Author's Notes
Important note for everybody… UtBoS is going to be slightly delayed when it comes to updates because I'd written chapter 11 and part of 12, and then… well, my file got corrupted and I lost all my writing. And I really don't know if I'll ever be able to write 8000 words from memory again. Give me some time, and I will write again. Until then, I'm just going to be here crying, if you need me.
Here we go for chapter 10… Shit's about to go down! I think this is the chapter that a lot of you were waiting for, as you mentioned in your gorgeous reviews for which I will thank you in the following moments. Thank you for the very inspiring reviews, HamburgerWithTea, Rainstorm-Mosspath, Canada Cowboy, bobness, a fan, kurichan729, Miss Fr34k, IchigoMelon, MYJEN123, SamuraiSal1, OmgPandi, Asshu-chan, Ember Hinote and ZhangArronXun!
Now for this chapter, there are warnings, BUT! The warnings might come off as spoilers. So if you want, go ahead and read the warnings that will follow. If not, skip to the story, but know that there are T15+ warnings here!
As for the warnings, try to read through the block of text. I know how frustrating it is to have your eye catch a word you didn't want to read, so I mashed everything together :'D
Warningsincludequiteafewthin gsincludingswearingalcoholdu bconandimplicitnondescriptiv ecopulationpracticesthankyou verymuch.
ASIDES THAT, PLEASE ENJOY CHAPTER 10!
"Attention all. Following the negotiations that have been ongoing for the past few days, a decision has been reached by the nations of Spades, Diamonds and Hearts. Spades, now at war with Clubs, can count amongst its allies the kingdom of Hearts, who is willing to fight Clubs directly at Spades' side. A treaty has been signed to create military and economic bonds between the two nations. Diamonds has decided to remain neutral, but has signed a treaty to increase trade between them and the allied nations. To celebrate the reaching of a decision, a ball has been organized, in the honour of the visiting Nations. All three present royal couples shall be present to celebrate..."
"Arthur, are you ready yet?" Alfred called as he knocked on the bathroom door for what seemed like the hundredth time.
"I can never get over how stuffy I look at every single one of these damn horse and pony show events." Arthur huffed from the inside.
"Just come out already, we'll be late!" Alfred rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you look great, so come on already!"
"Don't rush me!" Arthur growled through the door, but after a moment, the lock on the handle clicked. Alfred stepped back to give Arthur room to step out, and watched him as he came out.
He forgot to breathe for a moment.
The garb was simple, yet so elegant on Arthur. Brown pants, blue vest, purple long-sleeved coat with twin tails, a white cravat tied around his neck... And the quirky little purple hat on his head that Alfred adored (never mind the fact that he ALWAYS wondered how it even held!).
Arthur looked breathtaking.
"Hello?" Arthur snapped his fingers in front of Alfred's face, and the latter promptly jumped back into reality.
"Oh, uhh, Arthur..." he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "You look, uhmmm..." Stunning? Unreal? Gorgeous? Ethereal? "Uhhmmm..."
"What?" Arthur snapped, going red in the face in embarrassment and crossing his arms over his chest. What was Alfred trying to say? He didn't look THAT bad, did he?
"N-Nothing, it's just that..." he was just too splendid for Alfred to formulate the proper words for it. Even though the outfit was by far the simplest formal wear he'd ever seen Arthur wear, Arthur's was the most beautiful in his eyes at that moment. In retrospect, he should have realized that his feelings had grown over time, and it wasn't Arthur's clothes he'd liked more and more- it was Arthur himself.
"Okay, fine, I get it!" Arthur huffed in frustration, turning around. "You don't have to look at me like that!" he fumbled nervously with the bathroom door handle, frustrated tears pricking his eyes at the thought of Alfred trying to sugar-coat what to say about his outfit. He looked ridiculous, was what he was trying to say. It's the hat, he convinced himself, it had got to be the hat.
"N-No, wait, Arthur! It's not like that!" Alfred took a step forward, but it was too late. Arthur had already stepped inside the bathroom again and was closing the door. Without even thinking, Alfred stuck his foot in the way, and yelped when the door collided. "FUCK!" he swore, gritting his teeth and gasping in pain.
"You dumbass, what did you do that for?" Arthur cried out as he opened the door, irritation fleeing him for a moment, replaced by worry.
"Don't run, Arthur..." Alfred winced as he tried putting weight on his foot.
"I wasn't... running... I was going to get changed into something more suitable." Arthur looked away, hugging himself.
"No, don't..." Alfred gasped in pain, and took a tinkering step forward, gently putting his hands on Arthur's shoulders and drawing the smaller man's gaze up to meet his.
"W-What?" Arthur felt his mouth go dry. He could feel his cheeks heating up.
"I-I meant to say..." Alfred turned his gaze away, embarrassed. "You look... really nice, Arthur." And cue the simultaneous blushing.
"O-Oh." Arthur dumbly replied after a moment, scratching his cheek, not knowing what to say. "Thanks, I guess."
"You're... welcome?" somehow, Alfred felt like he was making things more awkward than necessary, and quickly jumped to the occasion when there was a knock at the door.
"Your Majesties, the ballroom is ready to have you!" Matthew's voice came from the other side.
"Ah, we'll be right there, Mattie!" Alfred called back without bothering with formalities, and hesitantly held his arm out for Arthur to take. "Shall we?"
And Arthur felt like an idiot for staring as long as he did, but in his defence, Alfred knew how to clean up. Really well, at that, too.
"Alright." He finally nodded mechanically, looking at the offered arm before gently slipping his hand around it. "Let's go."
"Awesome." Alfred grinned and gently led him towards the door. Arthur let himself be led, and instead enjoyed their peaceful moment together. They walked out in silence, enjoying the calm before the storm that was sure to follow.
As they'd both guessed, people were waiting to usher them to the ballroom at the bottom of the steps, and they didn't have time to speak to each other before they were all but pushed into the ballroom.
The people in the room broke out into applause as soon as they stepped in. Alfred stumbled at first, but kept a tense posture. Arthur merely led him through the crowd, towards the circle opened in the middle. Behind them, the royal couples of Diamonds and Hearts followed them into the circle. As all six of them reached it, they all turned to their respective partners and took their positions.
Arthur looked at Alfred encouragingly, and Alfred nodded imperceptibly, gulping down and slipping his hand into Arthur's. Arthur gently set his hand on Alfred's shoulder, and nodded back. There was a small silence where they merely stood and gazed at each other, and then, the musicians started.
One-two-three, one-two-three, Alfred reminded himself as he found his cue and started moving. He was aware of how stiff he looked compared to Arthur, who was gliding through the dance with practiced ease.
"Calm down, Alfred." Arthur hissed as they turned around in sync with the other two couples. "You're going to stand out a lot more if you don't relax."
"I'm gonna mess up." Alfred hissed. "I'm gonna mess up, I'm gonna mess up, I'm gonna mess- oh god, spin!" he whispered, edging on hysteria, clumsily spinning Arthur around before catching him again.
"God damn it, Alfred, just take a deep breath before you hyperventilate!" Arthur growled back to him. "It'll be fine, you'll be fine, okay? Just... deep breaths... Fluid movements... We've practiced this before. Just forget everyone else is here. Just pretend it's only you and me again." He gently rubbed Alfred's shoulder with his hand, hoping to comfort him with the soothing motion.
"Right. We're all alone together again." Alfred closed his eyes for a second and nodded. "Okay. Just you and me. Got it." He let out a shaky breath, and took the lead with renewed vigour.
Arthur just smiled and nodded to him, falling back into step easily. For a moment there, nothing else did matter. It was just them, and they were back in their bedroom, just practicing, scolding each other on wrong moves and misplaced feet, looking at each other and wordlessly swaying to the melody of violins and their mingling breaths, close -so close-
The song ended before they even knew it, and they were forced back into reality to the sound of applause. Alfred took a second to register his position before stepping back and taking Arthur's hand, kissing it gently, as custom desired. He wondered, though, if Arthur had realized that he'd lingered a few seconds longer than necessary.
He didn't seem to, because his flustered expression hadn't changed when Alfred straightened, and led him towards the buffet to grab a bite. That's where they lost each other from sight for just a moment, and the hawks attacked.
The ladies and lords of the court swarmed them both, and the next time they saw each other was when their gazes found one another from way across the room. Alfred barely had time to wonder how in hell he'd gotten so far in such a short lapse of time, before he was swept away again.
Arthur had warned him about balls like this, and how he would be expected to dance and chat with people other than him. Alfred still didn't expect the flow of young women in extravagant, gorgeous gowns, crowding around him and chattering endlessly, no matter how much he'd tried mentally preparing himself.
"Your Majesty, is it true that you are going to reform the health system in Spades?" one of them asked, looking up at Alfred with wide, curious eyes.
"Your Highness, please, tell us if there's really a plan to reconstruct the back gardens of the palace." Another asked, fanning herself gracefully with a red fan that matched her dress.
"Oh, Sire, your clothes are so neatly tailored to fit you. Who is your tailor?" another woman asked, gently running a hand on Alfred's upper arm and drawing shivers from him.
Alfred just stood there, motionless, not knowing how to respond to any of those girls, and wrung his hands nervously. He didn't trust his voice to stay strong if he decided to answer to the girls all around him. Why did they insist on being so close? And why did they insist on touching him, on talking so loud, on asking him things he didn't know how to answer to- 'Your Majesty this', 'Your Highness that', Alfred was suffocating, it was getting just too hot inside, and he just wanted to fall back, sit in a corner and wait for the sun to come up again-
"Ladies, ladies, please, let us all give his Majesty some room." A new voice suddenly broke through the crowd, and the voices died down, replaced by murmurs and furtive glances. The sea of women parted, most of them regarding the newcomer with a mix of resentment and respect, as the woman on the other wide of the path looked down at Alfred.
Alfred gulped down as their equally blue gazes locked.
"Your Highness, King Alfred of Spades." She greeted, lifting one side of her elegantly arranged baby blue dress to walk forward a few steps. The ladies watched her pass by, whispering, but she paid them no heed. She seemed to be focused only on Alfred, and the deer-in-front-of-headlights look he sported.
She grinned and stopped in front of him, extending her hand and fanning herself with the other.
Alfred looked at her hand dumbly for a second, before remembering his manners and quickly, mechanically kissing her hand before backing off.
"Milady-" he started, before she cut him off.
"Mademoiselle Mariella, from the High Court of the Kingdom of Diamonds." Her eyes flashed as she presented herself. "I came here as a part of the entourage of the King and Queen of Diamonds, dying to meet the infamous King of Spades." She raised a brow, as if challenging him. Alfred just stood frozen, entirely uncomfortable. He briefly wondered if all people from the kingdom of Diamonds were this high-class.
"W-Well, that's me!" Alfred nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
Mariella's eyebrows immediately switched positions, and a look of disinterest flittered across her face. It was gone in a moment, though.
"Yes, I could tell, really." She drawled, as if exposing the obvious. Alfred noticed the drawl and fidgeted, wondering what he could do to avoid making a complete fool of himself.
"Ummm... Great then, nice to meet you, and all." He laughed again, his laughs dying down into awkward coughs as the lady didn't reply. Once he was done, though, she extended her hand.
"Would you care to dance, your Majesty?" she asked in a smooth, calculated voice.
Alfred looked at her hand dubitatively for a second, and looked around himself. A hundred eyes were gazing back, observing him, judging his movements and reactions, ears straining to listen to what he said, every break he took, every move he made...
Alfred just wanted to get out.
"Yes, let's dance." He quickly agreed, taking her by the wrist and dragging her out of the tight circle of girls. She squeaked in surprise, but soon caught up with his steps, following him onto the dance floor and landing gracefully in his arms when they got into position to waltz.
"What a sudden exit, your Majesty." She chuckled huskily as she got closer and tightly gripped his shoulder and hand.
"I just... had to get some air." Alfred replied, somewhat uncomfortable still as he tried to wiggle his fingers free, to no avail. Her grip was one of iron.
"I'm so honoured to have been chosen for this dance, your Highness." Mariella replied instead, letting herself be twirled before landing in his arms again. Alfred awkwardly noticed that she seemed to be getting closer and closer with every move.
"Yeah, uhh... great." Alfred merely replied, quickly attempting to put some space in between them and breathing deep, looking around. Arthur. He had to find Arthur. Arthur would be able to save him, right?
"If I may, your Grace, you look absolutely stunning tonight." She spoke after a bit, gazing appreciatively at his locks of golden hair, his smooth clothes, his strong-looking arms and the glittering of those deep sea blue eyes.
"Oh, uhh... let me return the compliment, Lady Mariella." Alfred stumbled a bit, recovering quickly, a move that the woman used as a pretext to push herself closer, until her chest was brushing Alfred's.
"Thank you." She merely whispered, and Alfred's mind went blank at the proximity for a second. Too close. Way too close. He could smell candy on her breath. The perfume of roses sprayed on her neck. The fruity scent of her long, neatly curled blonde hair swaying against her back as she danced. The scent in the air was nauseating. Alfred hated it. He just wanted out.
"Your hair, I mean, it's so... uhh... blonde." He attempted awkwardly, drawing another unimpressed raise of the eyebrows from the woman. "I mean... Your eyes! Your eyes are like the sea, and the sky!" he tried again.
"How eloquent, your Majesty." Her tone held a bit of disdain, but she covered it up well.
"And... you dance very well!" Alfred kept going, afraid he'd faint if he had nothing to keep his mind of the fact that this girl was invading his personal bubble and that there was nothing he could do to stop it.
"Thank you. I practice a lot. I practice a lot for everything I do very well." She winked, and Alfred briefly wondered if there was something he hadn't quite gotten. It was still way too hot, though.
"I see..." he stuttered, diverting his gaze from the woman's, whose clear stare was fixed on his eyes. "So... What else do you do very well?" he tried.
"I paint... I play the violin... Amongst others, that is." She explained, going even lower with her voice.
"Amongst others...?" Alfred knew he would dread asking, judging from the mischievous glint in the noble's eyes.
"Yes." She merely answered, before suddenly switching and taking the lead. Alfred, surprised, stumbled and stepped on her feet in an attempt to take control again, but she stood fast, dragging him further and further away from the other dancers. "You look a bit hot. Shall we take a breather outside?"
"Y-Yeah, sure." Alfred replied, dizzy and confused as he finally gave up and let the woman lead him outside by the hand.
As he's guessed, the cold outside air on the large balcony was refreshing enough to clear his head. He let go of her hand and leaned against the balcony railing, closing his eyes and breathing deep, noticing how he was slightly trembling still.
"It's a beautiful night, yes, Your Majesty?" Mariella asked as she stepped closer to his side, leaning against the balcony as well.
"Yeah, the moon and stars and stuff." Alfred dismissively replied, running a hand through his hair wearily.
"It is a fitting scene for a private conversation, or a private meeting between two people." She drummed her fingers on the metal railing, and then looked at Alfred, who refused to meet her gaze.
"I suppose." He shrugged, wondering is Arthur would appreciate being brought here one day. He shook the idea off, though. Arthur? Alone with Alfred? The world would surely blow up, right?
"I've been here before. I come here every time I visit your lovely castle of Spades." Mariella scooted closer, until her arm was touching Alfred's. He tried to move further, but found himself limited by the wall.
"Didn't know of this place. It's my first time..." he replied, not watching her as she smiled, makeup glittering on her eyelids and cheeks.
"Oh, but everyone should know about this corner. Nobody comes on this balcony, not last time I checked." She got up and walked a couple of steps until she was at Alfred's level.
Alfred turned to her, and he only noticed how close they were standing once they were face to face. The discomfort returned, but Alfred could not voice it for anything in the world.
"Allow me, your Majesty, to show you firsthand..." Mariella leaned into Alfred's ear and whispered sensually, making shivers rack Alfred's paralyzed body. "... how enjoyable this small paradise can be." She finished with a breathy chuckle that left goosebumps across Alfred's skin, and then, a second later, attacked his neck with her teeth.
Alfred cried out softly as something new and unknown coursed within him. It felt weird, misplaced, good, but inappropriate for the current situation. Mariella kept biting his neck gently, moving the cloth of his uniform down to trail her fingers down his bare skin, and Alfred fidgeted in discomfort, frozen.
Honestly, he didn't even know if he wanted what was happening or not. It felt good, especially when she pressed herself close to him, but it felt weird, as if she just didn't fit. He tried to find his voice to tell her off, but he found it locked in his throat.
Panic rose within him as he tried to push her off. She moved swiftly, though, slipping her leg between his, and Alfred lost it again. His voice, his movements, all of it. And he hated being so powerless, he hated not having the strength to even push a single woman away. He hated the fact that his body betrayed his mind, and that the current situation actually posed a dilemma in his mind. It shouldn't have. She wasn't the one. Alfred shouldn't have gotten a second thought about pushing her away.
But he did. And it was enough.
The doors to the balcony swung open, and Alfred was treated to the rare sight of shock imprinted on Arthur's face as he took in what he was seeing.
"A-Alf...red..." he stuttered, as if the words had gotten lost in his throat.
"Arthur!" Alfred immediately cried out, panicked and embarrassed. Everything came back to him. His voice, as he called out the name of the only person he wanted to please, and his movement came back as he finally found the strength to surpass his physical limitations and gently push Lady Mariella off of him.
"Oh, I'm sorry." The shock was gone a second after it came, and Arthur was back to being his usual cold self. After having spent months with him, though, Alfred could see it- he could see the hidden anguish and regret and utter desperation in Arthur's eyes.
He'd fucked up.
"I didn't mean to interrupt you two." He gritted out, sounding like he wanted to do nothing more than scream.
"I swear, this isn't what you think it is, Arthur, please-"
"Save it." Arthur cut him off coldly. "What goes on behind closed doors is yours to know only." He then turned around and opened the door again. "Please, don't let me stop you. Carry on like I wasn't. Even. There." The last few words bit through Alfred's heart, and his legs felt shaky all of a sudden.
"Arthur, please, just listen to me!" he tried to plead, rushing forward to gently take Arthur's free hand into his.
"King of Spades, I advise you not to touch me, lest I do something I might regret later on, like cut it off." Arthur hissed back at him, pulling his hand out like he'd been burned. "I can't stop you. I'm just your meaningless Queen. You're King, you can do what you want, with whoever you want." He spat bitterly before stepping back inside and stomping off.
"It's you!" Alfred called after him, realizing his voice was coming out in whispers, his throat locked with regret and self-hate and shame. "It's you..." he bit his lip, turning his gaze to the ground. "It's only you I want..." he mouthed to himself, letting the pain of his clenching heart course through his entire body as punishment for having hurt the one he cared about most so much.
"Your Majesty..." Lady Mariella's voice came from behind him. Alfred was briefly tempted to banish her (because surely he could do that, right?) from the castle, but then, he realized that she was not to blame.
He was. He hadn't been able to listen to his heart. And because of that, it was now breaking.
"Just stay here." Alfred shook his head, pulling his glasses off and rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. He hated having to deal with complications like this. And he hated making mistakes that would cost him so dearly. There weren't many things he wanted in this life, so technically, he should be able to achieve them all, right?
He just wanted Arthur to care for him as he had come to care for Arthur these past few months spent side by side.
And if he had to get on his knees for it to happen... Then so be it. Alfred just wanted Arthur.
Without even thinking, his slipped his glasses back on, the moonlight glinting off the glass and illuminating the determination in his eyes, and broke into a run inside to find Arthur.
The ballroom felt more crowded than usual. Alfred pushed across people and ran, trying to spot the blond hair he loved smelling so much, the large eyebrows he loved feeling so much, and the deep jade eyes he loved gazing into so much... but to no avail, Arthur was nowhere to be found. Lost in a sea of faces, out of reach.
In reality, Arthur had headed immediately for the kitchens after he'd found Alfred outside, and, sitting down by a counter, he'd finally gotten some peace and quiet as the chefs had stopped working. Alone, he'd sat, glasses of different shapes and sizes lined in front of him. He'd looked at the glasses, and then at the bottles on the walls, and then had decided that that had been the only way to find happiness.
Within the hazy bliss spun by the lies that alcohol made him believe.
Alfred found him half an hour away in that very same spot, after having been directed by a worried kitchen staff. He carefully got near him, unsure how to approach him about the small misunderstanding that had obviously upset them both, when he realized that Arthur was hunched over a glass of brownish-copper liquid, trailing his finger on the rim. His heart clenched as he recognized the blank, lost look in his eyes.
"Arthur?" he softly called as he stepped carefully closer, dragging a chair and dropping down on it, looking sadly at what had become of his Queen. Because of him. Because of his idiocy and foolishness. A good King cared for their Queen. Alfred obviously still hadn't become a good King, no matter what he did to prove he was.
Arthur didn't reply, merely kept mouthing unintelligible things as he looked at the liquid in his glass, rimming it with his index. Alfred didn't need to look at the many bottles on the counter and the many broken and toppled glasses to know that this wasn't Arthur's first. And that he didn't intend to make it his last.
"Arthur, please... Can you hear me?" Alfred called softly, unwilling to touch him just yet lest he get a violent reaction.
"And POP!" Arthur suddenly exclaimed, picking up his glass and shooting down whatever was inside in a single gulp. "Goes the weasel." He finished in a mumble, putting down his glass and turning his eyes to the bottles to pick another drink.
"Oh god." Alfred blanched. "Oh god, Arthur, what have you done?" he asked quietly, afraid of the answer.
"Who, me?" Arthur finally turned to him and looked at him for a moment, as if not recognizing him, and then nodded. "Oh, yeah, Arthur. Queen of b-bloody Spades. Yep. Uhhh... I'm not sure." He looked dumbly at Alfred for a moment before the lost look in his eyes became dark. "Oh." He seemed to shrink away from Alfred and grabbed another bottle at random. "Oh yeah... I'm getting drunk because your idiocy isn't worth remembering."
"Arthur, stop. What are you doing?" Alfred asked again, unbelieving that Arthur had been pushed so far just because of one mistake. That was bad. Alfred had caused it all, and he felt horrible.
"You're right..." Arthur looked at the shot glass in his hand, and suddenly threw it over his shoulder. It shattered on the ground with a shrill smashing sound that almost made Alfred topple off his chair.
"What the-" Alfred took a moment to calm his heart, and then incredulously turned to Arthur, who was trying to open the bottle cap. "Arthur, what the hell are you doing?"
"Drinking out of the bottle, of course!" he laughed as if it was nothing but a joke. "You suggested it, poppet. Cheers!" he cackled once before putting the bottle to his lips and chugging. Chugging and chugging, and Alfred was having a panic attack.
"Arthur, please, stop." He protested, making a move to stop him. Arthur didn't move. "Please, Arthur, stop this madness!" he insisted, finally grabbing the bottle and attempting to pry it away from Arthur. Arthur growled at him and tried to pull on his side, but the alcohol had dulled his senses already. "Arthur, stop it!" he finally snapped, giving a harsh tug, which caused the bottle to escape both their grips and smash on the ground, alcohol running everywhere.
"Fuck..." Arthur immediately swore, eyes wide. "Look at what you've done! Look!" he pointed at the ground, cheeks red and eyes wide.
"I saved you years on your life span!" Alfred immediately went on a defensive note seeing as Arthur was obviously intending to attack.
"You doomed me to live knowing I had nothing left anymore!" Arthur protested loudly, and suddenly, everything stopped. The noises stopped, the voices stopped, and only their breaths remained, panting until they reached normal level again.
"Arthur, this can't be because you saw me kiss-"
"-dry hump and snog."
"Whatever. That's not the point." Alfred shook his head, hopeless as he stood uncomfortably under the angry, desperate gaze of his Queen. "Point is... Why are you doing this to yourself? Is it really because of me and what I did tonight?"
"It's because of you... And everything you've ever done..." Arthur merely replied, sighing and turning to face he bar, and slamming his head down on his arms in a sleeping position.
"Arthur..." Alfred heart strings tugged as he fumbled for things to say. He wasn't eloquent. He wasn't a genius. He wasn't a psychologist. He was just a farmer from the ninth district, a brother, a husband and a King. And he just didn't know what he could say to him. "You've got to tell me... what I've done. So I can make it better." He got closer and laid a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder. The latter shivered, but didn't move.
"I won't tell you. I won't be weak." Arthur slurred from the inside of his cocoon. "I won't be broken. You won't break me."
"Arthur, I'm not going to break you!" Alfred groaned, frustrated. "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not going to betray you, and I'm not going to judge you." His heart flipped in his chest as he wondered why he cared so much about a man so cracked in various places.
"You already are, though..." Arthur finally whispered, lifting his head and gazing at Alfred with regret pooling in his eyes.
"Listen, whatever I've done..." Alfred gulped down his pride and took Arthur by the shoulders, forcing him to look up. "I'm sorry." His throat went dry as he pronounced those words. They felt empty. Like nothing he could say would ever make up for everything he'd done to Arthur.
"Sorry..." Arthur chuckled. "Sorry's a bit late, love." Alfred heart leapt at the pet name, but he refused to smile.
"Tell me what this is about, then." He whispered, getting in close to Arthur so they could both be in their bubble. "Something is bothering you. I need to know what that is so I can fix it. So I can be your hero, Arthur. Let me be your hero." He whispered into his ear, and then drew back to look at him eye to eye.
Arthur looked at him for a moment, eyes wide and confused and betrayed, breathing softly through his mouth. Each puff of breath escaping those perfectly (in Alfred's honest opinion) kissable lips smelled like alcohol, and Alfred hated that smell on Arthur. It didn't suit him.
"For me to tell you, you're going to have to do something for me." Arthur finally nodded, and if Alfred had not immediately gone into theories, he would have realized how clear and calculating Arthur's eyes had become for a split second there.
"What is it?" Alfred encouraged.
"You're going to have to toast with me. To the magic of the King and Queen of Spades." He slurred slightly, pulling over two large shot glasses and shakily bringing a few bottles of alcohol to his side as well.
"Are you sure that's the only way?" Alfred winced, glad he could finally figure out what was wrong with Arthur, but reluctant to let Arthur have more alcohol. One little shot never hurt anybody, though, right? It would be fine.
"Yes it is. From this moment on, until you hear what I have to say, just follow my lead." Arthur hiccupped once, pushing one of the shot glasses to Alfred.
Alfred eyed the colourful liquid inside dubitatively, and threw Arthur and uncertain glance.
"Don't worry. Just shoot it down in one gulp. Have you ever drunk before?" Arthur inquired, raising the glass.
"No..." Alfred suddenly felt a bit nervous, apprehensive, even.
"Good. Did you eat anything in the past half hour?" he asked again.
"A couple of those crackers and cheeses, and a few grapes..." Alfred's throat locked, nervous as he wondered what the questions were for.
"Wonderful." Arthur suddenly smirked, lifting his glass in the air. "To the magic between the King and the Queen of Spades."
"To the magic between the King and Queen of Spades." Alfred repeated, and then took a deep breath. "Cheers."
And they both shot their glasses down.
...OOOOOOOOOOOO...
"That was... peculiar." Alfred commented as he stumbled inside their private quarters, glad that the maids had the foresight to light plenty of candles in their room already.
"I- hahaha. I can't believe you got d-drunk after a single shot glass!" Arthur followed him in, laughing.
"I-I didn't get drunk! Mildly... tipsy!" Alfred concluded as he went for the bed and fell on it, sighing.
"Move over, drunk man, coming through!" Arthur huffed before jumping on their shared bed as well.
"Ow, idiot!" Alfred whined as Arthur hit him in the face accidentally.
"Your face's fault for being in my hand's way." Arthur grumbled, clumsily starting to pull off his clothes. "Ugh, it's so hot in here."
"The windows aren't open." Alfred remarked, making a move to open them, but Arthur nudged him with his knee and groaned.
"Don't go... Just stay." He muttered with surprising clarity, hiding his face in the sheets, suddenly embarrassed.
"I..." Alfred stopped in surprise, and then sighed, smiling fondly. "Okay. I'll stay." Forever.
Arthur only growled to that and put his head back down, closing his eyes. Noting that his head was still swimming, Alfred decided to do the same. They both enjoyed a small moment of silence, each sprawled out in a drunken haze. And then, Arthur decided he didn't like the silence.
Alfred opened his eyes when he heard Arthur moving next to him, and to his great shock, he found Arthur cuddling closer to him, pressed against his side.
"Don't say anything." Arthur grunted, hesitating a little before putting his hands lightly on Alfred's chest. Alfred tried to protest, but the words wouldn't come. Arthur's eyes were hazy, but had surprising clarity in them. His lips were shut in a tight line, his fingers gently toying with the cloth of Alfred's shirt, and he looked hesitant, lost and insecure at the same time.
"Arthur…" Alfred couldn't help but whisper. Bathed in moonlight, Arthur looked breathtaking. Literally, as Alfred felt his throat go dry when Arthur looked up, responding to his name.
They didn't speak as their gazes locked, both of them apprehensive about breaking the moment of tranquility they were sharing. There was a haze around them, and though it might just have been the alcohol coursing through their systems, it was… alluring. Tempting. And they were both having a hard time standing still and resisting to the call of instincts.
Surprisingly, Arthur was the first to cave.
"Alfred." He whispered, moving with unexpected vigour as he rolled over and tangled his legs with Alfred's.
"What are you doing?" Alfred asked, more curious than protesting. His mind wasn't working clearly enough to realize his position. All he knew was that it was pleasant, and that's all that mattered.
"Shut up." Arthur put a hand on his lips, his eyes never leaving Alfred's.
And Alfred did something he never would have done if he had been fully conscious of his actions. He took Arthur's hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it, never breaking the eye contact.
Arthur's eyes went wide, and a slight tinge of pink coloured his already flushed face. He didn't pull his hand out, though. He liked the feeling of Alfred's larger hand holding his, their legs tangled, so close that their breaths mingled, and reading one another's heart through their eyes. Scratch that… he loved it.
"Alfred, I want to kiss you." He finally announced what he'd been dreading all along. Some part of him protested, saying it was improper and unnecessary, that it would ruin the distance he'd worked so hard to put in between Alfred and himself, that it would hurt him more than it would do him good.
The other part of him completely disagreed, immediately jumping to his actions' defense, saying there was no wrong in asking to kiss the one he'd grown to care for so much. So much, that is actually hurt when they weren't together. So much, that it made him want to die when he'd found Alfred in the arms of somebody else.
Alfred didn't reply, eyes half-lidded as he debated what to do. The debate didn't last long in his drunken mind, though. Running on instinct since his logic was currently on vacation, he nodded, but didn't find the strength to act upon his decision. He didn't know how to approach Arthur. Images of what had transpired less than an hour ago were still imprinted in his mind. He hated how the memories burned. And he hated the thought of hurting Arthur again.
Arthur didn't waste a moment in taking the lead, though.
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and leaned in, mouth open slightly, searching for his goal. Alfred's heart skipped a beat, because Arthur looked absolutely gorgeous, and he was scared- so scared of ruining it for him. Arthur only deserved the best. He was far from it, really. Despite that, though, he couldn't help but want this as much as Arthur did.
He was imperfect. Arthur knew it. So Arthur would know how big of a mess he was getting himself into by doing this. Or maybe he didn't, courtesy of the alcohol fuzzing their senses. Either way, Alfred wasn't about to stop him.
He let his eyes slip shut and closed the distance between them.
The first kiss was soft and chaste. They were testing each other, locating their limitations, what they could or could not do with one another. As soon as they parted, though, something started burning inside their bellies, and they found that they couldn't stay apart for much longer.
Arthur gave into his desire much quicker than Alfred did, because he wasn't conflicted about it all. He knew what he wanted, and he was taking it. Alfred knew what he wanted, and wanted to take it, too, but… most of all, he wanted Arthur to be happy. He didn't know what to do anymore.
Noticing that Alfred wasn't moving against him, Arthur thought that he wasn't being insistent enough. Had he gotten his message across? Had Alfred understood why he'd gotten so upset? He just hoped he wouldn't have to say out loud what had been plaguing him for a while now. It was embarrassing. People said that actions spoke louder than words. Maybe it was time to put that theory into practice.
He kissed Alfred again, trying to claim as much of him as possible. Alfred was barely responding, though, and Arthur was afraid, afraid that he'd done something wrong, and that he'd ruined everything in between them forever. Maybe they just weren't meant to be. A King and Queen that had grasped the magic in between them for a moment in time before letting it fly away, out of their reach forever.
"Alfred." He whined, cupping his husband's face and rubbing circles into his cheeks. "Alfred, kiss me." He whispered, a tinge of desperation lacing his voice. He didn't want them to be distant anymore. Alcohol was giving him the strength he needed to clear the gap. So here he was, clearing it.
Alfred looked at him, confused and surprised by the demand, but felt compelled to comply. So he set his hands gently around Arthur's wrists and drew him closer, moulding his lips between Arthur's.
Their position remained ever-changing after that. Something burst in between them after the second contact, and Alfred found it hard to stop once he started. Arthur was pulling him in, alluring and tempting where he laid, breathing heavily as he desperately tried to gather enough breath to continue kissing Alfred. The blush was bright on his face, and Alfred adored how mesmerizing he looked.
He couldn't resist anymore, and leaned over Arthur to kiss him again. As if on reflex, Arthur swung his arms around his neck and whined against his mouth, as if asking for more. Alfred couldn't help but oblige, with Arthur looking positively radiant like that. Despite never having done that before, he nudged Arthur's lips with his tongue, and Arthur willingly let him in without a second thought.
The heat built up between them as they explored each other thoroughly. They both wanted to know the other better than anything else, and better than anyone else. Alfred loved the engulfing heat of Arthur's mouth, and Arthur loved the insecure, innocent little movements that Alfred made as he sought approval.
Hands started roaming as they found nothing left to discover with their current contact. Buttons were the first to pop off, and clothes were second to be tossed off. In a matter of moment, Arthur had managed to strip Alfred down to his bottommost layer of clothing, his now-unbuttoned button-up shirt, and Alfred had managed to get (without much coaxing) Arthur out of his clothes, leaving his skin to sparkle in the moonlight.
"You're beautiful." Alfred whispered against Arthur's lips as he ran his hands across his shoulders, feeling the shivers dancing across Arthur's skin on his palms.
"Says the drunk man. I don't know if that's a compliment or not." Arthur chuckled lowly, his voice hitting a breathy pitch that made something inside of Alfred twitch and come to life.
"Shut up." He ordered, taking Arthur by the upper arms and pinning him on the mattress before attacking his jawline with his teeth and lips. Arthur angled his head backwards, making small noises of approval, and Alfred couldn't help but find it ironic that he was doing to Arthur what someone else had been doing to him an hour ago.
His hands left their place as he trailed down Arthur's neck and roamed down his chest, caressing the outline of his ribs, his taut stomach, the dip of his collarbone and every inch of skin there was available to the touch. Arthur occasionally whined, encouraging Alfred to work faster to hear more of those delicious noises, but most of the time just stayed motionless, melting under Alfred's ministrations and wondering where in hell he'd picked up his skills.
He just hoped Alfred hadn't done any of this before and was just guessing.
"Are you alright?" Alfred asked once he found himself ready to take a step forward.
Arthur briefly lifted his head up and his breath caught at how gorgeous Alfred looked, hunched over him, lips swollen from all the kissing. He thought of the marks he'd left on his skin made him shiver. He loved it. He loved every single moment of this, and didn't want it to stop for anything in the world.
"I'm ready when you are, poppet." He breathed, his voice breaking at the last word. He needed Alfred to know that he wasn't just doing this out of physical need and want. He was doing it because he desired to feel Alfred close to him in every sense of the term, and this was pretty much everything they would ever be able to do. This was the pinnacle, the culminating point of their so-far extremely rocky and insecure love-hate relationship. And despite having run through all the other bases way too quickly, he was ready for this.
He just hoped Alfred was mentally ready for what they were about to do, too.
"Okay." Alfred nodded, and found himself lost for a moment. The haze in his mind didn't do much for his judgement. What now? "… Lift your hips, I guess." He encouraged, fumbling with the buttons of Arthur's pants.
Arthur nodded, unable to speak, and did as he was told. Once Alfred was done struggling with the buttons, the pants were slipped off of him, the cool night air hitting his legs and making him shiver.
"You still okay?" Alfred asked again, just to make sure. Despite not being entirely in control of his logic, he still knew how important it was for Arthur to be okay with what they were doing because, after all, there was no turning back.
"Yes I am, just get on with it!" Arthur growled back at him, need gnawing at his insides. He was so hot, and being pressed so close to Alfred made him even hotter. His vision was blurry, but he still managed to get his hands on Alfred's pants and quickly worked them off. Alfred was left mildly surprised at how quick he'd been, despite being drunk out of his mind.
"Okay." Alfred nodded nervously and fumbled around until he got a hand set on Arthur's stomach and caressed, going lower and pulling at his underwear. Arthur closed his eyes and breathed harshly through his nose, trying to keep himself under control. He did do pretty well with that, at least, until Alfred worked his fingers, and Arthur instinctively arched his back, whimpering.
Alfred looked relieved, and kept going. With every stroke, Arthur found it harder and harder to breathe, pleasure consuming him as he realized that Alfred was the one sharing this experience with him. He wouldn't have anybody else.
The heat built up until it was almost too much to bear. And that's when Arthur realized that the entire time, he'd been writhing and whimpering while Alfred worked. And that wasn't how it was supposed to go. They were equals, and they were doing this together. They both deserved it equally.
"A-Alfred..." his breath caught in his throat as he shakily put his arms around his shoulders. Alfred immediately stopped, afraid that he'd done something wrong, but relaxed when Arthur pushed against him, locking their lips for an open-mouthed kiss that left them both breathless. "S-Stop teasing..." he blushed brightly, looking away. Even through his hazy mind, he realized how desperate he sounded. He wasn't desperate for anything. Just Alfred. Anything Alfred could give him, he would take.
"O-Oh." Alfred seemed to get the implication and blushed as well, fidgeting a little before getting a grip on Arthur with one hand and snaking his other hand down his naked skin. "Uhh... Okay then." He nodded, gulping down nervously.
Arthur put his forehead in the crook of his neck and waited, wondering what he would do. At first, his fingers felt nice, and then, they became a bit more uncomfortable. Arthur let him proceed, though, because he trusted Alfred. And if he were sober enough to use his common sense, he wouldn't have yelped when a sharp pain struck him from the inside, and he certainly wouldn't have pushed Alfred away, either.
"I-I'm sorry, Arthur!" Alfred looked absolutely stricken. "I-I should've warned you a-and..." he went silent, blushing, and looking entirely uncomfortable with the entire thing. Arthur sighed and looked at him for a second longer, letting the ache in his lower body fade away, before he crawled back into his lap and caressed his face.
"Don't apologize. I'm sorry for being so abrupt." He whispered, kissing him again. "There... There are other ways we could..." he let his sentence hang, just in case Alfred wanted to add anything.
He didn't, though. Despite looking somewhat unconvinced, the lack of common sense pushed him to nod and kiss Arthur back, laying him on the mattress again before removing his underwear as well. A look was shared, and then Alfred dipped in for another kiss, bringing his entire body down with him, over Arthur's.
The rest was just a haze of heat and pleasure. Their movements were imprecise, haphazard, and most definitely sloppy, but it didn't matter, because everything felt good in each other's hold. None of them actually knew what they were doing, the alcohol dulling their senses and killing their consciousness, and leaving in its wake nothing but pure instinct.
In retrospect, none of them thought that this was how they would do it for the first time. Then again, they never imagined beforehand that they would ever get to do it at all. Arthur, too insecure, and Alfred, unwilling to accept, they'd stayed on their side of the fence and had never dared wander too close to the other side, afraid of rejection, hurt, and suffering.
But tonight... Tonight, the barrier had been broken, and they'd (albeit unconsciously) found themselves in the middle, fingers entwined.
That's how they were left, also, once they finished. Panting and trying to catch their breaths, exhaustion bright in their eyes, they were left laying down, pressed close, fingers interwoven and gazes locked.
It took them some time to come down from whatever high they had been on. And as they did, realization slowly peeked out from behind the fog of alcohol, and knocked them on the head.
Arthur, never having been good with closing the dam once it had been opened, was the first to let the tears run down his cheeks. Alfred did notice quick enough as the drops glistened in his eyes and on his cheeks, making him look even more angelic than usual. Something was asking to burst inside of him, and he was barely controlling himself.
"'Sup, babe?" he muttered, both the alcohol and the exhaustion slurring his words.
Arthur didn't reply, and let the tears continue their course down his face.
"Artie. Hey, Queenie. Come on. Tell me what's wrong." He asked again, before a flash of fear sparked through his heart. "Was it... was it not good for you? D-Did I... do something wrong?" he felt his throat go dry at the mere thought that even in the greatest of all practices, he hadn't been enough for Arthur.
"N-No." Arthur croaked out, his voice scratched by the tears that were weighing down on his consciousness, already heavy with alcohol and exhaustion as well. "It's just..." he'd promised himself he'd do it tonight. It had come out a lot differently than he'd imagined, but he still had to do it. While he still could. While he still felt courageous enough to do it. "You know how I said I had something to tell you?"
"Yeah." Alfred nodded slowly, ruffling the sheets under his cheek, and remembering that this had all been done because of that single little thing Arthur had wanted to tell him. It may as well be damn important, he figured. "You can tell me now." He encouraged, as if it weren't obvious enough. He untangled his hands and took Arthur's in his, holding them to his heart, assuring him that he could tell him anything.
Arthur looked at him, and for an outsider, it would have looked like he was debating whether or not to trust Alfred. In reality, he was debating whether to trust himself or not, and whether what he was about to say would do them more good or more harm.
His head hurt too much to keep going on. So before he could think back and regret, he opened his mouth.
"I love you."
Alfred froze immediately. The weight of what he'd done hit Arthur head-on, causing more tears to escape his eyes, along with a pathetic sniffle. He curled up closer against Alfred and pressed his face against the side of his ribcage, enjoying the feeling of Alfred's hot skin smudging his cool tears against his skin.
"I love you." He repeated, as if not believing himself. "Alfred, I love you." He added again, afraid that Alfred hadn't heard him right the first two times. Or that, if he'd heard, and decided to ignore his desperate confession, that the third time would be the charm.
Alfred just looked at him with wide eyes, grip slacking for just one moment, disbelief coursing through him.
That couldn't be right. Arthur, loving someone like him? A commoner? Someone that hadn't stopped insulting him and telling him how much he didn't like him? That couldn't be right. He refused to acknowledge that this could be anything but a lie. He refused to let himself be happy, afraid that it would all break down afterwards.
Still, he wasn't expecting that. Not from Arthur. Not now. Not ever, really. Something exploded inside his heart, and he momentarily found it hard to breathe. Arthur loved him. That should have been enough. But it wasn't.
"Alfred?" Arthur shakily called, noticing that he hadn't moved. "A-Alfred, p-please, I-I..." he choked out another sob. "I-I'm sorry, I just... I l-love you... s-so much..."
"Arthur." Alfred finally found himself cutting his husband off with a stern glare that had surprising clarity in it. It was like his alcohol-dulled senses had returned for just one moment, just for the time it took to pronounce his next sentence. "Tell me again when you're sober, and only then I'll believe you."
Arthur's eyes went wide, and he choked again.
"B-But-" the protest was forming on his lips, but it never had time to manifest itself. Alfred just sighed and pulled the cover over them, kissing his forehead and effectively shutting him up.
"Arthur." He stopped him again. "You're drunk."
Arthur just looked at him again, eyes wide and wet. A mix of disappointment, hope and anguish was coursing through his veins, but he just couldn't place what his reaction should have been. He was just so confused. Why couldn't anything be simple?
"I know..." he finally whispered when he finally gave in to the desolation that was threatening to overwhelm him. "I... I wouldn't have been able to say it if I wasn't..." he admitted, before flipping around clumsily and curling up on himself, as if to protect himself from the outside world.
Alfred blinked to clear the mild shock he felt at Arthur's words, but couldn't bring himself to over-analyze anything. He was just so tired, dizzy and confused... He just needed his sleep to clear his head now.
Wordlessly, he threw a worried look at Arthur's turned back, and then turned around as well, closing his eyes.
They would deal with it in the morning. The dreaded morning after.
Author's Notes
Okay, so if you're cracky in the head like I am, you would've thought that Arthur was going to say "I'm pregnant, and it's your baby" xD But nope. It was something less epic, and just a lot more sentimental.
Actually, I had a nightmare about this chapter. In it, all my readers reviewed, complaining that the sexy tiemz were misplaced and awkward and totally irrelevant to the story and that they weren't going to read anymore. So that was my nightmare. Hope it's not a premonition D:
Drinking: Devious!drunk!Arthur is devious. Did you see how he totally planned it from the beginning? He asked Alfred if he had eaten anything, and if he'd even drunk before. So Alfred did obviously get drunk on a single shot, because 1) it was very strong alcohol 2) he hasn't ever touched alcohol before 3) he's drinking on a quasi-empty stomach. Also, kids, don't drink on an empty stomach. It's very dangerous.
Also, about the sex itself: I hope you do realize that anal sex is uncommon, even with gay couples. Most of the time, gay couples use intercrural techniques because anal sex requires a lot of expertise and experience (LOL), and it's very painful. So most obviously, Arthur and Alfred weren't going to have anal sex for their first time while drunk and totally not in control of their movements. Anal takes a lot of preparation and has to be conducted carefully, and two inexperienced teenagers couldn't pull that off while drunk.
And this is the culminating point of the USUK, along with the next chapter (which I have to rewrite, ohmigod ;A; ). I hope that wasn't TOO bad for you. If you're worried, don't be, because that was pretty much the only sex scene in the story (and even then... that wasn't much of a lemon, was it? xD).
Next chapter is going to be late, like I said, because I lost my file and rewriting 8000 words from memory isn't one of my most favourite hobbies. I'm sad, you guys, like you wouldn't believe. I could cry ;_; So yep. I know the next chapter might be a while from now (couple of weeks?) but please bear with me. And please review! Please!