Sorry it took awhile. Anyway, new chapter! :)

Chapter 9

"Just wait for me in our room...", Alex told her wife as calmly as she could compose though her eyes gave away how scared she's right now. Piper's directly looking her in the eyes so she turned away.

She couldn't see how much this bothered me.

Piper hesitated for a moment but nodded her head eventually. She slowly walked out of the kitchen leaving Alex in her own head.

Though Piper's soothing caress on her face would urge her to speak, Alex thought she needed a little more time to herself. She needed to figure out how to tell her. Seventeen years and yet she hadn't composed a coherent speech on how to tell her and it's just so not like her. This was so not like her. Lost for words, scared, shaking.

This is not Alex Vause.

Alex Vause. She's the blunt, straightforward and obnoxious woman. She usually knows what to say in all situations. Usually figures out how to deal with anything in whatever conditions. But now, all of a sudden, she's lost for words. Scared. So out of character. So not like her.

Her gripped on the edge of the sink tightened. The curling up in her stomach tensed more.

What the fuck did she do to deserve this? What the fuck am I thinking to decide for this?

She didn't know how long was she standing in the kitchen. She lost sense of time, but she knew she had her wife wait for too long now. She waited long enough. Seventeen fucking years was long enough.

Alex sighed one last time, shaking. She raised her head looking up at the ceiling.

It's now or never, Vause. It's now or never.

On the bed, staring up the ceiling—that's how she found Piper in their room. She seemed lost in her own thoughts as well. Lost in the scenarios she could make up. Alex gulped when her wife slowly turned to look at her. She smiled a little motioning for her to lie in bed beside her. Alex sighed shortly, gently walking to her wife, closing the door behind her. She moved under the comforter turning to her side to face her wife. Their eyes instantly met and Alex unconsciously bit her quivering bottom lip.

"Promise me...Just promise me...You're gonna hear me out...You're gonna let me explain...", Piper looked at her directly in the eyes slightly smiling. After all this years, all the rehearsed lines, the built-up courage, all of it—gone. It's gone before those comforting blue eyes.

I can't do this. I can't fucking do this! It'll break her! It'll break her!

The turmoil in her stomach got more and more intolerable every second she stared at her wife's sad, confused and worried blue eyes looking directly at her. It's over-powering. It's too much. It's sickening even. Alex averted her eyes to the ceiling. Apparently, the ceiling was a better view than her wife's eyes in the moment. She couldn't stomach telling the truth to her wife's face. She just couldn't.

How am I supposed to tell her I had a kid with my fucking ex-girlfriend, which basically is not my idea, but my fucking selfish vindictive drug-dealing asshole of a friend?! But! Fuck! Why did I make this choice to myself!? Why did I—

"Babe...", Piper's gentle touch brought her back to earth and eased her rising emotions a little. She slowly turned her head, seeing her gulped with eagerness written all over her gorgeous face. "Say it...", Piper's breath rolled to her face. It's a mixture of sweet...

...but with strong hint of alcohol.

Has she been...

"Pipes, have you been—"

"Shut it! You're here to answer, not to ask questions...", Piper stopped her, holding her face for her look at her.

"But...", Alex got more hesitant now.

She's using alcohol. She's using alcohol to deal with this?

"I needed it to deal with the fucker at dinner...Sorry, I just felt like I needed it..."

"Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes...I'm all ears...Go on babe...", Piper urged her but now she's uncertain.

What the hell?

"Pipes...I don't know if I can—"

"Don't you dare bail on me now, Alex!"

"But Pipes...you're—"

"Are you kidding me? Alex! Are you fucking kidding me now?"

"N-No, but...I needed you to focus...But look at you, you're drunk!"

"I'm not! What the fuck! Why is it so hard for you to say what you've been hiding? Have you killed?", Piper gasped sitting up from the bed. "Are you fucking dealing again? Alex! Are you fucking dealing again?"

"What—Pipes! No!", Alex sat right up as well.

I wish I was just dealing again. It'll be so much easier to tell than this.

"You know—See? This is why I don't want to tell you now! You're raging already!"

"You don't know how fucking stress out I had been since I saw that text message in your phone 17 fucking years ago! And how I almost fucking lost my sanity when I found out you've been contacting Nicky all this time! So tell me Alex! I wanna hear you tell me straight to my face! Are you dealing again?"

Alex clenched her fist, closing her eyes.

What the fuck is she saying right now? This is not how I imagined this conversation to be like! Why the fuck am I going back to dealing again? I'm a fucking detective for god's sake!

"Alex!", Piper grabbed both her arms shaking her roughly. She shook her head opening her eyes, seriously. "Tell me! Fuck it—"

"I have a kid!"

"What?"

"I have a fucking kid, Pipes...I-It's Max..."

"What the—? Is this a joke?"

Alex hung her head down, avoiding her wife's shattered face.

Piper looked at her. Frozen.

No turning back now.

Piper loosened her hold on Alex's arms and slowly brought her hands to her side but let her eyes focused on her. No reaction. Blank stare. Slow breathing. She stayed like that for about a minute, but it felt like an agonizing hour for Alex. The silence, it's more unbearable than the rage and angry yelling. It's more deafening than the screaming and harsh accusations. Alex couldn't take it. It's painful.

"Pipes...", Alex tried to reach for Piper but she turned her face from her touch.

"Get out.", it's barely audible. Venomous.

"Piper please...Let me explain..."

"I said get out.", her voice, so cold, so distant.

Alex flinched hearing that. She couldn't even move from her spot. She stayed still, looking at her wife's face turned from her.

"Pipes, I'm sorry...I don't mean to—"

"What do you want Alex? You want me to hulk out on you! You want me to hit you! Ok FINE!"

"Pipes! What the fuck! Let me explain!", Alex quickly stood up from the floor where she landed face-first when Piper forcefully pushed her after her most awaited but rather rushed confession.

"Get out."

"Pipes! Please! Letme—", Alex was cut off by a pillow harshly thrown on her face. "Piper! Seriously?", she incredulously looked at her raging wife, angrily pointing at the door.

"GET THE FUCK OUT ALEX! GOD! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU DID THIS!", Piper growled wailing her arms angrily standing up from their bed.

"Well, I can't fucking believe you too!", Alex snapped back, getting frustrated at her wife's childish reaction. "Just let me explain! Jesus! Just here me out!", Alex tried to calm her wife, slowly reaching for her.

Another thrown pillow.

That's it! Fuck alcohol!

"GET OUT!"

"Fine! You want this! Alright! Fine! Suit yourself! Remind me never to talk to you about this ever again!", Alex grabbed the pillow on the floor and roughly walked to the door. She grabbed the knob tightly, gritting her teeth in frustration.

Why can't she just listen to me first? Fuck!

Alex deliberately turned the knob and sighed, suddenly turning back to look at Piper again with the most apologetic face she could pull off but then again, she was met with another soft white material forcefully thrown at her.

How many fucking pillows do we have? God! I'm done for tonight!

Alex slammed the door, frustrated, cursing under her breath. She briskly turned and found two pairs of questioning eyes looking at her.

Totally forgot I'm a parent.

"What was that about?", Andy hesitantly asked.

"Rough start?", Max remarked, a little concerned.

"Nothing! Go back to your rooms!", Alex ordered, holding the white pillow in her hand tightly.

"Alex?", Max eyed the pillow, then Alex snapped at both of them.

"Go to your fucking rooms!", her voice strict and autocratic even.

Both teenagers flinched, looking at her. She didn't step back. She looked at them seriously, almost glaring, as both girls slowly made their ways to their respective room.

"Aaaaaargghhh!", Alex growled stressfully before briskly walking down to the couch.

It's where Max found her pacing back and forth in the little living room. She looked at the other brunette slowly walking to her, offering a cold bottle of dark beer. She raised her eyebrow, eyeing the offered drink then lifted her gaze at the brunette, unsure if she's going to smile or frown at her.

"Didn't I tell you to go to your fucking room!", she immediately regretted her angry tone when Max flinched.

"Yeah...I heard. You weren't exactly discreet...", Max looked down on her from the corner of her eye. She slowly put down her arm that's offering the drink but Alex beat her to it, swiftly grabbing the bottle from her and taking a swig.

Alex took the bottle with her and sank on the couch, looking at nowhere. Max just looked at her, taking a swig at her own bottle. She contemplated to sit beside Alex but went with it, sitting in a reasonably far distance from her.

"So...what's the deal with your wife? You're kinda loud back there", Max quietly asked.

Alex sighed taking another swig from her beer. She cleared her throat and took in a huge air to calm herself. She looked at Max waiting for her to put down her beer.

"So you heard...", Alex quietly replied.

"Are you normally like that? 'Cos if you are...I totally don't blame Andy for being a bitch...", Max whispered the last part, raising the bottle to her lips.

Alex overheard her, instantly looking at her daughter at the other side of the couch. "Now you're lecturing me on my parenting?"

"N-No...I mean, yeah...Listen, Alex. Diane may be a total asshole, but she never yelled at me, hell, did I saw her and mom fighting...at least, I can say they didn't argue, but if they are, they put in a down low...'Cos you know how kids with yelling parents ended up..."

Alex cringed at that.

"We don't normally fight. It just something...that came out tonight...", Alex sighed lifting the bottle to her lips.

"Why?", Max leaned back a little. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry..."

Alex looked at her fidgeting daughter. She looked concern and curious, but mostly concerned. It's something she didn't normally show to anyone. Alex smiled a little. At least she had someone who listened.

My daughter. Alex felt a little calm now.

"Wanna hear something weird?", Max raised her eyebrows at that question asked to her. She slowly nodded her head unsure where this conversation was heading.

Alex bit her tongue and momentarily tilted her head, looking away from her daughter's questioning look. She then exhaled a huge amount of air from her lungs and looked at Max seriously.

You should know.

"You're my kid...You're my daughter..."

Silence. A terribly long silence again. Max looked taken back staring at her like she just said the most impossible thing ever. Then Alex slowly lifted her arm and reached for her daughter, when Max leaned away.

"Are you fucking with me?", Max tried to laugh it off but it came weak.

Alex averted her gaze and sighed.

"Are you fucking kidding me Alex?"

Nice. How did I expect her to react? Ofcourse she'll be mortified!

"I wish I was...", Alex looked at Max sincerely.

"Fuck!", Max looked at her then scoffed looking at the ceiling.

"I know, I'm an asshole..."

Max unbelievably looked at her. She tightened her grip on the bottle she's holding and breathed heavily. Alex gulped, staring directly at her daughter's bewildered and intense gaze.

"So this is what you're arguing about?", Max quietly spoke as Alex averted her eyes and played with her bottle of beer. She's lost for words. Her mouth was dry.

Max stood from the couch and turned her back on her. Alex stayed glued on the couch, unable to think of anything at the moment. She already fucked up everything tonight. Max turned a little, just enough to look at her. The look she's giving Alex was something she never seen before. It's a mixture of resentfulness, sadness and longing. Alex bit her bottom lip. The look on her daughter's face, it's agonizing, too painful.

What are you doing Alex! What the fuck are you doing? Alex momentarily kicked herself when Max suddenly spoke.

"Now you need a lecture in parenting..."

Then she was gone. Max walked out on her. Just like that, two persons she deeply cared about pushed her away. Just like that, she felt alone.

Well, it's a complete valid reaction.

Alex sadly chuckled.

"You're a selfish self-centered fucker. You did it, Alex! What an awesome confession...", a quiet sob.

I need to talk to someone, immediately or else I'm going to lose my fucking mind. Nicky!

How ironic. After all the twist and turn, she'll go back to the beginning of all this shit.

Nicky.

Then it hit her. Her phone. She forgot her fucking phone in the room.

"Where the fuck in 'GET OUT' you didn't understand!", Piper instantly yelled at her when she opened the door.

"My...My phone...I just...", she stopped when she saw a bottle of half-empty liquid on the floor by the bed. "Ah, Pipes...seriously, enough with the tequila already!", she averted her eyes to her wife then she was met by a flying phone. Thankful for her amazing reflex, Alex sighed in relief at the miraculous catch.

"NOW GET OUT!"

"Nicky where are you? Can we talk? Ok...meet you at the bar...", Alex hung up and sighed looking at the steps of the stairs. She clenched her fist and turned on her heels, walking slowly to the front door.

"Did you let her explain?"

"Pol! I don't need a fucking explanation! She clearly cheated on me!"

"By what exactly?"

"That kid! Max! She's Alex's daughter! She Alex's fucking daughter!", Piper waved her arms in the air frustrated, as if emphasizing her point to her best friend on the phone. After downing half a bottle of tequila without a fucking lemon or even salt, she already felt the alcohol in her veins and it intensify her anger even more.

"And where will the cheating enter?"

Piper rolled her eyes. She didn't need Polly's intuition now. She needed her best friend siding her. "Ofcourse she cheated on me! She did! How can she have a fucking daughter anyway?"

"Exactly my point...You didn't know Pipes...", Polly sighed from the other line.

This is unbelievable!

Piper walked to the bed and leaned down to grab the bottle of tequila on the floor. "B-But! Jesus Pol! Are you siding her?"

"No...just stating the obvious.", a pause. "Now, did you let her explain?"

"Again Pol, I don't need a fucking explanation! She already made a fool out of me all this years! I don't need any more shit to put the pieces together!", she gulped at the burning liquid in her throat.

"And you're here jumping on conclusions again...Pipes, super cunt might be a fucking arrogant and irritating bitch...but she got reasons in everything she does. She won't do anything for nothing and you know her...", a sigh. "Piper, this is so stupid of you..."

"B-But, Pol...How...How can she have a child? How does this happen?", Piper slowly sat down on the bed. She lifted the bottle to her lips again and took a swig.

"You will never know that unless you ask her...Piper! This is the fucking confession you've been crazy to hear about, and you decided to just yell at her and fucking pushed her to the floor!"

"I cannot think straight..."

"Then stop drinking! You asshole!"

Piper crossed her eyebrows questioningly and looked at the bottle in her hand. "How the fuck have you known about that?"

"Shut up! Just go to her...Let her explain. Well, it's not like your wife can fuck a bitch and got her pregnant, yeah? Clearly, there's a story behind all of this..."

"I know Pol...I'm just...I'm just scared..."

Piper put down the bottle on the bedside. She stared at it for a moment while listening at her best friend's steady breathing on the other line. Polly was right. What she did wasn't the right thing to do. She overreacted again. She didn't let Alex explain her side. Instead she pushed her, threw pillows at her, and yelled at her.

Why the fuck did I do that?

Yes, Piper's mad. She was shocked at first, but after comprehending what Alex said, all she could think of was she cheated on her. That Alex had another woman and she decided to get her pregnant because Piper couldn't fucking give her a child. Seventeen years ago, Alex must had gotten tired of her miscarriages and got frustrated so she looked for replacement. She couldn't fucking give her a child so she looked for another woman who can. And she'd been hiding this from her. Maybe Alex had planned to leave her if she hadn't had Andy. Maybe she had leaved her if it wasn't for Andy. And all the coming home late, all the week-long undercover and sudden seminars across the country, Alex must have been using all these as an excuse to spend time with her 'family'. To be with her other family.

Now she wanted to rub it to Piper's face and brought home Max.

All these thought. These assumptions. All the things her fucking brain could make up. The alcohol. The anger. It became too much, that's why Piper did what she did. She pushed her wife away. Literally even. She knew it's not what she should've done, but it became too hard to act discerning if these images of her wife on some woman's bed with a fucking baby in their middle would flash in her mind. It's sickening. It's heartbreaking.

"But you love her...", was Polly's reply. "You love her so you'll hear her out..."

"I'm scared Pol...", a sob finally escaped from her mouth.

She had been fighting the urge to cry but she just couldn't hold it in anymore. It's true. She's afraid. Afraid that she might be right. That Alex would say all the thoughts she'd been thinking about. That she might lose her.

"Idiot...", Polly scoffed from the other line.

That's all she needed to hear. That's just about everything. Piper thanked Polly and hung up abruptly, rushing to the door of the room. She got out, walking briskly downstairs. She went directly to the living room, expecting her curling up on the couch. She stopped on her tracks. The room was dark if not for the lights on the street. She saw a half-empty bottle of beer on the coffee table. The white pillow was on the couch. She could still see her weight on the couch, but she's not there. Alex was not there.

She's gone.

"Please babe, don't leave now...I couldn't deal with the baby alone..."

"I'm sorry Pipes...this bust. This is a huge bust and a huge break for my career...I needed to be there..."

Piper looked at her wife sadly while holding their three-month old daughter in her arms. Alex was in the closet grabbing clothes for a week-long undercover. She's rushing, stressed out and just threw anything she could reach on her carry-on. She didn't seem like her usual self. She seemed so much in a hurry to leave.

That caused suspicion creep in to Piper's inside.

Piper frowned noticing the material Alex grabbed from the drawer.

"Babe...those are my thongs..."

"Oh fuck...yeah...sorry, sorry...", Alex chuckled awkwardly, placing the thongs back to the drawer.

Piper stood still, eyeing Alex's every moved. She bit her bottom lip. She didn't like what she's feeling right now.

"Babe...where exactly are you going?", she asked slowly.

"I can't tell...the details are confidential, Pipes. You know that...", Alex answered without even looking at her.

"Just...in general...", Piper pushed on.

"Pipes...", Alex finally halted, now looking directly at her. She sighed, walking to her, leaning down to plant a sweet kiss on their daughter's head then finally her eyes were back on Piper. "I'll be back next Tuesday, I promise..."

Piper's lips twitched. She just couldn't bring herself to trust those words. She could feel something's up. She could see the inner dilemma through her wife's eyes though she's trying to hood it behind her perfect eyelashes.

But yet, Piper nodded her head. Alex smiled a little. A weak smile. A worried and bothered smile. She gave her a smile as well as Alex continued with the task.

She'd still wait for her. Of course, she would wait for Alex.

"Ok...I'm all set up...", Alex zipped her bag. She hung it to her shoulder and walked to Piper to kiss her good bye.

"Wait for me Pipes...I'll be back...I love you..."

That night, Piper received a text message. She quickly grabbed her phone on the bedside and read it.

Alex: Some asshole messed up with our operation. We got extended. I'll try to be back on Saturday. Wait for me...I love you.

Piper closed the device and slowly let her arms to fall on her side. She sighed then turned her head to look at her sleeping daughter on the bed. She smiled a little, moving slowly to lie beside her sweet little baby. She kissed her head gently and situated herself to lie comfortably beside her. She lifted her arm and clicked open her phone screen.

Piper: Be safe. We'll wait. I love you too...

Author's Note: Thanks again. I hope you're still reading this. Cheers! :)