Thank you to Hyperthia for helping me with Harry Potter crossover-cliché-research while I wrote this! It'll be really useful in the next few chapters…

Anyways. In April, Imma write another novel. Just so ya know. Don't expect updates.

Chapter Ten

Epic Fight Scene-- In which we finally reach the double digits

Ed's POV

A flashback to the previous chapter played and replayed through my mind. The flashback was strategically placed by my Brilliant Author to show what had happened in that mysterious black hole of passing time that's wedged between any given two chapters.

The Stereotypical Villain let out a stereotypical evil cackle. He leaned over and picked up the limp body that was Luna. Edward flinched as he watched the Stereotypical Villain (who was CLEARLY a pedophile, because pedophiles are bad, and Stereotypical Villains have to be loaded with every bad quality that the Brilliant Author can think of) place his hands on her fragile, unconscious body.

His blood ran cold. The undeniably creepy, ugly, deranged, murderous, old pedophile of a Stereotypical Villain (who also had bad breath, yellowing teeth and warts all over his disgusting face) had Luna, and that scared him so much that it couldn't even be expressed by the wildest of adjectives from the Brilliant Author's thesaurus. It was just that scary.

Oh, and the Stereotypical Villain had Alphonse. That was bad, too.

The flashback ended, and Ed was stranded in the dark. He could no longer see the Stereotypical Villain, but he could easily follow the sound of his creepy, disgusting wheeze-cackles as he dragged Luna along in the mud, ruining her clothing and her dignity.

"I'll take you back to my Secret Base where my evil, motive-less assistants will tie you up and kick you and do painful, pointless experiments on you and other mean things like that!" the Stereotypical Villain cackled evilly. And loudly. But no one heard him, except for Ed, who was nearly paralyzed in fear as a result.

NO! he thought. They're going to do painful experiments that have no scientific or medical purpose, and Luna's going to be the test subject! What an unexpected turn of events! I must stop them!

Instead of stopping the old man, he simply followed him. Because Ed always thinks calmly when he's pissed. What? Jumping into the action without planning things out? Ed would never do that! He thinks about EVERY move he EVER makes. ALWAYS.

"BROTHER!" Al yelled. "YOU CAME! I'M STUPID ENOUGH TO GET RID OF THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE AND MAKE IT TEN TIMES HARDER FOR YOU TO SAVE ME! LOVE ME AND STUFF!"

Ed fell from the ceiling and landed on the cold, hard ground. He cringed. It felt as if he'd broken something. Why was he on the ceiling, how did he get up there, and what did the room look like? Shut up. I don't need to answer your damn questions.

The Stereotypical Villain turned away from Luna's unconscious body, which he had chained to a wall (A/N: cuz chains r angsty & stufff) and grinned a disturbing, toothless grin. "Kukuku!" he cackled. (1) "Edward Elric! I knew you'd come!"

"Shut up," Ed snarled as he stood up. "Just hand over my brother and Bitch-who-totally-isn't-my-girlfriend so I can get out of here and get back to my usual angsty life."

"Kukuku! No!"

Ed's eyebrow twitched. "Fine. I guess I'll have to force you to let them go!" He jumped into the air and

the story froze.

Brilliant Author hasn't mentioned this in every single A/N ever yet, so she has to explain it now: Brilliant Author sucks at writing fight scenes.

Now, a less-brilliant Brilliant Author would copy a fight scene from their favorite video game, but this Brilliant Author is more brilliant than the rest. See, she understands that not everyone has the same favorite video game. If she were to copy a fight scene from her own favorite video game, there would be a chance of her readers not enjoying the fic.

So, instead of copying a fight scene from her favorite video game, she decided to write this:

A note from Brilliant Author-

Hello, Loving Readers! That's right, you love me, and my fic. Is Luna not amazing and cute and sexy and not a Mary Sue?

Anyways, I'm in an... unfortunate situation. See, my fic requires a fight scene and, well, I just can't write one.

So I've decided that, hey, maybe you could find your OWN epic fight scene! Y'know, take some stress off the writer for a bit? (2)

Go deep, deep inside that little brain of yours and think-- think this through well, because it's important-- of your favorite video game.

Got it? Good. D'ya know how to spell it? Go to Youtube and type in the name of your favorite video game. Add in "fight scene". Click the first one... Or the second, or the third, I really couldn't care less.

There. Now watch it. Epic, right? I'm such a fantastic writer. You can practically (literally) see the fight from my amazing description!

Wow, hey, is the fight over already? Close Youtube and get back to my fic.

Ed groaned and stared at the ceiling, which was blank, white, and oddly frightening, as all hospital ceilings were in the land of FFnet.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"The hospital," Luna replied. She was sitting on a chair beside his bed, badly bruised, with a solemn look on her face. "I'm sorry I was careless enough to get captured... I... I'm..." She sighed. "You got hurt because of me. I'll never forgive myself for that."

Ed was, for some reason, touched by the overly-sentimental cliché of a phrase, despite the fact that he'd heard it hundreds of times before in hundreds of other fics from hundreds of other girls who were all exactly like Luna.

"Oh," he said, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "I, um, well, I mean, it's okay. It wasn't your fault." He looked around the hospital room, trying to find a good subject change. "So, uh, nice place, huh? For a hospital, anyways."

"Yeah," said Luna. "You got your own room because you're a main character and main characters are top priority. A man dying of cancer was kicked out to live on the streets so that you could have this room."

"Fancy that," said Ed. "How nice."

Luna's POV

"Hello, Edward," I said sheepishly as I sidled into his private hospital room. I carried a pitcher of water for him, as lying in bed all day is physically taxing and I was worried about his hydration. I felt that it was my duty to help him recover. Al never did anything to help. I wonder if he's in this fic at all.

"Hi, Luna," he said, picking restlessy at one of the many scars that covered his body from the epic and angsty fight earlier in the chapter. If you forgot about the events of this particular fight, I recommend rereading it. It was, like, epic and stuff.

As I walked to his bed, I tripped on a nonexistent obstacle and, by some physics-defying display Bella Swan-esque klutziness, managed to spill the water all over my chest.

"Oh dear," I said as I stared down at my thin, white shirt. "It seems that I forgot to put a bra on this morning. How silly of me."

"Oh, Luna," said Ed. "You are so forgetful."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "My forgetfulness is so tragic. Now excuse me while I clean up this mess and get you some more water." I reached for the cup and--

"Luna."

"Oh my. Is this your penis?"

"Yes."

"Rats. I could've sworn that it was a cup of water."

"I'll transmute it into a cup of water, if that's what you want. I'd do ANYTHING for you, Luna."

"Oh, Edward, that's sweet, but I'm afraid that that's the Cups-of-water-that-used-to-be-penises Alchemist's job. She's my neighbor. Long black hair, sea green orbs. Real nice girl."

"I see."

I began searching for the real cup, when I realized that something was missing.

"Oh dear. Where did my shirt go? I swear that I was wearing it just a second ago."

"Funny how those things disappear, isn't it?"

I would've written more, but, to tell the truth, I'm sick and tired of this chapter.

(1) Sick of his Stereotypical Cackle yet?

(2) You're SO jealous that I can do stuff like that and get away with it.