HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVELY CO-WRITER (unique . normality)! I hope you have a brilliant day!
Next, thank you to all our wonderful reviews! They are hoarded like gold and we are a littler miserly when we re-read them!
A big mention to UnknownSide for being the first to notice that the chapters are flower names! We are working from the language of flowers, if people would like I can put the meaning of each flower in brackets with the chapter title? But excellent word on noticing!
And I have been on nightshift again, so the next chapter might be a little slower in coming out, and if this is rambl-y blame a lack of sleep!
Please Review! And enjoy!
Tonks slid out of the car, stretching her back and reaching for her large purse. She had borrowed her dad's old Volkswagen for the drive, knowing it would be impossible to get a bus all the way out here at decent times, and knowing she'd need to take herself if she planned on spending the time to make herself look presentable. She knew no one would care how she dressed but felt, for some reason, like she should make some sort of effort. Unnaturally, Tonks found herself wearing a dress. It was bright, garish, and beyond tacky, but it was her favourite and she loved it. So as not to scare anyone with her unusual attire, Tonks had donned her usual boots, making her ensemble truly unique.
Grabbing her small present and closing the door, Tonks turned to the house before her and smiled. The Burrow had always been a favourite of hers ever since her days tearing around the odd abode with Charlie. She was glad to make it back here, especially for what was to be a rather fun occasion. Hearing the music and chatter from behind the house, Tonks began the trek to the backyard; she was suddenly grateful it had not rained in a week and that the yard was free of mud.
Grinning, Tonks found herself faced with a brightly decorated garden, relatively filled with people all carrying paper plates loaded with Molly Weasley's goodies. She saw most of the familiar redheads, the brown haired girl, Hermione, along with a few players she recognized from Harry's football team, and several other teenagers she assumed were from school. A few parents milled about while Mrs Weasley fluttered around, making sure her guests were happy.
She saw two, long trestle tables that brought back memories of long hours spent outside in the garden, one covered with presents of various shapes and sizes at which she dropped her own, clumsily wrapped gift, while the other seemed to groan under all the food. She eyed the cake that had been moulded to look like a football, complete with candles that labelled this as a 16-year-old's party.
She found herself rather impressed. It was a reasonable affair but everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, including the parents (which almost never happened at teenage birthday parties). Tonks looked around to see if she could find anyone she knew properly but was interrupted by a large outbreak of laughter. Snatching a cookie and turning around, Tonks smirked through her mouthful as she saw her cousin entertaining Harry, Ron, the twins, and a few unknown teens with what she could assume was a story not meant for a mother's ears. Once the story ended, Sirius looked up and spotted her, causing him to grin.
"Dora!"
Sirius made his way over to her, pulling his cousin to him for a hug. He looked in his element, surrounded by people and making sure his godson was having fun. Harry followed and she laughed at his blush after she hugged him, ruffling his already messy hair.
"Happy birthday, Harry! You've really grown." Tonks pretended to wipe away a tear as Harry rolled his eyes playfully.
"But you, lovely Tonks, have not changed a bit!" One of the Weasley twins shoved past his younger brother, throwing an arm around Tonks.
The other twin followed suit, causing Tonks to laugh as she found herself trapped in between the two terrors.
"Be warned, you monsters," Tonks said, trying to appear stern while trying not to smile. "I'm a cop now, so if you try any of those tricks on me, you'll be handcuffed before you can say 'uncle.'"
"Is that a promise?" George, or Fred, asked with an almost evil grin, causing the group to laugh as she shoved them away chuckling.
"Go on, both of you," she laughed, shaking her head at them. Tonks watched the group of teens rough house a bit as they made their way over to where Harry's friend Hermione and Ginny were.
"Some boys never change," Tonks snorted, raising her eyebrow pointedly at Sirius when he laughed.
"Don't know what you are talking about! Always good for a laugh, those Weasley's," Sirius chuckled, throwing his arm around her shoulder. "Now, my dear Dora, is there a particular reason you look so spiffy?"
"Believe it or not, I'm a girl, and I can look nice if I want," Tonks said indignantly, standing a bit taller as she crossed her arms. She hoped her reddening cheeks didn't betray her, but he laughed all the same.
"Nice and eye-catching," Sirius grinned, teasingly tugging at the strap of her bright dress.
"My goal is to keep it relatively clean... until the cake is served, at least," Tonks shrugged.
"I wish you all the luck in the world," Sirius mocked, pushing his hair out of his face. "Grab some food, there's enough to feed the world, speaking of. Molly made it all, so no need to be picky. We tried to stop her but she insisted."
"We?"
"Well, Remus. He wanted to at least make a few things but she... well she's Molly, she gets what she wants. Lucky for Harry, I think Ginny managed to get that trait as well."
Tonks looked over to see Ginny standing a bit closer than needed to the birthday boy, and smirked. "Speaking of," she turned back to look at Sirius, trying to appear nonchalant. "Where is Remus?"
Sirius' grin faded rather quickly into a frown. He sighed, jerking his head towards the corner of the house. "Hiding," he muttered. "It's not a huge crowd, just most of Harry's buddies. But he's trying to stay out of the way while Harry is too busy to notice."
Tonks frowned as well. She had hoped everyone would be happy today, but she could only imagine how difficult this must be for him. She opened her mouth but didn't say anything once she saw Sirius walk away from her. He returned a moment later with two plates full of food. Without a word, he handed them both to her and turned to go speak with the eldest Weasley who she had not noticed before.
Taking the hint, Tonks carefully wound her way through the small crowd until she left the music and the chatter to turn the corner. She found a large log positioned near the edge of the family's pond with Remus sitting atop it. She hated to see him look so lost but she had a niggling suspicion that he probably looked better now that he was out of the line of fire, so to speak.
Hoping her company was welcome, Tonks made sure to step on a few twigs as she walked towards him, her approach loud, managing to keep all the food, save one chip, on the plate.
"Wotcher! I hope you're more than a bit peckish, I've brought nourishment," Tonks said with a smile, all but shoving a plate into his lap. He looked surprised.
"Thank you," he was staring at the plate of food.
"You have to pick something up with your hand, put it in your mouth, and chew."
Remus looked up this time and his lips twitched. "Thank you for the lesson."
She grinned. "So, this the famous log where Ginny decided you were the best thing since sliced bread?"
"Something like that."
She touched his arm, her eyes worried. "Are you ok?"
Remus looked down into her dark brown eyes. "I… I am not good with crowds."
"Even if you know them?" She wanted to understand.
Remus dipped his head in a shallow nod. "Especially if I know them," He murmured.
She looked at him patiently.
"They asking questions."
"Questions?"
"About… what… happened." Each work was painfully forced out.
"Oh, Remus," her voice caught.
"Some of Harry's school friends were getting curious. They are teenage boys, I don't blame them. But…"
"Was it very bad?"
Remus was quiet for a long time. "They wanted to know what happened, how I survived."
Tonks bent and set her paper plate on the ground. She scooted closer to Remus. "I think that they admire you but, being teenage boys, they don't really know how to express that." Her comfort was feeble but somehow she thought that the questions that had been asked were probably a great deal worse than he was letting on.
"Perhaps," Remus mumbled.
"How many of Harry's friends are here?"
"The Weasleys and Hermione. There are a few from school and then his football team. About two dozen I would guess."
"Do you know any of them?"
Remus shook his head. "Not his football team, but a few of the boys from school."
"So, sixteen, you must have a parent's horror seeing him growing up so fast. When did you first meet him?" Tonks asked, deciding to turn the conversation onto the safest topic: Harry.
"Harry was an hour old," a tiny smile touched his face. "He was so little."
"Why was Sirius picked over you for godfather?"
Remus picked at the sausage roll on his plate. "Sirius was like Jamie's brother, Lily wanted me but it would have broken Sirius' heart."
"You were very close with Lily then?"
"She was like my sister."
"Life sucks."
Remus glanced at her and his lips twitched into a sad smile. "How is work?"
"I thought it was a girl thing to change the subject," she shook her head. "Work is lovely. Catching the bad guys and locking them in jail. Best job in the universe."
Remus raised an eyebrow. She could only see one of the long slashing scars that decorated his face from where she sat. "Sarcasm?"
"A little. We had a lot of paperwork lately, court cases. I hate being in court."
"How come?"
"How come this conversation went from me trying to make you feel better to you making me talk about work?"
Remus smiled faintly.
She rolled her eyes and picked up her plate of food again. "I suppose I always wonder if it's possible that we are making the wrong decision."
"Like Sirius."
"Yeah. I mean, it was handled by the military wasn't it?"
"Yes," he said tersely.
She winced. "Sorry, it appears I am no good at small talk."
"You aren't going to insult Sirius or me by asking questions, Dora."
"You are hiding." She pointed out gently.
"You are different. You aren't a sixteen year old who thinks my scars are 'cool'."
Tonks grimaced slightly. "Well, they're not uncool... But those boys don't really understand what caused them. Not really."
Remus nodded. They were quiet for a long time as they picked at the foods on their plates.
"I have never seen you in a dress."
Colour flew into the young woman's face. He paid attention to what she wore? "Do you think it's a little bright?"
Remus smiled properly. "Never noticed."
She laughed suddenly and a pigeon flew up, startled, from the nearby bushes. "No, the bright yellow coloured dress with birds of paradises all over it not at all noticeable."
"Coupled with the combat boots."
"I had to keep some of my normal attire."
"The dress suits you."
"Thank you," she said, giving him a slightly shy smile before keeping up their game of subject changes. "Sirius said that you were a scholarship student to Hogwarts? How did someone so smart join the military?"
"My father was… is military. When my mother died that was all he talked about: when, not if, I was joining. He would have made me leave Hogwart's early but thankfully my mother's dying wish was for me to finish school."
"How old were you when she…?"
"Fourteen. She had cancer."
"I am so sorry."
Remus shrugged. "I was luckier than Sirius. I had one parent who loved me."
"So your father? What happened to him?"
"Last I saw him he was still in the military." He could sense her curiosity. "And that was fourteen years ago."
Tonks frowned. "So just after you got home?"
Remus nodded. "He made it very clear of what he thought of the fact I had never attempted to escape."
"He sounds like a total asshole," she said with indignation.
Remus huffed a faint laugh. "You sound so much like Sirius."
"Erm, I will take that as a compliment? So, brothers or sisters?"
"No. What school did you go to?" Remus asked, causing Tonks to smile at their new game of twenty-questions.
"Just a normal boring one for the entire population. Mum wanted me to go to art school despite my talent of drawing is stick figures."
"You make up for that with your skill with a camera."
She smiled. "Thank you. So what other hobbies do you have? You can't work all the time."
Remus glanced at her curiously. "You could go and catch up with the Weasley's," his voice was soft, a strange, reluctant note seeping into his deep tones. "You don't have to sit here with me."
She looked surprised. "But I like sitting here with you. I can go if I am bothering you..."
Remus shook his head quickly. "No. It's…" he looked away, awkward. "You don't have to feel obliged to keep a shattered fool like me company."
"Why do you say that?" Her eyes had darkened. "Do you truly think so little of yourself?"
Remus seemed to hunch in on himself a little. "You have seen how I am," his voice was flat. "I can't even put on a brave face for Harry's birthday party, I have to come and hide because there are too many people, too much noise. I lost it at his football game, walking through London City paralyses me with terror. I cannot bear to be touched. So no, I am not asking for pity with my words. I mean them."
Tonks swallowed. "You aren't a coward, or a fool, or pathetic," she spoke in a soft, gentle tone. He was trembling. "You are a brave man, Remus Lupin. Even if you don't see it. So don't tell me that you are a fool because I can only image how Sirius would react, or Harry, if they heard you."
Remus was staring straight ahead.
"It must have been hard raising Harry with Sirius when you both had such poor fathering figures in your life. Harry told me that you used to look after him when Sirius was at work. He said you made things, ordinary things, fun for him. I remember my dad used to take me up to the attic and we would spend hours crashing around up there. Mum used to get mad because we were always covered in dust but it was some of the best memories of my childhood. That and Mum used to take me out for ice cream once a week. It was always Friday, after school. We would go down the road to Diagon Alley and then we would sit and have ice cream, she would tell me stories about growing up. When Sirius came home he used to come along sometimes after he finished at the mechanics. I suppose Harry must have been very small since I was still at school," she was running out of things to say.
"He used to bring ice cream back for Harry and I."
"Did he? I don't remember that but I'm sure I was too busy stuffing my face." She managed a shaky smile. Her heart ached; never in a million years would she have guessed that he meant every disparaging word he spoke about himself. "They love you, you know."
"Sirius and Harry?"
Tonks nodded.
"I know. I love them, they are the only reason I am still alive." There was no doubting the sincerity in his tired voice.
"Hey." Sirius' deep voice intruded on the conversation. He was carrying another two plates heaped with sweets that he handed to his cousin "You ok?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Remus asked calmly.
"I heard Dean asking you if your fingers were cut off with pliers or a knife, I think that is a pretty good reason not to be ok."
Tonks sucked in her breath.
"I. Am. Fine."
Sirius' hand settled onto Remus' shoulder and he squeezed it gently. "Ok. Harry was looking for you earlier."
"Why?" There was a strain of panic that Sirius picked up on.
"He doesn't know," Sirius reassured hastily. "He was just wanting to show you something; I told him you were giving Dora the tour."
"Thank you." Remus set the plate of food aside. Sirius frowned and glanced at Tonks.
"We are cutting the cake in five minutes. I thought I would let you know, Harry will want you there."
"Of course!" Remus rose swiftly.
Tonks followed his example and Sirius wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Is he ok?"
"I think I made things worse."
"She was pulling me out of my self-pity," Remus spoke suddenly and the two conspirators jumped guiltily.
"You, self-pitying? Banish the thought."
Remus punched his friend gently.
"He wasn't being self-pitying," Tonks shook her bright red hair at Remus. They had begun to make their way across the lawn. "He was just…"
"It's ok, kid. I know him well," Sirius smiled. "So what else did you two talk about?"
"Your miserable childhoods," Tonks grinned wickedly. "And he told me how horrible you were at school."
"He didn't! Remus?"
"Of course I did," his brown eyes met Tonks' grey ones and he smiled. They rounded the corner and Remus inhaled sharply. Tonks watched, astonished, as he drew into himself. His shoulders straightened, his head dipped and he kept his gaze riveted on the ground.
"For queen and country," Sirius spoke calmly.
"For wives and children," Remus answered, long looks were exchanged and Tonks glanced away. She didn't know how these two men had survived the hell that they had lived through.
There was so much noise, children laughing, adults talking. Music. So much noise.
"Mr Lupin!" Ginny detached herself from a group of children and ran across the lawn. Tonks watched as the girl hesitated a little before she slipped her arm through Remus'. "Harry was looking for you."
Remus smiled at the girl. "Sirius mentioned that. Where is he?" His eyes scanned the groups rapidly.
"He and Ron vanished," her brow wrinkled. "They are up to something."
"When are they not up to something, love?" Remus inquired.
Ginny giggled. "True. Where did you get that dress, Tonks? I love it!"
Tonks grinned. "Maybe I will take you shopping one day, Ginny? We can get you some clothes that will terrify your mother."
"Sounds delightful!" Ginny's eyes sparkled. "Harry said he really liked your dress."
Remus chuckled suddenly. "When you see him, tell him I have come out of hiding won't you?"
Ginny was blushing brightly. "Uh huh," she kissed his cheek hastily and bolted.
"What was that about then?" Sirius demanded.
Remus shrugged. "No idea."
"She is very fond of you," Dora observed.
"Remus is practically a second father to her, or an extra brother depending how you look at it." Arthur Weasley smiled at Tonks once their small group joined the edge of the crowd. "Good to see you again, Tonks."
"You too, Mr Weasley."
"It's been too long. Charlie was looking for you earlier, something about you owing him fifty pounds?"
She laughed. "I might have known he wouldn't forget that. Tell him I escaped early in fear of him."
The older man laughed. "Of course I will. Molly was just getting the candles organised for the cake. And she said to tell you that you are all invited for dinner next week. That includes you too, of course, Tonks."
"Ooo, Tonksie coming for dinner!" A pair of arms engulfed her and she squeaked.
"Put me down, Charlie!"
"Nah, you are still small enough to sling around. Hey, Mr Black, can you give me a hand with my bike later?"
"Put me down!" Tonks demanded, attempting to kick him with her boots but missing.
"Sure, what is wrong with it?"
They were walked towards strategically placed benches under leafy foliage. Tonks was flung over Charlie's shoulder and the men around her seemed to be enjoying ignoring her.
"Charlie! Sirius! Make him put me down!"
"I have no idea, Bill and I took it apart but it still isn't working."
"Remus? Will you help me?" Tonks sounded plaintive.
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because you are a gentleman!"
"No he isn't." Sirius scoffed. "He is a Marauder first."
"A what?" Charlie spun around and Tonks shrieked.
"Put me down!"
"A Marauder, that's what we called ourselves at school. Most detentions in the history of that school."
"You really shouldn't sound so proud about that," Tonks grumbled.
"For a cop, you give up fast."
Tonks ignored him. Her eyes met Remus' and he nodded slightly. He had retrieved a plastic cup of ice cold water from the table and he stealthily handed it to her. Sirius grinned but continued to chat easily about motorbikes.
"Charlie, please put me down?"
"Nah, I'm enjoying the view."
She huffed, then calmly poured the icy water down her school friend's back.
His shout rang out loudly and she found herself deposited on the grass. Sirius was convulsed with laughter and Remus' smile was broad, the haunted shadows fleeing his eyes.
"I hate you." Charlie shook his head. "That was mean."
"Get changed, Charlie, and don't mess with little cops ever again!" She had picked herself up off the grass and smiled sweetly with her hands on her hips.
"Yes, ma'am," he saluted dramatically and proceeded to march off with as much dignity as he could muster.
"You and Charlie would make a cute couple," Sirius spoke casually.
Her head snapped up, betrayal was written in her face as she stared at her cousin. But there was something in his face that made her answer carefully.
"Charlie and I are only friends, we would never be able to date, it would be like… like… Like me dating you!"
Sirius laughed at her. "Yes, madam, and forgive the insult that I apparently caused you."
"Yeah, Meany."
Remus was watching closely and Tonks saw him glance away as their eyes met. Suddenly she understood. Her cousin was ensuring that Remus had no doubt about the fact she was single. She caught her cousin's eye and gave a grateful smile.
"You may find me covered in cooties and therefore updatable, but please send any of your friends over," Sirius grinned, a lecherous look on his eye that caused Tonks to laugh and wrinkle her nose at the same time.
"I wouldn't send my worst enemy your way," Tonks said, crossing her arms as she shared a grin with Remus who seemed to relax around his loud, cheerful friend.
Sirius pretended to stagger as if wounded. "Ouch, Nymphie," he teased before truly staggering as she kicked him in the shin.
"Steel-toed?" Remus asked, surprising Tonks slightly with how close he was behind her, his voice was a bit gruff.
"I wish," she snickered, looking up at him and enjoying the way his eyes seemed lighter. "Just normal for when I am not at work."
"Aren't cops supposed to be able to fend off attackers?" Charlie asked as he came up to them in another shirt that was slightly too small.
Tonks raised an eyebrow at him, causing Sirius to laugh at how Black she looked. "Want me to show you how it's done, Weasley?"
Charlie quickly shook his head and silently thanked his mother as she interrupted everyone's conversations.
"Gather around, everyone!" Molly Weasley called, deftly getting the attention of all the guests. She pulled the birthday boy from the crowd where he had appeared once more, and forced him to stand in front of the cake.
Tonks smiled at the sheepish look on his face but did as the Weasley matriarch told him. She watched him glance up and look straight past her to Remus, his smile growing as he saw his uncle there. Tonks felt Remus shift unconsciously so he was standing behind her more, but he stayed in view of Harry. Her heart skipped a beat, he felt comfortable enough around her to use her as a buffer to the crowd.
"I see he takes after you in that respect," Tonks said in a hushed voice as she turned her head to look up at Remus. At his questioning look, she smiled. "He doesn't like being the centre of attention. Which is obviously not a Sirius Black trait."
Remus gave a huff of laughter before watching her glance around. She then reached under the nearest table and pulled out the purse she had stuffed under there upon her arrival. Giving him a cheeky smile, she pulled out her camera before handing the bag to Remus to hold without asking.
She ignored the look on his face and turned back around to take pictures of Harry as Molly began the singing of "Happy Birthday," a song the twins quickly took control of and added personalized lyrics to. Tonks snuck a few more pictures of a few choice faces in the crowd: mostly smiling Weasley's, a proud Sirius, and more of Harry that she knew she'd give to Sirius and Remus.
Once the singing was done and everyone got a piece of cake, the crowd dispersed into smaller groups once more. Tonks let her camera hang around her neck as she took a huge bite of cake, attempting a smile at Remus as he raised another eyebrow at her.
"Don't choke," he muttered, causing her to have to quickly swallow her bite in order to laugh. She set down her empty plate and stepped away for a moment to capture more pictures. He could feel curious eyes on him from the few other parents that had agreed to come and help supervise the teenagers, he could feel the eyes of Harry's friends on him. He knew they thought him strange; pity radiated from the mothers of school children, curiosity from their offspring. He knew that they whispered about how strange he was, how Harry must have had a difficult time with an adult he needed to watch over. He could feel the panic that had receded with Dora's soft voice, with Sirius and Charlie's normality, begin to claw its way through him again. He breathed in deeply, hating himself, struggling to relax. A single mantra repeating itself in his head. Harry, for Harry, always for Harry. Anything for Harry.
"It's a miracle those kids have such a good metabolism," Tonks snorted, shaking her head at the new piece of cake in her hand. "That Molly is a saint in the kitchen." She appeared beside him and he felt some of the panic ease. Human company who was not repulsed by him.
"That she is. If I were a lesser man, I'd be jealous," Remus muttered.
"I would say you're a saint in the kitchen too, Remus, but you're a mere mortal compared to Molly," Tonks grinned as she teased. She glanced around, wondering if she had taken enough pictures of the occasion. She then suddenly gasped and pulled her camera to her face, quickly snapping one, two, three shots before putting the cap on her lense, her lips were curved into an amused smile.
"What was that?" Remus asked as she grabbed her bag from him and put her camera back in it.
"Capturing history," she said loftily before jerking her head towards the trees behind him. Remus turned and his eyes widened as he saw two people under the shade of a large tree, mostly obscured, but still visible to some.
"He should learn to hide better if he's going down that route," Tonks laughed as Harry and Ginny pulled apart. She could almost imagine both their faces turning bright red as they blushed at each other.
"I'm too old for this," Remus sighed but was smiling all the same as he shook his head. "Far too old."
"Oh! I probably should have asked you this earlier, but I forgot. My present for Harry—"
"You didn't have to get him anything..."
"It's his birthday, of course I did. But... I kinda made him a voucher for a free ride in the squad car. I thought... if he wants to get into the force, he should see that it's not all fun and games. It's dangerous but it can also be boring too. I hope that's alright," Tonks said hopefully, biting her lip as she awaited his approval.
Remus frowned slightly as he glanced at the present table, almost as if he were looking for hers. He didn't say anything for a moment before sighing. "I suppose he should see how it is. You won't let him out of the car, will you?" He asked quickly the fear in his voice was clear, and he visibly relaxed as she shook her head. "Good. I'll ask Sirius but I suppose it's a good idea. He'll love it, that's for sure."
Tonks nodded, jumping a bit as Molly appeared beside them and handed them both another piece of cake before hurrying off to the next person.
"Remus?" Tonks asked after taking a few silent bites.
"Yes, Dora?" He asked, once again giving her his full attention, something that always seemed to surprise her. Most people would listen while looking at their surroundings, Remus would turn, face her, his attention would be on her and her alone.
"Would you let me take a picture of you, Sirius, and Harry? You may have some of all three of you elsewhere, probably in an album, but I only really see ones of Harry by himself, or his parents, or him and Sirius around the flat. I think it might be nice for you all to have a family picture, especially since he'll be off to Uni soon," Tonks practically mumbled, shifting on the grass and hoping she wasn't asking too much.
"I am not too fond of photos," Remus admitted softly.
"It's fine, I just-"
"No. You are right. He is growing up so fast," Remus placed the uneaten cake aside. "I shall go try to find them."
"I saw them both out the back, want to wait here and I can grab them? I think Sirius might have caught him with Ginny, he might be pleased with being saved."
Remus nodded gratefully. He watched her run off and slumped against the tree. There were very few photos of him in the past fourteen years. Pictures that Sirius had taken while he was unaware, most of him playing with Harry or with Harry sprawled, asleep, on his chest when he had been out of hospital only a few months. He hated photos, hated the fact that his scars would be on display for eternity. But she was right, Harry would appreciate it.
"I hear you are giving Harry a rather unusual birthday present," Sirius spoke calmly as he walked up to his old friend. His eyes took in the strain in Remus' jaw.
"He was pestering me about it last week."
"It will mean a lot to him."
"I know."
Once Tonks found Harry, she took them out by the pond, and away from the crowd, to take the picture. She knew Remus didn't like it but he visibly relaxed when he saw the grin on Harry's face, the excitement of the boy who stood, proud, between the two men who had raised him. She only took a few shots before letting them go, allowing Harry to run off with only one comment about Ginny that left him blushing.
She spent the rest of the party eating too much with Remus and occasionally Sirius. She had known she would have fun at this soiree but found herself slightly surprised at how much she enjoyed herself without becoming the centre of attention like usual.
"Hey! Tonks!" Charlie ran up to her as she helped carry the last of Harry's presents to the car. Sirius, Remus, Harry, and Hermione were all at the car, mostly teasing Harry.
"You again," she groaned. "I thought I had lost you, Weasley."
"No chance. Stay for tea? We can catch up. Mum said you have to 'cause we have a mountain of food. And Bill is staying, so it will be like old times."
"Promise to be super nice to me?"
"He doesn't know how to be nice, Tonksie," Bill Weasley scoffed, ruffling his brother's hair before turning to the last of the guests. "Mum said you guys are invited too."
Sirius shook his head. "Tell her thanks, but we should get home, I have to make sure the shop didn't call. Hermione, do you want a lift?"
The brown haired girl hesitated before nodding. "Will Ginny fit? She is staying at my place tonight."
Harry blushed at the mere mention of the girl's name, his blush deepening as the girl herself appeared beside Hermione.
"Sure she will, we will drop all this gear at home first then I can chauffeur you girls around."
"Thanks!"
Charlie looped an arm around Harry's shoulder. "Walk with me a moment, Potter."
"Next time," Remus stepped forward and rescued his nephew. "Right now, we need to get home."
Charlie grinned. "Such a spoilsport, Mr Lupin. Come on, Tonksie, say goodbye to your favourite… cousin," He winked at her.
Sirius chuckled. "Oh what a fun day this has been. Come visit whenever, Dora. Ready, girls? Harry? Let's roll!"
Tonks shook her head at her cousin with a smile, waving at Harry. "Let me know when you'd like to cash in your voucher, Harry," Tonks said, her smile brightening at the grin on his face.
"Definitely! Thanks again!" Harry got into the car beside Ginny, his own smile widening as Ginny said something to him. Before they drove off, Tonks caught Remus' eye through the windshield and her smile widened.
Charlie waited until the car slid away and he wrapped an arm around Dora's shoulders. "So. Rather chummy with them, aren't you?"
Bill walked on the other side of her and she rolled her eyes at the tall red-heads. "Sirius is my cousin and Harry is a sweet kid."
"Yeah, he is," Bill agreed innocently.
"But, we all couldn't help but notice that, well, you seem to greatly enjoy Remus' company."
"He is kind and very interesting."
Bill glanced at Charlie. "I will keep the twins busy," he assured before walking away, making Tonks groan inwardly.
"You know, he never talks that much. Not even to Ginny, and he is fond of her."
"She ran up to him earlier, it was almost like she was making sure he was ok."
"She was. Gin said she told you what he did for her. Mr Lupin always is willing to listen to her. She is pretty fond of him too. And, speaking of being fond of him… You went looking for him, didn't you?"
She turned to the young man who had been her best friend through school. "Yes," she said, slightly defiantly, as if challenging him to say anything negative.
Charlie nodded. "How was he? I kinda heard some of the kids asking about the scars on his face," he shook his head, frustrated. "None of us would dare to do that! I saw his eyes…"
"He was hurting. Not that he would admit it."
"No, he wouldn't. You know, the fact that he let you stay… I… He likes you."
"Only as a friend."
"Maybe. For now anyhow. He… We never paid too much attention to him I guess, he was always so quiet. But Mr Black used to be able to make him smile with one word. You can do that. I saw a total different side to him today, a side that only Ron and Ginny have seen when they are at the apartment. You like him."
"I think it's a little bit more than like." Tonks slumped onto the grass at the edge of the house as they stopped. "Do you really mean all that?"
"Yep. I never really got why he was so withdrawn and wary but… Well, I suppose as I got older, as I saw how people reacted, it was easier to see why. He is a good man, Tonks."
"I know all this. I… he is so sweet, and gentle yet he thinks so little of himself, Charlie! It's heartbreaking. But when he smiles… I feel like I am sixteen again, he makes my heart stop. And he had such a wicked sense of humour!" Tonks blurted.
Charlie laughed. "Oh, girlie, you are head over heels. Now, let's plot to get you your shy, miserable, silent hero."
"Oh, shut up." She was smiling, her oldest friend was on her side, it was only a matter of time before Remus caved.
Sirius looked frustrated. He glared at the answering machine. "I can just leave it. They can live without me."
Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm tired, I don't mind. Besides, they will get mad if you don't go and fix the bike that tried to set the shop on fire."
Remus stepped out of the kitchen. "He is right. It's for work. I can have Hermione's parents come and pick the girls up?"
"No, I can drop them off on the way to the garage," Sirius frowned. He had wanted to talk to Remus tonight, he knew if he didn't force his best friend to talk about what the boys had said tonight then it would be firmly shoved to the side never to be mentioned again.
"A word?"
Remus jerked his head to the kitchen, they could hear the chatter of the children.
"Are you ok?"
"I am fine, Sirius."
"Rem. Please."
Remus swallowed. "It's ok. I swear, I am ok."
Sirius nodded. "Ok. Can we talk later?"
"If I am awake," Remus spoke lightly.
"You call yourself my friend," Sirius grinned. "Right, let's go girls. Make sure you and Remus eat something for dinner, Harry, you are a growing boy, never too much food."
Harry laughed and walked them to the door of the apartment. He grinned shyly as Ginny waved to him before Hermione pulled her along. As soon as it was shut he scurried back to the lounge room.
Remus had settled onto the lounge, his eyes were closed and his head tipped back against the soft backing. Harry couldn't help but notice how the scars seemed to stand out against Remus' pale skin.
Without speaking the boy walked steadily to the couch and suddenly flung his arms around his uncle's neck.
"Oh!" Remus jumped. His arms wrapped around the boy. "What is it, Harry?"
The boy pressed his face against Remus' neck.
"Hermione overheard what Dean asked you," he muttered, looking desperately ashamed of his friends' actions.
"Did he really ask you if…?" He pulled back so he could look at his uncle.
"It doesn't matter, Harry," Remus couldn't meet the boy's eyes.
"Yes it does! You always say it doesn't but you obviously care," Harry blurted, his eyes burning slightly; his mother's eyes. "It's not fair. You are a hero! But people always stare at you...
I—"
"Shhh." Remus put an arm around the teen's shoulders. "Hush now, Harry, its ok."
"I'm sorry," the boy mumbled.
"Why are you sorry, my dearest boy?"
"Because if I hadn't wanted you to come…"
"Harry, are you ashamed of me?"
"No! Why would you think that?"
"Shh, let me finish. Do you know how proud I am of you? I don't care if I have to have people stare at me, or have your friends ask me question that break my heart, because I will be there for you, for every milestone and football game. You mean everything to me, everything and I would walk through hell for you, Harry."
Harry was quiet for a long moment before he twisted out from Remus' arm. He stood, found a footstool and kicked it across to his uncle.
"I am proud of you," Harry said firmly. "You are always going to be my hero."
"Harry…"
"Shut up." The boy spoke firmly. "It's my turn. Now, make yourself comfortable."
Remus chuckled softly, Harry sounded like Sirius when he was getting ready to lecture them about motorbikes. Remus shifted so his aching leg was propped up by the footstool, he watched Harry with veiled eyes. He hated the fact the boy had found out what his school friend had said. His eyes dropped to his maimed hand. Knife or pliers. He shuddered.
The couch dipped and Harry tugged at his arm, he flung a pillow against Remus' leg and settled with his head on the cushion. Remus' fingers lightly combed through the boy's dark hair.
"Harry—"
"Still my turn." The boy was staring up at Remus with a stern look in his eyes. He took Remus' right hand in his own and carefully touched the remnants of his fingers. "Does it still hurt?"
"A little."
"I am going to pummel Dean and Sean. They are jealous that I have you as an uncle, a real hero. When I was little you used to walk me to school and meet me at the gate when Uncle Sirius couldn't. I remember being so excited on those days because it was like a special treat you picking me up. You would hold my hand so tight as if you were afraid I would be snatched away."
"You had terrible depth perception which was deadly around cars," Remus said dryly.
Harry grinned suddenly. "But I always felt special. I always know that when there is something wrong you will help me. And… you give the best hugs," he was blushing. "It's weird to hug Uncle Sirius but it's different with you. I like being able to hug you."
"Are you calling me feminine?" Remus sounded insulted but there was a gentleness in his eyes that Harry saw.
The boy laughed. "No! But I don't feel silly. I…"
"Do you know that your hugs mean the world to me? They always make me feel better. Always. No matter how miserable I feel, or what has happened."
"Like what Dean did."
"Yes. He isn't the first, Harry, and I doubt he will be the last, most people are just too polite to ask questions like that."
"Uncle Remus?"
"Mmm?"
"I'm glad you survived."
"Me too," Remus ruffled the untidy black hair. They were quiet for a long time, Harry slowly inspecting every inch of Remus' injured hand.
"Harry?"
"Yeah?" Green eyes lifted instantly to Remus' tired brown ones.
"You know how much I love you, don't you?"
Harry frowned but he nodded slowly.
"I am sorry I can't tell you… I… I am sorry… I…."
"Uncle Remus? You know how much I love you, don't you?"
A tiny smiled appeared on Remus' face and he nodded.
"Well, you don't have to be sorry. If you want to tell me that's cool, but if you don't then it's ok."
Remus shook his head. "You are much smarter than your father was at your age."
"Mmm, better looking too."
Remus laughed, knowing the teenager had spent too much time around Sirius. He shifted and settled into the couch more, enjoying this end to the day. "I'm sure Ginny thinks so," he teased as he attempted to hide his smile.
Harry's face lit up in a blush as he groaned, sitting up immediately and burying his face in the pillow on the other side of the couch.
Remus laughed and gently patted the boy's back. "A word of advice, Harry boy, if you don't want the entire world to know you probably should be a little more subtle."
"I don't know what you mean," Harry mumbled as he sat up and faced his uncle.
"Dora has, I believe, photographic evidence."
Harry moaned again, his head falling to the back of the couch, and Remus' laughter filled the flat. "Poor Potter," he chuckled.
"Uncle Remus?"
Remus looked at his nephew expectantly.
"What does love feel like?"
Remus sighed deeply, wondering if it was possible to feel any older, and Harry settled back with his head on the pillow. Remus' fingers lightly smoothed the untidy hair.
"Your father would have been brilliant at answering this. Love is… When you can't bear to be away from someone, when you miss them every moment you are not with them. It is wanting to make them happy no matter what sacrifices that means for you. It is being able to make them smile no matter how miserable you, it is about them making you smile when you are miserable. It's about your whole world revolving around one person. It… It is impossible to explain."
Harry was quiet for a moment. "Sometimes, I wish I was still little and that things like this didn't worry me."
"Me too... But she is a sweet girl, Harry."
"Yeah, she is." The smile that lingered on his lips said more than a hundred words ever could.
Remus let his eyes close as he tried not to think about this boy, who was running around in the mud just a few years ago it seemed, being in that kind of relationship. His thoughts drifted from Harry to Ginny... and then slowly began to linger on the bright spot on his memory, the colourful patch of light that stood out from all the years of darkness; light that joined such few others.