I hope you're all enjoying this! Thank you so much for getting this far in the story! Please enjoy, and leave me a review if you have time :) !
DISCLAIMER: all rights for characters an dialogue goes to Jennifer Worth, Heidi Thomas and the BBC, I'm just borrowing them!
Without further ado...
Part 10.
A few days passed before it was safe for Sister Bernadette to begin to move around. She wasn't allowed to work, and spent most of her time either getting visited by Amalie (who frequently slept at Nonnatus) or praying for answers.
It was one of the days when Amalie was visiting that Patrick came in and told them it was time to talk to the police. They both nodded solemnly and Patrick offers to drive them to the station.
Constable Forrest greeted them in reception and led them to a room around the back. "Would you like anything to drink?" They shook their heads and then sat in the chairs that he had indicated. Sergeant Noakes and Reeves entered and addressed the girls formally. "Thank you for coming in, Miss Merle, and Sister Bernadette. We'd like to ask you a few questions before we get you to both formally identify your attacker." Sister Bernadette gave a small gasp, she hadn't thought she'd be forced to see him again.
"We need to know firstly, if you want to press any charges." Sergeant Reeves asked.
Amalie looked to Sister Bernadette, and Sister Bernadette hesitated. Of course she wanted him out of her life, but wasn't this what she deserved after what she had done? Then she thought of the trauma and pain that she had put Amalie through and came to a decision. She would surely be punished in other ways, "Yes. We want to press charges." Her voice was quiet, but decisive.
"Of course, we'd like you now to individually identify your attacker. You will be shown a line of men, and one of them will be the man we believe attacked you. You must simply say who you think it is. Amalie, if you could come first." Amalie was taken away, and Sister Bernadette was left with Sergeant Noakes.
"I understand that you might not want to be questioned by me. I'm going to get Sergeant Reeves to interview you. I won't read his notes, and all that you say will be held very confidential."
Sister Bernadette nodded, "Thank you, Sergeant Noakes."
Amalie came back with Sergeant Reeves, who gave Sister Bernadette a small smile. She stood and followed him. "All you need to do, Sister, is point out who you think is your attacker. You don't need to talk to him or anything, okay?" She nodded, and followed him down the corridor. "Just through here." He held a door open for her and she walked in. A line of similar looking men stood in the centre of the room. "Who do you believe your attacker is? Take as long as you need."
She walked shakily along the line. Each face she saw was followed by a small amount of relief about it not being David. But then she found him. And her heart began to beat like she was about to run. And oh, did she want to run. "This is him." Her voice was soft, and Sergeant Reeves strained to hear her. He looked at the man before him. It was the man that had been arrested.
"Thank you, Sister." They began to move toward the door.
"You bloody murdering bitch!" His voice was vile, and they both spun to look at him, fear gripping Sister Bernadette's heart. "I'm going to kill Sister Julienne, just like I killed your father and Mairi!"
"No!" Sister Bernadette seemed to almost wail.
"I'll make you pay for what you did! I'm going to cause her so much pain! An' when I'm done with 'er I'm coming for you an' Amalie. I'll never stop coming to hurt you Shelagh. Never."
"No, no, please!" She fell to her knees, and Sergeant Reeves went straight to her aid.
"Constable Macy, control this man!" The Constable moved forward and put cuffs on the David's wrists. Meanwhile, Sergeant Noakes helped Sister Bernadette up, who had begun to sob bitter tears.
"I'll kill you one day Shelagh Mannion!"
"No, no, no.." She was whispering fervently. She was shaking all over and tears were rolling down her face.
"Home time for you, I think, Sister." He helped her back to the room where Sergeant Noakes was and briefly explained what had happened. "I think we'll finish this tomorrow, eh?" Sergeant Noakes agreed, and they drove the two girls back to Nonnatus House.
Sister Bernadette was still sobbing softly as they reached the house. Amalie led her to the door, and then took her straight to Sister Julienne.
"Sister Bernadette? What's happened?" Sister Julienne was over to them in seconds, and had an arm on her back.
"Oh, Sister.."
"I promised my mum that I'd go straight back after the interview." Sister Julienne nodded and gestured that Amalie could leave, and that she would take care of Sister Bernadette.
"I'm just a telephone call a way, Shelagh." She whispered to her sister before leaving.
"Come sit down." She helped her over to the couch that sat in the corner of the room. For a few minutes, Sister Julienne let the girl cry, before starting to help her breath. "What is it that has upset you so much, my dear Sister?"
"They made me identify him, and-" She gasped, "He threatened you, Sister! He's going to kill you like he killed my father and everybody else I love." She stood up suddenly. "Oh, Sister, I can't stay here, I'm putting everyone in such danger. I must leave."
"You will do no such thing." Sister Julienne stood, and helped her back into the seat. "You need not fear this man any longer. Once you have been questioned, they will sentence Mr Kithope, and he will be put in prison. You will be safe. Everyone here will be safe. I really couldn't do without you." She admitted, quietly.
Sister Bernadette looked to Sister Julienne, "I-" Sister Julienne smiled. "I couldn't do without you either." She admitted quietly, and they held hands, before praying briefly together.
The next day Sister Bernadette finally spilled her story about what had happened when she was younger. She told Sergeant Reeves everything, and she tried not to cry. He paused the interview to confirm what she had said with the police in Scotland. He came back in, and told her to continue her tale. She explained what had happened in her childhood, and what had happened at Chichester. Finally she spoke of the weeks leading up to her going to his house. Sergeant Reeves nodded and expressed sympathy. He thanked her politely, and formally concluded the interview, before taking her into the reception, where Amalie was waiting.
The two of them left, and Sister Bernadette felt a small burden lift from her shoulders. Yet she wasn't quite ready to share what had happened with her family at Nonnatus. She knew they all wanted to know, but she didn't think she'd be ready to open up to them in that way for a long time.
It was a week from the interview, and Sister Bernadette had been allowed to go back to some work in a limited way. She had had to practically beg Sister Julienne to let her even help disinfect the instruments. It was the middle of the day and she worked by the autoclave rhythmically, trying not to put too much stress on her back. She was completely focused on her work that she didn't even notice that Patrick had entered the room.
"She-Sister Bernadette." She jumped at his voice and nearly dropped the enema nozzle she had been holding. "Oh, sorry, Sister!"
"It's quite alright, Doctor." She gave a smile. She was very unsure about where the two of them stood. She knew that they both had similar feelings, and from his letters, which she had poured over several times.
"Would you mind?-" He nervously gestured at his clinical bag.
"Of course not, Doctor." She put the enema nozzle down, and reached gingerly over the table.
"I've been wanting to talk to you." She looked up then, and saw that he too was flustered.
"Perhaps we should have this conversation in a more private setting." She was scared that someone might overhear them. She knew she wasn't ashamed of her feelings for him, but she didn't know whether she was ready to change her life in a big way like that.
He nodded, and stood a bit straighter. "Let me finish with these, and then perhaps we might make use of the garden?"
"Of course." She gave him a nervous smile before continuing with her task. She was done almost quicker then usual, and the two of them, bundles of nervous energy, made their way to the garden. They walked together some distance from the house, in what came to be a comfortable silence. They paused by a tall tree, and looked to each other.
"Have you spoken with your sister?"
"I don't know what to say, Doctor Turner."
"Patrick." He corrected.
"I don't think I can keep my vowels the same way that I did before." She had never been this open with anyone. "I want to be able to come home and see you, and be able to help Timothy when he's hurt. I want to be with you, but I'm scared. What will everyone say? Will they think I've lost devotion to God. I don't think I have. I just feel like He wants me to take another path." She paused now, but Patrick could tell she had more that she had more to say. "Do you think He wanted David to punish
me?" It was a question she had asked herself many times over the years.
"Why would He want that?"
"Oh, Patrick, I'm sorry. I shan't bother you with this." Her cheeks were coloured, and he could tell she was berating herself.
"Shelagh, you could never bother me."
"I don't know what to do, Patrick." Her voice was wobbling. "I-"
"Don't cry, Shelagh. I'd love to marry you, if you'd have me." He admitted boldly. "And I will also be respectful if you want to stay where you are now. I'm sure Sister Julienne will understand, because she loves you Shelagh." She thought about what he had said.
"I think I need to talk to her about it, but I'm scared."
"I'll always be here if you need to talk, and Sister Julienne is the same. She could never be angryat you lo-Shelagh." He stopped. Had he nearly called her 'love'? He hadn't meant to at all. "You look tired, I think perhaps we should go back inside now, and you should take a rest." She nodded and they made their way back to the house. She knew she had to talk to Sister Julienne and soon, and she knew in heart that Sister Julienne would never want to see her again.
"Have you got something on your mind, Shelagh?" Amalie asked, putting down her knitting.
"Yes, I rather have."
"What is it?"
"I'm so conflicted. I feel as if my calling has changed, as if I belong somewhere else, but I don't know how to tell Sister Julienne."
"Where do you think you belong now?" Amalie asked giving Shelagh her full attention.
Shelagh stuttered, but then remembered that she was still simply Shelagh to Amalie. "There's someone that I believe I have grown feelings for. But that's not all, I-...There are other things in life that I want to experience. I feel this calling, this duty that He wants me to do."
"What's holding you back from changing your course, to follow your calling? If this is His purpose for you, then surely you must fulfil it?"
"I fear that my Sisters will think that I've betrayed them." She admitted, hanging her head slightly.
"They shouldn't if this is your calling. You only need to explain that to them. You haven't felt a change in career?"
"No. I want to lead the same life. Just in a slightly different way." She said.
"You need only explain that. I can tell by the way that Sister Julienne looks at you that she loves you very much. It's the same look that my mum gives me."
This gave Shelagh a burst of confidence, "I think I will speak with her now."
Sister Julienne was in her office, dealing with some paperwork regarding one of her patients. Her focus was lapsing. Her thoughts strayed to her Sister. She had noticed the young girl had been distracted lately, once more. She knew she would have to speak to her about it soon, but she feared that she wouldn't be able to tell her. She had thought it had to do with the traumatic few weeks she had just survived, and the memories that had resurfaced. Over the last few days she had been to visit Sister Bernadette during night to help her fight the nightmares that plagued her.
Knock knock.
"Come in." She slipped the patient files away, and looked up as Sister Bernadette entered, two cups of tea in hand. "Sister Bernadette." She gave the girl a smile.
"Hello, Sister Julienne."
"How can I help you?"
"I have something I need to talk to you about. I thought you might like some tea." She laid the cups down, and Sister Julienne sensed a nervous energy about her.
"Thank you." She stood, and made her way to sit next to her Sister, so that there was no longer a desk between them. "I have been hoping that you'd come and speak with me." She gave Sister Bernadette another smile, and indicted that she could start talking.
"Oh, Sister, I've been having this feeling for sometime now." She began, tentatively, "I have been struggling with what God wanted from me. I thought for a time that he mightn't want me at all anymore, but He has finally revealed to me what He wants. I've felt a shift in my calling. I feel that I no longer should-" She swallowed nervously, this was the first scary part of this conversation. Sister Julienne gave her an encouraging nod, "I believe God has another path for me...away from the order."
Sister Juliennes smile changed to a confused and slightly concerned expression. "You want to leave the order?"
"I feel that it is God's calling. I know I'm not suffering a loss of faith." She saw a look of despondency flash over Sister Julienne's face, before she hid it behind a fake smile.
"Do you feel it is God's calling for you to leave Poplar?" Her voice was quiet, and she only just managed to keep it from cracking at the end.
"No, Sister. I want to stay in Poplar, and..." She hadn't even considered that Sister Julienne might not let her stay, "if you'll let me, I'd like to continue working as a midwife and nurse. Of course, I wouldn't want to bring any bad reputations to Nonnatus House-"
"Sister Bernadette," She interrupted, "let us keep to what is happening now. What do you feel your calling is?"
"I feel that I am called to be..." this was the other hard part, "to be a wife and mother." She ducked her head unable to risk seeing Sister Julienne's reaction. They fell to silence.
After a few minutes Sister Julienne's tentative voice could be heard, "Will this make you happy, my dear?" It was the first time she had used the endearment during the conversation.
"Yes, Sister, it is what I feel called to do."
"If it is what God wants for you, my dear, then it is what you must do." She was taking it surprisingly well.
"Really, Sister?" She couldn't keep the small amount of doubt she had from her voice.
"Yes, Sister Bernadette." Sister Julienne smiled. "We will shall discuss this in more detail, I think, perhaps once this week has ended?" Sister Bernadette nodded with a nervous smile.
"Thank you, Sister Julienne."
"Of course, my dear. I think you should go and have a rest now. I'm sure this was a trying conversation for you to have." Sister Bernadette nodded and thanked her once more for being so
understanding, before taking the now empty cups and leaving.
Sister Julienne's smiled dropped from her face as soon as the door closed. She felt like her daughter had just been taken from her again. She sighed bitterly, before returning to her paperwork. She would have time to cry later, when she knew she had time and privacy and she wouldn't get interrupted.