A/N: i want everybody right now, before you read this chapter, to download the Footloose theme song, and the Top Gun theme song, the Danger Zone one. yeah. just because i said so. Limewire is your friend people, its there for a reason. -snicker-
so. this chapter is THE chapter. mhm. you'll hate me at the begining but love me by the end. trust me.
oh. this will probably be one of the last chapters, don't worry. i know for sure its not the LAST. so yeah.
i want to thank everyone whos been reviewing. i love you all. you're my inspiration, even when i don't get my email updates and i have to wait 39430984389 years to read my reviews.
NOW. ON WITH THE SHOW!
Before I had a chance to push him away, Edward's cold lips were pressed against mine. I didn't know what to do, I wanted this, but at the same time I didn't. It wasn't right. This wasn't supposed to happen. My mind was a jumbled mess as I tried figuring out what exactly was going on at the moment.
I did the only thing I could think of; I shoved him away as hard as I could. "No," I whispered and ran out of the room. I couldn't hear if Edward followed or not. I hoped he didn't.
I managed not to trip on my way down the stairs but I ran straight into Alice while trying to make it through the front door.
"Alice, move," I begged. I tried to get passed her but she put her hands on my shoulders. I was stuck.
"Bella, what's wrong?" She looked at me with a worried expression on her face.
"Please, just move," I repeated.
"Alice let her go," Edward's voice came from behind me. She moved aside and I went straight for my car, not once looking back.
I cried the entire way back to Charlie's house. I couldn't go back to La Push, and now I couldn't go to the Cullens. I was truly alone in that moment and it scared the living daylights out of me.
I locked myself in my room for three days. I didn't move an inch from my bed. I just lay on my mattress, with my iPod blasting in my ears. I didn't eat and I barely slept. I was a wreck and I didn't even know why.
It was the middle of day four when Charlie finally picked my lock to see if I was actually still alive. He examined me for a moment and then yanked away my iPod but I didn't protest, the battery died ages ago. I heard him say something about being catatonic and I was wondering if he was talking to me, but when Alice showed up, I knew he had been on the phone.
I was thankful to see her. The fact that she didn't hate me for doing what I did to Edward, gave me some kind of hope that what had happened wasn't completely horrible. Maybe she didn't know about it. I was fairly certain that Edward wouldn't talk to anyone about it before he could speak to me. I was glad he hadn't tried to come over; I didn't want him to see me like this…well, actually I didn't want to see him period.
Alice forced me into the shower, clothes and all. She didn't even bother turning on the hot water, I didn't mind though, it was a nice change. When I was thoroughly soaked, she started pulling off my clothes. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed; Alice had seen me a number of times after the incident with James. She started lathering shampoo in my hair and washed my body. I didn't even want to think about how bad I smelled after three and a half days of not showering.
I was finally snapping out of my coma-like state when Alice had carried me back to my bedroom. I was sitting on my bed with a bowl of cereal in my hands, and she was cleaning my room while ranting on about something that I wasn't listening to. I think she was talking about Edward though, and I was glad I wasn't paying attention.
"Alice," I tried to say. My voice was low and scratchy, it didn't sound like me at all. I tried clearing my throat, which just made me wince in pain because it was so dry.
"Oh, Bella! You're talking!" Alice exclaimed. She immediately dropped the trash bag in her hand and sat down beside me on the bed. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? What happened? Did Edward do this? Oh that stupid vampire, I am going to kick his ass when I get home. He will not hear the end of this; he is really going to get it this time…"
"Alice!" I screamed. "Shut up."
She looked at me, shocked. "Oh, sorry. I tend to ramble when I'm worried."
"It's not Edward's fault. He…" I hesitated a little. "He kissed me, and I freaked out. That's all."
"What do you mean you freaked out? What happened?"
"I don't know. I guess I just wasn't prepared for that. Or maybe it was because I had just gotten in a fight with Jacob and it wasn't the way I wanted to be comforted. I don't know," I shrugged. "Alice, can you call Emmett and tell him come over here?"
Alice nodded. "Sure, anything else?"
"Yeah, tell him to bring me some bagels and cream cheese," I gave a small smile.
Fifteen minutes later Emmett was bursting through my bedroom door carrying a bag of bagels in one hand and a huge Starbucks Frappuccino in the other. He smiled sheepishly and moved aside to expose Jasper and Rosalie behind him. Geez, did he bring the whole family?
"Its de-caf, just in case," Emmett grinned. He was definitely remembering the double shot espresso scene.
"Thanks, Emmett," I grabbed the bagels and my drink and dug in. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until Alice tried making me eat the cereal, which I hadn't touched. I wanted my comfort food, and now I had my bagels. I was going to be content now…for a while at least.
"Anything for my little sister," He said and nicked me under the chin with a knuckle. I beamed in response and even blushed a little.
"How are you feeling?" Jasper asked. Pshh, like he didn't know already.
"Well," I frowned. "I'm not quite sure, really." And it was the truth. I seriously didn't know what I was feeling. I sort of felt numb, kinda like when I finally decided that mourning over Edward wasn't worth it anymore.
"What happened? Edward hasn't come out of his room for days, and from what Alice told us, you haven't either," Rosalie said. She pushed my feet out of the way and sat at the foot of my bed.
"Do I have to explain it again?" I cringed.
"Want me to?" Alice asked. I nodded and listened as she spoke too fast and too low for me to understand. She was finished with the story in a matter of seconds.
"Oh, Bella, come here," Emmett held his arms out to me and I leaned forward to let him hug me. He pulled me tight against his chest, and it was oddly comforting even though I knew his wife was sitting at the edge of my bed. I was sort of expecting her to get mad and attack me, but it never happened.
"So, what are you going to do?" Jasper asked.
"What do you mean 'what am I going to do'? I'm not doing anything. I can't face him! Not after that," I shook my head furiously. God, what was he thinking? Was he insane? I think Jasper's losing it.
"Bella, you have to," Rosalie stated. Oh sweet Jesus, I've lost Rosalie too.
I dropped my head. "I can't."
"Sure you can," Alice assured. I looked up at her and she tapped her temple and smiled. Well, at least I haven't completely lost Alice, that's somewhat of a relief.
"Positive?" I bit my lip.
"Most definitely," She giggled.
We went silent after that. After about an hour, Rosalie and Jasper went home to try to convince Edward to come out of his room. Alice and Emmett stayed with me. They tried distracting me from thoughts of Edward, but it wasn't working too well.
All I could do was think of him. Why had I pulled away? Wasn't having him back what I wanted? I didn't understand my actions until I started thinking that maybe I didn't want him back at all. Maybe I was fine with having him as just a friend or nothing at all. I knew I hadn't moved on, I couldn't. But maybe having Edward gone for so long, I had grown accustomed to being alone. Maybe all I really needed was a friend.
"Bella," Emmett waved a hand in front of my face.
"Hmm?" I blinked a couple times and looked up at him.
"Me and Alice are gonna head home. You'll be okay, right?"
"I'll be fine Emmett. Thank you for the bagels and coffee," I smiled and hugged him lightly.
"Call if you need anything," Alice said over her shoulder as she left the room. I rolled my eyes and fell back on my pillow.
I fell asleep about half an hour later. When I woke up the next morning, I was more than thankful that I hadn't dreamt the whole night.
My cell phone was ringing but I couldn't seem to find it. Where the hell did Alice put it?! I was tearing up my room, searching everywhere I could think of.
Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse was mocking me as I continued to look for my phone. I looked in every drawer in my desk, my closet, everywhere. You'd think that something THAT loud would be easy to locate, but no, it was definitely not.
I thanked God that whoever was calling me kept hanging up and calling back because I would have never found that stupid phone otherwise. It was under my pillow, and how it got there I had no idea and I really didn't want to find out.
"Hello?" I asked, not even bothering to look at the caller ID. I fell back on my bed, suddenly exhausted from the escapade around my room.
"Bella," The voice said. I instantly recognized it as Edward's.
"Edward," I whispered. I really didn't feel like talking to him right now. Actually I didn't feel like talking to him ever, but that's really not the point at the moment.
He hesitated for a second and I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. "Would it be all right if I came over so we could…talk?"
I deliberated on whether I could see him or not. I didn't know what would happen if he came over, but I knew I would have to face him sooner or later. I would rather it be sooner than later. "That's fine," I said. Alice had said I would be able to do it, and I never bet against her. I wasn't going to start now. But I had butterflies in my stomach nonetheless.
"I'll be over in a few minutes," he replied and hung up the phone.
Sure enough, exactly three minutes later I heard Edward's Volvo screech to a stop behind my Mustang. I sat on my bed with my legs crossed under me and I watched as Edward climbed through my window. I was pretty sure it was the last time he would be doing that.
He stood at the foot of my bed and stared at me, and I stared back. We didn't say anything for the longest time, and the tension was growing dramatically. It wasn't doing anything for that stupid feeling in my stomach either.
"I'm sorry," he said finally.
I didn't respond. I just sat there, staring. It wasn't that I didn't want to say anything to him, it was that I couldn't. I couldn't find the words. I didn't know how to tell him that I was rejecting him, that I couldn't take him back.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked.
"I… I need you to do something for me," I whispered. You can do this Bella, you can.
"Anything."
I sighed; he was making this hard for me. "I need you to let me go." Oh God, I was actually doing it. I was telling Edward that I couldn't be with him. This is the right thing to do Bella, I reassured myself. Was it, though? Was I doing the right thing by rejecting my true love? Surely it had to be right, in some sense. Right?
"What?" He gasped. "Why?"
I dropped my head into my hands. "I can't let you go if you don't let me go first."
He didn't say anything, but I heard him climbing out my window. He was leaving, and he was doing it at a human pace. Was he trying to torture me? Or was he giving me time to chase after him? A part of my mind was opting for the latter, because maybe what I was doing wasn't the right thing. No, Bella, you need to let him go.
I sat on my bed, thinking about what I had just done. And then I realized that he had never given me an answer. I jumped off my bed and flew down the stairs as fast as I could.
Edward was getting into his car when I made it out the front door. "Edward, wait!" I screamed.
He looked at me in surprise, but then he closed the car door and started walking toward me.
"I need an answer, Edward. This isn't something you can just leave," I said softly. I stopped in front of him; we were in the middle of my front lawn. It was freezing outside, but at the moment I didn't care. I needed an answer.
"I can't let you go. I won't, not ever," He put a finger under my chin and lifted my head.
"Please, you have to," I begged.
"I'm not letting you go Bella," he said sternly.
"Fine, I'll just have to do it for the both of us," I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and turned around to walk back in the house. There was only one way he could stop me now, and he would never use that option. He would never be that desperate.
"You are the strength that keeps me walking..." He started to sing. Okay, so maybe he would use that option. I couldn't help but notice how amazing his singing voice was.
I stopped dead in tracks; the tears were welling up in my eyes. "Edward, don't you dare start singing that," I said.
"…You are the hope that keeps me trusting you are the life to my soul..." he continued defiantly. I could just hear the smile in his voice.
My breath caught in my throat. I was willing the tears not to come, but it wouldn't work, I could feel them creeping up in my eyes. I slowly turned around to face him.
"…You are my purpose you're everything…"
"Oh God, Edward…" I whispered. I didn't trust my voice to be any louder. "Please, don't," I begged.
"…And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you would you tell me how could it be any better than this, yeah…" he continued singing.
The tears were flowing freely down my face now, I couldn't stop them. He was using this song against me, and it was working. I felt myself falling even more in love with him. I knew in that moment that I couldn't let him go, that he would always be with me. I would always love him. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and never let go. But I stopped myself. I couldn't do this, what if he left again? How could I survive getting my heart crushed for a second time? I was being stupid, I knew it, but I couldn't let myself get hurt again.
"…How could it be any better than this… 'cause you're all I want you're all I need you're everything, everything..."
He was staring at me with those beautiful topaz eyes. Those eyes that I fell in love with. I was mentally begging my legs not to turn to jelly, it wasn't working. I didn't want to resist him anymore. I was giving up the fight. I was forgiving him. I was risking my heart, but for some reason, I knew it was the right thing to do. I was meant to be with Edward, and I wasn't about to stop fate.
Before he could continue, I closed the gap between us and my lips went crashing into his. I didn't care about anything in that moment. All I cared about was Edward, and not letting him get away from me. I was not going to let him go, not this time. Edward was mine, all mine.
When we finally pulled apart, we were both breathless and I was still crying a little. "I hate you Edward Cullen," I said and tried not smiling, but I didn't think it was working too well.
Edward pressed his forehead against mine and wiped some of the tears from my cheeks. "I hate you too Bella Swan," he whispered and kissed me again.
So, what do'ya think? hmm? do tell.