The Winter Chill
Chapter 10
Battling with Thirst
Disclaimer: Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino.
Chapter Summary: Kaname confronts Zero about his fall to Level E and offers up a solution; this decision wreaks havoc on Yuuki's newly developed senses.
Yuuki was unable to sleep once again. It wasn't just the call of the night for the vampire inside that kept her awake; it was also her worry for Zero. He hadn't returned from the training grounds; instead, he had informed the Headmaster that he was taking up lodge in his dorm room. Logically, she knew he was alright. He had taken enough blood from her last time to last him a few days, but…there was this nagging feeling that emotionally Zero wasn't fine. She chewed her bottom lip and leaned her head back against the wall. 'Will I ever really know Zero?' She wondered. 'Even after all this time, after all we've been through, his heart is still just as closed to me as ever.' She closed her eyes. 'Just when I think we're making progress, he forces us two steps back and slams a new door with a more complicated lock in my face.' She sighed. 'But it's not like I can force him to come to me. He's making it pretty clear that he doesn't want to talk to me right now….but I've never been very good at taking those signals. I see them, but I don't abide by them…So, why am I now?' Yuuki looked down at her hands. She turned them over to see completely healed skin. She sighed. 'Because I'll have to explain to him where I've been and why I've been there. I'll have to tell him about what I am. He's not like the Headmaster; he doesn't already know. I don't want to see his face when he finds out that I'm a vampire. Well, no, not just that I'm a vampire, but that I'm the sister of the person he hates beyond all comparison. I'm the thing he hates out of all vampires: a Pureblood.' Her eyes stung with tears. 'I have no doubts that such a revelation would be enough to destroy our friendship…' She bit into her lower lip to stop it from wobbling. "That," she sighed aloud, "is why I'm sitting here. That's why I'm not racing toward the dorms now and demanding that he talk to me…" She bowed her head and covered her face with her hands. "I'm such a coward," she laughed bitterly at herself.
'So, what am I going to do?' She wondered. 'Am I just going to sit here all night, worrying and going in circles?' The very thought aggravated her. Yuuki was at the heart of her a woman of action. This stillness was driving her insane. 'What can I do though? I'm too cowardly right now to try and fix whatever is wrong with Zero…' Her earlier words to the Headmaster came filtering unprovoked into her mind: "If he were to turn me now, I would be nothing but a child. A baby vampire. As I am, I have little knowledge on how to use my powers to my advantage. I would be a sitting duck in his world. I would be a joke to the nobles and, even though he would never say it, an embarrassment for Kaname." She straightened up. 'But I can work on myself…' She thought as she pushed out of bed. "Where to start?" She wondered aloud. 'What's the most pressing? The most dangerous right now?' It occurred to Yuuki seconds after asking herself that question; her powers were the most pressing. They were second only to her thirst, but it was manageable with blood tablets; so for the moment she discredited it. "A vampire's powers seem to be influenced directly by their emotions," Yuuki mused, "or, at least, mine do..." She chewed her bottom lip. She had always been a passionate person; when she felt, it was always strong. No one feeling was muted. She bowed her head. 'That's a part of me that going to have to change…just a little. I can't be exploding things every time I get angry or stressed. The Day Class would be in tremendous danger if that started happening…' "But how do I get it under control?" She asked herself.
'Hmm…you could try meditation,' the other side of her interjected. Yuuki snapped her fingers.
'That's right!' She agreed. 'Father tried to teach me it once, but I never got the hang of it.' She blinked when she processed the thought that had just passed through her mind. 'I've been thinking more and more like you lately…'
'It's only natural. You've accepted our past completely. You aren't fighting it anymore.'
'Right. Well,' Yuuki sank down on the floor and crossed her legs. 'Eh…how do I do this again?'
"Like this, Yuuki," her heart skipped as she heard the voice of her father even if just in memory. Even if just in her mind's eye, she saw him sitting across from her. He sat across from her on the decorative rug. His legs were crossed; his hands were in his lap as opposed to at the edge of his knees. Five year old Yuuki settled down in the same position. She stuck her tongue between her teeth in concentration. Haruka chuckled and smiled, "what an adorable daughter I have…" He hummed. Yuuki pulled her tongue back between her teeth and flushed.
"What next, papa?" She asked, trying to hide her embarrassment at his compliment.
"Close your eyes, Yuuki," she did. "Try to find your center, a place where you are calm, nothing can harm you."
"I have to find Onii-sama?" Yuuki asked cutely. Haruka's eyes widened; his lips rolled together as he tried to suppress the laugh that threatened to escape him.
"Not exactly, Yuuki." In his voice, she could hear barely contained laughter. "A memory would do just as nicely," he said. She flushed again and closed her eyes. "Once you've found it," he added, "focus on it. Embrace the memory and let it soothe you, but don't fall asleep." Yuuki heard him, but this time she didn't open her eyes. She was busy trying to find that place her father spoke of. 'A memory of Onii-sama…A memory of Onii-sama…' She scanned through her memory, trying to find the one that made her feel the calmest, the safest. 'But there are so many!' She complained. Frustrated, she chose simply chose one.
After a few seconds, Yuuki started to fidget. She heard her father chuckle. "Just give me ten minutes, Yuuki. Just ten and then you can be done for the day."
"Daddy," Yuuki whispered brokenly as she curled into herself. The memory had cut into her like a dull blade, tearing at the flesh of her heart with deliberate slowness. The pain she felt was fresh and sharp. She hadn't seen him die, but she had felt the moment her father had passed. She had smelt his blood and she had seen the look on her mother's face. Her father would never experience those milestones with her. Her lips quivered; she pressed them together tightly as if the pressure would stop the tears she could feel coming. 'I…never had the chance to grieve them properly…' The window began to crack as her aching heart caused her powers to lash out. 'And now that I do…I can't because I'm afraid I'll destroy the entire house.' A somber laugh escaped her.
'Grieve for mother and father after,' the child said sadly. 'When we aren't in danger of demolishing an entire block.' Yuuki took a deep breath and shoved her grief back.
'Right,' she acknowledged. 'Later.' She straightened up and closed her eyes again. In her mind, she heard her father telling her what to do. 'Find you center, a place where you are calm and safe.' Unlike when she was younger, that place wasn't so hard to find. She imagined that she was back inside Kaname's mind; the warmth that had surrounded her, the feeling that nothing could touch her: it had been what lulled her to sleep that first time. His mind was her safe place. It did not escape her notice that she still considered her Onii-sama her center. She allowed herself a small smile before she shut out everything else. She sank down into that safe place and focused only on the calmness she felt. The only sound she registered was that of her steady breathing.
X
Zero collapsed against the bench, out of breath and aching. The training course shut down with a quiet whirl as he beat his previous time. He picked up his water bottle and brought it to his lips. He tilted his head back and took three long pulls of the crisp water. He lowered the bottle and wiped his lips. Zero sighed, leaned his head back against the wall, and closed his eyes. The second his lids dipped down, he saw Yuuki's face. He saw her smiling with that familiar mischievous light in her eyes and then he saw her frightened and crying: the two versions of her face battled for space. He bowed his head and pushed himself up from the bench.
Zero had wanted to confront her and, if necessary, comfort her; after all, he knew how frightening it was to suddenly know that you were something other than human. Instead of doing either of those things, he was hiding in the basement of the Academy. He was avoiding her because he didn't know how to deal with the truth.
"Coward," he cursed himself and struck the wall. His fist broke through the tile and shattered the wall around it. He hissed and pulled his fist off of the wall. Blood dripped down the side of his hand. It healed within seconds. He tsked quietly, repulsed once again by his healing abilities.
"Impressive," he heard from the open doorway. His head snapped up; he spun around and instantly bared his fangs. Leaning in the doorway as if he owned the Academy itself was Kaname Kuran. He looked so relaxed, but Zero didn't let the sight disarm him any further than he already was. He hadn't even sensed Kuran until he spoke. Even now, he felt nothing from him. His eyes darted to the corner of the room where his gun rested against his shed clothes. Kuran gave a dark chuckle. "Do you mistrust me that much, Kiryuu? Are you waiting for me to launch across the room, perhaps?" Zero didn't answer him; he only moved back toward the bench.
"What are you doing here, Kuran?" Zero demanded. Kuran pushed away from the archway and moved in the direction of the bench. He curled his hand around the butt of his gun. His finger slipped easily onto the trigger. The night of the attack Zero had been fine with accepting whatever punishment Kuran could deal out to him, but all of that was different now. Yuuki had forgiven him. If the Pureblood bastard wanted to "punish" him, he was going to have a fight on his hands.
"Believe it or not, I am here to help you with your…eating disorder," Kuran drawled. He seemed amused by his own joke; Zero rolled his eyes. 'God, I hate him…' He thought bitingly.
"And here I thought you were here to tell Yuuki the truth," Zero said as he looked unflinchingly at the Pureblood. The hated vampire smiled darkly.
"She already knows," Zero narrowed his eyes. 'Of course,' he realized bitterly, 'she went to see Kuran. I knew Yori was just being used as a cover…' He fought not to let Kuran see just how badly it bothered him. "We had that talk earlier this evening. She was rather happy when she left me, but…even from here, I can sense a dampening of that happiness." Kuran's eyes narrowed on him. Zero, though immensely jealous—not that he would admit to it—and bothered that Yuuki was worrying needlessly for him, jumped on the opening Kuran gave him.
"It must drive you insane," Zero chuckled, "to know that she worries for me." 'That she loves me too,' he added silently, knowing that Kuran would read between the lines.
"Yes," Kuran surprised him by admitting, "many times I have considered removing you from the equation." Zero tightened his hand over his gun. "But it would only sadden her if I killed you senselessly."
"You could try," Zero growled bravely. The silver headed youth knew that, despite what the Pureblood threatened, he wouldn't kill him. Maim him, yes, but kill him, no.
"Oh?" The vampire king's smile was sharp and deadly. Zero didn't have time to raise his gun. Kuran slammed him back into the wall before his arm could move, before he had even registered the Pureblood's movement. Zero raised it now despite the pain in his throat. Kuran tightened his fingers around his neck.
"Do it," Zero postured. "I could probably shoot at the same time." He fought off the hiss of pain as his body was pressed harder into the tile of the training room. He could hear the tile cracking, the quiet tink of pieces clicking to the floor.
"Look at you," Kuran chuckled, "baring your fangs so boldly in my face, threatening me with a vampire gun." He narrowed his eyes. Zero was only half startled by the red glow. "I really do hate you." This statement was the only warning Zero got before Kuran's arm jerked. Zero pulled the trigger but he missed. The bullet grazed Kuran's shoulder, but the injury did not slow him down. He launched Zero across the room with one hand. Zero gave a quiet yelp as his back collided painfully with the panel in the corner of the room. The panel gave with a loud mechanical scream as he fell. He landed on his stomach, but still the instincts ingrained in him at birth demanded he keep hold of his gun. Kuran was hauling him up to his feet before he could attempt to stand. He slammed him back into the panel. For the first time since he was thirteen years old, he felt helpless against someone; but he didn't let it swallow him. He glared heavily into Kuran's eyes; the Pureblood holding him shifted closer, moving him higher up the wall.
Zero hated himself for the feelings of hunger that stirred inside him as his eyes unintentionally locked on Kaname's bleeding shoulder. Kuran gave a dull, mocking laugh as he caught the movement, "no matter how much you hate me, your body yearns for blood. Anyone will do, even me." His eyes narrowed; Zero tensed. "You are more animal than man anymore, Kiryuu." Sharp pain exploded through him as Kuran's nails tore through his throat. He fell to the ground with a pained wheeze. As he lay on the floor, Zero watched the Pureblood with hatred as he lifted his bloodstained fingers. He flicked some of the blood off of his hand as he stared down at Zero in complete distain.
"I should have shot you the second you came in," Zero panted as he clutched for his bleeding throat. It was hard to talk around his extended fangs; it was hard to talk through the thirst. His eyes kept traveling down to Kuran's shoulder.
"Probably so," Kaname agreed as he knelt down in front of him. He tore his eyes away from the bloody wound with a curl of his nose. Before he could wonder what the vampire was up to, Kuran brought his own wrist up and pressed his nail to the skin. With that gentle press, his skin split. Zero leaned forward, wanting despite himself. He pressed his wrist to Zero's mouth. The vampire hunter flinched back in revulsion as his blood smeared across his lips; his enemy grabbed the back of his head and held him in place. "Drink." He demanded; his voice tinted with command. Zero kept his lips pressed tightly closed; he would not drink from him. He would not be indebted to this bastard, but then…Kuran said something: "And never take from my dear girl again. She will not sacrifice herself to save you."
Yuuki's face, streaked with tears and riddled with fear, flashed through his mind again. 'Yuuki,' he thought remorsefully, 'I never want her to look at me like that again…' He clenched his eyes shut. His jaw jumped; he forced himself to open his mouth. The moment the Pureblood's rich blood touched his tongue, he couldn't stop himself from taking it. Kuran gave no sign of pain as Zero's fangs sliced through his wrist.
Kaname's blood, Zero found, was tinted with his emotions for him: loathing and, outstandingly enough, jealousy. Zero tightened his jaw around Kuran's wrist; still, the Pureblood gave no sign of discomfort. "My blood," he spoke, "will not stop you from falling to Level E, but it will postpone it longer than any human's life force."
X
Yuuki opened her eyes slowly as she felt her senses prickle. Something was happening. She tilted her head back and sniffed the air. 'Blood?' Immediately, her eyes bled red. In that next second, she identified the person. It was a scent that she wasn't likely to forget. She shot to her feet. "Kaname!" She gasped. She took a step toward the door, but she never made it another step. The thirst crippled her. "Ah!" She collapsed to her knees and grabbed her throat. "This," she panted,"is getting ridiculous!"Tears danced at the corner of her eyes. Desperately, she clawed into her pocket for the blood tablets. She tore the top off and dumped as many as she could swallow into her mouth. Nausea slammed into her. Her body was rejecting them. She whined and curled into herself. 'Don't. Don't. Don't.' She begged them to stay in her stomach, to dissolve.
Her head snapped up when she heard feet coming toward her bedroom. "Yuuki?" She heard her adoptive father call. "What was that thud? Are you alright?" Yuuki gasped and tried, honestly tried, to get away from the door, but every cell in her body screamed that she move forward. There was blood out there. 'No!' She clenched her eyes closed. 'You can't satiate it!' She argued with herself. 'You don't have fangs!' Up until now that had been the deciding statement. She didn't have fangs; she couldn't take what she needed without them. 'Of course…I don't suppose I really need them to draw blood…' Her eyes widened.
"No!" She cried aloud. Her voice was filled with her fear and pure revulsion.
"Yuuki?!" The Headmaster shouted her name, alarmed. The doorknob started to turn. Yuuki scrambled forward and threw her weight against the door. If the Headmaster opened it and saw her…if she saw him…she would… She saw it in her head easily. Her blunt teeth breaking the skin of his throat. She clenched her eyes closed and swallowed down the bile that rose into her mouth. 'No! I won't! I won't!'
"I'm okay, Daddy!" She forced herself to sound normal. "I just had a bad dream is all," she desperately tried to reassure him. 'Don't come in. Don't try to come in!' She plead.
"Are…are you sure?" Kaien asked. "Do you need me to get you anything?"
"No, no," she rushed. "I'm fine, promise. Go on back to bed, Dad."
"Okay…I'm just down the hall if you need anything," Kaien meant to be reassuring, but—right now—Yuuki really didn't need that reminder. She clenched her eyes tightly and grasped her throat harder. Black spots danced in her vision as her grip threatened to cut off her air supply.
"Yeah, I know," she forced herself to say. "Night, dad."
"Goodnight, Yuuki." She breathed a sigh of relief as she heard his footsteps moving away. It was a short-lived relief. She could still smell Kaname's blood in the air; she could still hear Kaien's heartbeat; his blood was rushing through his veins. She had really scared him, but she couldn't find it in herself to be remorseful. The hunger was slowly overriding the part of that made her Yuuki. All she could think was how much better his blood was pour now that he was worked up. She slammed herself back into the door and dug her nails harder into her throat. 'I need…' She panted as she opened her eyes, 'I need to get out of here. He's…' She flinched as the thirst worsened. 'He's too close. I'll hurt him…' She found herself staring at the window pane. The window!
Before she let her fears or the thirst stop her, she scrambled to her feet and ran toward it. 'Open!' she thought desperately. Much to her surprise, the window sprang open so hard that it rattled the frame. She didn't slow down; she propelled herself out the open window. The landing jarred her knees and rattled her teeth, but she didn't slow. She needed to reach neutral ground. She needed to get to the farthest place from Kaien…from the blood.
She ran for the Night Dormitory. The rocks and concrete tore at her bare feet, but she didn't let the pain slow her down. The only thought in her head was to get away from the Headmaster and the smell of Kaname's blood. She collided hard with the door to the Night Dorm. She cursed violently. In her desperation she had forgotten that the door was locked. "Let me in!" She demanded. "Unlock! Open!" She heard the click of the lock twisting free. She rushed inside and slammed the door behind her. She leaned against the door and fought to catch her breathe.
The vampire inside, the thirst, was tearing at the fragile wall that held her back; the human Yuuki was on the other side of her mind trying to fortify it. Yuuki opened her eyes and forced herself to move forward. All she wanted was to turn and run, not away, but to the blood. The vampire inside screamed for Kaname's blood, regardless of the human's pleading. Yuuki fought herself with every step up the stairs. She dug the blood tablets out of her pocket. In her haste to escape the house, she had forgotten to cap the bottle. She dug two blood tablets out of her pocket and swallowed them down. 'Mind over matter,' she told herself. 'They work. They work. They work,' she repeated again and again as she forced herself up the steps.
She pushed open Kaname's bedroom door. 'Mind over matter,' she reminded herself strongly as Kaname's scent surrounded her. His scent, once so calming, now only served to remind her that his blood was flowing somewhere. She collapsed onto his bed. She pulled his pillow close and curled around it. She buried her face into it as she tried to convince her body that she wasn't thirsty anymore; she breathed in his scent and repeatedly told herself that her need for blood had been satiated by the tablets.
X
Zero fell away from the Pureblood's wrist. His thirst for blood was quenched but he felt no fulfillment. He wiped the blood off of his lips with the back of his hand. Watching the Pureblood closely, he wiped it onto his sweats. Pure disgust pulsed through him. Kuran pulled back and stepped away from him. Zero adverted his eyes from the Pureblood as he rose from the floor. He felt dirty; his blood felt poisoned.
"You were very greedy," Kuran commented as he pulled his sleeve over the torn, still bleeding skin of his wrist. He eyed him with complete distain.
"Shut up!" Zero exclaimed violently as he suppressed the urge to vomit. He could feel Kuran's blood squirming inside of his veins, merging with him. It was made even worse by the fact that he could still taste the foul substance on his tongue.
"You look as though you are about to be sick, Kiryuu. Is my blood truly that repulsive to you?" It only made Zero angrier that the bastard sounded and looked amused by his misfortune. 'I swear if Kuran starts smirking, I'm going to break his teeth.' He vowed.
"I feel violated," Zero grumbled as he wiped at his mouth again. "Your blood is like poison inside me," he spat.
"That has something to do with your…feelings…for me. How you feel after feeding is also related to how you feel for the person," he said in response. Zero grimaced at the term feelings. It implied something that didn't exist between them. His only feelings toward Kuran were hatred. The asshole more than likely knew that too. He glared at the man.
"I don't care for your lesson in blood, Kuran," Zero hissed as he moved toward the door to the training room. He didn't want to spend another minute the same room as Kuran.
"No, but you are the one that needs guidance the most," he heard Kuran's faded comment. He grit his teeth. 'Bastard,' he thought bitingly as he walked up the stairs.
X
Kaname gave a quiet, joyless chuckle as he rubbed at his deeply punctured wrist. He meant it when he said Kiryuu had been greedy; for all the hatred that pulsed through that boy, he certainly acted more vampire-like than any noble or Pureblood Kaname knew. Zero Kiryuu had devoured his blood desperately. Despite nearly draining his dear girl, Zero was still so hungry. It would good that he had acted now. If he had waited any longer, Zero would have gone after the nearest blood source. Even though Kaname knew these things, he hated that his blood had been necessary. He dropped his sluggishly bleeding wrist to his side. Because of the wound Zero had inflicted with the Bloody Rose, his healing abilities were slowed. He grimaced. He wouldn't be able to go back to the Aidou vacation house immediately. His injuries would only rattle his nobles and cause problems. He would have to stay in his dorm room until they closed.
"Violated, indeed," he repeated Zero's choice of word in the quiet of the room. 'The first person to feed from me was not the person I wished…but at least I was able to save my neck from his fangs…' He touched his neck gently with two fingers and ran them gently along his pulse. His eyelids dipped downward as he imagined Yuuki's fangs sinking into his neck, taking him in as he so desperately longed for her to do. Kaname gave a small sigh and dropped his hand down to his side. "Two more months," he sighed. 'Just two months and she'll be mine…in every sense of the word.' He smiled as he remembered her timid kiss against his lips. "But to have her as my lover will soften that ache…"
Kaname was patient. He had waited ten years for Yuuki to remember him; he could wait a measly two months to have her to himself so as long as she remembered him. So as long as Kaname was free to be with her without the barriers, he would wait those two months without compliant.
He gave a quiet sigh and walked out of the training room. His wrist and shoulder itched desperately; his body ached from running after Yuuki all day and then from whatever that was with Zero; and he was exhausted. His body was working desperately to replenish the blood Zero had taken, but the wound from the vampire weapon slowed the process. To the Pureblood, sleep sounded amazing right now. He thought of his bed at the Night Dormitory and wished…not for the first time…that Yuuki would be there to share it with him. He hadn't always been that way of course. In his life he had left behind, he slept alone frequently; he had even preferred it. Yuuki had changed that for him. When they were children, she had climbed into his bed so often that he soon forgot how it was to sleep any other way. After Juri had sealed away her memories, he had missed her tiny warmth beside him.
'Two months,' he reminded himself as he walked the path to the back gate. 'Just two more months.'