He'd gone through countless battles. Fought hundreds of shinobi. Killed possibly thousands of people. He'd gone through ANBU with a straight face, never flinching and never looking back. He was described as distant, cold, and too aloof with his everyday persona. Never once had his abilities come into question, and never once had he doubted them. He trusted himself, trusted his capabilities and power. He knew he was stronger than most, but he didn't gloat. He was aware, but often chose to remain ignorant of what he did to others, what he did to them as people and their mental psyche.
He respected everyone he met, a fact few knew. He always tried to look at things from their perspective, tried to sympathize with what they were going through. He acknowledged their hardships but never let it cloud his judgement. He had a clean record, never once failing on a mission. If he slipped up, he rebounded with more force and came back victorious. Failure was not an option. Failure had never been an option.
So why did he feel like he had failed?
Kakashi was tired. More tired than he had ever felt in his life. More tired than when he came back to Konoha from long missions. More tired than the many sleepless nights he had encountered over the years. More tired than when he just wanted everything to end and be snuffed out completely.
He was just exhausted. And the cause of his weariness were the three brightest lights in his world at the moment.
Yes, he was willing to admit it. The three curve balls that had been thrown at him had all hit him squarely in the chest, taking his breath away with their impact. They hurt sometimes, the marks they had left on him. It reminded Kakashi just how much he depended on them sometimes, their presence more often than not driving him to be better as a person and teacher. Hell, they had become his kids, and he wasn't sure what to think of that.
He hadn't cared for anything this deeply in many years, and the Mission to Wave made him face the brutal reality he had scarcely prepared them for. Kakashi prided himself on being able to read people well and get a good grasp on what their mental stability was like. The very first day he had met those lights of his, he had read them like an open book, their emotions and actions so blatantly obvious and so damn innocent.
Naruto was loud and determined to prove himself after years of being shunned and ignored. He desperately wanted to be acknowledged, to prove to himself and the world that he existed and was here to make an impact no one would forget.
Sasuke was quiet and reserved, extreme trauma forcing him to be isolated, among peers and within himself. It was obvious he didn't have a good grasp on what he wanted in life, his few goals only being fueled by remnants of anger and resentment. Sasuke was aimless, traumatized, and alone.
Sakura was egotistical, loud, and had no priorities other than to prove that she was worthy of being "chosen" by Sasuke to fulfill one of his "goals" in life. She was smart, but ignored her intellect in favor of putting on a pleasing show to others and presenting herself as the quintessential girl all strived to be. She wore a mask everyday and strove to conceal her true self in favor of giving what others expected of her, no matter how she felt in the end.
Now though, his perspective of them had almost completely changed. Granted, there were still some aspects that didn't completely remove themselves. Naruto was still striving to be acknowledged, though his thirst for attention had died down a bit. Sasuke had gotten less lonely, though his traumatic issues still needed to be dealt with. Sakura…. Well, he had assumed he had figured her out as well. Previously, she had been the easiest to read out of all of them, her eyes and facial expressions betraying every fleeting thought and emotion inside her. Now, that had all changed.
He couldn't look at her the same way as before. She was exponentially more guarded and the mask she had used to conceal her true self had only been reinforced ten times over. Kakashi just couldn't figure her out, and all of her actions as of late were stressing him out more than they should. Her story was still muddled, though he could guess whatever had happened had left a lasting impression on her. Whatever had happened to Sakura was something she would never forget, and almost certainly never tell anyone.
He had given up on prying for information, choosing instead to just observe her as best as he could. Her home life was normal, her parents ever doting on her. They seemed to truly love her with all of their beings, so Kakashi had no doubt in his mind that her family wasn't part of the problem. It was just Sakura.
Well, no. It was the team too, seeing as from the new information he had gleaned from the interrogation. It was…. Eye opening. He had never expected her to say such things, nor act so calmly whilst being interrogated by an annoyingly young shinobi. What's more, the Interrogation department clearly thought of her as a suspicious subject, seeing as she knew her Genin registration number and she knew what those scrolls were. Kakashi himself hadn't even recognized them until it had been explained to him. Perhaps he had underestimated her true intellect, though it was unlikely.
Every action during that interrogation got more and more suspicious the more Kakashi thought of it. He knew, no, he was absolutely sure of it, that Sakura wasn't a sleeper agent. She wasn't some foreign nin disguised as a mere Genin to gather intel in Konoha- she'd have to be of some higher rank or status to be able to gather any sort of Konoha damning evidence. Genin were blinded for a reason in the shinobi world.
The team though. Sakura didn't like the team.
In Kakashi's mind, that was the most troubling part of it all. She didn't like the team, but loved her teammates. It seemed like such an oxymoron, the opposing opinions too arbitrary to make any sense.
She didn't like the team.
It was a problem that could give rise to disarray in the fundamentals of teamwork.
Kami, she didn't like the team.
Kakashi had thought she, out of everyone on it, would be the one to like the team the most. Sasuke and Naruto bickered, fought, and "hated" each other with a passion only eternal rivals could create. Sasuke abhorred the fact he was followed around by some ditzy fan girl. Naruto loathed the fact that the "ditzy fangirl" that followed Sasuke around happened to be his first crush. Sakura was placed on a team with the boy she "loved" and was the only girl that could have his undivided attention, and she also had another boy pining after her.
Yes, she should've liked the team.
But Sakura did not like the team.
And she was much more insightful than she let on. What in the world did she know about him to classify him as the "most depressed man in the village"? What did she know? How could she know? Kakashi didn't think of himself as depressed. He wasn't even alone- he had eight dogs to keep him company half the time.
Shit.
It didn't matter in the end either way. Kakashi was stressed, tired, and attempting to piece the puzzle together that was Team 7 and Haruno Sakura.
He needed more information and he was a good observer anyhow. Another mission was in order it, but definitely one inside the village. He wouldn't be letting any of his students walk out of those gates for awhile.
"Eh?"
Kakashi sighed, rubbing his forehead as he struggled to not roll his eye, "Naruto, surely you know what babysitting is? I can't imagine you being that oblivious."
Huffing, Naruto crossed his arms in annoyance, "Of course I know what babysitting is! But why're we doing something so lame? Can't we do another, more exciting mission like last time?"
Sasuke agreed, his head bobbing slightly.
"Last time was an exception," Kakashi said, dropping his hand as he slouched. "It was supposed to be a simple C rank mission, but clearly that wasn't what it turned out to be. This D rank is a normal mission for Genin like you guys."
"We aren't normal Genin though," Sasuke argued, his irritation visible in his lifted eyebrow.
"True…." Kakashi agreed, looking thoughtful. The boys perked a bit, hopeful that their sensei would come to his senses and give them a better mission, rather than this mundane task.
"But," he continued, the boy's faces falling in unison, "That doesn't matter. You three are my students, so I'll get to decide what you're ready for and what you're not. Besides, the kiddos you'll be babysitting are a rather good bunch. You might even enjoy playing with them."
Both Naruto and Sasuke hung their heads, disappointment radiating from them.
"So, who're we babysitting anyway?" Sakura spoke up, a shadow of a grin etched on her face as she watched the boy's mope.
"Three little splotches of sunshine," Kakashi dryly answered, his hand coming up to reach for his trusty orange book. "We should start heading over there actually. You guys will be babysitting them until around four in the afternoon, so this will be a task that will take up the majority of the day."
Nodding, Sakura turned away from the still dejected figures and followed Kakashi as he began to walk down the road. "Come on you two, let's go. You can mope later."
When no response came and they still refused to move, Sakura walked back with a snit and yanked them by the collars, forcing them to move their feet. They protested, but Sakura kept pulling, keeping her grip on them until they reached the house where the three "splotches of sunshine" lived. Shoving them forward, they glared at her as she walked past them, rubbing their necks where the shirts had dug into the skin.
Knocking on the door, a haggard woman appeared with a toddler pressed up against her leg.
"Hello ma'am," Kakashi greeted politely, Sakura waving from behind him. "We are the team you requested, here to babysit your children."
Her eyes lit up and relief flitted across her face, "Ah, of course! Please, come in!"
Dipping his head, Kakashi walked in, the three Genin shuffling in after him. They took off their shoes and waited by the door way for instructions, unsure of what they were allowed to do at the moment.
The woman looked back at the group and smiled warmly, "Well, don't stand by the door! Please introduce yourselves and I'll introduce you all to the little trouble makers you'll be babysitting."
"I am the leader of this team, Team 7, Kakashi Hatake. This," he said, gesturing to Sakura as she smiled, "is Sakura Haruno. The one next to her is Sasuke Uchiha, and the blonde one is Naruto Uzumaki."
The woman, who had been getting something from the kitchen, startled as she looked back with slightly widened eyes, "Naruto Uzumaki….?"
Naruto looked down, suddenly all but aware of who he was. He'd sort of forgotten the animosity others had towards him. It'd been awhile since he'd encountered a less than friendly exchange from a civilian or anyone from Konoha.
"Yes, that is his name ma'am," Kakashi said, his voice sickly sweet as he closed his eye in a smile.
"Ah," she said, taking another look at the blonde boy before turning back to the toddler still grasped onto her leg. "Well, it's our turn for introductions I suppose." She paused again, before turning around, beckoning them to the backyard patio.
"Mio," she called out. "Koki! Come inside! Your babysitters have arrived!"
A little boy and girl quickly came scrambling in, their hands and knees covered in dirt. They were barefooted and bits of grass clung to their legs as they ran towards their mother. When they were next to her, she bent down, asking them to introduced themselves.
The boy began, his hands folded in front of himself in a timid posture, "M-My name is Koki. I'm seven years old, and, uh, the oldest."
Koki nudged his sister, who was staring at Naruto and his bright orange jumpsuit. Realizing it was her turn, she puffed out her chest and pointed to herself, "I'm Mio! Did you know it means beautiful ribbon? I am five, but I'm second oldest so I get to boss my baby brother around." As if it were an afterthought, Mio flung up her hand as she pointed towards Naruto, who looked startled at her accusing finger. "And my favorite color is orange! Like those clothes you're wearing- can I try them on?"
Naruto flushed, his eyes widening at the indirect compliment. This girl was quite bold for only being five. Typically, it was the eldest of the siblings who displayed confidence in front of strangers.
Nervous laughter escaped the mother, as she tugged at Mio's shoulder to get her to stand closer to her. "She doesn't mean that literally," the woman laughed, ruffling Mio's hair. "Now, the one that's been holding onto my leg this entire time is Asahi. He's two and very shy."
She rubbed Asahi's face as he buried his head into her skirts, "He's the most attached, so it might be a little hard to get him to let go of me…."
Sakura didn't hear the rest though, her posture having gone ridgid at the name. Where did she know that name from? It sounded so familiar, and she got bad vibes off of it. A cold claw trailed down her spine as she stared at the mop of floppy brown hair that was visible from within the folds of the floral skirt. What was this feeling?
Kakashi's voice brought her back to the present as he finished whatever it was he had been saying before, nodding towards the mother who was gently easing Asahi away from her.
"We never got your name, Miss….?" Kakashi asked, his eye sliding over the dirty youngsters in front of him.
"Ah, silly me!" she laughed, still attempting to pry away the protesting child. "My name is Ayane (Asahi let go!) Ayane Ito. It was lovely to meet you all. Hatake-san, (Asahi, mommy needs to leave!) please, do take good care of these three. You are welcome to any food in the kitchen, although I've already prepared some lunches for Mio, Koki, and Asahi. You might have to help Asahi out, but otherwise the other two are pretty self-sufficient (Mio, help get your brother to let go of my skirt). I should be back around four, but I might be return earlier than that."
She shrugged in a 'we'll see' gesture, and sighed in relief as Asahi finally let go. "Alright, well, I'm off then." Turning to her children, Ayane hugged them, whispering something in their ears before getting back up. "If there are any problems, don't hesitate to come and find me or go to the neighbor next door."
And then, she was gone, walking briskly out the door while she still could. Asahi whimpered after her, but the door was already shut by the time he had toddled his way there, his soft keening audible as he reached chubby hands towards the door knob.
Kakashi stared after the boy, a soft feeling enveloping him as he watched the two year old struggle. It was adorable and pathetic at the same time, and he wished he could just call it adorable. Sighing, he walked over and slowly led the little boy back over to the group, his bare feet slapping against the wooden floors. Asahi was obviously upset, but his fear of strangers overrode his need to cry and he allowed himself to be led back to his brother and sister, who were still standing where their mother had left them.
Mio was still gazing at Naruto, who was trying hard not to let a grin slide onto his face from the attention he was unused to receiving from little kids. Koki was staring at the floor, his eyes unfocused as his hands remained firmly clasped in front of him. Sasuke had closed his eyes, arms crossed, and oblivious to the world around him. The only one who seemed to be paying any sort of attention was Sakura, who stared wide eyed at the little boy Kakashi was leading by the hand.
Her face had paled considerably, though it may have been a trick of the light, and her eyes looked at Asahi as if he were an impossible thing- a ghost. Asahi must have realized he was being stared at, for he looked up and met her green eyes. Stopping, Kakashi watched as they stood in a silent standoff; Sakura's one of defense and Asahi's one of curiosity.
Amazingly, the toddler smiled and reached out an arm towards Sakura, his fingers making a grabbing motion as he babbled incoherently. Frozen, Sakura just stood there, her eyes flashing with emotion that couldn't be placed. Regret? Fear? Apprehension?
Slowly, Sakura reached her hand out as well, and their fingers touched before Sakura quickly retreated, holding her hand close to her body as she smiled slightly at the boy. It was a tight smile, one of yearning and the fear of receiving what was yearned for. It was…. Painful.
"Everything okay, Sakura-chan?" Kakashi asked, suspicious of the interaction. Nothing about it was right, and seeing Asahi had triggered something within her. What, exactly, had been triggered, he had no clue.
As if not fully hearing him, Sakura nodded her head a bit, still distracted by the gummy smile Asahi presented as he shuffled in place, oddly contended with looking at the pink haired girl with the green eyes.
"Gween," Asahi mumbled, pointing to his own eyes. "Gween."
"No," Sakura said softly, lowering herself onto her knees as she folded her hands in her lap. "Brown. Your eyes are brown."
Asahi nodded, pointing to his eyes again, "Gween."
Tentatively, Sakura took Asahi's hand, slowly leading it to touch her face. She smiled at him as he tugged back at his hand before relenting, watching closely as his chubby fingers grazed Sakura's upper cheek.
"Green," she said, moving Asahi's hand closer to her eyes. "My eyes are green."
Leading his hand back towards his own face, Sakura placed his fingers over his eyelids and said, "Brown. Asahi's eyes are brown. Like chocolate."
Nodding his head quickly, the toddler smiled brightly, "Bwown! Bwown!" he sang happily, stomping his feet a bit in his eagerness.
Another figure approached, Koki, Sakura remembered, and sat next to her.
"Asahi," Koki whispered, looking sternly at his younger brother. "Say it correctly. Brown. Not bwown."
"Bwown," Asahi tried, looking ashamedly at his older brother.
"Br-own."
"Bw-own."
Koki huffed in frustration, looking apologetic towards Sakura, "I'm sorry he's like this. He can't say his r's yet, and it's quite annoying."
Laughing a bit, Sakura shook her head, "He's only two. He has plenty of time left to learn."
Koki stared at her, a solemn look in his eyes, before getting back up and going to stand next to his sister, tugging in her arm as he led her towards the backyard again. Sakura watched him go, wondering if she had said something wrong before Kakashi interrupted.
"Well then, Sakura," he began, finally releasing Asahi's other hand from his grasp. "Since you seem to have already connected to this little one, you can be in charge of him. Naruto, Sasuke, you guys can take care of the other two…. Whatever their names were."
"Koki and Mio, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto reminded him, already walking over to where Mio was playing in the dirt. "I call Mio, Sasuke!"
Grumbling under his breath, Sasuke followed suit, arms swaying by his side. Truth be told, he was quite content with having Koki to babysit. He seemed to be the most mature and well-mannered after all.
"What will you be doing sensei?" Sakura asked, glancing up at him as she held Asahi's hand.
The infamous eye smile formed and Kakashi quickly whipped out his prized book, "Well, someone has to babysit you three after all."
"We don't need to be babysat," Sakura deadpanned, looking back towards Asahi as she grinned at him.
"My point exactly," Kakashi responded, casually strolling over to the porch steps where he sat down with a soft thunk.
Rolling her eyes, Sakura carefully let go of the toddlers hand and frowned.
It had taken all of her willpower to not tremble at the sight of the little boy in front of her. His doe brown eyes gazed at her with zero signs of fear, curiosity overshadowing any other emotion he had. He was so trusting, his eyes betraying the beautiful innocence behind them. His floppy hair hung over his forehead and it swayed gently as he titled his head, searching for something as he stared at her.
Sakura had to turn away, fearful of what he'd see.
She had never, not in a thousand life times, expected to see him. Here, in Konoha, of all places. She never would've even thought she would recognize the eleven or twelve year old even if she had come across him. It had been a fleeting thought in her head- that she might see old haunts, old memories, old faces, when she came back.
Sakura never would have expected to see his chubby little face, his round and rosy cheeks, and his gummy smile grinning up at her as if she were the sun that shone down on him everyday.
The boy had no idea the fate that would await him.
The boy had no idea that she would be the one to ultimately seal it.
Biting her lip, Sakura fought for a semblance of control within herself.
Get a grip, she berated herself. He doesn't know. It hasn't happened yet. Asahi is still alive and happy and smiling. He is still here.
That did not change the fact that she had killed him, willingly, and left him to the open landscape. It didn't change the fact that she had run off, in search of another victim, his cries mere echos in her head. Forgotten.
She had forgotten him. She had forgotten the way he had clung to her. The way he had looked at her with such trust and hope and belief that she would be his saving grace. That she would be the one to drag him away from the hell he had endured for so long.
That she would be the one to bring back the innocent joy of laughing once again.
Instead, she had ripped any hope of that away from him, sucking the life out of him until there was nothing but a small shell of what once was a boy.
Briefly, Sakura wondered if anyone had found Asahi's body. If it had already started to decompose, or if it had been preserved by the ash and dust the covered the broken land. She wondered if his frozen face still possessed the same smile it had before she had killed him.
Kami, she had killed the child in front of her.
Was this some kind of sick joke? A way for the universe to punish her for inflicting so much harm and pain? She wouldn't blame the universe if it had- she deserved it. She had done so many horrible things. Unforgivable things. Atrocious things.
She had murdered people. Murdered children. Left the wounded out to suffer whilst she attended to someone more important.
What determined who was more important than someone else? What dictated someone's right to live more than the person that lay beside them? Was it luck? Mere chance? Or was it the undeniable truth that some were just meant to live more than others were?
Sakura couldn't tell anymore. She couldn't tell what was right or wrong in her thinking. What was more morally sound and complete, instead of the broken thoughts and lapses of judgement that clouded her every waking thought and decision. Why couldn't she tell anymore?
Why? Why, why, why, why?
"Gween."
That's right. She couldn't tell anymore because she hadn't done any of those things yet. She hadn't killed off old men for the sake of healing shinobi. She hadn't chosen the lives of Academy students over the ones of the civilians. She hadn't destroyed any semblance of hope children had, instead shoving them into the brunt of truth and reality.
She hadn't done any of those things yet.
And yet she could still see the blood coating her hands. She could still see the nameless faces of shinobi calling out to her, begging for help that she couldn't give. She could still hear the shrill sounds of civilian mothers holding their dead children as they wept over what they had lost.
"Gween."
Sakura looked up, nodding dumbly as she reached out to hold Asahi's hand again. She hated the way his hand felt in hers, too soft and smooth. She didn't deserve to hold such a beautiful thing. Didn't deserve to be looked at the way he looked at her.
"Gween."
"Yes, Asahi. Green."
They played throughout the entire morning. Sakura and Asahi mostly stayed inside, venturing out whenever one or the other was called upon.
Asahi didn't seem to like the grass. He would pout when his siblings would coax him out to play in the dirt, his nose scrunching up in displeasure as his bare feet toddled their way through the yard. Sakura held his hand every time, making sure he didn't fall over or trip in the uneven mounds of dirt.
Mio and Koki had gotten significantly dirtier as time passed, their faces adorned with brown smudges and bits of grass blades sticking to their clothing and hair. Naruto, somehow, had instigated a "mud fight" and thus dirt went flying. Sasuke, having been caught in the cross-fire, joined in, though his actions were much more dignified than the other three. Sakura had counted a grand total of six head-shots from the Uchiha, each landing squarely in the face of one Uzumaki. It was funny to see, and Sakura and Asahi giggled every now and again as the fight continued.
They made sure to stay on the porch though, watching from afar and always behind Kakashi. More than once, a stray "mud ball" had found its way towards the silver headed man, and more than a few times, a mysterious spray of dirt would appear out of nowhere and pelt anyone in the vicinity. Sakura could only barely stifle her laughs as she watched the man's shoulders shake slightly with amusement.
Around noon, Mio announced she was hungry and it was decided that it was now a good time to eat lunch. Eagerly, they went inside- Naruto, Sasuke, Mio, and Koki heading towards the bathroom to clean up. As promised, the three children's lunches were pre-made and left in the kitchen with their names attached to it.
Sakura, having seated Asahi in his booster, hurriedly made four extra sandwiches for herself and the rest of the boys of Team 7, before sitting down to help Asahi eat. He was more than adamant that he could do it himself, but he still had trouble eating the larger chunks of food. It was cute, the way his face would contort as he gnawed on an especially large piece of a carrot, his molars still growing in.
When the boys and Mio had finally returned, squeaky clean faces and all, Asahi was already half done and Kakashi and Sakura had already eaten their share of the pile of sandwiches. They grumbled about the others not waiting for them, but were grateful nonetheless as they dug into the food.
Koki ate quickly and quietly, making little mess as he finished. Mio smacked her lips every time she took a bite, bits of crumbs flying out whenever she spoke with her mouth full.
"Mio," Koki reprimanded, his brows pointing downward as he frowned. "Keep your mouth closed when you eat. Mama always has to tell you, but you never listen. It's gross."
In retaliation, the little girl stuck her tongue out, chewing extra loud this time as she took another bite of her food, "Mama isn't here, so stop tryna act like you're the boss."
Koki's frown deepened, his annoyance obvious, "You should listen to your older brother though. I'm still the oldest, so I know better than you do."
"Nuh uh," Mio argued, a glare starting to form as she stopped eating. "No you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"No."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No! You don't!"
"Yes! I do! Listen to me for once! You never listen!"
Mio looked on the verge of tears, her glare losing its edge as her lower lip trembled. "I do," she whispered, looking away from her brother as he sported a triumphant look. "I do too listen."
Koki rolled his eyes, looking apologetic as he turned towards everyone else, who had all sat in silence watching the spat.
"Sorry," he started, shooting a glance towards his downtrodended sister. "She's five but acts worse than Asahi does sometimes. She's just a brat, so don't mind her."
Not knowing what to say or do, the boys nodded dumbly, giving each other quick glances as they silently went back to eating.
Sakura broke the silence though, a weary sigh escaping her, "You know, Koki, for being the oldest, you sure don't act like it."
Koki snapped his head up, eyes wide as shock passed over his face, "W-What do you mean?"
"I mean that you don't act like an older brother should. You berate your siblings in front of strangers and act quite pompous around them. Older siblings should treat their sisters and brothers nicely and with respect."
The shock disappeared from Koki's face as he took in her words, emotions flitting through his eyes. "I know what is best for them," he said, staring definitely at Sakura. "I know how to treat them properly. I'm the oldest."
"You may be the oldest, but that doesn't always mean you know better."
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Koki asked quietly, head turned downwards facing his lap.
Sakura shook her head, "No, I don't actually."
"Then what would you know?" Koki spat, gaze remaining firmly fixed to the floor. "What do you know about being the older one? You don't know anything."
"He's right, ya know," Mio spoke up softly, fingers fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "Koki only does what's best for Asahi and me."
Saying nothing, Sakura looked between the two siblings, about to argue against that, when Kakashi interrupted.
"Thank you for the sandwiches Sakura-chan. Why don't you all go back outside again before taking your nap, hm? Run around for a little while longer with Sasuke and Naruto, mkay?"
They nodded, quickly scooting out from their chairs and heading towards the back again. Naruto shot Kakashi and Sakura a weird look before following, Sasuke not far behind.
When they were gone, Kakashi sighed and turned towards Sakura. He rubbed his face wearily, eyes dragging over the girl and toddler in the room. He was tired.
"Why did you get rid of them?" Sakura asked, her eyes not quite meeting his. "Did I say something wrong?"
"Something like that," Kakashi mumbled, leaning back in his chair. "I guess I should've given you three a bit more background on the kids we were asked to babysit. Their situation is…. Complicated."
Sakura waited for him to continue, clearing away the mess Mio and Koki had left behind.
"The Ito family aren't civilians, but they aren't from a clan. Their father is actually a Chunin, but the mother was just a low ranking Genin before she stopped and decided to raise a family. At the moment…. It's hard for the children to cope with having a father always gone. He was recently sent away on a long term mission, and the details are a bit complicated, but he's not expected to be back for another year or so."
Kakashi sighed again, picking up Asahi as he wiggled around in his high-chair. Gently placing him on the floor, Kakashi watched as the two year old stumbled to the living room, taking out a few toy trains and moving them along the floor, little noises escaping his mouth as he played.
"It's hard for them- Koki and Mio, I mean. Asahi is still too young to care or even know much, but Koki is the eldest of the bunch. Responsibility falls on him to take care of his siblings most of the time. Having a babysitter is…. New, I guess, to them. To Koki. They aren't used to having someone tell them things they don't want to hear, or telling them things that go against the way things have always been."
He turned towards the pink haired Genin, watching as she finished cleaning the plates in the sink. "Do you understand what I'm trying to saying, Sakura-chan?"
"Yeah," Sakura answered quietly, her gaze lost in thought. "Yeah, I do. It must be so hard for them to have a parental figure missing half the time."
Kakashi hummed, satisfied that his student understood what he had been trying to get across. He wasn't very good at talking, or explaining things in general. He typically left that to others, but this was something that needed to be understood now. He'd grown up an only child, but he understood the pain of having a parent gone for long periods of time. His father had always tried to take short missions, the longest he'd ever allow himself being a month long, but even then he always ensured Kakashi would be well taken care of in his absence.
That didn't mean the hole he had left got any better or became less noticeable. It just became more painful as time went on, and Kakashi greatly respected the children Team 7 was babysitting for putting up with it for so long. Most children would've found an outlet to enact on their anger and confusion, but these kids had found it within themselves, choosing to stick together instead of drifting apart to do their own thing.
It was a relief, really. It was hard for those who had never experienced the same things to understand what they were going through, and it was made more difficult when they were constantly reminded that someone was missing from their life.
Bad seeds grow up to be sickly trees, spreading and infecting those around them with spores of discourse and envy. It never turned out well.
"Gween!" Asahi called out, his expectant chubby face appearing from behind the couch. "Come play! Play!"
Sakura smiled, putting away the last plate in the cupboard as she made her way over to the living room. Asahi couldn't pronounce his r's and 'Sakura' was too hard for him to say, so he had taken to calling her 'Gween' for the last few hours.
Sitting down, she observed the beautiful mess that was trains and balls strewn across the small carpet, "What are you playing Asahi?"
"Twain's," he responded, his tongue poking out cutely as he struggled to stack the trains one on top of the other. "Twain stack."
"That's sounds fun," Sakura said, an easy smiling lifting her face. Asahi was just so darn cute sometimes, and it almost made her forget that she had killed him. "Can I play too?"
Asahi nodded his head distractedly, still concentrating on balancing the wooden toys. "You- You can play with 'ose."
Looking over to where he was pointing, Sakura picked up a few wooden blocks and began stacking them. There were only five, and when she was done, Sakura turned back to the little boy, who was still trying to balance one of the trains.
"Do you need help?" she asked, eyeing the teetering tower. It looked very unsteady, and she was sure the toddler would be upset if it were to fall.
Asahi thought about it for a moment, studying his structure before slowly nodding his head, "Yes."
Grinning, Sakura leaned over and gently took the train from his grasp. Glancing over to see Kakashi still engrossed in his book, Sakura traced her finger under the train, applying a thin layer of chakra to it, before doing the same to the other train on the floor.
"Try to stack it now," she instructed, delighting in the fact she could still control chakra the same way she could back then. It wasn't back then, it's in the future. Why do you keep confusing the two?
Asahi gave a dubious look at the toy, wondering how touching it would help him stack it, but did it anyway. Haphazardly, he plopped the train on top of the first and let out a surprised giggle when he found that the stack wasn't toppling over. He did it!
"Did it!" he giggled, clapping his hands together in glee. "Did it! Did it!"
Eagerly, Asahi reached for another train, pushing it towards Sakura as he practically vibrated with joy. "Again! Again!"
Chuckling to herself, Sakura laced the bottom of the toy with chakra, and gave it back to the boy, who promptly shoved it onto the pile. He laughed as he poked it, surprising himself again when the tower refused to budge. Grabbing the last train, Asahi gave it to Sakura again, watching with awe filled eyes as she traced the train and then gave it back to him.
Practically slapping the last train onto the stack, Asahi let out a small scream as he clapped his hands excitedly.
"All done!" he exclaimed, his enthusiasm showing through the way he wiggled about.
An idea seemed to strike him as he got up and ran around the living room before turning back to Sakura, who was smiling widely at his excitement.
"I wanna show Onii-san and Onee-san!"
Nodding, Sakura flicked her hand around, gesturing for him to go. "I'm sure they'd love to see it! Go show them!"
Nodding his head so hard Sakura thought it was going to fall off, he quickly grabbed the tower, sprinting off to the porch. Sakura smiled to herself, deciding she could explain later why the tower remained intact while the two year old swung it around, before a loud BANG had her bolting upright and sprinting towards the noise.
Running towards the porch, Sakura found Asahi sprawled about, his train stack having fallen apart in the accident. Asahi seemed stunned as he just lay there on his side, staring at the trains that lay around him. Rushing over, a strange feeling tickling at the back of her neck, Sakura crouched beside him, scanning for any injuries on the shaken boy. He didn't notice her as she waved a hand in front of his face, her worry increasing as she saw the blank look he presented.
By now, Kakashi had risen from his place at the table, looking on from the doorway of the porch. The kid seemed fine, just a little stunned, but Sakura seemed to be much more worried than she needed to be. About to voice his thoughts to the overbearing Genin, he paused as he watched Sakura reach out a trembling hand to turn the boy over. Her breathing was short, and her eyes shook with a panic and desperation he wasn't comfortable with.
"Asahi?" she mumbled, a shaking hand gently nudging the boy.
"Asahi?" she called again, her voice having taken a higher pitch as a wave of deja-vu hit her. No, this wasn't the same. It's not the same. He just tripped that's all. It was just an accident. He's not dying. Get a hold of yourself. Get a hold of yourself. He's not dead!
"Are you alright? I'm…. I'm here to help," she said, her voice breaking, realizing she had said the same thing when she had first met the boy.
He looked up at her and Sakura felt as if someone had punched a hole straight through her heart as brown orbs stared at her.
"H-Hey buddy. You alright?" she asked, rubbing the boy's shoulder as she smiled feebly at him. Why was this- What- Why was it happening all over again?!
Another moment of staring and silence later, and Asahi's face crumpled as the shock wore off. His lower lip trembled violently as he let out a harsh cry, tears spilling forth as he squeezed his eyes shut and curled in on himself. His wails found their way over to the group in the backyard, Koki rushing over when he saw the scene.
"What happened?" he demanded, Mio running up beside him as she looked at her younger brother with exasperation in her posture.
"Why is he crying again?" she complained, head falling backwards as she stared up at the sky. "He does this everyday!"
"What happened?" Koki asked again, the concern in his voice having faded as he summed up the possible reason his brother was now crying. "Did he fall or something?"
Asahi's cries only got louder as he turned towards his brother and sister, pointing towards the scattered trains, "I-I- I was g-gonna show…. B-but I-I…."
He could barely get any words out as he hiccuped for air, the tears getting worse as he mourned the loss of his train stack and the fact that his knees now really hurt. Snot dribbled down his face as he wiped furiously at the mess, smearing the fluids across his cheeks. Seeking comfort, Asahi grabbed at the air in front of his siblings, reaching for them as they looked at him tiredly.
"I-I want m-mommy!" he whined, whimpering as he struggled to move. "I w-want mommy!"
"Okaa-san isn't here right now," Mio said, pitying her crying brother as she crossed her arms. "She won't be back until later."
"B-But I want mommy!" Asahi repeated, desperate for some sort of comfort from his siblings. "I want m-moomy!"
"She's not here Asahi," Koki muttered, stopping down to hold Asahi's hand. Looking over to Sakura, who watched on as if she were looking at a three headed monster, he gestured to her then back to Asahi.
"Can you watch him or something?" he asked, glancing back over to where Mio was now playing with Naruto, who remained happily oblivious to what had just happened. "I want to go play again."
"Y-Yeah," Sakura forced out, too stunned to realize exactly what was going on. "But what should I do to comfort him?"
Koki shrugged, letting go of Asahi's hand as he walked away, "I don't know," he said. "Okaa-san usually just rubs his head."
With that, Koki skipped away, tackling his sister as she shrieked in mock surprise.
Turning back to the sniveling mess that was Asahi, Sakura wondered what she should do. The last time she had comforted the child, she had killed him because she couldn't do anything else. What was she supposed to do now? She didn't want to touch him, too afraid of what she did last time. Kami, why did this have to happen? Why- How was she supposed to do this?
"Gween," Asahi whimpered, doe eyes turning to her. "Gween."
"I-It's okay. I'm here," Sakura whispered, ignoring the screaming in the back of her head as she pulled the child over to her, his arms instantly wrapping around her. It hurt. It hurt so badly. She could feel his tremors as he cried into her chest, his tears and snot wetting her dress. Why? Why did it end up being like this?
"I want mommy," Asahi said, his voice sad and desolate. It sounded hopeless and Sakura was tempted to pry away the boy from her, just so she wouldn't have to endure his suffering a second time. The boy was just upset. He was scared and hurt from his fall, but Sakura couldn't stop hearing the desperate pleads of the eleven year old in her mind.
"I don't want to be here anymore! I want to go home!"
"You'll see your mother soon," Sakura consoled, her fingers weaving their way through Asahi's messy locks. "You'll see her soon. Sooner than you think."
Her words were strange, but they brought comfort to the small child, not realizing how ominous they truly were. He buried his head deeper into the fabric of her clothes, finding consolation in the warmth.
And suddenly, the air was heavy and thick with smog. The world shook and an odd ringing was in her ears. She looked down and felt tears welling in her eyes as she took in the sorry child she was holding. His blood coated her hands as she gently carded her fingers through his hair, whispering sweet nothings and innocent joys. Bending down, she inhaled his scent, hoping for something that would tell her that he was just a regular boy, and not a child soldier.
She found nothing, only smelling ash and copper.
He shouldn't be here, Sakura thought. An eleven year old has no place in the midst of war. He should be at home, getting into trouble for not cleaning the dishes or tracking mud into the house. He should be with his family.
"What's goin' on?" the boy murmured, his gaze drooping.
"You're going to see your family," she answered, not noticing how her fingertips began to glow and the boy's head loll a bit.
"But they awe here. Wight there…."
"Yeah, they are," Sakura sighed. "Do you want to go see them?"
Asahi mumbled incoherently, his eyes slowly closing.
"You'll see them very soon, Asahi. Your mother is coming. You just have to wait. I'm here though…. I'm here and-"
"Sakura!"
Sakura gasped as she realized what she was doing, violently ripping her hand away from Asahi's head. Her arms shook as she stared at them in shock, horrified at what she had been about to do. Whipping around, Sakura gaped at her teachers aghast face, his hand still reaching out to pull at her shoulder. Pull her away and stop her from killing the boy.
"What were you doing?" Kakashi asked, his posture still jolted from what he had sensed. Why had Sakura been pushing chakra into the boys head? What on earth had she been doing?
"I- I," Sakura stuttered, still reeling from what her teacher had barely stopped her from doing. "I don't know! I…."
Breathing harshly, Sakura recoiled from the boy, his shoulder dropping onto the wooden floors as his head rested on her legs. Leaning backwards, she brought a hand to her face, feeling the sweat that began to form there. What was that? Why…. Why had she done that? What had she been thinking?
I almost killed him…. Again.
The thought brought an onslaught of heavy emotions, her chest feeling like it was slowly beginning to fill with black, sticky tar. Her head felt as if someone were smashing her skull in with a red hot iron, poking and stabbing and prodding and hammering. Her lungs felt weighed down, as if gravity had decided to personally strangle her to death.
She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She couldn't see. She couldn't feel anything except the panic that was steadily building inside of her, overflowing and seemingly flowing out of every pore in her body.
Kami, she had almost killed him a second time.
Had she?
The sudden intrusion struck her hard and it was with failing lungs did Sakura quickly reach over to check for a pulse, for anything, and it was so reminiscent from the first time, she felt as if she were reliving it all over again. He was so relaxed, so peaceful.
He looked as if death had already claimed him.
Her breathing was loud and ragged, the effort it took to suck in air nearly killing her more than the lack of oxygen. She fumbled endlessly, searching for the right spot on his neck to feel the rhythmic beating of his heart.
She couldn't find it.
Letting out a strangled whimper, Sakura flipped Asahi over, her face feeling as if she were next to a furnace. Her eyes were hot too, and it was only then did it register that she was crying and had consequently soaked the front of her collar and Asahi's face.
Flinging her head to his chest, not noticing the obvious steady breathing, Sakura closed her eyes and listened with all the strength in her for a heartbeat. Something to let her know that she had not sealed the boy's fate earlier than it should have. That she had not, in fact, murdered the same child again in the same fashion she had done last time. That she had not become a child serial killer before the war had even been a thought in anyone's mind. That she-
Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.
A broken laugh escaped her as she listened to the beat, strong and steady and alive. She looked up, not caring that her face was probably a blotchy mess of panicked tears and sweat, and smiled as a sob made its way out of her throat.
He was alive! Asahi was alive!
Kakashi looked at her as if she had gone insane, his concern for her outburst outweighing the strangeness of what he had just witnessed. He was crouched beside her, hand having fallen away to his side, and looked as if he wanted to say something. He kept his mouth shut though as he let his Genin student wipe away her tears, the cause of her distress still confusing him. The boy was asleep- why had she been so panicked? She looked as if she had had a small anxiety attack, and why that was, Kakashi couldn't piece together.
His answer came though as Sakura slurred through her sobs, "He's alive!"
Suddenly uncomfortable with the implications beyond that statement, he simply nodded and gave a reassuring ruffle to the girls head.
"Yeah," he said, keeping his voice as quiet as possible. "Asahi is alive. He is just sleeping Sakura-chan. No need to be so worried."
She laughed again, the sound hollow and mirthless. It struck him how familiar the laugh sounded and he felt a chill run up his spine as he recalled the last time she had sounded like that. It had been from the when they had found her in the forest. She had laughed at him then, too, as if it had been a sick joke for her to have protected him and Naruto. It had sounded so oddly relieved and yet, completely and utterly lost at the same time. As if there were no direction in the supposed "joy" that came from laughing.
"Yeah," Sakura breathed out, a sad smile falling onto her face as her laughter died away. "Just sleeping…."
Ayane came back, as expected, around four carrying many hefty grocery bags and other supplies. The children had all rushed towards her as soon as she had handed off the bags to the awaiting Genin, exclaiming how happy they were to see her. Asahi had awoken from his impromtude nap an hour earlier, zero recollection of what had happened besides the fact that his knees hurt. He had applied a few bandaids to his slightly red knees and proudly showed them off to his mother, who appeared slightly worried.
"How did he fall?" she asked, still hugging her children.
It was Kakashi who answered, a steady hand resting on Sakura's shoulder as she looked away in shame. "Mah, he wanted to show his siblings the train stack he had made with Sakura-chan, but tripped over himself on the porch. He slept it off though- took a nice long nap."
Under his breath, hoping to ease the atmosphere, Kakashi huffed, "Wish I could've taken a nap like that…."
Ayane nodded, an easy smile falling onto her lips in understanding, "I hear you there, Hatake-san." Looking to her children, Ayane gave them a stern wag of her finger. "I hope you three behaved yourselves and didn't cause any trouble for your babysitters!"
"We didn't!" Mio and Koki chorused, Asahi nodding his head vigorously in agreement.
Naruto and Sasuke nodded their heads in confirmation as well when Ayane looked over to them, a smile lighting up the blonde's face as he retold the story about their "dirt fight" from earlier.
Satisfied, Ayane bowed slightly to them, gratefulness radiating from her relaxed posture.
"Thank you for taking care of my kids,Team 7. This was my first time hiring a Genin team to babysit them, so I was a little nervous at first," she confessed, rubbing at her arm a bit. "But, you guys have dissuaded any doubts I had before. Thank you."
"It was no problem," Kakashi responded in kind, already toeing on his sandals. "It was our pleasure. But, I think it'd be best for us to leave now. My students still need to train."
Naruto let out a long suffering groan as he slumped in defeat, Sasuke letting out a long sigh. Sakura, having said nothing as of yet, quietly began putting on her shoes before a tug at the corner of her dress brought her attention downwards.
Asahi was grinning up at her, waving a little toy train at her.
"Here," he said, shoving the toy into her grasp. "Gween can have it."
About to say thank you, Sakura stopped as Asahi quickly motioned for her to bend down. Doing so, Asahi cupped his hands around her ear and whispered quickly, "Nap was good, thank you."
Sakura stared at him with wide eyes, pulling away as he showed off his gummy smile once again, "Bye bye Gween!"
Had she just been forgiven?
"T-Thank you Asahi. Bye bye," she said softly, leaning down to give a small hug to the boy, her eyes growing hot again as he hugged her back enthusiastically. She didn't deserve to be forgiven.
Pocketing the little wooden train, she waved goodbye to Mio and Koki, them already having said goodbye to their personal babysitters. The door closed, and Team 7 was left standing on the walkway outside the quaint house, listening to the thundering footsteps of the kids as they ran around the house happily.
"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Kakashi asked, walking away with his book already out.
"I guess not," Naruto agreed, his smile still visible from the time he had spent playing with the little girl. "Mio was a fun kid to play with."
"Probably because you're a little kid too," Sasuke snarked, though the normal ill will hidden behind his comment absent.
Finding energy he didn't know he had, Naruto chased after Sasuke, picking up rocks and throwing them at the smirking Uchiha as he deftly dodged each one.
Kakashi slowed down a bit, until he was walking beside Sakura, who had taken out the toy train she had just been given.
"What's that?" he asked, eyes never leaving the pages of his orange book.
"One of the trains Asahi had been playing with earlier. I…. I think it's his way of saying he…. Forgives me. For what happened."
Kakashi hummed, turning a page as he glanced over at the pink haired Genin beside him.
"About that," he began, Sakura's face draining of any color as he continued. "I think you and I are going to have a little chat later about what exactly happened, why it did, and why you reacted the way you did. Alright?"
His voice was light and cheery, but Sakura could tell the underlying suspicion and concern hidden beneath it all. The concern wasn't for her though.
"Okay," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat.
She'd messed up. Big time.
Hello everyone! Yeesh, it's been awhile hasn't it? I'm hoping this chapter makes up for my absence. February was sort of a rough month for me, so it was hard to find time to write. I hope you all enjoyed! Thank you, as always, to everyone who has Followed/Favorited/Reviewed this story so far! You guys bring me so much joy with all of your positive feedback!
Thank you!