Trigger warning: Physical abuse and violence.
Tegan
I'm not sure what I feel about Sara. But it is something way stronger than the regular 'I just wanna fuck her' process that I perpetually engage in. It can be just the side effect of her wild tongue coming in contact with my cunt. The lazy strokes she performed and the raging circulation that came after, these could be the reason to my own rage that I cannot control well.
She cannot have everything while I rest there waiting for her mercy. I went at her pace and waited till she selected the time and place that I can touch her at. And now here she is having both Emy and I all to herself while I'm just a side project she can toy with. I never thought I'd be jealous of two lovers dating because I want to be an important element in their equation.
As much as I truly want to touch her I am not going to do so. I want her to feel the same type of pain that I am currently enduring. I wish I can translate it or find a meaning for it. It's in the shape of worry, disguised by jealousy, and looks violent that it scares me.
"Look what I found." I turn around to see Emy with the dildo in one hand and the magic wand I've gotten Sara in the other. "My girlfriend is so naughty she bought a vibrator to herself." I turn around and face thunderstruck Sara.
Alright, can I point out how insanely beautiful she is? I want her so much right now but I want to hurt her the way she's hurting me.
"Indeed," I say. "Sasa is a nasty little whore." I can't believe I'm saying that.
"Sasa?" Emy asks as she stands on her knees right beside me. Both of us are staring at Sara with her closed legs and a hand doing a terrible job at covering her breasts. Her face is full of fear and anticipation, I can see it.
"Just a little nickname." I take the blue smurfy dildo from Emy, making sure I let Sara see the small hand rub I give to her. Sara sees it well and I can see her eyes starting to form an angry monster inside.
I also take the wand and throw it on the mattress. "Are you ready for this, Sara?" I face Sara, who instantly shakes her head. She's sweating more than my father trying to exercise on his new treadmill that one time. I see fear and I want to lick it all and drain it out of her. I look back at Emy and she has a similar reaction. She must really love Sara. What a lucky woman Sara is. Everybody loves her. Nobody really loves me.
"Didn't_" Roughly, I cup Emy's mouth, shutting her up. A moan comes out of her mouth as I press on her lips. Sara's horror is increasing and I'm sure she's regretting this threesome. Well, that's good. I want her to regret it.
I dart towards Emy, nibbling one ear while squeezing both arms harshly. I'm draining the colour out of her complexion. And Sara looks like she's going to faint. "Didn't I say you don't get to talk?" I whisper and bite. Emy nods. "Alright then. Don't fucking ruin the plan." She nods again.
I told Emy I was going to fuck her with the dildo when Sara was down on me. I told her I'll do it in front of Sara because it's going to make Sara insanely jealous and it is going to be fun. Surprisingly, Emy was welcoming the idea. I told her not to get the straps. I did not tell her it is because I've never fucked anyone while strapped, but I lied and said it will look more intimate with my hand moving the dildo in and out of her. Her naivety and sexual desire made her believe me. Now I'm only teasing and scaring Sara because I honestly believe she deserves it.
I cup Emy's tit and squeeze. She moans and I lick her full lips. Emy's hot. I'd fuck her in a heartbeat, and forever if I could. But it's all because of Sara and the evil witchcraft I'm pretty sure she has performed on me, I cannot seem to find any girl in this entire campus as fuckable as this sweet looking demon.
I bet she's like a torturous vampire. No, wait, I bet she's one of those demons who torture sinful people like me. They make them fall in the pit and drag them to the lowest degree of hell. They make them suffer slowly and sweetly till they cripple and die. I bet she performs a ritual on me at nights. It's probably why she wakes up in the middle of the night and moves a lot. I'm going to stay awake and I'm going to find out what she does.
"Is this making you horny, Sar?" I ask.
She doesn't respond.
"Awww. I bet you're dying down there." I force her legs apart. Her face is red with anger and her eyes are jeweled with tears. But I'm possessed and I like it. I slap her wonderful pussy and she shudders but does not scream. I don't think Emy is very thrilled about what is going on. But I am. And I am the one who decides.
I look at the dildo. I believe this is six inches or something. Maybe it's a bit shorter than that. I rub it on Sara's cunt. It's slippery, wet, and dark red. I spread her lips and laugh, I push it between the lips but I do not let it get past her soaked entrance. It's so cute and small, I wish I can fuck it. Then I push it up until the head presses on the tiny clit. Sara hisses. I look at Emy's lustful eyes and then turn around to look at Sara. I think Emy is scared I get to fuck her girlfriend with the toy before she could do it. But I'm not going to do that because Sara the witch does not deserve an orgasm tonight.
I hurriedly press the toy to Sara's closed lips. She starts squirming and moving her face to the sides. It is strange that I haven't heard her speak at all. Is her spell breaking? "It's your come. Lick it you dirty whore." I laugh. She shakes her head. "Oh, come on. Lick it and clean it. Give us a show," I say again. "You just ate my pussy like you haven't eaten anything for a month."
"It's clean, Sar. I cleaned it well," Emy says hesitantly.
"See? She cleaned it. It's weird, though. You'd lick my pussy but not accept your girlfriend's fluids." Maybe this is a very bitchy move of me. But it makes me feel good to see the anger rising on both of their faces. To see the jealousy on Emy's and the furry on Sara's. If she thinks I'm just there to make her come in an hour of need without letting me touch her, then she's wrong.
Sara opens her mouth and takes the dildo in. She's staring not at me but at Emy. She starts sucking slowly. I push more and she begins to bob her head, giving the toy a blowjob. This really turns me on, so much that my hand unconsciously moves to my clit. I only notice when Sara's glances descend down and focus on my finger rubbing my button. This makes me push more, which makes her gag on the dildo. She's not that great at it, but as a person who gave dildo blowjobs to blonde bimbos after having been fucked in the bathrooms of dark, dirty pubs, I can tell very well that my dear witch has done it before. She knows what she's doing. I smirk at her. It makes her cheeks blossom in redness.
"That's enough." I pull the dildo out of her mouth and look back at Emy. "You," I say. "On your hands and knees...between her legs." I spread Sara's legs open and Emy takes her place between them. Unsure, frightened, panting, and shaking. "If your face falls on her cunt and I see you eating her out, you're gonna regret it I swear to that ass of yours you will." From behind Emy, I see Sara's wide eyes.
Welcome to Tegan Quin's kingdom, Sara Smith. If you thought I was just talk no game, you thought wrong, darling. You just met the devil in me.
I fuck Emy with the dildo. I've never fucked anybody with more than three fingers before so I find some resistance that makes me lose my confidence for few seconds. When she takes a hold of Sara's meaty thigh and gasps, I push more. She moans so I push more until I'm all the way in. I do not move it until she moves her hips, waiting for me to start. And so I fuck her. Slow at first but then I make her scream and beg and moan. I make her squeeze Sara's thigh till I see Sara's eyes squeezed as she tries to endure the pain of her arousal, her girlfriend abusing her flesh, and me fucking her girlfriend so well in front of her.
I sit up and lean above Emy. I reach for her breasts as I thrust the toy in and out of her. I tweak the nipples and knead the mounds. Then I sit back again and slap her bum. She lets out a scream and I laugh. Sara's breaths are heavy and her eyes are fixed on her girlfriend kneeling in front of her soaked cunt, but only breathing on it and not daring to touch it.
"When are you gonna come, Em?" I ask with another slap. She screams again and winces.
"More," Emy says.
"Oh, wow. You want more?" I slap one more time. "You're nasty." I slap again and begin to rotate the dildo inside. She begins humping the toy from behind.
When I turn my gaze back to Sara, I notice she has reached for the wand and is trying to plug it in but failing. I force the toy out of her hand with a bit of roughness and throw her back on the pillow. "You don't get to come tonight, do you hear me?" I scold. She has her brows furrowed. "No orgasm for you," I say again. I plug in the vibrator and return to Emy. I push the dildo and aim the head of the wand on her clit. She lets out a high-pitched shriek and begins moving in all directions, undulating her hips and trying too hard to control her wild newborn orgasm.
Emy falls down with soft whimpers. Her head hits Sara's lower abdomen which makes the said witch jump and groan. I see tiny half-moon shapes on Sara's thigh, adorned with dry blood. I take the dildo out of Emy's cunt and unplug the vibrator. I put the dildo in my mouth and suck it clean in front of Sara's eyes. But Sara closes her eyes midway and drifts to sleep. Emy has already slept on Sara's stomach. Even when they sleep, they're holding each other and inducing my jealousy. And there's no place for me on Sara's bed.
I don't know why I start to cry. But again the heavy anguish takes its place inside of my system when I go shower. I don't know where this sadness is birthed from. It just hurts me.
I call my mother in the bathroom. She picks up instantly and I can sense worry in her tone but I cannot buy it.
"Are you sure everything is alright?" she asks.
"Ya," I lie. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me.
"Why did you call then? It's almost two in the morning. I was asleep."
"I'm sorry. I just..."
I decide to end the call but then she says, "Tegan, tell me."
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Go back to sleep." My mother sighs and I close the phone.
I sleep on my bed alone. I hug the Spongebob pillow but that doesn't count. When I wake up, I don't find Sara and Emy in the room. The room reeks of sex or maybe that's my jealousy, I don't know. The sex toys aren't there anymore and Sara's sheets have been changed. Was I really asleep all that time?
I make coffee. I cry a little bit more. I think of Sara and where she might be. Then I get dressed, telling myself I need air but I just need to look for her and find her anywhere.
I put up with the snow flakes falling all over my head. I look all around the campus. I look in the cafeteria. I look in the library. I look everywhere but the place she might be at, Emy's room. But she could be out as well, with Emy. They're probably in a cafe', drinking coffee and talking about how the sex helped them fix their relationship after my attempt to ruin it.
I give up eventually and stay in the library. I kill time by studying. I haven't been studying well because of her. Everyday seems like her spells are getting stronger and I'm falling harder. And it's the first time I feel so friendless and helpless. I wish my friends are all around me. I wish I can forget what I feel by spending some money. I wish I can drink and have sex and whine to Jeremy and feel okay. But I don't even have it within me to do all these things. It's obvious I'm charmed or cursed.
I hear sounds of heated discussion coming out of my dorm room. I listen to Emy and Sara's shouting. The discussion goes like this.
Sara: That's it. That's it. It was a mistake. Let's just not talk about it anymore.
Emy: It was a mistake because of you. You wanted it in the first place
I hear shuffling. I hear sniffling. I hear things being thrown around and rushed footsteps.
Sara: Yes. Okay. How many times am I going to hear this? I just thought...I just thought it will bring the spark to our relationship.
Emy: It's you who's not much into it.
Sara: Oh, for fuck's sake. Stop saying this.
Emy: I'm not a fool. She's right, you know. You ate her out as if you haven't seen cunt before while it took you all that time to do it for me.
Sara: Is that what it's all about? Because I was so lustful I pushed my face up her vagina? Isn't that what you kept moaning about? That I should be more open because this is a threesome? And please, it's not like I'm the one who got to come twice. No, let me finish. And if you think I don't know about what you're feeling for her, you're kind of don't really know me well.
Holy shit.
I run away from the door when I hear footsteps near. I pretend as if I have just walked up the stairs and is now heading towards my room. Emy leaves the room and we meet halfway. She looks at me with her blue eyes and I look at her with my less cold ones. She stops, blocking my way. She has a sweet face, but very icy eyes.
"I need to tell you something. I have to tell you something." Though when she speaks, her voice projects her inner timidness and innocence.
I nod and we walk down the stairs again. "Look, about last night," I begin to say.
"Tegan, I do not regret it at all." I stop in my place and look at her. I'm positive what I've heard indicated the opposite. "Though, you might have a hard time facing Sara," she says.
"I don't know why I did that. I just...I love dominance," I say. We start walking again. I notice she's leading me towards the cafeteria.
"You and Sara are so much alike. In strange ways. What you've done to me isn't new at all. Sara has done more."
"Oh, please." I chortle and she shakes her head with a little laugh. "Come on." She rolls her eyes. "Are you serious? Sara? The I'm too shy to let someone touch me in the light Sara?"
"That was long ago," Emy says. "Plus, she's dominant in darkness as well. Want coffee?"
"Yes, please." I take a seat and she goes to get both of us coffee.
I want more details about Sara. It feels like I don't know her. I'm surprised with something new everyday. It feels like she hides too much.
"Sara isn't really shy. She's just insecure," Emy says as she hands me my coffee and sits on the opposite direction. "You and Sara are like the same person to me. I don't know how it happened. I'm not talking about physical features only. I mean those are there but, you know, each has her own features. Personalities are different as well, I guess."
"What are you suggesting then?" I ask. I'm not sure where she's going. She's nervous, fiddling with her coffee cup.
"When you did that to me, it's like it was her. It felt great. I loved it. I love her so much and you are just the same...I love you...the way I love her." She looks down and my eyes go wide.
"What?" I ask loudly.
"I know. It's weird." She chuckles then continues, "I, myself, can't really absorb it. It just happened. I'm in love with both of you because you're like the same to me even though you're obviously very different. But in bed, the dominant side, the way you speak, I don't know. There's just this thing about both of you. It's stupid, I'm sorry." She takes a big gulp and wipes her mouth. I'm just speechless. "I know you don't love people." No, obviously I'm an emotionless sex monster.
"Does Sara know about that?" I ask.
"She has some clue. I mean, yes, I guess she does."
"Wow." I laugh nervously. "Wow," I say again. "This is too much."
"I'm sorry," Emy says.
"Isn't she angry about it? Jealous?"
"I guess." Emy shrugs. "Sara doesn't love me anymore."
"Don't say that. She was so jealous when I was doing you." Why am I saying that? Why am I trying so hard to know what Sara is feeling? "Who does she love then?" I'm trying so hard to make her fall for me when I'm not sure how I feel about anyone or anything.
"How should I know? She's a secret-holding machine." Tell me about it.
"I'm sorry, Emy," I say.
"Don't be. I'm just sick. I had this whole fantasy of dating the two of you."
"Well...that's kinda weird." I laugh. Emy's nice. I don't want to hurt her. But that witch, she can just wait. "Don't think Sara would allow it." I wink at her.
"Sara's very mad at you. I say just don't go there tonight."
"You have any other place I could be at?" I raise my eyebrows. Emy blushes. Oh boy, here we go. A girl is in love with me. The wrong one.
"I'd have you in if Sarah wasn't there." I nod. "Just be nice to her," Emy says. "God, I can't wait for this semester to be over. I just wanna get out of here for awhile. You're going home, right?" I shrug. "You have other plans?"
"Didn't really think much about it yet." I'm so not going home with my mum's boyfriend in there. She doesn't even want to spend Christmas with me. She wants to be with his stupid family. And then there is my dad and his girlfriend. Hell no. I'd rather stay here all alone but not go home.
I guess Emy was absolutely right. The dark monstrous wrath of Sara met me in a shape of a fist and hard knuckles knocking me out. I think I have went into a brief coma. I just opened my eyes and here I am with a bleeding nose. On the ground. With witch bitch straddling me.
"Oww." Another punch right where it hurts. I can't feel my nose or my lip.
Monster stands up and looks at me. Why is she so gorgeous even when she's a beast? I think I'm passing out. "I'm sorry," she yells. "No. I'm actually not. Fuck you." Okay. She's weird.
"You already did." I give her my special smile.
"Ya. And it was a fucking mistake. A stupid mistake. You're disgusting. You're filthy. And you have issues."
"All of that because I didn't get you to orgasm?" I sit up, shaking my head and wiping my nose. "That's how I play. That's how it is for me. You tease, you get punished, darling."
"Spare me your bullshit." I stand up and look at her eyes. If only looks could kill. Maybe her looks do. I feel like I'm losing power the more she looks at me. "You did this so I follow you around begging you to fuck me. Well guess what? You're fucking wrong."
"You're only mad because you're fucking jealous I fucked your girlfriend."
She pushes me and my head hits the table the TV is on. I push her back, not roughly. But then she pushes again and it really hurts so I push her till she's down on the floor.
One thing about me that I really despise, I cannot control my anger when it has been let out. I become a criminal. I hate that. Can I control it? I sure can't.
I only notice I have made half her face bleed when she's straddling me again. Two hands gripping my neck. She's crying but I'm just clueless and I'm too sad to even think of crying. I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I don't know why I want to hurt her anymore. I just want her to feel a taste of what I feel but is it her fault that I am awfully unlovable? I don't think so. I made her face look like a map. She's choking me and I can't even feel a thing but deep affection I'm not sure I can feel safe held by. But I certainly feel safe with her hands around me like that. I guess I'm sick and she's my sickness.
She lets go of me and buries her face in both hands. She's weeping while on top of me and I'm just looking at her as if I have died with eyes open. "You don't fucking get it. God, you're so stupid. Why can't you just get it?" She starts hitting my chest dramatically.
"I could say the same about you but I have a feeling both of us are talking about different things."
She slaps me. I don't even know why. I'm very sure I didn't say something stupid this time.
"I just wanted us to have fun and touch each other and then you had to go and be a bitch about it because I teased you for a bit? What are you trying to prove? That you're dominant in bed? That you can top me and take control? You're fucking stupid. You're so stupid."
My entire body hurts too much to respond to her. She cut my fucking lower lip and bruised my face and arms.
"And yes. I am jealous. I have every right to be jealous because my fucking girlfriend is in love with you and it looks like you're in love with her. Fuck you." She punches me again. "How could you?" And another time.
I guess she's more sick than I am.
I try to open up my mouth but I can only taste blood on my tongue. Murdered by a psycho roommate whose victim was in love with her. That will be written on my...wait no...I'm not in love with her. Okay, let me try again: murdered by a psycho roommate whose fellow victim fancied her to the degree of death...and so fellow victim died.
I have to tell her I'm not in love with Emy. I don't even know how love really works or what it really is and how it feels. Like is it some throb in the heart that tells you you're in love with that someone? Or what is it? I don't get it. But I don't feel like that about Emy. I just want to fuck her because she's hot, and be her friend because she's nice. I mean I want more from Sara. I want to cuddle her. I want to kiss her. I want to have sex with her. I want to try nice sex with her. Like the really nice one in romantic movies. And I also want to fuck her against her desk. I also really want to go down on her. I want to go out with her to places and I want to talk to her for hours and hours and hours.
"I'm not in love with Emy," I finally say.
"Yes you are. I heard you talking to her outside the room. You were with her."
"Because she's a friend." I cough and wince when the pain increases the more she doesn't add to it. "I was just hanging out with her. I don't love her. It's purely sexual with Emy."
Sara stands up and chuckles. "That's what she said about you too but she's in love with you."
"I'm different from her. You know the kind of person I am," I say.
"Ya. A heartless whore," she says.
"I'm not heartless." And now she hit the right button that always makes me cry. And now I'm crying like an idiot in front of her.
She doesn't say anything. She walks to the bathroom and I stay on the floor. I hide my face and control my sobs. Is that what she wanted? To make me cry? Somehow she always wins even when I try so hard. I don't even know what I'm going for. But she always wins and I'm always on the floor. Just stupidly falling for her.
She leaves after awhile. Then she leaves the room and I slowly start to fall asleep after exhausting myself enough to do that.
I dreamt of Sara. Or maybe that's just her waking me up making me think I dreamt of her.
"If I didn't have serious back issues I would have carried you to your bed," she says.
I open my eyes and look at her. I blink. Her face is still somehow bruised but not bleeding much and I guess she hid some of my doings with make up. I close my eyes again and all the pain starts returning.
"Get up. Let's clean your cuts." She sighs. "God," she whispers. I open my eyes and find her on her knees, looking at my face as if I matter to her. "I fucked you up."
"It's a good thing that you know." I sit up a bit but decide the pain is just not worth it so I lie down again.
"I'm sorry," she says.
"You always say that."
"You hit me too."
"Self-defense." Bullshit.
She rolls her eyes and smiles for a bit. I don't know what for. "Maybe I'm too fucked up and I hit you for stupid reasons but you couldn't stop hitting me when you wanted to." She pulls both of my hands until I sit up again.
I rub my forehead and scowl at her. "It was all a mistake," I whisper and stand up.
"Yes it was." It wasn't though. But it's what she wants to hear. She wants to hear that.
She goes to the bathroom and grabs the pack of cotton. Then she grabs a bottle of gin, that I assume she has just bought, and sits on my mattress. She starts cleaning my wounds and I hiss with every sting.
She takes a swig of the liquor and pours some on the cotton then cleans the cut beneath my left eye. "I don't love Emy at all," I tell her.
"I got that," she says coldly.
"I'm sorry I ruined your relationship." She nods. She doesn't say anything.
"Just have sex with anyone you want but please leave me alone for now. You keep making it harder." I nod. I don't say anything more.
When she finishes cleaning my cuts, I take the bottle and drink all of it.
We sleep in different beds and we don't speak for two days. We don't touch ourselves in front of each other and each focuses on her tests.
Emy and I spend more time together but we also don't do anything more. I don't sleep with anybody else.
Emy said she and Sara can't even kiss anymore. They're just labeled as girlfriends but they don't act like it.
One evening I return from work and I find Sara packing her clothes. "Where are you going? We still have to take our finals."
I notice she's crying so I step away from her space. "I'm moving to another room."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because I can't take it in here anymore," she answers with a sniffle.
"Because of me?" She nods. "What did I do now?" I shout at her. "I'm avoiding you too fucking well. I'm not doing anything. I don't even touch you or talk to you. I'm minding my own fucking business."
She looks up at me with so much anger than I can take so I instantly lower my head. "When are you going to get it?"
"I can't get it if you don't spell it out. And if you think you're the one hurting so much, you're fucking wrong. Go talk to your girlfriend. She's fucking devastated. It was a mistake and we're over it. Get the fuck over it and act like you used to," I keep shouting. I don't make sense to myself anymore. "And you don't need to move. It's only two weeks and I'll get the hell out of your face. I'm getting an apartment. You won't see me here." I sit on my bed and I face my side of the room instead of facing her.
"You're moving out?" She cries even louder.
"Isn't that what you want?" I don't get an answer. "I won't let you move out on me like everybody did to my mother. We're not lovers. You don't get to do that." When I don't hear a sound I look back and I find her staring at me with a furrowed brow.
"Of course you don't get me. You can't even get yourself," Sara says and laughs to herself.
I stay up all night and wait for her to see if she's a witch. I wait all night to see if she's going to perform some special witchcraft on me. I stay awake all night to watch her sleeping. I stay awake all night talking to my mother who insists I should go back to sleep or wake Sara up and tell her I hold that stupid word called love for her. I stay awake all night and wait for nothing. Maybe she knows I'm awake.
Tegan: Do you believe in witchcraft?
Sonia: Sure. I read a book once about unwanted women casting spells on men to love them.
Tegan: It sounds like it's been written by some misogynist asshole.
Sonia: It could be.
Tegan: Do you think she performed a spell on me?
Sonia: Ya. Most probably. A spell called growing up and getting feelings.
Tegan: I have feelings!
Sonia: Of course you have. I meant other kind of feelings ;)
Tegan: Shut up. I don't wanna end up like you.
She already wanted to walk out on me and we're not even together.
Sonia: You told me that about fifty times. Can't you just ask her out and be with her?
Tegan: Three times. And NO!
Sonia: Why not?
Tegan: I don't know. Because of Emy .
She doesn't love me, mum!
Sonia: You're stupid. Of course she does.
Tegan: People who love people do not walk out on them.
Sonia: You seriously need to stop comparing yourself to me. I'm a fuck up, you're not. You don't have to be like me.
Tegan: Like mother like daughter :P
Sonia: Trust me, Tegan. You're far from a fuck up. You're a good person and you're in love. Admit it to her. You won't lose anything.
Tegan: I'll get rejected.
Sonia: And what will you lose?
Tegan: Everything.
Sonia: You insist?
Tegan: Duh!
Sonia: There's just no use in helping you. I should sleep.
Tegan: I didn't want your help. I wanted to vent.
Sonia: Vent is over? I have work in the morning.
Tegan: Yes. Go sleep and cuddle with your stupid boyfriend and leave me here.
Sonia: I wanna say some things, but I'm gonna shut up.
Tegan: Good.
Sonia: No hope in you coming for the holidays?
Tegan: No.
Sonia: Alright. Goodnight.
Tegan: Bye.
I stay awake a little bit more. I sit on my bed and keep staring at her closed eyes and hearing her stupid heavy breathing.
I become hungry so I steal her chips on purpose and try to eat without making a sound. But that doesn't work out because now she's shifting and is about to wake up.
I hide the chips under my pillow and stay seated, waiting for her to get up so I can catch her doing her witchcraft.
She's so fucking stupid. Waking up like that. All cute and shit. One eye opens. Then the second. Then they both close. Then they both open like a monster opens their eyes.
She squints at me as she begins to sit up and I focus my gaze on her. "You think I don't know you wake up each night to perform evil spells?"
"What the fuck?" she says. She is looking at me as if I am the lunatic.
"You wake up each night to cast spells on me so I can like...want you and shit while you go there being a bitch only wanting Emy." She just nods.
"You know, I think I have changed a lot these three months thanks to you. I have a case to apply the things I study on." She gets up.
"Where are you going?"
"The fucking bathroom. I have to pee," she yells at me, but in a whisper.
I'm so stupid and I can't help it. She makes me be like this.
"I heard you peeing," I say when she leaves the bathroom.
"Are you on drugs? Seriously, tell me. Are you?" She walks up to me and inspects my face.
"No. Get away from me." I push her hands off when she starts touching my face. "We don't talk because we hate each other. Remember?"
"I don't hate you," she says with gritted teeth.
"I don't either." I lower my head.
"You're fucked up," Sara says. "You know how some people have like daddy issues? You have mummy issues."
"Both. I have both parents issues."
"Join the club," she says.
"You have parents who love you so shut the fuck up."
"You have parents who love you too so shut the fuck up," Sara scolds. "You know what we want? We want to feel like our parents are there. You with your own parents. Me with my biological fucking parents who left me without any fucking information about them. We wanna know they fucking care. Maybe my mother thought it's a good idea she gave me up to some rich people who wanted children. But she definitely didn't think about me wanting to know who I fucking am when I grow up. Do you think it's easy just sitting around wondering who gave birth to you and why they gave you up?"
"Why would it matter when you have what you want? Affection and money. Isn't that what we all look for? She could be poor as fuck. She could be dead. Maybe somebody found you. She could be a criminal. She could be anything. Just thank your lucky starts your parents' love isn't measured by money."
"You see, I thought that too." She starts crying. She goes to her desk and starts searching for something. "But I just want something real. I want to know her. I want to meet her. I want to know her story. It's killing me to do that." She walks back to me and gives me a test sheet.
"Oh my God." I gasp and look at the mark. "A-, Sara. You got an A-." She nods with a smile. But she is still crying.
"My mum thanks you." She sits on her bed again and cries more. "They think I'm too stupid to do anything on my own. They just want me to be like them. And that's what it is. I am not like them. Because they're not my own parents."
"Sara." I sigh. "They don't mean that. Your mum loves you and knows your smart. They just push you to be your best. My dad does the same. I get good grades, he gives me money. We're like equally fucked up." She finally laughs. I can't help but smile.
"Did you really think I perform witchcraft?" she asks me.
"Ya...because I'm fucked up and you're fucked up so like it was a high chance. I mean we're just really fucked up."
"You know who's even more fucked up, though?" I shake my head. "Emy. She's like so fucked up. She wants to date the two of us. Like she's really serious about it."
"She told me and I felt uncomfortable the way I feel uncomfortable now." I smile at her and she giggles and nods. "Ya, Emy is just fucked up in her own way."
Sara yawns then looks at me. A grave look is suddenly painted on her features. "Did you hook up with someone in here? I know it's not my business. I'm sorry."
"It's none of your business that's true. But no. I didn't." It almost feels like she cares about my out and about.
"Why not?"
"Because...I don't know. I don't know. I can't find anyone." She nods. "I'll probably like buy a strap-on tomorrow and like go fish for someone. It's the weekend." She nods again.
"Ya. Do that. Good luck." Thought that was going to make her jealous. I'm just an idiot.
The next day comes and I go for my strap-on and whore hunt. I take Emy with me because I'm clueless in sex toys. We don't tell Sara. I feel extra uncomfortable with a sprinkle of awkwardness caused by Emy's red cheeks.
"Can't believe you've had sex more than I did and you can't choose a dildo," Emy whispers as I look at the variety in all shapes and colours. I know how to get a vibrator or like something stupid, but not a dildo.
"They were always handed to me by these older women I slept with. I never really picked anything on my own." I reach out for a yellow dildo, the size of my middle finger but wider. Emy takes it away and puts it back.
"Really? You wanna fuck a woman with that? You can do better." She raises one eyebrow at me and I don't know why, but I fucking blush like an idiot. "How did you manage to sleep with older women?"
"My dad owns huge companies full of lesbians who love big boobs." I wink at her and she bites her lower lip. No, Tegan. Do not flirt with Emy. She's the red line you do not want to cross.
"Your boobs aren't that big," she says. She walks and I follow.
"For a fifteen year old they were." She looks back at me and smirks. I wonder if she's thinking of fucking me. Or me fucking her. Probably the latter.
"Here." She hands me a maroon dildo. "This one is good. This is like the one..." She doesn't continue and I nod, understanding already. "Anyway, that's a good size. six and a half is not too big not too small. You get that right?"
"Totally." I'm such a liar. "What about the straps?"
"What do you want?" she asks?
"I don't know." She smirks again and starts walking.
I get my strap-on at the end. Leather straps. Opened in the crotch area. So I can please myself according to Emy. The cashier thinks we're together and she doesn't stop smiling at us.
I hide the stupid sex store bag in my backpack and head back to the dorm with Emy. We find Sara studying and that's so strange that Emy and I think we're in the wrong room at first. No, seriously. Sara is actually studying on Saturday and she doesn't even have a test on Monday.
I go to the bathroom sneakily when she and her girlfriend start chatting.
I thought strapping this thing was going to take me awhile. But I did it quickly. I'm a fucking natural. The sight of the maroon cock bobbing up and down is alone making me want to fuck myself with it. But I want sex and I don't want to have it, I want to give it.
It's like the only person I want to be fucked by is Sara. But that just won't happen again.
When I leave the bathroom I see Sara in her coat next to Emy. "We're going to grab something to eat. Wanna join?" Sara asks.
I haven't been invited by Sara to eat with them since that day we fought. I haven't brought her coffee anymore. And now I'm suddenly asked to join. I want to go, but I want sex as well. Plus I'm not that hungry. And I'm in no mood to ruin my mood with my jealousy.
"No thanks. I'm not hungry. I'm just gonna go to the library." I nod and then I glare at smirking Emy.
...
When I return from my very unsuccessful pussy hunt, I find Sara on the floor. She's playing video games. She pauses and stares back at me panting and trying to catch my breath after running inside quickly. I have my hand on my heart and the other using the coffee table for leverage.
"Oh man," I say. "I can't fucking breathe." Breathing just becomes harder and Sara doesn't say anything. "Fuck." I throw myself on the sofa and spread my legs. I have a hand on my forehead and my eyes are staring at Sara's blank face.
"That's an asthma kid after sex," Sara says and I snort.
"Or a fuck up who was about to fuck a lady then was chased by her boyfriend." My hand finds the toy unconsciously and I jump. I forgot it's there. "I've gotten so bad at this since I came here. This place is all full of people with standards. Nobody wants to fuck a freshman anyway." Sara giggles.
"Tough luck," she says.
I'm not paying attention to her. It's like I have forgotten where I am and who I'm with. I simply unbutton my jeans and pull the dildo out of my briefs and laugh as it just stands there with me slouching on the sofa.
"Are you giving your fake dick a hand job?" I look up at Sara and my eyes go wide. Am I on drugs? No, no. I'm pretty sure I'm not. I let go of the dildo and try to hide my blushing face.
"Emy told me it was your first time pushing a dildo in someone the other day." Sara is now interrogating me. We were not supposed to speak about this anymore. We were not supposed to turn each other on.
"When did she tell you that?"
"Last week, I think?"
"Oh, so it's not today?" I had a feeling Emy knew it but fuck, how did she? "But how did she know?"
"I've been pushing dildos up her cunt for the past two years, she's not stupid. She said you were hesitant."
"Oh man, I was so bad." I slap my forehead. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't get to fuck someone.
"No. She said you were nervous, not bad," Sara says. "So it's true?" I nod with a sigh. She stands up and walks up to me. "You're a pillow queen."
"I'm not," I say.
"You totally are." She winks at me. She's pushing my buttons. She's doing it again.
And I lose my control and patience and take her by the arms roughly. I pin her down on the sofa and hold her face. "Do you really wanna fucking test my dominance? Because it seems like it's what you want."
"What if I want it?" I sit back and try to comprehend what she had just said. She opens her legs and giggles. "I want it," she says then swallows.
"Are you?" She nods immediately. "No no. Are you sure? Like, you know, what happened. I just don't want us to be like...God, it's so hard to talk seriously with this thing going up and down." I point at the dildo and she takes it in her hands. "Sara, for the last time. Do you really want to have dildo sex with me right now in here?"
"Yes. Right now. In here. Please." Oh my God. She's begging for it.
I take all my clothes off and she does the same. We're so quick and so turned on and it feels so strange but much better than the first and last time we had sex. Now it's us. Only us. She and I having awesome dildo sex on the sofa.
We kiss roughly and not passionately. We kiss with our hunger and need but I still cannot fight off the butterflies that are starting to connect me to Sara. I kiss her entire face like I've never kissed before and she moans so softly. I kiss and suck behind her ear and descend to her neck. I bite for a bit and look up at her. I smile and she smiles as well. My heart feels like it's been put in a car and the car is driving too fast for it to stay beating.
"Finally. Fucking finally," I whisper into her ears and she sighs in content. She has her legs wrapped around my hips, pulling me down on her. I sit up and face her. She smiles and rubs her eyes. "Are you sure we're not making a mistake?"
"I'm going to break up with Emy. There's just nothing more between us," she says. I reach for one breast and start kneading. She gives me a relaxed moan and smiles through it. I do the same to the second and watch her loving it. Then I focus on her nipples and I squeeze them. "Oh yes," she moans.
"You like that?" I ask.
"Yes. Pinch them. More. Yes just like that." I think Sara is the kind who enjoys pain in sex and it is kind of strange considering that she is, well, Sara. I wonder if she's nervous. I am very nervous. "Put them in your mouth. Don't let me teach you. You're the one trying to prove you're not a pillow queen." She knows how to let my anger rise and how to get me where she wants. I do as she wants. I bite and I suck and I hurt her the way she likes it and even more till she's squirming and pushing me off.
She sits up and groans. "Isn't there any moderation with you? That fucking hurt." She's touching one nipple and soothing the pain.
"Well, don't you want me to show you what I can do?" She lifts her head and looks up at me. "What do you want me to do?"
"Just do me with the dildo." She lies back down and gives me a view of her moist cunt. My hand reaches for her lips and spreads them. I laugh when I do, which makes her push my hand away and closes her legs.
"What's wrong?" I ask her.
"Did you use it on anybody before me?"
"No. I just got it today and it's been inside my pants since then." I shrug.
"Did you wash it when you got it?" Sara asks and I shake my head. She sighs and gets up.
"It's clean. Why are you going?" She hides in the closet and then returns with a condom. She sits up in front of me and I look down as her hand starts fiddling with the condom while I'm on my knees. "You have a cute bum," I tell her.
"I'll show you how to clean it after. For now let's be safe. I don't want any weird infections down there." She puts the condom on me and lies down again.
"How come you have condoms?" I ask.
"None of your business," she says.
If only she showed more feelings. It won't really kill her. "Come on," she says after a few seconds. I snap out of my thoughts and spread her legs. I take a breath and push a finger between her lips. "I'm wet enough. I would have gotten lube but I'm wet. I'm really wet." She's starting to blabber which shows she's as nervous as I am.
I don't want this to be just like, stick it in and that's it. I want a bit more. I lean down and start to kiss her again, but slower this time to focus on the feeling, whatever that is. I take a hold of the toy until I'm met by her wet entrance. She moans when I start teasing her with the head the way I have done that the last time. It's good nobody's eyes is on us and I have her all to myself. "Push it in," she says and I start to push a bit. "Oh God." She pushes me a bit and looks down. "Push more." I do as she asks. She closes her eyes and throws her head back. "Push it all the way in." I try to do that but I'm finding too much resistance. She's too tight for this and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. She has her lower lip bitten and eyes tightly shut. "You're doing it right. Just push." And I give the last thrust that makes her moan loudly. "Stay like that." And so I do.
She sits up and puts a hand behind her back. "Want a pillow?"
"That means you'll have to get out of me. This sofa is so uncomfortable. I need to spread my legs more."
"Here. Let me." I take her right leg and raise it till her heel is touching the back of the sofa. "That's gonna hurt like a bitch, though." She nods and puts the other leg on the ground. I'm still inside of her but I think I have slipped just a bit out.
"This is my first time ever having a dildo in me," she declares. I knew that but I thought maybe it had happened already in the past month or something. "You can move now." I plant a kiss on her lips and start rocking my hips. My hands both are grabbing the armrest as I begin to find a rhythm that makes us both relax.
She begins moaning when we start kissing again. I wish I can feel her insides and I bet she feels wonderful. I thrust with everything in me and she holds me with both hands, keeping my face buried on her chest, kissing it and teasing her and loving her...I guess. Maybe. I'm not sure.
But I'm sure of the feeling and it feels so amazing. Her skin is just tangled with mine and we're sweating together and moving together. My pace is quicker each time and now her legs are wrapped around my ass, pushing me more towards her. Her sweet melodic sounds are fucking beautiful. The most beautiful I've ever heard.
"It's so worth it," she whispers in my ears.
"What's worth it?" I kiss her shoulder and feel her moving with me. Her hips are meeting mine and my thrusts are meeting hers. My clit starts beating for more friction and the more I push the sweeter and more tense the pleasure becomes.
"Choosing the right someone to fuck me with a dildo. Man, it feels so good. So fucking good." She moans a bit too loud for her usual moans and I laugh. I'm finally giving her the pleasure I wanted to give her.
"I'm not hurting you?" I look at her fatigued eyes.
"It hurts as fuck and I can't feel my back but you have no idea what kind of pleasure I'm in." Her entire face is red but I think that's because she's hot not shy as she used to be. "Do you think the sofa is going to fall?" I look back and finally realize that the piece of furniture is rocking and our bodies are making sounds. They are making sex sounds. And they turn me on and make me not give a fuck about the stupid sofa or the people in the dorm.
I start thrusting with hard but very slow thrusts. With each one Sara squeezes my arm and squeezes her already closed eyes. I smile when I see the beads of sweat increasing on her temples. I smile when I see her tits bouncing whenever her body shakes.
Sara likes to tease and be teased and that's exactly what I do. I slow down and then I go fast. I go hard and then I stop all at once and rub her clit. I exhaust her so much that any thrust or touch makes her shudder because she's so close. She starts whining and squealing and I can't help but look at the toy disappearing inside of her pussy and appearing again. I reach for her labia and start toying there till I find her engorged clit. I circle the button and also one nipple in my other hand. She's arching her back and breathing heavily. She finds the hand that's on her breast and starts torturing it with scratches and squeezes.
My own hips are killing me but I'm drowning in a song of 'Oh Gods' and 'Tegans' as her body moves in waves with mine. The more I push the more I find resistance and the more her chants increase.
"I don't know what's happening. Tegan, oh God," she screams and kisses my hand everywhere and quickly. "Tegan. Yes, oh yes." She covers her mouth and screams into her palm. She's arching her back and moving her hips very quickly, trying to meet me before I meet her. And then I feel what's happening when I find so much resistance and so I pull out quickly but her juices are already flowing out and staining the sofa and my thighs and lower abdomen as well. I cup my mouth and try not to laugh.
Sara closes her eyes and whimpers. She closes her legs for a bit but then sits up and looks at the mess that's between her legs. "Oh my God," she yells. Now that red on her face is screaming embarrassment. "Did I just?" I nod, laughing and snorting while sitting down beside the wet spot on the sofa.
"You squirted. You ruined your sofa. You're fucking welcome." I laugh more and then continue, "Tell me I'm a pillow queen again." She rolls her eyes and slaps my upper chest. She finds my boob and gives it a gentle squeeze. She starts laughing as she sits next to me. The spot is between us.
"Never thought I'd get such an orgasm. Thought squirting is a myth. Actually thought it's pee...I didn't pee right?"
"Oh my God." I laugh more till my chest aches and I start coughing for air.
"Are you okay?" I nod. "You totally made it up for not making me come two weeks ago." God. I'm so fucked up. I bought this dildo with her girlfriend and then fucked her with it. I'm so fucked up. "I wanna ask you a serious question." I hum. "Okay, so..." She pauses until I look at her. "You kind of laughed twice whenever you like...you know, spread my labia. Like the other day and today. Is it funny looking?"
"What?" I laugh more. "Sara you're gonna give me a heart attack from laughter."
"I'm serious. I'm kinda insecure."
"About your labia?" She nods. "Wow." I laugh more. "I love your labia," I say. "You're so weird." She giggles. "I love your...female parts...and all other parts. Does that make you feel better?" She nods and smiles.
"I can't believe I...female ejaculated."
"Neither can I." I look at the wet spot. "We gotta clean all of that." She nods.
We don't say anything for about ten minutes or more. Then Sara says, "We're like really fucked up, aren't we? Way more than our parents or Emy."
"Oh, ya," I say. "We're totally fucked up."