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I really am sorry, followers of Bonds Under Ocean Waves, but the little time I have, Sanity grabbed. It caught me...

I really have to say, Sanity is an oddball. It's a rather strange tool since I strip so much from it's chapters. It's a completely different writing style than my usual.

Speaking of...by this stories general standards, this chapter is almost sinfully long. By my standards, sinfully short, and by the standards of Bonds, just average.

~ C F Winchester.

Sanity

Chapter Nine: Lost.

Elsa stood up. Almost immediately she slid down again, rather more slowly than she could have.

In truth, she didn't actually want to sit back down, and was resisting the slow slide all the way down...but her body wouldn't obey her.

It wanted to be floored.

Once she was sitting against her door, it took all her energy to remain upright...

She failed.

Her head hit the snow on the ground with a soft plop that did nothing to improve her sudden jellyfish like state. She lay there, in the snow, watching the flakes re-settle on her eye lashes.

Snow.
Ice.
Hail.
Sleet.
Blowing Blizzards.
Freezing Mists.

Burning Cold.

Wintry Air.

Oooooh Shut up already!

Tossing aside the thoughts in her head, Elsa found her feet and forced her body to get up on all fours before pushing herself up to sit on the balls of her feet. Snow was everywhere. She almost flopped face down in the snow again, only this time,her elbow and hand served as a prop tool for her head.

She half sat, half lay there in contemplation, or at least tried to, but her elbow was slipping in snow, and just like that she was on the floor splayed out again.

Sometimes I really hate the snow...scratch that.

Most of the time.

She watched the flakes stir in the air. They had such a beauty that she was almost sick of watching.

How can you love something so much...

Yet also hate it with all your heart?

Elsa decided that trying to get up was pointless. She instead contemplated what had put her in this state in the first place.

She had almost opened her door.

Her hand had been on the knob. It had been unlocked. She had half turned the knob...and in a blast of fear it had become solid ice.

She watched it now. It had not melted, but stayed in the frigid air, a laughing reminder as to how little control she had.

Control.

Hah.

She had zero.

She continued to stare at the frozen door, and told herself instantly that she would never come out.

Only for coronation day. No sooner...

Or Later.

Lost in her fear, the snow blanketed all in it.

o~1~o

In her sleep, Anna felt a pressure in her head. It was like someone was tapping her shoulder, or brushing her ears with light fingers. It wasn't a hard pressure.

It was the kind of pressure you feel when you know someone is behind you without looking.

More of a sense.

Anna tried in vain to continue sleeping, but it was useless. She opened her eyes to an empty room. Yet the nagging feeling continued. Something was off in the castle. Something wasn't right. She quietly slipped out of bed and tossed on a drape shawl over her night clothes. Who was going to see her this late anyway?

She looked for her shoes, gave up and figured she's get no scolding for walking the castle with her slippers. This was her house anyway, how much dirtier was the castle from her room?

Honestly.

A lot of habits and upbringing rules didn't bear up to scrutiny once looked at...

That wasn't important however. This feeling was.

Slipper clad feet hurried to the door and then opened it quietly, making sure to stop it before it creaked. She lithely strode to the end of the hall.

"Out so late at night milady?"

"Something is off Cuthbert. You think you can ask around for me?"

She addressed the picture at the end of her hallway, a burly man in soldiers' dress who was painted from the waist up. His silver mustache was impressive, which made up fr his slightly balding head. His hard blue eyes scoped Anna before answering.

"Certainly Milady. I'll have someone report back to you. Double time."

"It's not urgent. It's just a feeling."

She strode off down the halls. It was only about five minutes later that she got a feeling again to go up.

Another three minutes and she felt to go up again, and her confusion grew as she threw herself up the steps, trusting instinct or whatever this was.

There was absolutely nothing up all the way to the top except the parapets and bell...

"There is something up there. I can't tell what, but something. Be careful Anna."

The message came from a suit of armor standing at attention by a staircase going up. Anna nodded grimly to him before ascending the steps. Something...

Quite suddenly, Anna lost her footing. She grabbed the banister to steady herself before continuing on...

It was only once she got up tot he top did she realize why.

o~2~o

Why had she come out here?

What madness had possessed her to come out?

Ice crystals sprung up on every footprint as Elsa walked along barefoot through an unfamiliar castle.

Why hadn't she at least brought SHOES?

She cursed the crazy that had seized her in her insomnia and dragged her form bed to fulfill a promise that she had months to fulfill at a more sane hour with more sane footwear. Or better yet, never fulfill at all.

Her sanity reclaimed her mind and she beat it back along the corridor to her room and tried to lock her door...but with growing horror she realized her body was instead grabbing her shoes and putting them definitively on her feet. She then slipped out the room again and walked off along the corridor.

No no no! She had to get back!

She paused. Her will struggled with itself. She had to admit, nothing was controlling her, it was herself she was struggling with. She actually had fulfilled the promise now. She had come out. She had opened the door. She could go back in now...

But she knew that was feeble, and she laughed at herself. What proof could she give to Anna of that?

She paused again for a new horror that made snow fall on the carpets. She had no idea where she was. She hadn't been in this castle in years. It was so...big. So huge. It was scary...too scary. Snow flew faster from her as she tried to master the fear of such an open space.

Up.

She had to go up. The castle, most buildings in fact, got smaller at the top. She could find her way around doing that...and she needed to get somewhere with protective walls.

This was too big.

Much too big.

Open space...

The snow roared.

Elsa fled.

Lost among the silently watching corridors, Elsa fled.

o~3~o

The entire staircase up here was covered in ice.

Ice.

Sure it was near winter, but ice INSIDE?

Her speed in climbing the rest of the stairs led her to the bell tower, where she was met with the sight of...

Someone. A woman.

She was beautiful...

and snow danced around her.

She stared out into the open air with a kind of longing etched into her body that Anna could sympathize with. She wanted to get out of here too. The moon beckoned her with sweet words and even sweeter, soft light, which played on the woman's near platinum blonde hair...

As suddenly as she had come up here, just so suddenly did Anna realize that she kinda didn't come here to stare at this woman. She hadn't ever seen her before...at least she was sure she hadn't...but she can't see her face so howwasshesuppossedtoknowandthewomanhadsnowaroundherlikeablanketandblizzardsothiswasnotnormal...

Slow down.

Deep Breath.

Cough because you took it too deep and then stumble on the ice like a fool because you coughed and fall because you stumbled like a fool on the ice that you stumbled on from coughing because you took too deep a breath of cold air.

Great.

The snow whipped into a frenzy and the woman whipped about too to stare at Anna. The two met eyes. A nudge pushed on the back of Anna's brain and a word slipped into her mouth.

"...Elsa...?"

The two stared at each other some more. Again, Anna felt a nudge as her mind pushed her onwards.

Oookay...Seems like I have to make the second move too...again.

"...Elsa? You're Elsa aren't you? Well...uhh...wow. Err...you turned out nicely...not that you shouldn't have I mean I didn't expect you to be ugly but I mean err I haven't see you in years and I didn't know what to expect and umm...hi."

She didn't mention the swirling snow, though she noticed it calmed a little. Just for a small bit. Then it returned full force when Elsa realized that, duh...this was Anna.

Next to her.

With no protective door or gloves in the way.

Looking right at her snow.

Shit.

It was like as if her sister had found the chamber pot and proceeded to paint the walls with it's contents.

"Anna."

Great. All she says is one word. This is like trying to fill a bucket that has no bottom. Well. Two can play this game!

"Elsa."

Ha!

"..."

Nothing. Crap. New plan!

Anna opened her mouth again and then promptly slipped when she took a step forwards, but her hand was still on the rail, so she ended up just hanging on it. It was a brilliant display for a first impression. Nicely done.

Not.

Elsa blinked and then swallowed a lump in her throat.

"You...err...oh no..."

Her eyes had zeroed in on the patch of white hair that Anna had adorning her head. Oh god...oh god no. She thought she had forgotten that mark, had tried to forget it to get the strength to come out here...but there it was plain as day, the reminder of why she should never be near Anna.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I'll see you coronation day."

She took a few steps, but Anna, displaying a quick ability to adapt to the ice, caught her hand. Elsa froze.

Conceal. Conceal. Conceal. Concealconcealconcealconcealdon'tfeeldon'tfeelshe'llfreezeshe'llfreezeit'llbemyfault!Again!

"Anna...let go...please."

"No."

Snow drifted around them both now...but soon, very soon, it would be storming. Elsa couldn't hold it back, it was coming soon...she grit her teeth and set her feet down against it mentally. Anna however, broke the concentration.

"Is this what you meant?"

Thrown off kilter by the question, she looked at Anna in confusion.

"What you meant by being a witch?"

Oh. Of course. She hates them just as I do. Maybe now she'll stop asking for snowmen...thank god.

...Who am I kidding...this will make me miserable.

"Yes. I'm sorry, it's repulsive. I'll go."

She tired to pull from Anna's grip, but the other was surprisingly strong.

"Anna, if you don't let go I'll freeze you solid."

"You wouldn't."

Elsa tried in vain to break free. Anna's face set and she let go, but moved to block the steps.

" I would! I can't control it! I can't stop it! It controls me!"

"How have you tried?"

The question, again, threw Elsa for a loop, and just as the snow had been gathering from her tirade about it controlling her, it settled again as Elsa's confusion took over. Anna noted the change. In the back of her head, she heard the far off voice of a suit of armor.

"Mayhaps it's how she feels?"

How she feels huh?

"What?"

Anna repeated her question. Elsa's face screwed up.

"By trying to conceal it, trying to push it away, wearing gloves usually works, or it did for a while. I-"

"Hide away in your room so it doesn't hurt anybody...besides you."

The snow swirled down a little as Elsa looked at Anna in surprise. Anna smiled a wide smile and let go of the steps to come closer. She almost fell again but turned fall into a spin on the ice. Elsa watched in some small horror as Anna made fun with this snow curse...didn't she know that she could be frozen into a block of ice any second?

Of course not. She had her memories removed.

"It's stupid to bottle up your feelings Elsa, or hide what you are~."

Elsa watched as Anna slid around her.

"...What?"

"Look around you."

Elsa obeyed, but she didn't see the point, until she realized the snow was still falling lightly. She stared at it in just as much confusion as she had Anna. It had been about to burst out of her just moment before but now...

"The more you try to hide who you are, the more who you are wants to come out~."

Elsa almost wanted to grab Anna and shake her for the singsong, carefree tone of voice in the face of such danger...but instead he watched her own snow falling lightly on the floor. Anna stopped sliding by grabbing the banister as it came back her way. She piped up again.

"You know, I missed you."

The snow stayed calm.

"We used to play so much together, all the time!"

It swirled a little faster.

Said the wrong thing.

"Elsa, what do you say when you are trying to stop it?"

The snow banked a little. Confusion. Then...it sped up as she spoke the line.

"Conceal it, don't feel it."

"Huh. Well that's dumb."

Again the snow banked, and Elsa looked at Anna in dumb shock. It made her burst out laughing. The snow swirled a tiny bit lower. She recovered enough to sober after a short while.

"That's hiding who you are Elsa. The more you hide, the more it fights to come out. Let it go."

The snow slowed again. Anna smiled.

"You know, all the servants think I'm crazy?"

Elsa looked at her questioningly. She happily pointed to a picture up here. It was empty of any people, but depicted a green landscape with what she assumed was a farmhouse in the distance. The grass looked enticing as it swayed in the gentle breeze the painter had depicted.

"Of course, there is no one on there, but I talk to them. The pictures with people in them. They are company like no one else after all. Not like I'm going to get a response form this one though...not a soul in here. Beautiful scenery though isn't it?"

Elsa's face shadowed. She watched as Anna examined the picture with growing apprehension. Her mind dredged up a singsong Anna, a girl she could only hear, pleading for her to come out the door, for she thought that...

"Some company is overdue, I've started talking to the pictures on the walls!"

She had later said that no, they don't say anything back, but that's why she needs someone who does!

"These pictures...say things back to you?"

Anna looked up from her examination, oblivious because Elsa's tone was so different from the servants. She didn't hear the usual open fear; she was hearing guilt, full guilt and a taste of veiled fear.

"Well of course not!"

Elsa's apprehension dropped.

"This picture has no one in it silly! I mean, if it were Joan or Cuthbert sure but not these!"

Her fear rose up again, and the snow swirled a little faster. Anna took no notice as she turned around and looked at her.

"My point it there's no point hiding it. If I do people will just find out anyway since it will fight to come out. If I'm honest with myself, it doesn't matter! Why try to hide it and make myself miserable as well as other people?"

Elsa was lost. Her parents had tried. Tried so hard to let her control and conceal her powers...and they had instead blossoms and forced their way through. Anna was mad. Mad because of her...but despite being mad...she had to admit, there was some power in her words...something that kept her snow at bay. She cautiously let her fear drop and tried to take a deep breath.

She couldn't let go of her fear.

"Tag!"

What?

Elsa felt the tap, an then saw Anna racing about the room like a loose chicken without a head, following no discernible pattern. Elsa blinked. What nonsense was this now? She watched Anna race about for half a minute, carefree, before the girl stopped short near an ice sheet on the floor and looked at her. Her face fell.

"Don't tell me you forgot how to play..."

"Play? This was a game?"

Anna slapped a hand to her forehead and groaned.

"You're supposed to chase me Elsa! I tagged you! You're supposed to chase me to tag me back! Unless I'm on base though...base is a safe place...If you tag me, I have to chase you."

Elsa blinked. She was lost. Anna sighed.

"What do you play when you're bored Elsa?"

Elsa looked off to the side and didn't answer. Anna rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me that you have a library in that room of yours. You HAVE to get bored staring at the same four walls all day."

Elsa's answer came in a small voice.

"I play Chess."

"With who?"

"Myself."

Most. Lonely. Thing.. Ever. Anna almost cried for it. Heck if she ever needed to play chess, she's go to Arthur, he was a master. Even SHE had chess buddy.

"...Play with me."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"The pieces are made of ice."

"Oooh! Sounds fun!"

"I'm serious Anna!"

Anna smiled.

"So am I. Play with me."

"You'll be frozen solid."

Anna only smiled all the wider.

"If that's your way of saying you'll beat me think again~."

"I'm serious-"

Anna ran up to her and before Elsa could react, her finger was over her mouth. She had nothing to stop, no time to prepare.

"I've lasted this long haven't I?

The snow, unnoticed by the both of them, stopped for just a single moment.

+~E~+

Not snowman Curry, They are gonna build snowmen! Then have them play bughouse with them. XD.

If you can't wait Scholar, then don't! XD.

"I'm only 14" I do plan on continuing this. I do like to base logic and all forces, no matter how ugly, in my stories. I feel it ups the realism.

Shtoops, I occasionally like to read the elsanna fics, but some go a bit far. I'm unsure if I will use the mechanism here, but you will see them act as a family unit.

Double, I believe that for all Anna's supposed "insanity" she is the most aware person in this story. XD.

~ C F Winchester.