Lost
Chapter 10
Disclaimer: See chapter one

A/N: Well this is it, the final chapter. Thank you all again for everything.-Montez

It was nearing midnight and the knot that had formed in Danny's gut days ago was tightening again. They had been looking for Steve for over seven hours now, no one had seen him or heard from him, it was as if he'd dropped off the face of the earth and that was a thought that terrified Danny. There were so many places on this damned island that seemed to literally 'drop off the face of the earth'. It was all still to fresh, the feelings and memories all still to new. As the night wore on with no word there was a heaviness settling over the whole island that Williams felt would never dissipate until his best friend was found, one way or another.

The cousins were on the other side of the island, Joe was still out looking, but Danny felt he needed to regroup; he needed to clear his head and try to think like his wayward partner, where would he go that no one would think to look. Then it hit him, and he cursed himself for not seeing what was right in front of him. Danny and the other's had agreed that Steve wouldn't head home because that would be the first place they would all look and that had been one of the only places he hadn't looked. Turning the car around Danny push the pedal to the floor, thankful for the traffic-less night, and raced toward Steve's place.

Pulling the Camaro into the drive too many memories from that night, less than a week ago, flooded Danny's mind; the Silverado sitting in the driveway, the dark house, the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, "Damn it Steven you better be alright, I can't do this again." Williams whispered to himself as he exited the vehicle, quickly making his way across the yard.

Finding the front door unlocked the Jersey native pushed it open, though his mind replayed the odor of gunpowder, the smell that greeted him this time spelt like Steve's house always smelt, like furniture polish and the ocean. For a second Danny couldn't help the thought of just how neat of a bachelor his partner was. Pushing that thought aside he called out, "Steve?"

The muffled sound of the ocean through the closed back door was the only reply. Making his way through the house Danny checked the lower floor then stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up, again his mind replaying the night that would probably be with him the rest of his life. "Steve?" He called again before grasping the rail and ascending the stairs.

He checked the room Steve had slept in the night before, he'd been surprised, but not, at the fact his partner had avoided the master bedroom. When that room was empty Danny turned to the wide open doorway of the master bedroom, again moonlight filtered across the floor, the curtains casting ghostly shadows as the ocean breeze gently blew them, the room again looked surreal, ethereal. Williams felt a chill go up his spine at how this night looked so much, too much, like that night. Shaking his head slightly, willing his emotions to stay in check, Danny drew in a shaky breath as he scanned the room. In the darkness he could just make out the top of his partner's head above the edge of the bed. Walking slowly, his body shaking slightly out of fear, Williams crossed the room. Again the first thing he noticed were the black Timberland boots, however this time instead of black-clad legs they were kaki, "Steven?" Danny whispered as he cleared the end of the bed and saw his best friend leaning back against the side of the bed, his eyes closed, "Steve?"

"I'm sorry Danny", Steve's voice barely a whisper as he raised his head, looking into the face of his partner.

"Where have you been, we've been a bit worried?" Danny'd actually been terrified, but Chin had mentioned Steve's reaction earlier in the day. "Are you okay?" Williams moved forward some, knelling a few feet from his best friend.

"I so tired Danny…I needed to think, I'm sorry if I worried you." Danny could just see the hint of moisture in Steve's eyes, but the exhaustion was clearly visible.

"Did you walk all the way here from Pearl?" Danny sat the rest of the way down, leaning back against the bed, mirroring his friend's posture.

"I visited my parents…I just…I needed to think." McGarrett's voice was the quietest Danny'd ever heard it, just above a whisper, like it was taking nearly all Steve's energy to even form the words.

"What did you think about?" Williams noted how Steve hadn't looked at him since he'd sat down.

"Everything…nothing," A hollow chuckle escaped the drained man. "I thought that when Chin was here this morning instead of you, that you decided I wasn't worth the effort anymore…you've told me before that I was lacking emotionally, I thought that maybe since you've seen I can't handle my emotions that you'd cut your losses."

Danny didn't know what to say, did his partner really think that little of Danny, that at the first sign of vulnerability he'd just bale on his best friend, "You thought I'd cut my losses? Are you serious? I've been trying to get you to acknowledge your feelings since I've met you, grant it you scared the hell out of me with your way of 'dealing' with them, but I thought you knew me better. I've invested too much time and energy in trying to train you to just run out on you now. You're stuck with me."

Williams moved a little closer to his friend when he saw a pained smile cross the dark-haired man's face, "Look at me Steve," Danny waited until McGarrett met his gaze. "When you called me the other night, that phone call scared me like I've never been scared before. I'm your backup and I was terrified that I wasn't going to get here fast enough…God Steven when I walked into this house and smelt gunpowder, I nearly lost it. Walking in here, finding you…" Danny's voice cracked as the image flashed in his mind. "Then when I realized you were still alive, I knew I had been given another chance to try and get through that thick skull of yours that you're not alone…at the hospital when your heart stopped it felt like that chance was being pulled out from under me all over again. You've been the only person other than Grace that has made this place feel like home."

"It was you and Grace that kept me from putting that bullet in my brain." Steve nodded toward the shattered mirror above the dresser.

"What?" Danny was confused, he'd been so grateful the bullet was in the wall and not Steve, but he never gave it much thought as to why it was there.

Steve reached down beside him and picked up a frame, looking at it a second, running his hand over it before handing it to Danny. "Do you remember when this was taken?" It was a photo of Chin, Kono, Danny, Grace and Steve. The little girl was held in her father's arms, one of her arms was around Danny's neck, the other wrapped around Steve's.

"Duke took this one day when Rachel had dropped Grace off at the office because she and Stan had a flight to catch." Danny had the same photo sitting on his desk at work.

Steve nodded, "I barely remember calling you that night…I'd…I'd already taken the pills." Steve looked up across the room; his eye's not seeing anything as he continued to talk. "I didn't have many left and I knew they wouldn't do what I was wanting, I was just feeling the effects when I called you. When I walked back in here I looked at myself in the mirror and all I saw was a broken, useless man staring back at me." Danny's heart clinched thinking his partner viewed himself as useless, the man was anything but. Afraid he'd break the spell that seemed to envelop Steve as he spoke; Danny remained silent while his friend continued. "I had my gun in my hand…I just wanted everything to stop before someone else died…I'm so tired of watching people die." McGarrett whispered, a slight shutter shifted through his body.

"I was standing there and a shadow caught my attention as it passed over that picture and I saw Grace's face and your face…you never seem happy Danny, but you looked happy that day. We all looked happy that day. And I don't know if it was the look on everyone's face in the picture, or the thought of how good that day had been or if it was the fact that I noticed Grace's arm around my neck, but I got so angry…I was so angry at myself for being so weak and I didn't want her knowing I was that weak…" Danny noticed tears stream down his friends face as tears streamed down his own at the broken sound coming from the man beside him. "I remember raising my gun and shooting that image in the mirror, I hated that image, I hated the man looking back at me. That wasn't the man that little girl had her arm around and I just wanted him gone." A shaken breath was taken in as Steve looked at Danny, "I don't remember anything after that until I woke up in the hospital and you were there and I felt so ashamed of what I had down…" Steve rubbed his hands over his face roughly as more tears slipped free, the broken man finally acknowledging what he had almost done, "God Danny I tried to kill myself…" Heart-wrenching sobs overtook McGarret's body as Danny moved closer, wrapping his arm around his best friend's shoulder, "I tried to kill myself." Steve whispered again not resisting the gentle pull of his partner, leaning into the only thing that was grounding him at the moment.

A few minutes passed as Steve finally accepted what he'd tried to do and when he felt his exhausted body start to give in to sleep he whispered "…I need your help Danny, I can't do this alone anymore."

Those had been the words Danny had been hoping to hear, his partner, his friend, his brother acknowledging that he couldn't do it alone anymore, finally reaching out for help. And just like that night in the hospital when he felt Steve break in his arms, Williams knew that tonight was the first step in the process of putting Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett, Super SEAL back together and that was a job Danny Williams was more than ready for. "I right here, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you, you won't have to do this alone. I've got ya partner…I've got ya."

Epilogue:

The smell of coffee and the late afternoon light drew Steve to awareness. He looked around and realized he was back in his normal room. His mind and body were still tired, but not nearly as exhausted as he'd been feeling. As he lay there the memories of the night before came back to him, he remembered Danny finding him sitting alone. He remembered acknowledging what he'd tried to do and he remembered finally reaching out and asking Danny for help. His last thoughts of the night before had been his best friend's arm around his shoulders and Danny's whispered assurance that he wasn't alone that Danny would be there to help him.

After slowly pushing himself up and making his way across the room, Steve again took a longer than three minute shower and made his way downstairs. The house was empty, but the coffee in the maker was fresh, grabbing a cup Steve looked out the back window and saw his blond-haired partner sitting in one of the deck chairs near the water line. He moved to head out the back door and noticed a prescription bag sitting at the end of the counter. Picking it up he took out the pill bottle and looked at it. The Navy doctor had told him he should take the medication, that along with some more visits it would help set Steve back on the path to recovery. McGarrett remembered voicing his opinion, rather strongly, about not wanting to take the medication. The doctor had told him it would only be for a little while.

Thinking back to the feelings and emotions that had led up to the night he'd tried to take his own life, Steve knew he never wanted to feel that way again, but he also knew that magic wasn't found in a pill. Opening the bottle he poured one of the small tablets into the palm of his hand, thinking of what the doctor had said, thinking of what Danny had said, Steve was finally willing to accept he needed help and that maybe he needed to trust the doctors advise to take the medicine just as he was going to trust in Danny's words that he didn't have to get through this alone. Taking a deep breath, he moved toward the frig; grabbing a bottle of water, he placed the pill in his mouth, taking a large drink of water. Sitting the water on the counter he grabbed the waiting coffee mug and made his way across the yard.

Danny looked up and smiled, "Was beginning to think you were going to sleep the day away."

Steve returned the smile, taking a seat, "Well I was a little tired you know."

"A little tired…a little tired he says," Danny's hands start moving with his words, "You my friend were so beyond tired you needed to rest just to find tired." Williams noticed the smirk behind the coffee mug as Steve took a drink. "So…" Danny continued, "How are you feeling? And don't…"

McGarrett cut Danny's words off, "Don't worry I'm not going to say 'fine', because I'm not fine yet. But I feel a little better."

"Well, that's a start." Williams replied.

"I've decided to give the pills a try." Danny watched his friend closely, "The doctor yesterday thought it was a good idea, plus I need to go back a couple times a week for a while." Williams nodded his head, grateful that last night seemed to be the start of things getting better. "It's going to take a while, but hopefully I can get things back on an even keel."

"Just had to use a nautical term didn't you?" Danny smiled.

"Well Danny, I am Navy remember." Steve returned the smile before his eyes took on a serious look, "Thank you."

Danny's expression soon matched Steve's, "For what?"

"For listening, for coming for me…for being here", McGarrett's gaze moved toward the horizon.

Danny knew just how much it took for his friend to say those words, to say the words he'd said last night and for that the Jersey native truly admired the man, knowing he couldn't get through this alone, no matter how much he wanted to. Reaching across the short distance, Danny placed his hand on Steve's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze until McGarrett looked at him, "Where else would I be? I'm the backup right?" A small smile crossed his face.

A bigger one greeted his words, "Yeah, I guess you are."

Silence settled between the two friends, the two brothers as the sun started it's decent toward the horizon, setting on the first day in the healing of Steve McGarrett.