Chapter 10 ~ Unrequitted

It was not a bright morning in Trost city. Though it was still summer, the morning did not have its usual clear blue sky. Above the busy city, the honking cars & swarms of people marching on their own missions, the early morning sky covered with dull grey clouds. The clouds swirled lightly, their grey colour giving the indication of starting of a rainy day.

"It's going to rain," (y/n) murmured looking at the sky through the window.

The kettle on the gas burner whistled loudly signalling the water heated already. Turning her gaze from the cloudy sky to the wall clock (y/n) huffed.

'Why doesn't he come for breakfast yet? Should I call him? I think no. Maybe he is getting ready.' (y/n) thought as she put down the kettle from the burner to the kitchen counter. Levi told her last night that he had to go to the office at 8 a.m. It was already half past seven, but Levi did not come for breakfast yet.

About ten minutes later, finally Levi came to the dining room. He sat at the dining table silently, placed his phone on the table. After serving him breakfast, (y/n) took a cup & filled it with his favourite black tea. She placed the cup on a saucer and asked, "Do not you have to go to the office early today?"

He dropped a sugar cube in his cup and stirred it with a spoon. "The meeting cancelled," Levi replied, eyes fixed on the cup.

(y/n) frowned to hear his hoarse voice. Something was not right. "Levi, are you all right?" (y/n)'s voice was full of concern.

"I'm fine," Levi answered, looking at his wristwatch. He put down his half-eaten toast on the plate & said, "I have to leave now."

(y/n) gave him a worried expression. She glanced at the breakfast she served Levi. It was almost untouched & he did not even finish his favourite tea. Her gaze shifted to her husband, and anxiety bubbled in her stomach to see his pale, strained face. The bags under his eyes became more prominent; he looked so tired that he would faint at any moment.

'Was he working all night again? '

"Levi, you-"

"Mommy, I do not want to drink milk." Eren's whining voice interrupted her.

(y/n) turned her gaze to Eren who was grumpily looking at the glass of milk. Glancing at her husband once she went to Eren & said, "Eren, do not say that. If you're a good boy, then quickly finish this. You're a good boy, aren't you?"

Levi felt something was not right when he woke up from his slumber. He felt uneasy, body aching and the throbbing headache made it worse. He wanted to lay down again & spend the whole day in his bed. But, he could not take a leave that day due to an important meeting. The meeting which supposed to hold in the morning cancelled, but another one was after that & Levi did not want to miss that at any cost.

Levi knew (y/n) would not let him go to the office if she knew about his condition. So he tried to act he was fine, but in the end, he failed. As soon as he stood up from his chair, everything around him began to spin, his breathing became short, quick gasps. His phone fell from his hand to the floor, and he grabbed the edge of the table to keep himself from falling.

(y/n) was about to say something to Eren but stopped at the sound of something fall. She whipped her head to the source of the sound & her (e/c) eyes widen in shock as she found Levi on the verge of fainting. She rushed towards him, but before she could reach for him, his vision blurred and everything around him went black.

"Levi!"

†*†*†*†*†

After tucking Eren in his bed for his afternoon nap, (y/n) came to Levi's room to check on him. She put down a bowl filled with cold water and a piece of clean, dry cloth on the bedside table. She sat on the edge of his bed and placed her palm on his forehead.

Sensing his temperature got down a bit, (y/n) sighed in relief. She dipped the cloth in the bowl's water, wrung it and then place it on his forehead. She scooted closer to him and gently ran her fingers through his smooth hair.

The (h/c) haired woman looked at the cloudy sky through the floor to ceiling window of the bedroom. Large drops of rain splattered hard against the window, and thunder rumbled. (y/n) looked down at Levi's sleeping form; her gaze became wary as she remembered what she happened in the study room a few minutes ago.

To find a file Isabel asked for, (y/n) went to the study room. There she searched all the selves, checked the files piled on the study table, but that particular file she could not find. When she was about to leave the room, she noticed one of the drawers of the study table was open. She almost forgot to check the drawers. Luckily, she found the file she was searching for, and something else she also found there.

In one of the drawers of the table, she found a diary and a jewellery box. It was Levi's diary and written four years ago, which means it was the year of Eren's birth & the last year of Levi & Natalie's relation.

(y/n) never thought that she would ever find something like that. But few questions also came to her mind. 'Why does he lock this one diary in his drawer? Is it have something that he does not want anyone else to find? Is it about his and Natalie's relationship?'

So should she read it?

There was a battle between her conscience and mind, where one told her she shouldn't read the diary, and the other encouraged her to read it to know about Levi's past. However, in the end, her mind won the battle. How could she let this chance slip, a chance to get a glimpse of Levi's past? (y/n) knew it was not right to read someone else's diary without their permission, but her curiosity got better of her.

Maybe that time she should listen to her conscience instead of her mind.

Why did she think that?

The diary had a detailed description of his daily life, about his beloved one who was expecting their first child. He wrote about his various surprise plans for her, his secret plan to propose her for marriage on the Christmas Eve, and how they prepared everything to welcome their unborn child.

Words have a strange power that can affect anyone or any situation just in a moment. Levi had never been a talkative person. It was hard to tell what was going on his mind because of his cold & distant nature. But the real him was not like the one he showed to everyone. His diary was the proof of that.

(y/n) could not read more than twelve pages from the diary. She could not read more about the woman whom Levi once madly loves, a love near to become an obsession to him.

†*†*†*†*†

The boom of thunder broke her trance. (y/n) took the damp cloth and soaked it in the bowl's water, wrung it and again place on Levi's forehead. Then her mind began to drift to another memory- the day she meets with Kenny.

It was a bolt from the blue to (y/n) & (f/n) when three years ago doctors told them about (m/n)'s illness. The doctors clearly told them if they immediately did not start the treatment, (m/n) might be a guest of only a few months. (m/n)'s treatment started immediately; two operations also happened, but (m/n)'s condition did not improve much.

Seeing (m/n)'s deteriorating health, (y/n) decided to admit her mother in the Trost City Hospital, which was one of the best super speciality hospitals in the state, for better treatment. But, (y/n) could not admit her mother there because she did not have the money for the treatment.

(y/n) & (f/n) spend almost all their money for (m/n)'s treatment. Even they had to loan some money and mortgaged their house to continue (m/n)'s treatment. After two years, continuing like this their financial condition became so poor that they had to stop (m/n)'s treatment for a month.

After just two weeks without any medication, (m/n) condition worsen drastically. At that time they could hardly meet ends, let alone buy (m/n)'s medicine. (y/n) was desperate to earn more money by any means. She heard that one can earn a lot of money quickly from an escort service. So she decided to join the escort service so at least she could pay for the medicine for her mother. If she could earn money by selling her body, then she would take that chance for (m/n)'s sake.

Without telling her parents a word, (y/n) joined the escort service. But before the day of her first appointment, as luck would have it, an unexpected guest came to her house. And the unexpected guest was none other than Kenny Ackerman.

When (y/n) first heard Kenny's proposal, it was hard for her to believe his words. When (y/n) first heard Kenny's proposal, it was hard for her to believe his words. But after Kenny explained in detail his proposal, (y/n) understood it was a chance she should not miss. After hearing Levi's past & how he forced for the marriage from his uncle, (y/n) was sure she would have to face a lot of hassle after the marriage. She would not surprise if he tried to hurt her physically or mentally.

(y/n) accepted Kenny's proposal keeping her parents in dark. Though there was a possibility to be harassed by her would-be-husband, she could not lose such golden opportunity when her mother's life was hanging on a thread. However, to (y/n) the marriage was a better option for her than joining the escort service. Was not it better to ravished by different men every night than to molest by just one person?

As (y/n) suspected, her husband was not very pleased to live with his wife & son. Levi made it clear to her what she & Eren to him on the very first day in her new home. She never forgot what he said that day...

'I will never accept you two as my family. And (y/n), you do not need to be wary of me trying to have any intimacy with you. You can be sure as hell, I will never touch someone like you.'

A sigh left her lips as she closed her eyes. (y/n) did not understand why all of those past events came flooding in her mind all of a sudden. Maybe because of the diary & jewellery box she found that day. Speaking of the jewellery box, (y/n) remembered what was inside that box.

It was an amethyst ring, made of two coloured gold. (y/n) guessed the ring might be the one Levi brought to propose Natalie. Unfortunately, he could not do that at last but kept it anyway.

As soon as (y/n) remembered the ring, her eyes shifted to Levi's left hand. She gently held Levi's left palm, rubbing her thumb softly on the ring finger, which did not have the wedding band that should be. He removed the ring the next day of their marriage, saying he did not want to wear the ring which had no value to him.

Yes, the wedding band had no value to him. Just like their marriage & she had no value to him. However, that did not mean he did not love his son, he never said he cared for him, but his actions spoke the truth.

The relation between Levi and Eren was improving slowly, the child protection committee's reports were positive, (m/n) was getting the best treatment, everything was going the way (y/n) wanted. Though all these should be enough for her, it was not. She wanted more; she wanted something that she could not have.

(e/c) eyes gazed at the man lying before her. She pressed his palm to her cheek, a faint smile came to her lips feeling the warmth of his hand.

'Why each time I hear about Natalie my heart ached so badly? I know she is your past, but still, I can't stop feeling insecure about this. Why, Levi?'

Closing her eyes, she nuzzled his palm. Those questions often came to her mind, and few answers also came following. But she always dismissed the answers thinking they must be wrong.

A voice in the back of her mind whispered, 'Accept the answers, (y/n) because they're the truth you can't escape anymore. Do you not know why you are so jealous of Natalie?'

Jealousy?

(y/n) opened her eyes, a sad smile on her lips as she tenderly gazed at Levi. She whispered lowly, "I do not know when and how it happened, but I can't escape from it anymore. I often questioned myself why I felt so jealous of Natalie; why I felt so insecure. Finally, I got the answers. I always feared to lose you. Why?"

She leaned forward and placed her one palm on his cheek, stroking his cheek gently as she continued, "Because, I do not want to lose the person I love. Yes, I love you. I hopelessly fall for you, Levi.

"Tears burned her eyes & her lower lip trembled. 'I know I should not have these feelings for you, but it's too late for me now. But what is the point of confessing to you when I know your answer? So, let this love my secret..an unspoken, unrequited secret.'