Sorry about the delayed update, i was away from my laptop for a few days!

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When I woke up the morning after the patch over party I just lied in bed, staring at the ceiling. Today was my day off and I had no idea what to do. I wasn't currently talking to any of my friends or family so I was pretty much going to spend the day alone. I picked up my phone from my bedside table, realizing that when I threw it last night I put a huge crack in the screen. "Well fuck me". That's how I could spend my day, going to the mall to get a new phone, probably should get my hair done again as well, the brown roots were showing really bad. With my day semi planned out I got out of bed and got changed, ate breakfast and left to head to the mall. I was hoping that a day shopping by myself would help get my mind off the shit storm that had become my life in the past few days, I knew I shouldn't have gone back to Charming.

4 hours later, I had gotten my hair dyed, gotten a new phone and bought god knows how many new clothes. I was really concerned that I had become a shopaholic but I guess it was my way of getting my mind off things. While I was heading back to my car I walked past a woman carrying multiple baby store bags in one hand while the other hand rested on her growing pregnancy belly. I tried not to let myself feel the jealousy that raged through me at the sight but I couldn't help it. I had managed to not think about any of that all day but standing in the parking lot looking at how happy this woman was reminded me of the day I found out I was pregnant.

"Shit!" I took another look at the pregnancy test in my hand, praying that this time, after 3 previous tests, that this one would say negative. "Shit, Shit, double shit!. No such luck, it said positive as well. I had no idea what to do next, I just sat on the toilet, trying not to cry.

I was 20 years old, I was nowhere near ready to become a mum. And Jax was definitely not ready to become a dad. We had barely spoken the past few weeks because once again he was being a dick. He hadn't slept with anyone else since I caught if with the redhead a few months ago, at least I didn't think he had slept with anyone else. Ever since he found that manuscript he had changed. About a week after I found him with it he showed it to me. I read some of it, it was basically his dad's thoughts about the club and how he wanted to change it. Jax didn't see it as a guide to changing the club though. He just saw all his father's weaknesses written down in a book. Instead of trying to fulfill his dad's wishes, he did everything in his power to make sure they didn't happen.

It was destroying him, and us. He fell deeper into the club, helping clay make the big decisions, becoming more brutal and violent as the days went on. He was never violent towards me though. We fought almost everyday, worse then we had ever fought but he never physically hurt me, even though he probably wanted to. I wanted to know what he was thinking and why he was doing what he was doing, but he just told me it was none of my business and to know my place. Well you can imagine how well that went. I didn't like getting told what to do at the best of times so when he yelled at me to 'know my place' I snapped. "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" I screamed at him. "Know my place? Oh trust me I know my place, it is as far away from you as possible!". That fight lasted 2 weeks, then I made the same mistake I made every single time we argued. He apologized, I forgave him and we made up, several times.

That was a few months ago before and we still fought all the time. That was why I was so nervous to tell him I was pregnant. I knew he would be mad, he would blame me and he would tell me to get rid of it. I didn't know what I wanted so I decided I wasn't going to tell him for a few days, I was never very good at keeping secrets though.

That night I felt physically sick just thinking about keeping this from him and how he would react, so I decided to just get it over with. It was 1 o'clock in the morning as I drove to the clubhouse, Jax lived there so I knew that's where I would find him, hopefully alone. I opened his door and snuck into the room. I stopped halfway across the room though. There he was, sleeping soundly. He looked so relaxed and at piece. I hadn't seen him like that in months so I stood there for a moment enjoying it. Watching him just made me more anxious and more upset, I began crying again. The sound of me crying must have woken him up because he jolted awake and looked over at me. "Charlie? What are you doing here?, wait what's wrong?"

I didn't even known where to start. There were so many ways that question could be interpreted. What was wrong with me, what was wrong with us. I sat down next to him on the bed and he wrapped his arms around me. Even when we were fighting and pretty much hated each other he always comforted me when I needed him to. "Charlie talk to me" I took a deep breath, I had figured out what I was going to say to him on the drive over, I had it all planned out because I didn't want to just dump it on him. I opened my mouth to start the speech I had planned "Jax, I'm Pregnant!" Well fuck, that didn't quite go as well as planned.

I felt his arms tense up around me. We sat there for a few moments in silence, neither of us knowing what to say. I felt him take a deep breath in and squeeze me once more before he let go of me. He put his hand on my chin and tilted my chin up to look at him. "Its going to be okay Charlie, I love you and I will love our baby, I'm not going anywhere." I looked at him, dumbfounded. This was not the reaction I expected at all. He wiped the tears off my cheek and kissed me. I clicked as to why he said what he had. He knew I was upset because I was scared of how he would react. He knew that I thought he wouldn't want this baby and would run for the hills. This was why I loved him, he always knew what I needed to hear and he made sure I heard it. "Are you sure you want this Jax?" he gave me a single kiss on the mouth before staring at me again, "Charlie, I don't think I have ever wanted anything more, I know we haven't been getting along great lately but this could change that, this could be our fresh start. I love you more than anything, this doesn't change that." I started crying again but this time from happiness, knowing that this was what he wanted gave me a chance to really think about what I wanted. I knew it would be hard to be a mom at my age, and it would take some time to get used to the idea, but the thought of having a family with Jax, made all the fear I felt worth it.

I kissed him hard on the mouth, I wanted him to know how grateful I was to have him. He pulled me into his lap and kissed me back. I couldn't remember the last time I had been so happy. My life was starting to pan out in a positive way, at least that's what I thought.

I pulled myself together long enough to get in my car and drive home. Along the way I tried telling myself to just forget about all the memories that were swirling around my head but I just couldn't. I needed to get home, crawl in bed and try to sleep the rest of the day away, having crippling anxiety about the past really made you tired. I pulled into my street and began to think. Maybe Kozik was right, I did need to find a way to move past this, I pushed that thought out of my head pretty damn quick though when I remembered I was pissed at Kozik right now and should not be taking any of his advice. As if he knew I was thinking about him there was his bike, sitting in my driveway along with Happy's, Tig's, Chib's and Lexi's car. Oh great, as if my day wasn't bad enough already I was about to walk straight into an intervention with all the people I was angry at right now. With the mood I was in right now this couldn't end well. I parked on the curb and braced myself for what was about to come. "All I wanted to do was relax on my one day off" I sighed to myself.