Thank you for all your comments, I know your expecting the rest of that scene I left you with, but I figure that 'memory' will come in handy later, so I'm gonna be mean.

Although you might like the end of this chapter... well

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Chapter 10

Emily's POV

"Make love to me" Four little words that have ruined everything.

Lying here in Naomi's vacant bed, a hangover most definitely present, and guilt written all over my body.

I can still feel her lips on me. My hand unconsciously lifts up to my lips, gently feeling them, they are slightly swollen, only slightly, But I can still feel her kissing me, I can still taste her.

I've been awake for over an hour. I've spent most of it pretending to be asleep as Naomi awoke. I could feel her staring at me, I could feel her panic, last nights events obviously rushing back to her mind.

She's been gone a while, so much so that where she slept is no longer warm. I hear her downstairs every now and again, getting a glass of water, opening the back door for what I can only presume is to have a cigarette. I hear her flick the kettle on, but I only hear her put one cup on the side.

She regrets it, this much is true.

She's not acting like she was when she first slept with Jess. Jess. How I hate that name, and the person attached to it.

If she hadn't have come along, none of this would have happened. My jealousy, my heart breaking when I'd see a smile for her. When I'd see them kiss.

She's definitely not like the others.

I suppose you all want answers, I suppose you all would like to know why I've acted like I have, but then again, I suppose you all know exactly what I'm going to say.

I'm in love with Naomi. I have been in love with her for as long as I can remember. It crept up on me, suddenly I'd look at her in a new light, my heart would pound at the thought of so much as being with her, if only as friends. I'd find myself getting nervous just before meeting her. I'd fantasize about kissing her, about making love to her, I'd even fantasize about just being in a relationship with her. Yet knowing at the same time, I'd never have anything.

The other girls didn't bother me so much, purely because I knew she was just using them for a quick fuck. But Jess.

Everything changed when she came along. Naomi's smile was no longer directed at me, in fact a scowl often came my way when I let my jealousy over come me, when I'd look at Jess in a certain way, and that's what hurt the most.

Even though I'm hurting at her being with Jess, she's hurting because of me.

Then there's Freddie...

I love Freddie, I do. Although my love for Freddie can never be anything compared to my love for Naomi.

He knows this. This is what we fight about, constantly. He knows exactly how I feel about Naomi, he's always known, but he still wants to be with me, he still wants to marry me.

Don't ask me why, because I honestly don't know.

Fuck, this is way too fucked up.

Why does everything have to be so, complicated?

Why do I have to be such a coward? I'm breaking out into a cold sweat at the idea of me going downstairs. I'm going to have to at some point. I can't just stay here for the rest of my life.

My heavy legs swing over the side of the bed, I grab my clothes and quickly put them on. I quickly go to the bathroom, sort myself out.

My heart is pounding at the thought of going downstairs and facing her, wondering exactly what she's going to say.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" I chant as I take a long hard look at myself in the mirror.

I look different somehow. Besides from the usual traits of a hangover, I look different. I can't put my finger on it, though.

My fingers shake as I tentatively grab the railing on the stairs, my feet slowly walking down the wooden steps. It feels like a lifetime before I get to the bottom. I turn on my heel slowly and make my way to the kitchen. I slowly peek around the corner of the door and I see that Naomi is sat on the backdoor step, cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other. "Hey" I choke out, she jumps a little, her head turning round, looking at anywhere but me,

"Hey" She says quietly. I walk over to the sink, grabbing a cup, I fill it up with water and gulp it down. I turn around and lean against the sink, when suddenly she looks at me, her eyes... so full of hurt and guilt. "Why now?" She asks, flicking her cigarette aggressively and walking back inside, closing the door behind her. I look at her blankly, "After all these years, after all this time, you do it now. Why?" I don't answer, I look to the floor, my feet shuffling nervously, "Emily" She says softly, "Please, just talk to me"

"I... I..." My struggle, "I don't know" She lets out a harsh breath and it startles me a little, "I'm not hiding anything Naomi, I honestly don't know. As far as I was concerned, I was marrying Freddie a week today, and never ever admitting what I did last night, so I'm just as shocked as you are"

Her arms cross against her waist, holding herself tightly. She doesn't feel the same, she's gonna run... "And now?" she asks. I'm not gonna put myself out there to get even more hurt...

"I'm still gonna marry him" I say, not looking at her, I can't bear to look at her right now. It's killing me.

"Right, so what was last night then? An experiment, a quick fling before you marry him?" She asks, bitterly,

I look at her, she has tears filling her eyes, and my heart breaks all over again.

"So last night, meant nothing to you, huh? You didn't feel anything? You didn't enjoy me fucking you?" I shook my head,

"Naomi, don't"

"Well you sure seemed to enjoy it, if my memory serves, you enjoyed it three times"

"What the fuck do you want me to say?" I ask, getting irritated, cause right now, I'm getting flashbacks of last night, and all I want to do is go over to her and kiss her, and tell her everything is going to be ok.

But I can't.

"I want you to fucking tell me that last night meant nothing to you" She shouts at me, walking closer, "I want to hear you say it, because that is the only reason I can see you going back to him"

"Fine, last night meant nothing to me" I shout at her, successfully breaking her. Successfully breaking myself. Her eyes fall to the floor and I can't stop myself from going to comfort her, I can't stop my hands from cupping her face and lifting her gaze to mine,

"Don't fucking touch me" She shakes my hands off, her eyes now streaming, but I cup her face again, "Don't touch me" She says, her voice a lot more weaker than before,

"It meant everything to me" I whisper, and her eyes snap to mine, "It meant everything..." I say.

Before I know it, our lips crash together in a very urgent kiss. My hands wrap around her neck, pulling her into the kiss, deepening it. I push her onto the counter, her oversized t-shirt being practically ripped off her. My hands fall to the back of her thighs as I push her up onto the counter. She leans down, kissing me deeply. "I want you inside of me" She whispers, and I freeze.

Naomi did everything last night... I've never touched a girl intimately before... "It's ok" She says, her eyes begging me, "Please, Emily" She begs, her eyes... fuck, those eyes. I'd do anything for her to keep looking at me like she is. Anything.

My shaky hands grip at her underwear, she pushes her weight onto her hands, lifting off the counter just enough for me to successfully pull her underwear off her. My hand reaches for her centre, but it freezes, Naomi's hand reaches for my chin, lifting my head up so my gaze meets her, she leans down and kisses me. With her other hand she guides my frozen hand to where she wants it most.

My breath hitches as I feel how wet she is. She groans heavily into my mouth. "Fuck" She mutters, her brow furrowed deep. Her breathing turns into a pant, and she almost screams as I push two fingers inside of her. I suddenly gain confidence, I don't know from where. I push my body onto my feet, lifting up and gently nipping at her neck, she leans her head to the side, her arms pulling me closer to her.

I pick up the pace with my fingers, her nails digging into my back as she screams in ecstasy. I've never been so aroused in my entire life right now.

She shuffles forward a little, giving me all the access I need. I curve my fingers upwards a little and her entire body shudders. "Fuck, Emily" She pants, repeat this a few times, and watch in awe as her body shudders for a final time, her eyes fused shut, her bottom lip between her teeth, her hands flop onto the sides, and I watch in amazement.

I think I'm falling in love with her all over again.

Her forehead falls against mine, and when she finally looks at me, my legs almost give way. I've never seen her eyes like this before, they are stunningly blue, a darkened blue. She looks at me as if she's seeing for the first time. Her bottom lip swollen a little from the biting.

Fucking beautiful. That is the only way I can describe her at the minute.

She leans in, her lips kissing me ever so gently, I almost don't realise that she's kissing me. She rests her forehead against mine again, sighing deeply, this almost feels like... feels like... goodbye.

Almost like we're savouring every single second of this, because it's the last time we'll ever feel like this... the last time we'll ever be like this. When she looks at me, staring deep into my eyes, I know that that is exactly what this is...

Goodbye.

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