Chapter 5

I sighed, thinking about Gome… and Takaishi. Sango had been the one to tell Kagome that he was dead… That I think was one of the hardest parts of his death. The fact that I couldn't share the grief with someone the way everyone else had been able. Kagome was the only one I'd ever been able to show weakness around, so I suffered in lonely silence.

Sango said that she hadn't seen Gome so sad since I left her… That in itself was saying something… and even worse, she said she felt bad because she wouldn't be able to attend the funeral. Why? Because I was going to be there.

I'd felt so shitty when Sango told me that, that I'd asked her to tell Kagome that I wouldn't be there so she'd go. I went, of course, but I stayed as far away from the ceremony as I could but still hear the pastor. And as soon as he was done speaking, I left.

That was when Yura had caught up with me. I was just getting back to my house and I saw her parked in front; she was sitting on the hood. I felt my dormant anger stir at the sight of her.

"I heard your cousin died." She said in a quiet voice. I hardly spared her a glance. "Wait!" She cried, grabbing my arm. I pulled away from her so fast that it caused her to jerk forward because she never got the chance to let me go. There were deep gashes from her nails on my arm that would scar.

"What the fuck do you want?" I snarled at her. I would never forgive her for what she did to Gome. Even if I lived two hundred years I would never forgive her.

"I heard your cousin died…" She said again.

"My cousin was murdered." I said trying to move past her. "Now if you'll excuse me I have more important things to attend to than you."

She blocked my way by pressing her back against my door. "I just thought maybe I could try to… take your mind off things… If you know what I mean..." She slid her shoulder out of her jacket and I finally took the time to notice what she was wearing.

She had on a peacoat jacket that stopped just above her knees and a pair of about four inch high heels. The shoulder she flaunted was bare except for a thin strap that I recognized as a bra strap.

This bitch was trying to seduce me.

"Look," I said trying to control the rage I could feel building inside me, "I'll give you two seconds to move. If you don't move willingly, I will make you move. One…" She didn't move. "Two…" She still didn't move, so I roughly grabbed her arm and snatched her from in front of my door, flinging her as far away from me as I possibly could. I saw her stumble a bit and fall back onto her side, but paid her no attention. She'd caused enough problems in my life.

I unlocked my door and walked inside before locking it again behind me.

That night I lay in my bed and played the first song Hood Fab had ever performed, the one with Leah, over and over again, just listening to her voice. I hadn't felt so content since I walked out on her, but at the same time, I'd never felt so pathetic.

I'd left her. And yet I was the one listening to her voice from a year and a half ago as if it could fix all my problems.

I sighed. I still did that; listened to her part in that song over, and over, and over.

"Boy you're my everything

I'm all en amor

Got me crazy I could sing

It's you I adore

I would never leave you lonely

My sexy one and only

Your ride-or-die girl

And your closest homie

Te amo baby boy

And nobody can stop it

Your love to me?

Nobody can top it.

Mi corazon, alma

Amor, y amigo

All day and every night Babe,

Escuche lo que digo"

Escuche lo que digo… Gome had said that means "listen to what I say…" was there a hidden meaning there that I should've been listening for? I shook my head. Now I'm over thinking things.

"Maybe I need a shrink…" I muttered to myself. Yasha and Roku sure thought I did. Especially after that crazy bitch took me to court trying to say I was the father of her kid…

I can't remember her name, and I don't want to… All I remember about that girl is that one day I'm moping around, trying to keep myself busy so I didn't fall into depression, and the next there's some girl on my doorstep claiming to be pregnant with my baby.

Now, I knew the kid wasn't mine, whether she was really pregnant or not, because I hadn't been intimate with anybody since that night with Gome. I know it sounds crazy, a guy abstinent for eighteen months, but I just hadn't been in the mood.

When I refused to recognize the baby as mine and pay her monthly child support, the bitch took me to court. The baby hadn't even been born yet. Turns out she got drunk at some celebrity's party and slept with some random guy. She didn't know who he was but there was a witness who claimed that man was me. And guess who that witness was… Yura.

"At first I was jealous when ST took her to the room. I thought he was trying to get her alone to talk to her and I've been interested in him for years. But when three a.m. came and neither one of them had left the room, I started to get worried, I opened the door and found both of them in the bed naked, sleeping. I woke her up, helped her get dressed as quietly as I could and we left. She was still drunk when we left…"

"Your honor, what was the date of this event?" My lawyer asked the judge at my request. When the judge read us the date, I couldn't hold in my laugh and it echoed around the court room.

"Something funny, Mr. Taisho?" The judged asked me, obviously annoyed.

"Not necessarily funny your honor, more like ironic. The date in question was the day of my cousin's funeral. I was at my house laid up in my bed all night."

"Do you have any witnesses to this claim?" The judge asked suspiciously.

"Actually, I do." I said, smugly. "My brother and sister-in-law can provide papers for the funeral arrangements with the date on them, and my sister-in-law and a few of my neighbors can testify that I was at home. I was blasting my music so loud the police were called. I paid the fine to prove it."

the judge nodded and instructed the detectives in the room to follow up on the information and the court would come together again in a month.

I stood up. "Your honor, if that proof is not enough to end this case," I sighed, "I'm more than willing to take a paternity test to prove I'm not that child's father."

"That sounds reasonable…" The judge said, nodding again.

"As soon as the woman gives birth, my lawyer will call me and I will send in a sample of my DNA at the first chance I get."

The judge nodded, and the court was adjourned.

Of course, when that happened, the tests came up negative. The girl was, surprisingly, very polite about the whole thing. She apologized for wasting my time and left, baby girl, Kaileen, bundled in her arms. I heard from her once after that, and it was only to ask how I was doing and make sure there were no hard feelings.

Yura, on the other hand, left angry and was soon arrested for perjury.

I wish I could say that girl was the only one to try that stupid shit… Three other pregnant women tried to claim me as the father of their kids. Those were taken care of easily the same way the first girl was taken care of.

If only I could say that was all I'd had to deal with in the past couple years. It seemed like God himself was trying to punish me for leaving Gome. Ever since I left her, I've gone through problem after problem after problem.

A week after the last girl had disappeared from my life; the press got an anonymous letter telling them that I'd been in jail before for drug dealing. So, naturally, they started digging into my past and came up with enough evidence to make into a story. My business was all over the tabloids and magazines. My fans didn't seem to care though, they left comments and messages on my myspace trying to keep my spirits up throughout the time my dealing was big news. Once the press realized that I wasn't trying to hide or deny it, they got bored with their pitiful lives and moved on to find a different celebrity to torture.

Things got kind of frustrating about a year and a half after I left Gome. I guess her and Yasha had gotten close over the past six weeks. He came at me all fucked up, even though he knew the story and agreed with me at the time.

"You really fucked Kag over, Sess."

Alright, so maybe it wasn't that fucked up. It was just extremely irritating that my best friend, who I usually saw eye to eye with, thought that I seriously fucked up when I thought I was completely right. And I could hear it in his voice; he really thought I fucked up, badly. Of course, he couldn't tell I was irritated at first. I'd been locking up my emotions more than usual lately because most of them weren't something I wanted to deal with, ever.

"How so?" I asked my voice emotionless.

"You left her-"

"You knew I was going to leave and why. Don't act surprised now because I actually did it Inuyasha." I snapped, interrupting what I'd anticipated to be a pointless, irritating rant that I had no reason to hear.

"I wasn't finished…" He grumbled, frustrated, most likely with my horrible attitude. I remember smirking, glad that I'd irritated him for a sadistic reason that I couldn't, and still can't, figure out.

"Then finish." I said coldly. "I have other things to do."

"Damn Sess, why the hell are you…" He trailed off, putting two and two together. My bad mood, which had been steadily getting worse over the past six weeks, and my willing separation with Gome and came up with the right answer.

"You miss her…" He muttered, sympathetic. His sympathy irritated the hell out of me. I didn't want anyone's sympathy or empathy or pity. I'd left her. If anybody needed all that, it was Gome. I didn't need, want, nor deserve it.

"Of course I do. Now finish what you had to say so I can get off the phone and onto more important things."

"You didn't tell her why you left. She's a wreck now Sess… she hasn't eaten or slept in weeks and I heard her telling Roku the other day… Never mind. The point is that she's a mess. You need to tell her why."

"No. I don't. She'll get over it." I said dismissively. "Gome's a strong girl. She'll be fine without me soon enough."

Yash paused before asking, "But will you ever be fine without her…?"

I hung up on him without answering.

That same question burned in my mind even now. I'd been thinking on it ever since he asked it and the answer slapped me in my face not long after. No. I'd never be alright without Gome…

It wasn't long after that that my grandpa got a hold of Roku and I with some… disturbing news.

He came to my house one day, uninvited and without me knowing. I was just getting home from performing with Roku at a club and he was sitting on my couch.

"Damn Sess, I swear if Kikyo wasn't your manager I probably never would've gotten to you." I instinctively reached for the gun in the back of my pants, but then I caught sight of my Grandpa Joe sitting on my couch like he'd been there a million times.

"Don't scare me like that gramps. I could've killed you just now."

"You didn't though. I'm surprised you didn't recognize my voice. Some grandson you are." He teased, pulling himself up off the couch and coming to hug me.

I wrapped my arms around him and laughed. "Some granddad you are, not calling to let me know you were coming, knowing how jumpy I am."

"Mhmm. And I've heard that it's gotten worse over the past couple months. Feel like talking to me about it?"

I shuffled my feet, showing my emotions for once, I was nervous. "Not really…" I said.

My granddad's eyes were wide when I looked up at him. I wasn't surprised; I haven't acted like this for years. "Oh we're talking about it. You don't have a choice anymore. Let's sit down kid."

I sighed; walking over to my couch and plopping down on it, my grandpa did the same right next to me. "So what happened?" he asked.

"You know I left Gome, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, Roku told me. But he wouldn't tell me why…"

I leaned back into the couch, running my hands over my head, and sighed. "You heard about me getting jumped right?"

"Not until I got back from Florida," He sighed, seeming irritated about that, "But yes."

I nodded. "Well while I was unconscious, Roku and Yasha took it upon themselves to go deal with the crabs that did it."

"Predictable." My grandpa said, not yet understanding the problem.

"Yeah, well they made the mistake of deciding in front of Gome…" I sighed.

"She was your girl at the time. That's also understandable."

"Not with Gome gramps. You wouldn't get it because you don't really know her that well, but she's stubborn as a mule and she…"

"She loves you enough to handle a gun if she thought it'd be revenge for you…" He finished my sentence, finally understanding.

"If you want to put it like that, then yes. So they talked about going to shoot up their safe house and she decided that she was going with them, and if she had to sneak along she'd do it. So they let her watch their backs outside. All our cousins were in San Diego on a road trip according to Roku so they decided that she'd be just fine by herself. They were wrong." I said, shaking my head. "She missed one, he snuck up on her, and, long story short, she got shot. And then on top of that, another one got away and told their leader, who came at me telling me that they were looking for her and I heard one of them say that they had her voice memorized."

"And you believed that shit?" my grandpa asked. "You and I both know that was most likely a lie."

"Most likely." I pointed out. "They could've been telling the truth. Did you really expect me to risk her life on a hunch? No matter how likely it was, it was still mostly a hunch… I couldn't expect her to stick around, risking her life, on a hunch, no matter how well placed." I said, looking at the blank he wall.

"That wasn't your choice to make Sess… it should've been her choice whether to stay and risk her life or go and save it for sure. And I think both of us know what she'd decide."

"Yeah." I said, "She'd decide to leave."

I looked up at my Grandpa and laughed. He was looking at me like I'd grown another head out of my left eye or something. "What?" I asked.

Grandpa shook his head and sighed, "And boy I thought you were smart…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, confused and a little irritated.

"You really think she was going to get herself into a gang fight if she was going to leave you because of it? Now boy that's just stupid and irrational. That girl loves you far more than you seem to realize." The sentence strung a chord in my chest that I hadn't felt in a couple months. I hurried to silence it before my resolve weakened and I went back to her because of my own weakness.

"No gramps, you think she loves me a lot more than she really does."

He shook his head again, mumbling about "Young ass idiots think they're so damn smart."

"Whatever pop. You wouldn't get it. Girls these days are nothing like they used to be."

"Was she ride or die or not?" he asked.

"She said she was-"

"And she proved it with all the shit she went through to be with you, and you repaid her by leaving her alone and confused." He interrupted me, looking dead in my face with a glare in his eyes.

I shook my head and looked away. He was right and I knew it. But I wouldn't admit it. "Whatever gramps. We have different opinions, obviously, and it's going to stay that way so new subject, how've you been?"

He smiled at me and shook his head, amused. Then his face got more serious. "I've been pretty good. I talked to your father last week." He said. I quickly put two and two together.

"That's why you're here." I said accusingly.

"It's a part of why I'm here. I haven't seen you in months kid. I've been trying to get hold of you, he just happened to talk to me right before I did."

"How convenient." I snapped sarcastically. Grandpa reached over and hit me, hard, on the back of my head.

"Don't get smart with me boy." He growled, retracting his hand. "He didn't want me to ask you anything. He was just telling me that he gets out in a few years."

"How many?" I asked.

"Three."

"And you want me to do something yourself."

"I want you to put some money aside for when he gets out. Just enough to hold him until he gets a job; and I want you to help him out with getting an apartment and stuff."

"Why would I do that?"

"Just because I asked you to. I'm not asking you to make friends with the guy or anything. Just acknowledge that he's your father and help him out a little bit."

"Fine." I groaned. "Just because you asked me to."

He smiled. "Good. And hopefully by the time he gets out you'll come to your senses and go back to Kagome."

I rolled my eyes. "Doubtful." I said, and then sighed. I got that from her.

"Not." He said. Another Gome phrase. "You miss her more than you'll admit. It shouldn't take you more than three years to go back to her."

"Whatever gramps." I said, rolling my eyes.

I laughed out loud. The old man knew me better than I gave him credit for. It'd been less than two full years since that conversation and here I was, waiting for her to get back, from a date no less, so I can talk to her and try and work on 'us;' if there is still an 'us' in her eyes. I looked at the picture from her purse again and smiled. There's still hope for us. I can feel it.

I hadn't heard from my father in years. He'd never been in my life and I'd never wanted him in it. My mom always had this heartbroken look in her eyes when I used to ask about him. It pissed me off until I hated the man even though I'd never met him. He never had a chance at a good relationship with me and he never would. The first and only time I went to jail it was for dealing and he was in there. He must've made friends with someone in there because he called in a favor and asked to talk to me. I almost beat the shit out of him but the guard held me back. All he wanted to do was give me a pointless lecture about how he didn't want me or my brother to end up like him and a bunch of other bullshit. As if I'd ever break my mother's heart by going to jail. I was as close to being a mama's boy as I could get. Everything went through my mother. Speaking of my mom, she broke the news to me about four months ago; she's got herself a new boyfriend.

"Hey Sess, can you come over sometime this week?" She'd asked me on the phone on a Sunday night, sounding apprehensive.

"Sure. When is a good day for you?" I asked, curious. I had things to do all week, photo shoots and interviews and recording all week, but this was my mom, I'd always make time for her.

"How about tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Alright. Is seven good?" I had a photo shoot with Roku and Sango from seven in the morning until one in the afternoon and then we were going into the studio until about six thirty.

"Seven is perfect. I'll see you tomorrow Sess." She said.

"Alright then. Bye mom."

"Bye."

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The photo shoot was frustrating, as always. I've always hated taking pictures and only put up with the damn photo shoots because it was necessary for publicity. I sighed, leaning back in my seat, as I weaved through the dark streets of Sacramento, headed for the house I bought Mom a year and a half before.

When I got there, there was another car parked in the driveway next to hers. It was nice, and it wasn't familiar to me. Suspicious, I pulled the pistol from underneath the carpet on my seat, put it in the back of my pants and walked up to the house trying to be casual but truly fearing the worst.

"Mom." I called, opening the door. It was unlocked which was weird. I pulled the gun out and started walking around, looking for her. I checked the clock on my phone, it was six-thirty. I was early. I walked from the formal living room into the regular living room, moving in a crouch, watching for any sign of movement that shouldn't be there. In the kitchen I saw the remains of two plates of my mother's cooking. I was confused now. She made a plate for someone who barged into her house…?

"Mom!" I called again. Still no answer. Suddenly, listening closer, I heard a noise coming from upstairs. I ran silently up the stairs and to her bedroom door. I heard moving, and it sounded like a struggle. Feeling slightly like James Bond, I kicked the bedroom door wide open, pistol held aloft. The sight that beheld me was, and still is, bad enough to burn my eyes. I screamed like a little girl and ran from the room.

Seeing my mother…intimate was not something I'd planned to do… Ever.

I went back downstairs and threw myself on mom's couch. A disgusted groan escaped my throat as I tried to dislodge the scene from my mind. I felt a hand on my back and flinched away from it with a shudder, turning over onto my back. It was my mother, just as I'd thought.

"Sorry Sess… we weren't expecting you until seven…"

"You should've told me not to come until seven. Spared me the nightmares…"

She rolled her eyes and smacked the back of my head. "Quit overreacting."

"Overreacting?" I asked. "You didn't walk in on your mother and some guy doing… THAT!! Ugh…" I shuddered again, shaking my head and clenching my fists. "Gross…" I muttered.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about…" She said.

"What? That you've been getting yo' freak on?"

She shook her head with a smile. "Something along those lines."

I shuddered again, head in my hands, and heard footsteps coming towards us. "Is that him?" I asked.

"Yeah. Look up Sesshoumaru, have some respect."

I swallowed, clenched my fists and looked up at the man I'd just seen my mother with, holding myself unnaturally still.

"Sess, this is Toru. My boyfriend."

My eyes snapped to her, alarmed. "Your what?!"

"Oh come on Sessh don't be like that! That's exactly what Yasha said before…" She stopped suddenly, looking at Toru frantically. That's when I noticed that there were hand shaped bruises on his neck and shook my head. Yasha and his temper sometimes…He thinks of my mother as his own…

"You should already know how Inuyasha's temper is. Was Kikyo with him?"

She nodded. "I think that's the only reason Toru's not dead…"

"Then it couldn't be avoided." I stood up. "It's nice to meet you Toru. You take good care of my mother or you may find yourself someplace you don't want to be." The threat was clear, and he nodded.

I shook his hand, hugged my mom, and left.

I shuddered once again at the mere memory of that. Seeing my mom that way… Ugh… It was disgusting. Sango made fun of me for months when she found out and Inuyasha wanted to go back and finish what he started. It took me, Roku, and Kikyo to convince him otherwise. When we told him that Mom would be hurt, he finally relented and decided to let poor Toru live. Ugh… Traumatized didn't even begin to cover it…

Finding out about my mom's new guy was… unsettling to say the least. However, that was nothing compared to my mood when I found out about Kagome's new man. That was only a couple weeks ago… I heard Sango telling Kikyo that Gome had invited this guy… Kouga… to meet her here, in Hawaii so that they could share the vacation time. That was another reason I came. It was bad enough finding out that she had a man, but that she was taking him with her on vacation was unbearable. I'd actually expected him to be staying here with her despite what Sango had said. She'd kept things from me before, in my eyes.

"No way!" I'd heard Kikyo squeal in excitement.

"Yeah, girl. She told me last night that he's meeting her there." 'Who's meeting her where?' I wondered. There was never any doubt in my mind about who 'she' was.

"Did she invite him to stay with her?" Kikyo asked. My blood boiled at the thought. She better not have; whoever he is.

"No stupid." Sango said. "They've only been dating for a couple months."

"Well they've already slept together so what's the…"

That'd been all I could take, "Kagome did what with who?!" I asked, trying to sound emotionless as I walked out of the hallway into the living room where they'd been speaking.

"Oh shit…" I heard Sango mutter.

"Oh shit is right." I said, anger leaking into my voice..

"How much did you hear?" Kikyo asked warily.

"Enough." I said throwing myself on the couch opposite them. "So, Kagome's fucking somebody else?"

"Gome's dating somebody else." Sango corrected, a frown on her face directed at me. "And I think she's entitled considering you're not her man anymore."

"Same thing" I said, waving her off and ignoring her second comment. "Who is he?"

"A god to all photographers, aspiring photographers, or just people who like cameras, Kouga Wolfe." Kikyo said.

"He and Gome used to date back when they were about to be freshmen in high school. He was the last boy she dated before she met you." Sango added rolling her eyes at Kikyo.

"So she backtracked." I confirmed. "Upgrade or downgrade?" I asked, feigning nonchalance.

"Neither." Kikyo said, most likely reading the anxiety that I knew was in my eyes. "You two are about on the same level even though you're two entirely different people-"

"How long have you known?" I asked Sango, cutting Kikyo off mid-sentence.

She was quiet for a while and I got part of my answer. Obviously it'd been a while. Sango was either counting the tie or hesitating because of how long she's known.

"Well…?" I prompted.

"It's been a couple months." She said, refusing to meet my gaze. It was the second reason then.

"So Roku knows." I said. It wasn't a question and Sango didn't answer, clarifying what I already knew. I nodded, digesting the information and forcing down he emotions that made my chest hurt. My cousin knew how I felt about Gome and yet he kept from me that she was dating. I sighed, shaking my head. It wasn't like that and I knew it. They were all just trying to stay out of everything and be on good terms with both of us. That itself had to be hard. I couldn't get mad at them for that.

Without looking at either Sango or Kikyo, I stood up and walked over to the door. Right before I walked out, I paused and said over my shoulder, "I'm not mad about it."

That was one of the toughest days of my life. I didn't know what I was going to do. I thought of showing up at her house one day, making her new boyfriend 'mysteriously' disappear, crashing her vacation, forcing somebody to give me her number and calling until she agreed to talk to me… and then I thought of giving up. That idea was rejected as soon as it came though, and it's obvious what I chose, considering the fact that I'm laid out on the couch in her hotel room waiting for her to come back.

Did I mention that Sango and Miroku had gotten engaged in the past few years? Yes, they'd gotten engaged about six or seven months ago, and Sango told Kagome that if she missed their wedding because I was going to be there Sango would personally make sure Gome got "a one way ticket to live with Jesus."

My phone rang and I answered it with a sigh.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sess, how you holdin up?" Sango's voice greeted me.

"I'm good. Bored as hell though. Gome's not back yet."

"She should be back soon. Look, I just wanted to let you know that Roku and I have thought of a date for the wedding, if you and Gome make nice tonight."

"And if we don't 'make nice?'"

"Then it's back to the drawing board."

I sighed and shook my head. "What's the date you came up with?'

"July 12th of next year."

I nodded. "Sounds good San."

"Yeah. But I'll let you get back to your waiting. It shouldn't be long now though it's almost eleven thirty and she called me at like nine."

I nodded again. "Alright then, I'll talk to you later."

"Yupp. Bye."

I hung up and started thinking again. What if she didn't come back here...? What if she spent the night with old what's-his-face… Kouga or whatever… What would I do then…?

I shook the thoughts from my head. She'd come back here, if for no other reason then to try and fight me. Whether she still wanted answers or not, she'd come back. And considering the fact that she had a picture of us in her purse, she'd want answers when she got here.

I pulled the picture off the coffee table and started twirling it between my fingers again. It dropped from my fingers as a knock sounded on the door. I picked it up and stuck it in my pocket as I headed to the door. I saw it was Gome when I looked through the peep hole. I was right. I opened the door, standing to the side so she could come in. This… I realized as she started to walk in, refusing to look up at me …is going to be a very interesting conversation.