Naruto had been sitting beside his second bestest friend in the whole wide world's bed crying and apologizing for making him sick with his cookies and begging him to wake up when the stranger walked in. While he was certain he'd never seen the guy before in his life, something about the man who was approaching the bed his second bestest friend who was only second bestest because he was the second to call him his friend was in looked familiar. He couldn't place why that was though.

"Uzumaki, what are you doing here?" the stranger asked when he reached the bed where he was staring down at Tobi-jisan with a blank look that felt angry and gleeful somehow.

"I'm visiting my bestest friends in the whole wide world!" he said. "I brought them cookies, but they made Tobi-jisan sick, and the doctor took them away."

The stranger looked stunned for a moment before he buried his face in his hands. It was then that he realized that he knew why the stranger had seemed so familiar.

Shit.

It was KitsuneANBU-san.

KitsuneANBU-san who had gotten caught in a prank he'd meant for that jerk KMPF officer who kept running across his window when he was half asleep when the man - who didn't look all that old now that he thought about it - had been doing his downtime village patrol. KitsuneANBU-san who had sprained his ankle when he'd landed in that dumpster next to his apartment building where some restaurant had been dropping their waste because they got their trash services cut off because they didn't pay the bill.

"I'm sorry KitsuneANBU-san. I didn't meant to fling you into that dumpster! Honest!" he wailed as he threw himself on KitsuneANBU-san's probably nonexistent mercy.

Madara-jisan started laughing at this.

"What's so funny Madara-jisan?" he asked.

&!&!&!&!&

Itachi, who had taken the Kitsune mask because nobody else wanted to claim it, and who'd had several subtle and not so subtle digs made about his choice of mask was beyond furious. He wasn't mad at the Uzumaki child whose traps which were a well known hazard in certain circles, he was furious at the men who lay on the hospital beds in front of him. That son of a bitch who had been training him for his coming task - which he could not refuse without getting the one person he cared about above all others killed - had been playing him all along. Any promises that man made under the name "Uchiha Madara" were less than worthless. He'd had a feeling that that man would have kept those promises for only as long as he lived rather than as long as the man whose name was apparently Tobi lived, and that the instant he was dead all bets would be off. But, to know that there was nothing securing those promises which had been falsely made...

He was no match for this "Tobi". Or, at least he normally wasn't...

"Naruto, please go to another room. I wish to speak with your friends alone for a bit." he said to the innocent child who believed them to be his friends for some strange reason.

When the Uzumaki boy who was the same age as his brother - give or take a few months - had left the room, he moved to the unconscious Tobi's bed intending to strike a lethal blow.

"You are aware that I have other agents besides Tobi, are you not?" Madara said as he raised his hand for the blow that would send the bastard who had played him to the afterlife. "Agents who, unlike Tobi, are not and will not be my representatives in the living world after I pass on."

He lowered his hand, knowing a threat when he'd heard one.

"Any promises Tobi made using my name will be good for as long as you live." Madara said. "Here's to hoping that you live a long time. But, I heard that you're ill. Some sort of wasting disease that takes several years to rather painfully destroy your lungs, if I remember correctly. Such a pity."

He stood there silently fuming. The only way that it might be possible to keep Konoha safe for a time, to keep Sasuke safe for a time, was to stay his hand, no matter how loathe he was to do so. Aside from this Tobi that he'd mistakenly believed was Madara himself, Madara had a number of powerful S-ranked missing-nin with grudges against Konoha on his team.

It was possible to kill both of the old men right here and right now while they were weak. They weren't invincible, just very hard to kill. The Uzumaki child had landed the both of them, which included Tobi who he had yet to land a blow on outside of a spar, in the hospital. But, killing the two old men wouldn't do him any good as odds were that they had contingency orders that would be carried out upon their demise. There were probably explosive seals that would be triggered by their deaths set in key places as well, as they didn't strike him as the sort who were very trusting of others.

How had the Uzumaki boy who was by all accounts a terrible Academy student managed to land Madara and Tobi who could make himself intangible at will in the hospital in the first place?

"Much to my misfortune, the Uzumaki boy takes after his mother to a degree. The first time I tried to remove the Kyuubi from the girl, Tobi's predecessor suffered a rather unfortunate demise. Let's just say that the girl somehow got a rather twisted idea of what love was somewhere along the line, and had mistaken some rather interesting books for romance novels in her youth. I'm amazed your Yondaime survived as long as he did as her 'boyfriend'." Madara said shuddering at what was obviously an unpleasant memory, having obviously followed the trail of his thoughts. "Catching the child by surprise when he was at his most vulnerable didn't go quite as planned."

That sounded as if there were an interesting story behind it, and he would love to hear anything that had caused Madara pain right now. The man had sensed his desire however, and refused to elaborate any further.

&!&!&!&!&

While Itachi was in the ICU having a discussion with Madara as Tobi lay unconscious in the next bed, Naruto was out in the hallway playing with a shuriken he'd picked up somewhere and a rubber band. He'd invented a game where he used the rubber band to launch the shuriken so it ricocheted off of the radiator and ended up in the wall he was leaning against. Most of the time, the shuriken had ended up in the wall above the radiator or on the floor, but he'd scored two hits.

Trying for a third, he snapped the rubber band. The shuriken went flying, bounced off the radiator, and there was suddenly a yell of "Ow! Sonuva...!". He looked up to find the source of the yell and saw one of the Uchiha Police guys pulling his shuriken out of his leg.

"Is this yours?" the man asked as he held the shuriken out.

The look the man gave him went way beyond the looks the villagers gave him. It was full of hatred and fury rather than disdain and dislike. It was almost as if the man wanted to kill him and was only barely holding back.

"Father, is there a problem?" KitsuneANBU-san asked as he came out of the ward Madara-san and Tobi-san were in.

"No, there's no problem at all." the angry Uchiha Police guy said in a tone that sounded beyond pissed. "Me and my little friend here were just having a nice chat."

Naruto stood torn. On the one hand, the man looked like he hated him and was very angry with him. But, on the other hand, he'd said he was his friend. Maybe he was his friend, but he was angry with him because he injured him with his shuriken. He'd be mad too if someone injured him with a shuriken. That had to be it.

"Sorry Friend-san!" he said as he launched himself at the Uchiha Police guy who was his third bestest friend in the whole wide world. "I didn't mean to hurt you with the shuriken."

"Please forgive me!" he said as he hugged his new friend as tight as he could.

His new friend made the same popping sound that Nakamura Madara, and Nakamura Tobi had made before they had left him to go to the hospital.