Author: vulgar shudder

Warnings: yaoi, AU, cloud being emo cloud, language, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST (if you don't like angst I REALLY don't know why you'd still be reading…)

Oh, and STRONG LIME for this part.

Rating: M – sexual themes (not so explicit…)

Pairings: ZackxCloud

Disclaimer: Do not own, no profit.

Part 10 – Burden of Truth

The week leading up to Christmas they were inseparable, like they were friends on holiday. Either they were wondering the city, hopping bars or holed up in the hotel room. On the surface the flavor of old times had been recaptured, but as the days went by the undercurrent of dread increased. Each moment that went by would be another moment closer to Zack leaving.

But it was Christmas day, and there was nothing to do to keep them occupied. Everything was closed, so Zack had come up with the idea of going to see Cloud's dormitory. The younger man had been reluctant at first, but Zack had insisted, and Cloud remembered he had a present for Zack waiting there anyway.

So he took him over to the halls of residence not far from the conservatory. It's where most of the international students stayed, and Cloud found it convenient. It would be too much of a hassle and expense finding his own place.

The old guard on duty just waved them through. Cloud was much older so it wasn't like he was some 16 year old taking a girl up to their room. As they walked the deserted corridors, their footsteps echoed. "Is there really no one else around?" Zack asked, closely following the other man.

"There might be one or two people in the east wing…most people have gone home or on holiday." Who in their right mind would stay in this place? Well, Cloud would have if Zack hadn't come to see him. "This one." He told Zack taking out his key to let them in.

He opened the door and it was so typically student like. Enough room for a bed, desk, wardrobe, and little else. Text books and binders of notes lay in neat piles on the floor, where there hadn't been enough room on the desk or bookshelf. Zack knew that'd be pissing Cloud off, he was much more tidy than himself.

"Man this takes me back!" The dark haired man said still looking around."It's cozy."

"I wouldn't go that far..." Cloud huffed sitting on the hard bed. He missed his old apartment; it was open, spacious, clean and quiet. He had no apartment back home now, what he hadn't sold was in Zack's place.

Zack jumped onto the bed, crawling behind him to roll onto his back and stare up at the ceiling, arms folded behind his head. He wanted to see what Cloud had stared at for the past 6 months. "You need a Che Guevara poster though, and a dime bag hidden about somewhere." He thought for a moment, "You don't have one do you?" Holland was just like...right OVER THERE, somewhere.

Cloud just shook his head didn't look back to the voice behind him, "What did you do in Collage?"

"Mmm…" Zack thought hard trying to recall the hazy memories. "I drank, fucked, smoked pot, played sports and video games…and not a lot of study really. Typical student I guess."

Very different to Cloud's experience, for the most part he'd been studying, practicing, and playing trying to live up to Sephiroth's standards. "I wish I had done those kind of things…" Cloud sighed.

Zack sat up, "Oh come on you don't really miss four years of brain damage."

Cloud's shoulder's shrugged gently, "Sounds fun."

"It seemed it at the time, but you're doing something really…worth while. Like, you can make a difference to people's lives." He had to his own after all.

The younger man looked down beneath his hair, "You seem to have done ok…"

Zack tilted his head to the side and back trying to think how to answer that, "I got lucky, but if I wasn't doing it a million other people could. But no one can be you Cloud."

Zack was sorely over estimating his abilities once again, Cloud thought.

The dark haired man could see how sour the conversation had become, and he leaned over onto his shoulder. "Hey isn't it Christmas today? I want to give my present now."

He nodded slowly, Cloud was curious what Zack had gotten him, and he turned to bring his knee up onto the bed so he could see Zack.

Seeing that the blond was ready, Zack sat up digging through his pockets. He pulled one of Cloud's hands towards him, and covered it with his own. When he pulled his hand away a small velvet box was now sitting there. "Open it." He told him.

Cloud uncertainly prized the jewelry box apart, and inside nestled in velvet was a silver ring. He looked closer, and along the wide band was a stylistic engraving off a wolf.

Zack was studying Cloud's face closely, trying to judge his reaction. Rings were gifts heavy in symbolism, and he hadn't wanted it to be mis-interpreted. Or interpreted correctly as the case may be. But the first time he'd seen it, it reminded him of Cloud. It was an impulse buy, and after he'd gotten home he realized what he'd brought. But he wanted Cloud to wear it, so against better judgment he'd given it to him.

"Pretty cool huh? The wolf." Zack said trying coax a reaction out of Cloud, who was still staring at it dumbly. The moment of truth, "Try it on, your hands are a bit smaller than mine…"

Cloud reached in and plucked it from the case, and tried it on his left hand. It fit most comfortably on his middle finger and he left it there, looking at how it sat there. "Thanks." He said quietly.

"Looks good. Man I don't even remember you wearing much jewelry, so you don't have to wear it if you don't want to." Zack tried to play down the gift. "And that's part one of your Christmas gift."

Cloud's eyes looked up from his hand. "There's more?"

Zack grinned, showing off his straight teeth, "Well, not really a gift per say…but you'll like it I think."

Cloud's brow furrowed slightly in confusion. "What is it?"

Zack had a rather devious look on his face as he got off the bed, to get on his knees in front of Cloud. The younger man only realized what was going on when Zack went for the belt buckle of his jeans. "W-wait!" He said stopping Zack's hands with his own to stop their actions. He'd always been way too embarrassed to receive oral sex from Zack. It just seemed a bit…gross? Weird? For what ever reason he had a hang up about receiving pleasure when he didn't know Zack would be getting anything from it himself. Any attempts before from Zack was met with blushing and stubborn refusal.

From his position between Cloud's knees Zack looked up and pouted. "Come on, let me do this…" God he had wanted to do this from Day 1, Cloud could have had him blowing him from under the piano if he'd let him. You are a Grade-A-Slut, Zack reminded himself.

With how things were at the moment, Cloud couldn't deny much to Zack right now, and his hands left the other man's. Zack's smile widened again and he pushed Cloud back onto the bed. "Just relax and enjoy it." He told him going back down to unwrap his present from it's jean cloth gift wrapping.

Cloud stared up at the ceiling, breathing hard as he felt himself exposed, and the warm wet mouth covering him. Zack used every trick in his book to draw it out, teasing the other man. When a certain move made Cloud jerk to cover his mouth to stop any sound escaping Zack had to resist the urge to chuckle.

Finally he'd teased too much when he felt Cloud tense under him, and he greedily swallowed the release. He crawled next to Cloud, looking at his flushed panting face with amusement. "So cute." He told the blond man.

Cloud looked at the other man, unable to give a retort to that right at this moment. Zack told him, propped up on one elbow. "It's like the first time we did it…you seemed surprised at what would happen."

The blond man hid under his hair embarrassed. He'd been a virgin before he met Zack, and it must have been obvious despite his attempts to cover it. The first time they'd had sex he'd been lost but Zack slowly guided him every step of the way.

And Zack was slowly realizing, Cloud was the first person he'd made love to. Sure, he'd fucked a hell of a lot but, it had only started to mean more than just getting off when he was with Cloud. He let Cloud enjoy his post-orgasmic glow, and drew slow patterns on the other man's chest with his fingers.

Cloud did eventually come back down to earth, and sat up. "I suppose I should give you your present now…" Although considering the value of the ring it seemed paltry in comparison.

"Yes yes, give me my present now." Zack was sitting up now, looking like an excited puppy.

Cloud went to a draw, and pulled out a CDR from it. He turned back to hand over the clear CD case to Zack. The dark haired man turned it over in his hands, "Um…what is it?" German porn?

Cloud looked embarrassed, "A CD I made…I played some stuff I thought you'd like and recorded it." He'd managed to use some of the schools recording suits so the quality wasn't terrible. The idea being since he wasn't around to play any more Zack could listen to the CD. It was a stupid gift really.

But on the contrary to Cloud's throughts Zack smiled at the CD in his hands. "This is awesome Cloud! I want to hear." He stood to put it into Cloud's laptop to listen when he stopped. "But why listen to a CD when I've got the real thing here?" He said looking at Cloud.

"Huh?"

"There must be a piano somewhere; this is a fancy music school after all." Zack reasoned.

"Well…" Cloud, "There's one practice room in the dormitory…"

"Deal!" Zack left the CD on the desk and pulled Cloud towards the door. "Lead the way maestro!"

Even though Cloud had no choice, he really didn't mind. It was just like before in his apartment, Zack always leading him to the piano asking him to play. And who else wanted to listen to him for the sheer enjoyment?

Cloud lead him down to the first floor, where towards the back in a side room was a small practice room. It was usually hard to use it, so he usually played in the practice rooms of the main school. But it was holidays, and no one was around.

The younger man closed the sound proofed door behind him. The room was eerily silent from any outside noise.

A lone walnut Yamaha parlor grand sat in the small room, and he took a piano bench with Zack taking the one next to him. It was a much older piano than his own, but it had been kept in good condition and had a warm sound.

He hesitated opening the keys, despite how much practice and lessons he'd had it was like playing after a long break. Zack opened the keys for him. "So play something from the CD, I want to hear." Listening to Cloud play was like listening to his soul.

Cloud's hair floated in the air with the movement of his head as he tried to think. Finally, he put his hands on the keys, and started to play a slow melody, which turned into a very familiar theme played at a very gentle tempo.

Zack listened, eyes narrowed thinking, he definitely knew this. His mouth fell open when he realized. "Holy shit…that's the Tetris theme!"

"Korobeiniki…" Cloud told him.

"No, it's definitely the Tetris theme." Zack said matter of fact.

Cloud resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "…the Tetris theme IS Korobeiniki." He took a breath. "Now be quiet I need to concentrate on the next bit."

He played the fiddly bridge, and he launched into the main melody, only at a much faster pace, furious in fact. His head bobbed with the movement over the keys, the spirit of the soviet captured so well the red square could have been outside the window.

Cloud finished off with the fail sound effect, and sat back taking a breath.

Zack was in awe. Now this was music he knew about and Cloud had played it perfectly. "You know if the Mario theme is on that CD, you've earned a life time of oral sex." He said in all seriousness.

Cloud stared wide eyed at the other end of the room, before bringing his head down to cover his face with both hands, hiding under blond strands.

Zack looked at him, eyebrows rising at the odd gesture. "Cloud?"

Cloud didn't move, and Zack tried to peer under the hair. "What's up?" He asked.

Still nothing, the younger man sat there frozen.

"Cloud…" He said reaching up to take a wrist. It did not come down easily; Cloud's arms were locked tight against his body. "Look at me." He said firmly, and finally had to use some force pulling both wrists away from his face.

When he saw Cloud's face he realized his eyes were red and he had started crying, that's what he'd been trying to hide. But now Zack could see the dam broke and the younger man let out a strangled cry.

"I hate it here! I hate music and I hate piano!" Cloud shouted out, he struggled against Zack's hold on his wrists, and he broke down into pathetic sobs. Just playing an old Russian folk tune had been the most enjoyable experience in all his time here, it felt like it was the only time he had really put his heart into some music rather than going through the motions and trying to fake it.

Zack looked at Cloud's clenched fists, at the ring on his middle finger, their knuckles turning white. He looked at Cloud's face, half hidden by hair as tears dripped from his cheeks to their locked hands. He was shocked, he'd never seen such an outburst of emotion from Cloud. When ever Cloud was upset, he'd always retreated behind a wall of stoicism, or played the piano. But it had gone too far for that now.

Had he done this? Was this his fault? What could he do?

What should he do?

To Be Continued

Pieces Mentioned:

Tetris Theme/Korobeiniki (…there are a lot of bad versions of this on youtube, if you're going to search look for 'The really best piano Tetris theme by Mike'…he's put a classical twist on it I imagine Cloud would have.)

Author Notes:

What SHOULD Zack do 'ey?? Dun dun duuuuuuuh. Is this the meanest cliff hanger yet?

Thanks for reading and reviewing!