Chapter 10

***Chapter contains rape***

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1:09AM she'd woken up to the pain of his knee in her back, pressing her body into the mattress while he secured the restraints to her arms. And now, a half hour later she couldn't move beneath his weight, could barely breathe or make a sound, save the pitiful cries that tore from her lips with each painful thrust he'd inflict upon her, him being abnormally large coupled with the violence and brutality of the act itself; it didn't matter how many times he'd put her through this torture, how often, it always felt as if her insides were being shredded and she begged and prayed for it to end.

Tonight, some distant god must have heard her piteous beseeching and decided that at least this once she was worthy of divine mercy because this wasn't the usual all-night marathon; he grabbed her hips, causing her even more agony as he gripped them violently and began slamming into her with brute force as he came and even as she cried, she was thankful that it was over when she felt him spill inside her, wanting to vomit when he began planting drunken kisses to her neck and back.

"I can never get enough of you, darlin!" he slurred as he collapsed on top of her. She could smell the nauseating stench of the alcohol on his breath and squeezed her eyes shut, balling her hands into fists as she pulled at the restraints, wondering if he would just decide to fall asleep there on top of her.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he grumbled something that was unintelligible, (or maybe she'd just tuned it out) pulled out, got up from the bed and undid her restraints, restraints that hadn't been necessary to begin with because she'd lost her fight weeks ago, realizing that it always ended the same way – she beaten and injured and him violently taking what he'd beaten and injured her for in the first place! She'd decided that it would be easier to just endure it since she couldn't stop it and that maybe, just maybe if she begged him enough, he would eventually have mercy and stop…but of course, he wouldn't.

"When I come back, you won't get off so easy…we're going downstairs tomorrow night." and without another word, he slammed the door shut and locked it while she lay there holding herself, the blood in her veins running ice cold with dread from hearing those words and now, the sickness that had threatened to erupt from the moment Harlan had crept into the room decided to make good on its promise, forcing her to pull her aching body out of bed and limping to the bathroom, blood and semen running down her legs.

After empting her stomach she crawled into the old, rusty tub, pulling off her gown and turned on the hot water. Immediately, the bathroom began filling with steam as the scalding liquid poured from the shower head in angry streams that beat down on her skin and she didn't so much as flinch, just went about the task of viciously scrubbing him away while she sobbed.

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5AM at the sixteenth and none of the squad had gone home in days. Three ten year old girls – best friends, had been abducted during a class field trip earlier in the week. One of them managed to get away but not before the assailant had a chance to sexually assault her and now this scared, emotionally scarred child was the only hope they had of locating the other two girls before it was too late but she had been so terrified that all she could remember about the man was that he was white with short hair and had taken them to an abandoned building… somewhere.

The man had been caught last night – unfortunately as he was trying to dispose of the bodies of the two remaining girls and after a long night of interrogation, they got a confession and had sent him off to central less than an hour ago. Now, the three detectives sat around their squad room in total silence, none of them wanting to say what they were all thinking, had been thinking since Amanda's theory about Lewis' followers ran them into yet another dad end two weeks ago. And now, ten weeks after Olivia had gone missing, 1PP had no choice but to close the investigation into her disappearance.

"I know that none of you want to hear it but we gotta face it so that we can move on" Murphy said, stopping to talk to his sullen detectives on his way out,

"Don't say it!" Fin seethed

"Someone has to. It's been 10 weeks, there haven't been any ransom demands. If she were alive…"

"She is alive!" Amanda yelled angrily as she stood up from her chair so fast, it went tumbling to the floor, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Just the thought of her mentor, her hero, the woman she looked up to, loved like family… "you don't… you don't know Liv!" she said softer this time as she walked away and disappeared down the hall, very visibly shaken.

"I got her" Fin said, giving Murphy a cold glare as he went after Amanda leaving Nick and Brian in the squad room

"I think it's time you all face…"

"Face what?" Brian asked "Face the fact that after more than 20 years of service to the NYPD, they just gave up on her? Face the fact that she's still out there somewhere and god only knows what's happened to her…is still happening to her? Yeah, as fucked up as it is, I can face that but don't you dare ask me to face the fact that she's dead!"

"He's right." Nick agreed "she's out there. We're just not looking in the right place, we're missing the clues"

"What clues?" Murphy asked incredulously. He felt sorry for the two men before him. These were seasoned detectives who were in serious denial right along with the two who'd stormed out just a moment ago.

"You all need to come to terms with this and I understand how hard it is but she didn't walk away and just decide to disappear of her own volition. Someone used a girl to lure her and then killed that girl and took Benson. Ten weeks and not a word; not a demand, a phone call…whoever did this did not take her with the intention of returning her. The person who did this… her survival wasn't their intent, so when, or if we do find her, we probably won't be looking at a rescue."

"This is not a recovery!" Brian yelled as he got n Murphy's face "and you need to consider yourself lucky that knocking a superior officer on his smug ass would get me suspended!" he spat before storming out.

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"I'm not going anywhere…"

She felt foolish for believing those words… of course he would go, they always left; no matter how much was there, no matter the promises made. When all was said and done, everybody walked away. They thing was, David had grown to mean so much to her in the short time they had together, she'd never loved so quickly, so openly before him.

He'd come into her life and disrupted her world in the most incredible ways; made her challenge everything she thought she knew about who she was. it was through him that she'd truly experienced what it meant to be loved for the first time in her life; love without condition or guilt, love that made her smile, made her glow and made her want more of him every minute. The love in his eyes when he'd look at her, in his voice whenever he'd say her name, in his smile, in his touch; she'd trusted this love, believed in it heart and soul, opened herself to it and let herself build dreams around it – marriage… children… a lifetime together. Only to have that fateful day arrive when once again, love let her go and she found herself once again struggling to pick up the pieces and start again.

She never got back to sleep after Harlan's visit last night, she just lay there bed replaying her life through her head; rethinking everything. She'd been doing a lot of that lately with nothing but time on her hands.

Sealview and Beach house stood together by the glass-brick window of the bedroom as they both looked over at Olivia who lay motionless in bed, curled on her side and staring at nothing.

"She's been like that for hours; hasn't moved or said a word!" Beach house whispered to Sealview

"Should we worry now?"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here" Olivia's dull, quiet voice said from across the room.

"Well thank god you haven't completely checked out on us!" Sealview said as she approached the bed.

"Not for lack of want…" Olivia said in that same dull voice without looking at either of her other selves. She put her hand to her stomach and winced in discomfort as she pressed her palm against it.

"Maybe we could try eating something?" Beach house Olivia suggested

"I'm not hungry"

"But the baby…"

"I don't care" she said barely above a whisper

"We have to care!" Sealview said but Beach house quieted her with a look that told her to let it go for now.

"He's taking me downstairs again…I can't go back in that room" Olivia cried almost silently, talking to herself as she recalled that horrible night six weeks ago "there were so many and he stood there and watched… he took their money and he let them…I can't go through that again" she said inaudibly, her voice trailing off as she retreated to her thoughts, shutting out her past selves.

That's all for now, folks!