Rule 2034. All vans must be registered with security or they will be towed. We don't want another repeat of last time.

Tenryuu balefully eyed the white paneled van that had been parked in front of the destroyer dorms all day. Suspicious. Very suspicious. A glint of something shiny on the ground caught her eye, and she looked down to see several candy wrappers littering the parking lot underneath. Extremely suspicious.

But suspicious wasn't enough to bring the MPs in to tow it away, and it would be weeks and a few warnings before time became a factor. And she really wanted to avoid destroying it in case it was something innocent. At least her destroyers weren't attracted to it; Hibiki was even glaring at it with just as much heat as she felt.

"Ah, I just remembered I need to check something!" she announced. "Go on ahead without me, I'll catch up."

Nodding, the destroyers of Desdiv 6 dashed off, but Tenryuu held Hibiki back with a hand on her shoulder.

"Keep them away from that van, alright?" she whispered.

The white-haired girl nodded gravely. "Da. You have my word."

Once her destroyers were out of sight, Tenryuu moved to investigate. The candy wrappers were generic and no help, and there weren't any markings or vanity plates on the vehicle. Looking in the windows showed little in the way of personal decorations, though it did confirm that this was a very new van. Even lifting it up and checking the undercarriage revealed nothing, though she hadn't really expected it to.

There was no choice. She'd have to get into the back.

Naturally, the doors were locked, but that was no obstacle for the light cruiser. She simply dug the lock out of the doors with her bare hands and swung them open.

Empty.

Now gritting her teeth in frustration, she pulled up the floor panels. Nothing. She tore open the walls. Nothing. She-

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Tenryuu paused, her fist full of sheet steel, and glanced out the new hole she'd made in the van to see a sailor in a rumpled uniform - and very unfortunate 70s-style porn 'stache - nearly tearing her hair out at the sight of his vehicle.

"This your van?" she asked.

"Yes!"

"Then why'd ya park it right in front of the destroyer dorms, dumbass?" Tenryuu demanded. "I mean, I'm sorry about destroying it when you're not doing anything nefarious..." She eyed his mustache. "I think..."

"Hey! What's wrong with my mustache?!"

"Well... I'm sorry, man, but it kinda makes you look like a paedophile."

"That's it!" the sailor shouted. "You, me, Admiral Goto's office ASAP!"

~o~

"And you couldn't have called the MPs?" Admiral Goto groaned once he'd heard the full story.

"He insisted," Tenryuu stated, pointing to her accuser.

"Er, well, I didn't think of that..." the sailor, named Maeshima Tsuno, sheepishly answered.

"Right..." Goto sighed. "Here's what's going to happen. Tsuno, that van was incredibly suspicious, so I'm not going to have Tenryuu do more than pay for the repairs." He thought of the damage, and made an amendment. "Or replacement, as the case may be. Tenryuu, next time, report a suspicious vehicle. Or find someone with lockpicks. Now get out of here."

"Yes, sir!" both shipgirl and sailor barked.