Here we go again! Lol.. I thought for sure this was going to be the last chapter, but it looks like you'll get another one after this!
Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold! Sadly… lol
(**Two Months Later**)-June
Arnolds POV:
I've always been into astronomy. I could sit and stare at the stars all night long, and some nights I did just that. My lawn chair, a cooler full of snacks and the stars were all I needed. Lately it had been my escape from reality. The school year had dwindled down to its final days, and summer vacation was right around the corner. Our finals were over, and the pressure was off. Everything was supposed to be smooth sailing. Unfortunately for me, the sailing never really became smooth. I don't think I've had a break since fourth grade. Every day was a constant reminder that I had done some sort of wrong doing in my life. I think my mistake was trying to be close to Helga.. As bad as that sounds. Nearly every problem I have, comes back to her. Apparently I've also gained a reputation as a heartbreaker in the process. I don't really expect people to understand my reasons for keeping romance out of me and Helgas relationship, I just want them to mind their own business and respect my privacy. But lately, privacy isn't really in our friends vocabulary. After Helga and Wolfgang were officially over, the rumors began to fly again. Rhonda had remained convinced that I was the culprit (again), and that Helga broke up with Wolfgang in a desperate attempt to prove her undying love to me. Sid sided with Rhonda in that argument, but Stinky was convinced I was madly in love with Helga and she was just confused. Each rumor varied from person to person, but none were correct in the slightest.
That leads me to tonight on my rooftop. So many weeks of incessant rumors and unbearable scrutiny had me near my breaking point. The only things keeping me sane were my best friend, my recently purchased 2003 Honda Civic… and the stars. The stars were always there and seemingly unchanging, and always there to offer a calming sense of peace in an otherwise chaotic world. It was the only time I wasn't forced to think about Helga in some way shape or form..
"Hey Arnold!" Geralds head appeared from the window. "You care if I come up?"
"No, come on." I waved. Since youth was no longer on our side, to get on the roof we had to crawl on all fours and suck in our gut in order to fit through the window. Once Gerald had wrestled his way through the small window he pulled the cooler next to me and took a seat on top of it. "Where's Phoebe?" it was almost unheard of for them to be apart.
"Phoebe and all of the girls were going bowling tonight to commemorate the end of the school year. I guess they have this big night planned or something." he shrugged.
"I guess that's cool.. Good for them"
"Arnold, you need to stop it with this 'I have no emotions' attitude."
"Who says I have no emotions?" I chuckled. He wasn't always good with subtly. I should have known he wasn't here for kicks. "Well? Commence the monologue" I gestured to him.
"Look, I don't want you to think I'm lecturing you about this… But something is obviously bothering you, and you're avoiding it. You hide up here every night and watch the stars and pig out on junk food, and for Gods sake you're listening to sappy jazz music! Now I'm no expert, but this is how some people act after they get dumped." he arched both of his eyebrows. "If I didn't know any better, I would say this has something to do with a certain girl we both know. Someone who wrote you off after years of longing and desiring? Attention you're missing now that its gone…. Sound familiar yet?"
I stared at him with no attempt to mask my complete and utter shock. Gerald was one of the people who tended to back off when it came to me and Helga. It was a highly sensitive subject, and one I didn't discuss with anyone else. "Wow" I muttered. "Tell me more Doctor Phil! I'd love some more insight!" he and I both knew I was kidding.
"If you need to talk Arnold.. I'm here for you. You've seriously become a hermit since prom night. I've heard a good portion of the rumors about what happened, but you won't tell me the truth. I'm not going to force you to talk to me.. I know it's none of my business."
"You're right" I crossed my arms across my chest.
"Like I said, I won't force you… I'm just worried about you. You've yet to find a bright side." his fist bumped my shoulder.
"I had nothing to do with Helga and Wolfgangs break up." I took a break from staring at the stars to make eye contact with Gerald. "I found Helga outside of the Hotel, and we ended up arguing and then she left. There's the big story everyone is dying to hear." I let out a long sigh.
"So Helga stopped talking to you after that? What did you argue about?" he got in a more comfortable position in preparation of my story.
"She invited me to go back inside.. She wanted to dance. I told her it was a bad idea-"
"Mistake number one." he pointed out. I instantly gave him a glare.
"Anyway… we argued back and forth about who's fault it was that we always find ourselves in these messes. She concluded there was nothing left to save between us, and took off."
"Arnold.." he sighed "You're my best friend, and we've always been completely honest with each other. Nobody else will have the guts to tell you this but me, so listen closely: you have some seriously deep feelings for Helga G. Pataki."
"WHA-!"
"Shut your mouth and let me finish!" he laughed. "There lies your problem my man.. Your inability to see." his fingers motioned to my eyes. "Your brain has trained you to see only the negative side of falling for Helga. But on rare occasions, your heart won. You've kissed her… and now you turned it into a whole new ballgame. Before you kissed her, it was always just that… her kissing you. Now normally I sit back and let you handle this yourself, but someone needs to open your eyes since you wont. It's starting to affect you more than her.."
"One kiss doesn't cause the whole world order to come crumbling down." I scoffed. "It was one kiss.. And one that I regret! I have nothing to be affected by."
"Why do you regret it?" he insisted on continuing this further.
"Because I did it without thinking! It was a mistake.."
"I think you regret it because you were thinking, and that's what scared you. You knew exactly what you were doing when you kissed her. All those years of repressed feelings and emotions erupted into one earth shattering kiss, and you were scared because you finally let her know you thought of her as more than a friend.."
I really needed to get Gerald to quit watching chick flicks with Phoebe. His psychotic perception of romance was disturbing. So what if I kissed Helga? I had one moment of weakness and now I'll never be able to live it down?
"Look, I didn't come over here to harsh your mellow." he sighed. "I just came over to cheer you up, and maybe talk about what's bothering you. You're obviously not ready to do that. Let's just forget about it… We can take your pimp mobile out for a spin" he smirked. "What do you say? Guys night out?"
"Thanks Gerald.." I sunk deeper into my chair. "But I'm just not in the mood.. Maybe next week we can plan something."
"Okay.." he stood up. "Let me know.. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" he offered his fist for our handshake.
"Yep." my fist met his. He headed back over to the window and opened it. "And Gerald?" I called out.
"Yeah?" he held the window open.
"I'll talk to Helga about everything when the time comes.… I'm just not ready to face it yet. I promise I won't be like this forever." I smirked.
"Like I said… I'm here to listen when you need me. After all, I love your twisted love stories!" he crawled through the window before I could object his 'love story' theory.
What me and Helga have isn't what you would call a 'love story'. Usually both parties have to be madly in love in order to constitute an epic love story… If our friendship was like a movie, it would probably be a disaster flick.
There's been far too many casualties along the way.
(**Three Weeks Later**)
One ring..
Two rings..
Three…
Four…
"Hello?" a groggy voice answered on the other end.
"Gerald, I think my brain was abducted by aliens." I sat on the floor and continued to flip through the pages of a book.
"Arnold?" The springs of his mattress made a squeaking sound. "Dude, its.." he paused. "4:30 in the MORNING! What's going on?"
"I needed to talk to someone." I said as a matter-of-factly.
"You're turning into a girl" he muttered under his breath. "What's wrong?"
"I honestly don't know.." I sighed.
"Where are you right now?" he asked suspiciously.
"Laying in bed." I lied.
"Don't lie to me." he deadpanned.
"I'm sitting in my closet! Happy?" I picked up one of the small football headed statues and studied it. "I'm just… feeling some residual guilt."
"You had another funky dream where you're about to confess something to her, huh?"
Why did I ever admit that dream to him?
"That dream creeps me out! It's like.. The words are coming out of my mouth, but its not really me saying them." I put everything back in the box and stuffed it back on to its shelf. "I think I'm going crazy. Is this going to haunt me for the rest of my life?"
"I think as long as you have that box in your closet, you're always going to think about her. Even if you don't want to."
My problem wasn't thinking about Helga. My problem was seeing her face in my dreams. I kept having the same dream over and over. We would always be in my room, and I was always about to spill my guts. I was growing tired of reliving it over and over.
"You need to talk to her." he broke through my thoughts. "Because if you keep calling me in the middle of the night, I'm gonna have to kill you."
"But I'm not-"
"READY, I know. But my God Arnold, she's been waiting for this conversation since you two were little kids. Don't you owe her that much?"
"How can I discuss things with her if I don't know how to answer her questions?" I tossed my hand up in frustration.
"She only wants to know one thing my man, and it's the most important thing you have to answer. DO. YOU. HAVE. FEELINGS. FOR. HER?"
I lowered the phone from my ear and took a deep breath. I desperately wanted to close the phone and pretend he didn't just ask me that. I was starting to run out of reasons not to answer.
"ARNOLD!" his voice sounded muffled in the palm of my hand. I raised the phone back up to my ear and continued to remain silent. "You can't even tell your best friend." his voice sounded almost offended at the idea. "Your secrets are going to bury you someday. I hope you can live with that.."
I cleared my throat a few times in an attempt to formulate some sort of response. Why was this so hard for me? "I don't know what to say." I bit my lip and exhaled.
"You either have romantic feelings for her or you don't. And trust me your hesitation speaks volumes.."
"Feelings or no feelings, it's territory I don't think I'm willing to dabble in. Its too messy.."
"Then tell HER that! You dimwit. Cut the cord already! Give her that box back, and move on like the rest of us!"
"I CAN'T." I shouted back at him. "I can't just 'move on'! I'm always going to picture her crying herself to sleep at night because of ME.. I was the one who couldn't step up and make her feel better. I'm the reason she's had to live in constant anguish! Do you realize how much that sucks?" I busted out of my closet and threw myself on my bed, panting heavily.
Gerald waited until my breathing had calmed down. "I take that little outburst as a sign that you DO have some sort of feelings for her." though I couldn't see him I knew he had a grin plastered on his face.
"She bugs me." I hissed. "She really bugs me! She planted herself in my brain since we were practically infants and she refuses to get out. She's hardwired in there. I don't like that feeling."
"You know what, you've spent the past fifteen minutes talking in circles and completely avoiding the original question."
"I'M CRAZY ABOUT HER! OKAY?" my heart skipped a beat at the realization of my own words. Both ends of the telephone remained completely silent. "Gerald?" my voice cracked.
A female voice began laughing on the other end. "It's about time football head.."
"Helga?" I choked. "What? How? WHY?-"
A loud ringing caused me to jump and my eyes flew open. That was by far the worst dream I've had so far. My phone continued to ring and vibrate next to my bed. I picked it up and answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey man. You never showed up for movie night! Are you okay?" my clock read 10:23pm. I was over four hours late.. Crap.
"Sorry Gerald." I sighed. "I fell asleep again.." my strange dreams had been getting stranger and stranger, and I was starting to become afraid to fall asleep.
"Nightmares again?"
"They're getting worse… I think it's time Gerald." I got out of bed and leaned against my closet doorframe.
"Wait… you mean TIME time? Wow, all I have to say is: IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!" he chuckled.
"I'm returning the box, knucklehead. Look, I'm going to do it now… before I lose my nerve. Call you tomorrow? Bye!" I hung up before he could answer. If I was going to do this, I had to do it while I still had the guts to. I wasted no time and pulled the box from my closet and lugged it downstairs to put it in my car. By the time I had pulled up to her place, my stomach was in knots. "Don't lose your nerve." I warned myself. "You can do this. Its just Helga.."
The lights were still on in the living room which meant Big Bob was awake. I was going to be forced to use the fire escape again, only this time I had to lug a big box up the stairs. After several minutes of struggling I managed to get the box up the flight of stairs. "This is it" I whispered before knocking on the window. A light flicked on and my heart began beating faster. As if on cue, the curtain was pulled back and there stood Helga. She rubbed her eyes a few times in bewilderment before realizing I was no mirage. "Are you going to open the window?" I chuckled nervously.
With a small click the window was unlocked and lifted. "What are you doing here?" she scowled.
"Settling unfinished business." I pulled myself through the window first, then pulled the box in behind me. "I believe this belongs to you." I set the box on her desk.
She stared at the box like it was on fire. Her mouth hung open slightly and she looked like she wanted to scream. "Arnold.." she opened the box and looked inside cautiously. "You KEPT it?" she pushed it off the desk and the contents spilled out.
"What was that for?" I knelt down and began picking things up. "You're going to make Bob come up here!" she disappeared into her closet while I continued to pick up the books. Suddenly a small gold heart landed next to my hand. I turned it over… my picture from seventh grade was inside. "What is this?" I stopped putting the books away and stood up.
"You can add that to your collection." she tried to grab it from me but I pulled away.
"You have an old photo of me in a locket?" I pressed on the clasp but it wouldn't budge. Her fingers brushed against my hand as she pressed the clasp, causing it to open.
'Arnold my soul, you are always in my heart. Love, Helga G. Pataki'
"I shouldn't have kept it." she finally grabbed it from me and tossed it into the box. "Now if you don't mind, I was going to bed. Take the box and go."
"I came here to give you the box.. I can't have it anymore." I kicked the box in her direction.
"Fine.. Then I'm taking it to the city dump first thing in the morning." she crossed her arms in front of her. "Now get lost."
My head was telling me 'get out you idiot!' but my feet stayed firmly planted in place. My latest dream kept replaying in my head from the moment I saw her tonight... It was making me feel dizzy.
"Are you deaf football head? I said LEAVE" she pushed my shoulder.
"Helga.." I took a step closer. "I know we really aren't speaking to each other anymore… but I wanted to apologize about prom night. I was an insensitive Neanderthal."
"Here we go again" she muttered.
"Look, I apologized! What more do you want from me?"
She paced back and forth muttering things under hear breath. When Helga was getting worked up, she always talked to herself. "I don't want another useless apology!" she ranted. "It leads us down the SAME path every single time! We fight, we apologize, we fight again… Do you see the pattern?"
"Again, what do you want from me?" I shrugged.
If looks could kill, I would probably be dead. Her eyes were practically burning holes into mine. "Do you really need to ask me that football head? You've known the answer since we were nine."
I took a moment to collect my thoughts before responding. "How can you love someone like me for nearly your whole life? Honestly Helga? I'm not even worthy of that kind of affection."
"There's just something about you." her gaze drifted to the floor. "I've tried to let you go.. Its been a never ending process. Just when I think I'm finally free.. You pop into my thoughts again."
I leaned against the window frame and tried processing her words. She was just as trapped in this as I was.. It was almost like we were both at fault in our own ways. We had clung on the memories, and forgot about the present. We were seventeen years old and acting like we were nine again.
"Are you okay football head?" she looked at me awkwardly.
"Helga… are we bad for each other? Do we bring out the worst in one another?" I grabbed her wrist and moved us to the bed. "Are we doomed to continue this twisted tango for the rest of our lives?"
"Arnold.. You're not going to like hearing this.. But our problem is you. You have the ability to free us from this nightmare… Just say so." Just like my conversation with Gerald in my dream.. She only had one question that needed to be answered. "Ever since I kissed you on the rooftop of the FTI building, you've had the power to end this. You know how I feel Arnold… I'm just waiting for you." her hands rested in her lap, shaking ever so slightly.
"It's no secret that I've liked other girls in my lifetime." I took a deep breath. "I would be highly obsessed for a while, and then it would be over before it began. They were all just like a supernova.. Here one day, gone the next.. And as I got older I didn't really want that anymore. I wanted more than a fleeting attraction. I wanted the real deal."
I could tell that she was already confused. "Arnold, you're doing that thing where you talk in circles."
"Not this time." I smirked. "What I'm trying to say is… When I look at you and think about our past, I don't see a supernova. You were more than a fading light in the sky. You're kind of like the stars in my sky.. You're always there. You always have been." I set my hand on her shoulder. "to make a long story short; I don't want us to ruin our friendship by mucking it up with romance."
"Isn't it a little too late for that?" her hand slapped mine off her shoulder. "You just called me the STARS in your sky! How do you expect me to react to that?"
"Its just an analogy." I defended.
"Are you attracted to me in any way, shape or form?" she blushed at her own words.
I studied her for a moment before returning her blush. I've never really thought about Helgas appearance before. I was trying my hardest not to glance at her figure before answering. "You're very beautiful" I stared straight ahead at her wall.
"You can't even look me in the eye and tell me that." she scoffed. "And that's not what I meant. I meant are you PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to me? Do I… you know?" she gestured with her hands. "Turn you on?"
"Holy crackers" I covered my eyes. "You did not just ask me that!" I peeked through my fingers to find her blushing profusely. "In all honesty, I've never really fantasized about anyone before" I kept my eyes covered. "But yes, I do find you attractive. Or 'hot'.. whichever you prefer." I slowly lowered my hands.
"Do you ever think about me?" she still had a tinge of red in her cheeks.
I could either lie.. Or be completely honest. Either way it wasn't going to be easy. "Sometimes." I decided on middle ground.
"Why are you so afraid of trying things out between us?" she set her hand on top of mine. "If we didn't work out.. Do you honestly think I would be able to walk away from our friendship?"
"Helga.. I can't just force myself into this. I'm not even sure if all this stuff I've been feeling is real, or another 'supernova'.. and testing the waters is too risky. You mean too much to me." I set my other hand on top of hers.
"Sometimes life is about taking risks." her free hand touched my cheek. "But I can't make you take the plunge."
From the moment her hand touched my cheek I had an overwhelming need to feel her against me. I shuddered at the thought. I wasn't the kind of guy who thought about girls like that. "Helga" I sighed, leaning into her touch. "How about this; lets go on a date. Fourth of July… you and me, a real date. We can test the waters without getting ourselves into a mess."
She promptly removed her hand and looked at me quizzically. "Aren't you going to ask me properly?" she raised an eyebrow.
I should have known she would demand the whole package. I really don't expect any less from Helga. I grabbed both of her hands in mine and kissed them. "Helga Pataki, will you go out with me?" I swear I heard her swoon from the moment the words left my mouth.
"Well… I'll think about it." she suppressed a cackle.
"You suck!" I pinned her down and began tickling her ribs.
"OKAY OKAY!" she laughed wickedly. "I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU!" I collapsed next to her and we both took a moment to regain our breath. "You should get home.. It's getting late." she sat up on her elbows.
"I'll call you later." I rolled over her and off the side of the bed. As I was climbing out the window I paused. "And Helga? Don't throw away the box.." I smirked.
"Go home dork" she lightly slapped my cheek and pushed me out on to the fire escape.
On my drive home, the events of the past hour kept replaying in my head. I asked HELGA out on a date, and we actually got along for once. Not to mention the semi-indecent thoughts that had occurred when we were in close proximity. This was all so new to me.. It was almost kind of exciting.
I couldn't wait until the fourth of July.
Its 1:30 in the morning, and God knows how many grammatical/spelling errors this contains. Lol.. But I hope this made you all smile! The next chapter will hopefully be around soon!