Rifiuto: Non Miriena

She stared at the green malachite stone in the middle of the copper keychain. She and Zane had each recieved one as a gift from a woman who's store they'd wandered through back when they were sixteen. Seemed so long ago, now that she thought about it. But that was also the year Jo joined Color Guard at West Point, and where her three best girlfriends- her only girlfriends- had joined her after stints in their own various military schools. The four became inseperable, rekindling the old friendship they'd lost after their families moved to seperate bases. Jo's best friend was still Zane, but there was something about being around the girls-

"What'cha thinkin' about, Josie?" She looked up, breaking into a grin as Tamsen Blythe slid into the chair across from Jo's desk. The deputy shrugged, tossing the keychain on the desk and sat back, grabbing her cup. Tamsen worked minor security detail at Global, along with Caitlan Hertz and Gwendolyn Rowley, and spent more days off than on as the minor detail wasn't always needed.

"Not much. Hear you talked to Nicki last night. How's he doing?" She asked, sipping her coffee. Tam shrugged, playing with the pendant she wore. Tamsen's sister Jadie had been killed in the September Eleventh attacks- leaving her husband to raise their two sons- Jacob and Nicholas- alone. The boys were in their early teens now, and Jake had decided to join the military like his aunts- for her considered Jo, Lan and Gwen aunts as well.

"Okay. Talked to a recruiter for the Marines. He's... he's really excited."

"And Jakie?" Jo asked softly. Tam sighed, dropping the pendant. She rubbed a hand over her face and tilted her head back.

"He blames his dad for letting his mom die. Says... if he'd gotten into the tower in time, if he'd gone up to the restaurant, then his mom would still be alive. He doesn't understand that, if his dad had gone into the north tower, he probably wouldn't have come out again. As is, he's dying anyway. The cancer will kill him long before old age. Just like thousands of other first responders." Just like us. Jo winced; she'd watched her own mom die of ovarian cancer when she was a child, and had never fully accepted it. She hadn't missed the subtle reference to them either.

They'd been there that fateful Tuesday morning, having coffee before planning to go up to Windows on the World in the North Tower and have breakfast with Jadie. They'd watched the first flight- American Airlines One Seventy-Five- slam into the tower, and had rushed to help, getting people out as fast as they could before the tower collapsed one hundred two minutes later. And they, like the others who had dug through the rubble afterwards, had breathed in the toxic smoke and dust from the towers; they'd been caught in the dust cloud that had filled lower Manhattan after each tower fell, struggling to see through the thick dust that floated and covered them like a second skin, breathing in the particles of ground steele, glass, and atomized human as they'd searched for each other, having become seperated as they'd searched for cover.

Even all these years later, Jo could feel the particles she'd breathed in, attaching to her lungs and coating the membranes of her organs. She, like hundreds of others, had suffered stints in the hospital over the years, going through test after test as the doctors searched for diagnosis after diagnosis as to the reason behind her getting sick. Not even Zane knew where she'd been that tragic day- he'd been back in Boston, watching the horror unfold on TV like thousands of others around the world. He'd stuck by her side; they'd never kept secrets from one another, yet this was one secret she couldn't help but keep. So she kept her illness hidden from everyone; it would be a secret she'd carry to her grave.

"It wasn't Ryan's fault." Jo whispered, taking a sip from her cup. Tam sighed.

"I know, and he knows, he just... if he has someone to blame, it takes some of the hurt away."

"If he wants someone to blame, blame the extremist terrorist bastards who took his mom away from them in the first place." Jo muttered, cup at her lips. Tam chuckled.

"Can't get ahold of them, Josie, they're dead. But he can get ahold of-"

"Jojo, we need to talk." Both women turned, to see Zane storm into the office. Tam raised her eyebrows, clearly shocked to see Zane Donovan standing in the office of his own free will. A moment passed, before he cleared his throat and whispered, "Hello... Tam." The blonde turned to Jo, eyes wide.

'When did he grow up?' She mouthed, as she stood and grabbed her own cup off the desk. Jo just raised her eyes and cocked her head, I know, right?

"Well, I'll leave you two alone; I have to get back to work anyway. Not that there's much to do, but..." She went to Jo as the deputy stood, setting her cup down. "And thanks, Josie. I'll tell Jakie what you said. Maybe that'll get through to him. He always listened to you more than any of us. See ya, Josie." She kissed the deputy's cheek, before leaving. "And it's sen. Tamsen." The blonde replied, passing by Zane. He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, blondie. Like I care."

"Don't worry, Donovan, I never did." She called, leaving the office. Jo chuckled as Zane sneered at the blonde's back as the main door closed behind her. He and Tam had always been at odds- over everything, mainly because he'd pulled her pigtails and then cut them off in daycare one afternoon. Tamsen had never forgiven him. Once she was gone, he turned back to Jo. The deputy had stood and was now leaning on her desk, arms crossed over her chest. Zane sighed, hands in his pockets.

"What can I do for you, Dr. Donovan?" She teased gently. He rolled his eyes.

"You heard?" She nodded.

"Mom called and told me. So, yeah, I heard. She's really proud of you, ya know." He shrugged and moved closer to her. Once he was within reach, Jo wrapped her arms around his neck. "Two doctorates in... ten years?" He glared at her, and the two broke into laughter.

"Somethin' like that." He replied, before leaning down and kissing her. "Any sparks?" He teased. She thought a moment, shaking her head.

"Nope. Just the good kind." He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding tight to him, the doctor's words ringing in her ears from that long ago day, months after the towers fell, and after she'd returned stateside. She'd forgotten to ask Zane what he wanted to talk about, but somehow, she had a feeling that didn't matter. Tears pricked her eyes, and she buried her face in his neck.

This form of cancer is deadly- those who get it, die long, slow, painful deaths. Sieze the day while you can, you never know when you're time will come.