kit? Didn't you think of the lives you ruined doing that? They probably wanted to die the moment you took me away; my...parents probably loved me just as much as you did Songkit!"
"Blizzardpaw…," Milkclaw began, but the apprentice's anger became a torrent of fury, unable to be quenched. Her emotions began to meld, forming a new feeling—hate. Blizzardpaw was unable to contain this newfound emotion; she needed an outlet. Her hate gained a clear course as it settled upon Milkclaw.
Blizzardpaw emitted a yowl and lept onto the guard, claws unsheathed. Without thinking, she slashed and hacked at the defenseless she-cat, yelling any accusations that came to mind. Each blow became more and more violent, her anger growing exponentially. Eventually, every aspect of fury Blizzardpaw had felt in her life exploded, fueling her already-dangerous inferno of emotions. Milkclaw's yowls and pleas for her "daughter" to cease her attack failed, drowned out by the blood pounding in Blizzardpaw's ears.
Yowling one last accusation, the apprentice dove for Milkclaw's throat, her blue eyes alive with the flames of bloodlust and unchecked loathing. She sunk her fangs into the she-cat's neck, preparing for the kill. Blizzardpaw hated this cat; she absolutely hated Milkclaw.
Then a thought crossed the apprentice's mind. It caused her to cease her attack on Milkclaw, leaving her mind empty and silent. Once again, the thought presented itself, realization finally appearing alongside it.
This won't make me feel better.
Blizzardpaw slid away from the she-cat, shivering as she watched Milkclaw's still form. The anger that the apprentice had not but a moment ago had disappeared, leaving a large void surrounded by nothing but sorrow. She ignored the blood coating her own paws and chest, horrified at what she had heard and committed. As Milkclaw began to stand, Blizzardpaw yelped and retreated into the forest, barreling past underbrush and trees, ignoring the branches that hung in her way.
The she-cat tripped over an outlying tree root; she didn't attempt to stand, having lost all motivation. Finally, after several moments of emotional beatings and reprimands, Blizzardpaw sat up, wails of sadness boiling within her throat. She glanced at a nearby tree and trudged towards it, whimpering slightly. Unsheathing her claws, Blizzardpaw stared at the plant's trunk, then swiping meekly at it. Barely a mark was left.
Sadness then overwhelmed the cat. A yowl of sorrow escaped her lips, uncontrolled and true. Blizzardpaw crouched at the tree's base and wailed like a helpless kit; she didn't care if a member of Moonclan came and made fun of her at this point. The apprentice couldn't hold it in, and attempting to would result in another outburst.
The sun began to fall, yet Blizzardpaw continued her meltdown, not even trying to sever her yells off. She hated herself for attacking Milkclaw. A sudden urge of loathing may have been justified, but using the guard as an outlet seemed wrong. Doing so seemed a crime in every aspect, and Blizzardpaw believed this more and more as the day slipped by.
A light, soothing object slid along Blizzardpaw's back. The motion calmed her slightly, allowing her wails to soften. Rainpaw's face appeared next to the she-cat's, his amber eyes full of concern. He simply sat next to Blizzardpaw, methodically stroking her back in an attempt to alleviate the apprentice's sadness.
After what seemed like an eternity, the wails ceased. Blizzardpaw breathed shakily, unsure if she was able to even stand without shutting down. The nearby tom glanced at her, seeming hesitant, before speaking.
"I got my warrior ceremony today...Fallstar gave me the name of 'Raincloud'," he murmured. Blizzardpaw released a small moan, disappointment and sorrow crashing into her side once again.
"I m-missed it..."
Raincloud jumped and began nudging the she-cat to her feet. His expression acted as if the warrior had been hit in the chest, but a moment later it was gone. The tom smiled at Blizzardpaw, hoping to lighten the mood.
"When I saw you weren't there, I knew something was wrong...I searched the forest for you. Eventually, I found you and Milkclaw, but...You seemed scared to death; Milkclaw was on the ground, bleeding and battered. I almost dove into the fray, but then you ran off. I got Milkclaw back to camp; it took me forever to find you again because of that."
Raincloud turned his head towards Blizzardpaw, staring into her eyes. "I wouldn't mind being told what happened, but if you'd feel better not telling me, I'm fine with that. I just hope you're uh...okay."
Blizzardpaw nodded, shocked yet touched at the warrior's words. "I...I feel a bit better now."
Raincloud gave a golden smile and began padding towards camp, Blizzardpaw trudging by his side, lagging slightly. As she glanced at the warrior, she genuinely smiled, glad to be walking next to Raincloud.
He probably left right after his ceremony...I haven't heard of a cat caring that much about another to do that. But I'm glad he did…
Blizzardpaw abandoned the last fragment of her thought, wishing to cherish the joy of knowing Raincloud.