A/N-

Guys i can't even express how very dearly sorry i am for this extended delay. Last week was spent with my friends and family before coming back to school and this week has been spent adjusting and i just haven't had much time to write and what time i have had has been taken over by SkinsFanatic so blame her. Just kidding, i told her i wouldn't blame her so I'M NOT GONNA. :) I do want to actually genuinely thank her because she helped me a lot with ending this one. and also by making me write by IGNORING ME cause she's RUDE. so THANKS!

seriously though.. i'm really sorry you guys. I'm gonna try to be better with this but my schedule is already crazy, and i'm facing major writer's block, so unfortunately i can't guarantee super speedy updates anymore :(

I promise i'm trying, and i thank you all for reading and reviewing and for your continued support

I hope you enjoy

Disclaimer: noooooope

I almost kissed Naomi.

And she almost let me.

Which scared me much more than I ever thought it would. Yes I wanted to kiss her, I was dying to feel her lips against my own again, but I had never been so grateful for being interrupted as I did when I walked into the kitchen and stood next to Ava. If I had kissed her, if I had crossed that line that tore us apart as teenagers, I could have ruined everything. Just because she got caught up in a moment and almost let me do it, didn't mean it was what she wanted, or was ready for. I'd kissed her multiple times in college, and yet she still ended up breaking my heart.

I didn't know if I was ready to risk going through that pain again for the satisfaction of one simple kiss.

So, though I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and feel her skin against mine, I refrained. I still stole glances as we made and ate our pizza, wishing I wasn't so scared of getting hurt again, wishing she wanted me, but more than anything wishing that she would be brave and make the first move.

The longer I spent in her presence, the easier it was to ignore the desire I had for her. It was backwards, and a bit confusing, but being around her, at least when Ava was there, made me almost forget how desperate I was for something more than friends.

"Alright bug, go get ready for bed and we'll watch a movie." Naomi said a little after eight. We had spent the last hour playing board games and eating ice cream. It was a simple night, and much different from how I usually spent mine, but I couldn't picture myself doing anything else.

"Can we watch Despicable Me again?" Ava asked as she stood up off of the floor. Her eyes were already drooping and her movements were slow and lazy.

"We can watch whatever you want," Naomi smiled and kissed her head, "after you put on your pyjamas and brush your teeth."

"Emily can you help me pick out my pyjamas?"

I was about to nod my head and smile when Naomi gently touched my arm and shook her head. The feel of her skin against mine for the first time since our almost kiss successfully wiped my mind of all thought.

"Emily's gonna help me clean up the games," Naomi said, Ava's face fell the slightest bit and she looked to me for confirmation. I glanced back at Naomi before looking at Ava and nodding slowly.

"Yeah I'm going to help your mum, but maybe next time okay?"

"Okay," she sighed before reluctantly turning and heading toward the stairs.

"Sorry," Naomi said when Ava was safely out of ear shot "but if I would have let you go up with her I wouldn't see either of you for at least a half hour."

"It's no problem," I giggled and began picking up the stray monopoly pieces. "So, why do you call her bug?"

She combed her fingers through her hair and a smile formed on her face "It was Effy who came up with it actually," she laughed, "when Ava was like a year old she used to sleep on her stomach with her legs tucked up under her, and my mum got her this red and black spotted blanket that she loved, and when she slept with it she looked like a lady bug. So Effy started calling her that and I guess it just kind of stuck."

"So you and Effy are still close then?"

"Yeah she's practically family. Besides my mum she's the only one whose been here for me through everything."

I felt a pang of regret and sadness at those words. Because even thought she was the one who pushed me away, I still wished I could have been there for her. I didn't want to get into that though, not yet anyways. I knew we had to talk eventually, especially if I ever wanted there to be a chance of properly being with her. But it wasn't the right time. Not with Ava upstairs and my nerves still skyrocketing from our almost kiss.

"So are you and Ava still coming over this weekend?" I asked instead, steering the conversation into what I knew would be safer territory.

Her face lit up and she eagerly nodded her head, "Definitely," she smiled, "Friday or Saturday?"

"Well I've got a date on Friday so we'll have to do Saturday."

Her smile faltered the slightest bit at my words, and I couldn't deny that I was happy to see that, "a date eh?"

"Yeah," I laughed, "With an apparently handsome bloke named Nigel."

"Nigel?" she raised her eyebrows, "but aren't you gay?"

"Not according to my mum."

"Seriously?" She asked, "So what, you're going on a fake date to make her think you've got a boyfriend?"

I snorted at the idea of that, "No, I'm going on a blind date with her friend's son so she will shut up about me not having a proper job."

"Being a librarian is a proper job!"

"Not according to her," I sighed, "and being gay on top of that is just simply unacceptable."

"She really doesn't accept it even after all these years?"

"Nope," I sighed and shook my head, "forever a bigot, my mum."

"What's a bigot?" Ava asked, walking into the living room with the previously mentioned red and black spotted blanket in hand.

I looked over at Naomi for help and she shrugged, "It's," she hesitated, "someone who thinks they are better than other people and judges people based on who they are."

Ava looked at Naomi curiously for a few moments, digesting her information, before brushing her hair out of her face, "can we watch the movie now?"

I laughed in amusement as Naomi stood up off of the floor, "Did you clean your teeth?" she asked as she set the monopoly box on the table.

"Yes for two minutes just like you said to," Ava smiled proudly and climbed up onto the sofa.

"Good girl," Naomi smiled and headed toward the TV, I tried not to let my eyes roam over her body, but it was a futile attempt.

"Emily come sit by me," Ava demanded, tearing my attention from her mother.

"Yes ma'am," I said obediently, getting up and making my way over to her. As soon as I sat down she cuddled into my side and spread her small blanket over both of our laps. It barely made it down to my knees and didn't reach her feet, but she smiled up at me with a proud innocent smile nonetheless. I found myself smiling back at her against my will, and hers somehow grew even more.

"I like you Emily," She sighed, resting her head on my upper arm, "none of mummy's other friends play with me besides you and Auntie Effy but Auntie Effy doesn't count."

"Why doesn't Effy count?"

"Because she's my Auntie so she has to play with me."

"And what is Emily then?" Naomi butted in and sat down on the other side of Ava.

Ava hugged my arm and looked over at Naomi as if the answer to that question was obvious. When Naomi just shrugged, she glanced over at me, with the same expression, before turning back to her mum, "She's my Emily," She finally said, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

The amount of adoration I felt for her in that moment was immeasurable. I just looked down at her face, full of honesty and innocence, and my heart swelled ten times its normal size.

I didn't know what I'd done for her to like me so much. I mean I acted toward her the same way I acted to any other child I'd encountered in my life, and none of them had even given me a second glance.

But Ava seemed to love me from the first time I came over to her house. And I felt the exact same way towards her. There was somehting that drew me to her, something that made me cherish every moment I spent near her. I didn't doubt that it had something to do with who her mum was.

I had been inexplicably drawn to Naomi since the day I met her. She was across the room in our year eight English class, sitting by herself and minding her own business. I was over with Katie trying to ignore her annoying attempts to get people to pay attention to her, and Naomi looked over to scowl at my overbearing sister. And then her eyes locked on mine, for the briefest moment, and for the first time, and the last time in longer than I'd like to remember, I saw the real Naomi. The glare slipped from her face for the briefest moment, and as her icy blue eyes stared into mine I saw the frightened, but oh so lovely person Naomi Campbell actually was.

She looked away almost as quickly as she had looked at me, and didn't look at me again until that fateful party where I finally kissed her. But from that moment, I had an uncontrollable desire to know her. I would have done anything to talk to her, to just be near her. But I didn't do much to stand up for myself those days, I followed obediently behind Katie, and continued to steal glances from afar, hoping that one day I would finally be able to talk to her.

I liked to think that Naomi was just as drawn to me as I was to her, and at that party in middle school I actually believed she might be. I had arrived with Katie, but she quickly left me to find more interesting people, so I wandered around the house we were at until I found a vacated bench in the garden.

Naomi came out a few minutes after I did for a fag, and somehow we ended up spending the rest of the night in each other's presence. We talked about anything and everything, laughed, and I found myself opening up to her more than I'd ever opened up to anybody before. It was easy, being with her. I felt it and I knew she felt it too. We had been touching all night, little shoves and pushes here and there, and we were almost to the point of cuddling on that bench, but it was me who finally made the move. I kissed her, and she kissed me back, and nothing else had ever felt so wonderful. It wasn't just a little peck on the lips either, we were kissing, properly snogging, for at least five minutes before Katie made her way over to us and ripped us apart.

As soon as she showed up Naomi pulled away from me, eyes wide with freight, and before Katie could even properly yell at her for 'attacking' me, she was gone. Running through the gate in the garden and never looking back.

We didn't talk after that again until college, and it was the hardest times of my life. Katie had started spreading rumours about the kiss, saying Naomi was a pervy dyke who jumped me, and instead of simply ignoring me, Naomi sent constant daggers in my direction. I felt terrible for the things Katie was saying, and I wanted nothing more than to just walk over and kiss the glares right off of Naomi's face, but I couldn't. I was still too scared to step out of my sister's shadow and stand up for the truth.

College though, was when things started to get better. At the time, it didn't always feel that great because I still faced her rejection more than once. But I got to talk with her. I built a proper friendship with Naomi, and the time I spent with her had been the best times of my life. Then we spent that night together at the lake, and at first, I thought everything was finally falling together. I thought we were finally going to just be together and not worry about anything else.

We would have been, if it was up to me. But unfortunately Naomi wasn't ready for the implications of that. She wasn't ready to love someone at all, let alone a girl. I tried to forget about the things that were said when I went to her house that afternoon. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. And thinking about it only reminded me about how much it hurt.

"Hey you okay?" Naomi's gentle voice broke me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head before looking over at her and smiling, "Yeah, just got a bit lost in my thoughts there." I glanced down and was slightly embarrassed to find that Ava had fallen asleep, "apparently for quite a while."

"Nah the movie only started about twenty minutes ago," Naomi assured me, "Ava never lasts long when she's got someone to cuddle with."

"Right," I nodded, trying to reorient myself with the present. I looked back over at Naomi again, her eyes locked with mine and I was immediately filled with the same peace I felt all those years ago. The peace of seeing Naomi for who she really is. The only difference was this time she didn't try to hide it. She was letting me see her. For once in her life she wasn't running away from the intensity that always seemed to arrive when we were together.

I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to cry. It was like all of the emotions I'd ever felt since I first met her ten years ago were rushing through me in that moment, and I didn't know what to do with them.

I did know though, that I really needed to get out of there. I could already feel the tears welling in my eyes as I gently removed myself from Ava's grasp.

"Going somewhere?" Naomi asked, slight amusement in her voice.

I nodded my head and avoided looking at her, "Yeah," I cleared my throat, "I have to get heading home."

I heard shuffling behind me and glanced back to see Naomi standing up, a concerned look on her face, "Hey, you all right?" She reached for me and I automatically flinched away.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice shaking as a tear slid down my cheek, "I've just got to go, I'll text you."

I turned and walked out of the room before she had the chance to say anything else. I knew she would be concerned, I would be if I was in her position. And the proper thing for me to do would be to tell her the truth, to tell her that I was just overwhelmed and didn't want her to see me cry. But I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted to be I wasn't ready to open myself up to her completely again. So I had to get away from her before I was forced to do just that.

The tears stayed back until I closed her door behind me, but as soon as it clicked behind me they began cascading down my cheeks. I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head as I walked through the dark streets, not caring much that to anyone else I probably looked like a mess. The mass of emotions I was feeling was too much, so I couldn't do anything but accept the violent sobs that were taking over my body. I didn't even know why I was crying so much. I hadn't even been thinking specifically about anything overly emotional. Yet I felt like I was back in that classroom, that garden, the lake, her front lawn, all at the same time, all over again.

I stopped about halfway to my house in an attempt to calm myself down. When I did I felt my phone buzzing from in my pocket, of course it was a text from the one person I didn't want to hear from in that moment.

Hey, I don't know what happened, but I hope you're okay. Here to talk if you need me. XxNaomi

Seeing her message only brought more tears to my eyes. She was being so lovely and I wanted to be able to talk to her, but everything about our past made me far too scared to do that. So instead of replying, I turned off my phone, shoved it in my pocket, and continued to cry the rest of the way home.

Sorry this ending sucks, wanted to have more time to finish it but i want to post this now and my friend is on her way up with tacos so i'm giving you what i've got!

sorry again for the wait! i'll put more up asap!

let me know your thoughts!