She always saw herself as a lovely young girl with a major worrying issue. Now all that worrying is getting to her head. I mean, girls deserve to be hugged and kissed and told that they were loved with all their hearts and souls, right? Why not them? They were girls too.
As she waited for the shower to be cleared, Lin Yi found herself staring at the flower clip on the night stand. She had been given that as a gift from Yao a long time ago, long before she became independent, and as such she had to repaint it every few hundred years. It was a beautiful chrysanthemum, and back then it made all the mortal women jealous.
Now, she's the one being jealous of everyone else, and it's not because of beauty.
What's weirder was that she is an avid shipper, just like the small cult that was out there right now. She should in fact be enjoying everything that is Yaoi: it means that all the hot man-on-man would be real, she'd be living it and everyone would be happy. But after what Monica had mentioned that day, she couldn't help but wonder if she had damned herself just for a small chance of happiness. Besides, who was the last nation that truly loved her?
"…no one…"
/=+=/
At the meeting hall, Lin Yi couldn't even bring herself to talk at all. All the normal conversation was nothing more than guys hitting on guys and girls fangirling all the way through. For some reason, she couldn't find herself joining them. It felt different…strange…almost as if she had been deceiving herself the entire time. But then again, what guy would want a girl as old and worrying as she was?
"Are you well, Lin Yi? You're not as observant as you used to be."
"Eh? Oh, Kiku." She turned her head away. "It's all right. I just had a long night."
"Is that so…it's not good for a young lady such as yourself to have sleepless nights."
"Since when do you start talking like that?"
"Since Elizabeta started wondering how I would sound like with a voice such as this."
"Is this for a Yaoi she's writing?"
"As far as I'm concerned, yes."
That, for the first time in her life, creeped her out a little bit. The fact that a man was perfectly fine with a woman exploiting his sexuality like that is…wow, it sounded rather weird. No wonder many of the male nations found them rather odd. She was getting creeped out herself.
"Um…who is she pairing you up with this time?"
"…I think it's Heracles again…she did get rather bored of me and Sadiq rather easily…" He smiled, pulling out a bento box. "I'm surprised; she never gets tired of a pair this easily."
"…people change ships all the time." She answered, trying to sound normal. "Some don't fit with others."
"Hm…that would explain why she loves to change shipping when it comes to her ex-husband." Kiku opened it up. "First it was with Ludwig, then it was Gilbert, then she started having fun with him and Francis, and then she just loops back to Gilbert. I swear, she doesn't know how to find a ship to stick with."
"…maybe it's because deep down, she knows that he used to be married to her?"
"…that makes sense. Explains the strange angst in what I've been reading." Kiku chuckled. "She knows how to write angst rather well."
Lin Yi felt like she was in the middle of an epiphany of life. Getting out of the naïve zone, Kiku talking about doujinshi that's basically about him being butt naked with another man is about the most awkward thing she had ever heard in her life. She still liked it, don't get her wrong, but…it's weird hearing about another guy talk about exploiting his sexuality.
"You seem to be enjoying this."
"Hm?"
"Talking about someone else pairing you off with another man."
"Well, what should I be worried about? It's not like they're spreading the truth around."
"…what?"
"I'm straight, Lin Yi. And I'm proud."
"…"
Did he just force himself back into the closet?
"A true man will know the complete truth about himself, be it body or soul, and will not be wavered by what other people think." Kiku smiled, beginning to eat his lunch. "Let Elizabeta do as she pleases. She knows that it will never be; I already told her that I am only attracted to women."
"So…you like women."
"Yes I do."
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"Ah! Lin Yi! Please wake up!"
/= [10 DAYS LATER] =/
It was a while before Lin Yi finally had the courage to talk to Kiku after everything that had happened to her last week. She couldn't believe that he was even straight to begin with. He was so…womanly, to start off. She never thought of womanly men to be interested in girls…
"Oh, you're better. I'm glad."
She turned her head and saw that Kiku was smiling back at her, wearing a casual Japanese outfit and fixing his tie as he walked toward her. He almost looked like a masculine man this time around, and Lin Yi had to figure out that it was definitely fitting for him.
"It's only been ten days."
"We haven't talked in ten days. I was planning on visiting you to make sure that you're better."
"…thanks." She blinked. "But I'm better, really."
"I'm assuming that me telling you about myself shocked you, am I right?"
"…sort of…" She blinked. "I just…didn't figure."
"That is a usual reaction from anyone who's ever figured that out." Kiku nodded. "But I'm telling the truth."
"I…see…" She still couldn't get her head around it.
"It's all right if you don't believe me." Kiku smiled. "It will take a while."
"Hah…all right, if you insist."
They nodded as they started walking down the road, talking about doujinshi and normal events in their lives with the usual smiles and the world slowly spiraling back to normal. Suddenly, the phone started to ring, catching the both of them off guard. Kiku nodded and picked up his cell phone, waiting for the other person to pick up. After a few minutes, she noticed that his face had paled and he was looking at the road next to the sidewalk.
"…wait, please slow down…who's in the hospital…?"
/=+=/
While I was writing this chapter, I have decided that I have squashed my rage deep enough to take a deeper look in Tales of the World: Radiant Mythology 3, the game that involves a series that I have been a fan of a lot longer than Hetalia.
I raged.
Hard.
But on the brighter note of things: for those of you Mitsuki fans who happen to still be watching my Rule of Herons fic (if you are, REALLY?), expect an update rather soon~!