Chapter 10:
Present:
Clarke and Bellamy had gotten home from the hospital, super tired, they went to bed.
Clarke had been pushing down the thoughts of her miscarriage, until the nurse had brought it up. All she wanted to do was cry. She cried once when she lost this baby, then she pushed the rest of it down and went on with her life.
The next morning had been hell, she felt like she did the first time she had a hangover. She had just turned 21 and went out with Octavia. She had been so drunk, she wanted to stop drinking but she couldn't. It felt so good to let loose, so good.
"Bell? Bellamy? Bell, where the hell are you?"
"Right here. God, no need to shout. Someone is cranky."
"Well, I have a pretty good excuse. It's that time again."
Clarke felt her heart fall, she wasn't supposed to be getting periods. She was supposed to be picking out baby clothes… but no, she was not pregnant anymore, she was on her period. And all she wanted to do was cry.
Bellamy saw the expression on her face fall. "Clarke, what's wrong?"
"Bell, i'm on my period," she said with tears falling down her cheeks.
"Wow, you must be really moody," he said with a small laugh and hugged her.
"No, bell. I'm. On. My. Period! I'm not suppose to be on my period! Pregnant women are not suppose to have periods!"
Finally he understood, he had understood that Clarke was having drawbacks from being pregnant.
"Oh Clarke," he didn't know what to say honestly. He wanted to be picking out baby names and clothes to, but, he couldn't now.
"Bell, I need to see Octavia. Right now. I think she can help me."
"Clarke are you sure?"
"Yes, it's time we tell her what Lincoln did."
"I agree, but Clarke, the second you feel uncomfortable, were leaving. Got it?"
"Got it."
Clarke and Bellamy had arrived at Octavia's apartment and were about to knock, when…
Octavia opened the door and saw Clarke and couldn't believe her eyes.
"hi?"
"Hi. I think we should talk."
"Um…Yeah, ok. Come in," Octavia said hesitant
Clarke and Bellamy gave each other a look, they were both surprised when she invited them in.
They talked for a while, caught up on some things. It felt like old times for Clarke, until Octavia asked the question she was dreading,"What are you doing here? For real?"
Clarke dreaded This moment. She couldn't tell her best friend this. It killed her, but she has to.
"There's something we need to tell you," she stated.
"Ok."
"Octavia, I am not-" Clarke couldn't keep the tears from falling down her cheeks.
"I am not pregnant… anymore."
"What? I don't understand." She shot a questioning look towards Bellamy.
"I lost the baby."
"When?" And that's when it hit Octavia, she lost the baby when Lincoln had hurt her that day.
"Oh my god," she said covering her mouth. She felt the bile rising in her throat. She couldn't believe this, her boyfriend had been the reason her best friend and her brother had lost her baby.
"O? O? Please say something," Clarke pleaded.
"I just… I didn't know. I can't believe this. I-I don't know what to say." And she was telling the truth. For the first time in her life, Octavia Blake had no idea what to say.
"I think we should leave," she said to Bellamy.
"I- yeah, uh, please. I just need a moment."
Bellamy and Clarke walked out of Octavia's apartment. They only spoke when they got outside.
"Well, that went exactly how I thought it would,"
Clarke stated.
"That's how you thought it would go?"
"Well, yeah. And you do know she's not upset about the baby, she's upset about the fact that Lincoln is the reason."
"Yeah I know, I just wish she would try to understand where we are and how we feel," Bellamy said kind of sad.
"Well, I don't think she ever will."
"I know, especially not now. You know with Lincoln in jail."
"What do you mean?"
"She's never going to move on. While we are out living our lives she will be out getting wasted," Bellamy said with desperation in his voice.
"What do you mean, living our lives?" Clarke asked
"Well, I don't know. Getting married, having a kid, maybe two."
"Bell, come on. Not right now."
"Yeah, I know, not right now. But you can't say you haven't thought of any of this."
"Well, I-" And in that moment Clarke realized what was actually happening. Bellamy Blake was a persistent man, he never took no for an answer. But Clarke still couldn't help how she felt about this. She knew what she wanted, but they were just fantasies and dreams, up until this moment.
"Bellamy, I have. But, I just don't know if I'm ready. At least not right now," Clarke said with a serious face.
"Ok, I get it. Really. Now let's go home. It's getting cold out."
"Ok."
Clarke knew this conversation would be revisited. But some part of her was looking forward to it. She and Bellamy were both going to get what they longed for. A life together.