Shadow

She was still shaking when Mike came into the living room with a mug of hot herbal tea, the one she'd been reaching for. After he'd managed to get her out of the room she'd collapsed into his arms in a fit of fear and anger but now she was sat on the sofa, holding her arms close to her body as if she was trying to protect herself from anything that could harm her. She didn't understand what had happened and it was just as she was starting to get a handle on things, just when she was starting to feel as if she could get back to normal.

She'd known it would be difficult but did it really have to be as hard as this?

Mike put the mug down on the table and sat next to her, worried and concerned but not having the right words to say to make her feel better. "Here." He held out his arms wide and wrapped them around her. She didn't hesitate to accept his offer of comfort and as she shakily sighed into his chest he held her tighter, kissing the top of her head. She breathed him in and gradually began to feel like she could control this, control herself enough to speak. She wanted to speak about it because she was starting to worry about bottling it up. She could remember the words her father had once said to her about how sharing it with someone would make it much easier to bare, of course, he'd been referring to teenage problems that always seemed larger than life but it still mattered, right?

Feeling him gently stroking her back, she followed the rhythm with her mind, "It felt like I was back there." She almost spat out the word with hatred for what had happened to her. He didn't stop moving his hand along her spine as she spoke about it. "It was so dark." Her voice was back to that whispering she'd been doing before. He heard her take several deep breaths before she began to speak again, "I couldn't feel my hands anymore, they were-" she paused, "-numb." Closing her eyes as the tears began to build up again, she sniffled as she tried to control them. She could've sworn she'd never cried so much in her life, "It felt like-" she took a deep, shaky breath as the tears fell, "-like I was there forever. I just wanted it to end." Her grip around Mike's body tightened and he just continued to gently hold her, not wanting to squeeze her as much as she was squeezing him.

Mike kissed her head again, "It's gonna be okay." Those words sounded so pathetic that Mike felt that sense of stupidity hit him. How could he possibly know that?

Alex shook her head slightly, wiping her tears on his shirt at the same time, "What's happening to me?" She asked, sounding like she was afraid and not just because she didn't know the answer but because she was afraid of knowing the answer.

"I- I can't answer that." Mike tried, desperately wishing for the right words to pop into his head, "You're just dealing with everything that's happened. It's normal."

"I don't feel normal." Alex told him, honestly, still talking into his chest. "What if I always stay this way?"

Mike wasn't sure what way she was referring to but he had a small idea, "No, you're gonna get better, okay? I don't want to hear this from you." His voice showed his determination and his belief in her. It was enough to cause her to move and pull away from him so that she could see his face and look into his eyes. "Look, I'm not the best person for this. I don't know anything about this kind of stuff. But I do know you." He looked at her, giving her a sincere look, "If anyone can get through this, it's you!" He pointed at her with his index finger to emphasise his words. She didn't react, she just looked at him as if she was looking for a sign of his words being untrue, but she didn't find any, "That's what I know." He cupped her face with his hands and looked directly at her, hoping she'd say something but it didn't look like any words were going to be spoken soon so he had no choice but carry on, "I, uh, I know someone who you could talk to. I promise you she's good."

That, at least, brought a response, "You... who?"

"Her name is Olivet." He told her, not taking his eyes off her, "I've known her for a long time. She's good at what she does. If you see anyone, let it be her."

Alex regarded him carefully, his thumbs stroking her cheek as she did so. She wasn't sure if she was ready to spill out all her emotions in front of a stranger but she knew Mike well enough to know he wouldn't suggest it unless he really thought it was actually a good idea. She wanted all of this to end, she wanted it all to go away and she also knew that if she had any hope of going back to work, back to her life, then she needed to make a step forward. Slowly, as she still considered it, she nodded to say she would go to Olivet and speak to her but in her mind she was already telling herself that she'd go once and see what it was like and if she didn't like it she'd go straight back home and never go again.

Mike smiled at her and pulled her close again, hoping this was the best way to deal with this. He had always hated seeing physcologists but maybe this was what she needed, maybe Bobby was right and talking would help her.

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Two days since she'd gone back home, since she'd forced herself to deal with it and she had to admit she was starting to feel more human. She hadn't seen Olivet yet although they had spoken on the phone to agree to a date and time.

Alex always hated the way they used soft voices and carefully planned phrases when speaking to people, as if people were weapons that required careful handling in case you accidentally pushed the wrong button and caused a mushroom cloud. Although, Alex was definitely feeling like she had a short fuse lately. She felt wound up, tight, and she knew it wouldn't take long before she did explode.

Now she was sat in her living room looking at Polly's cage, which now was inhabitated by a new bird. A lovebird, a red and green small creature that fluttered it's wings and sang really loudly. Bobby had picked up the bird from the pet shop, it was something that both he and Mike had done together, along with the new blinds, shower doors and other small things that seemed to be appearing in her home. She had to smile when she thought about it because she'd seen the way they'd argued with each other and now it looked like they were best buddies.

But she wasn't sure if she liked this new one.

He wasn't like Polly. Polly had always started chirping the moment Alex had walked into the room, like he'd recognised her, like he loved her but this new bird seemed more content to look around the room and chirp at anything that came near him as if he was afraid. True, Polly had done the same thing at first but Alex didn't feel like training a new one.

The phone ringing caused her to stop looking at the lovebird and turn her attention to the phone. Standing up she walked over to it, hesitating before answering, "Eames." She closed her eyes at the sound of the voice on the other end, she hadn't expected this call.

"Eames?" Ross spoke softly, as if he was also afraid she'd snap, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." She replied, suspiscious because he hadn't seemed like the kind of Captain who would make a 'house' call.

"I've been looking for Logan. Is he with you?" Now Alex knew why he was phoning her. She looked towards her bathroom and shook her head, quickly remembering he couldn't see he.

"No."

"Do you know where he is because he's meant to be here?" Ross sounded very piqued and irritated, as if he'd been looking for Mike for hours.

Alex glanced at the clock next to the TV and carefully thought about her answer, not spotting Mike walking into the rom with a towel around his bare shoulders. "He left about half an hour ago. He said he was coming in."

"He's not here." Alex rolled her eyes at Ross, thankful he couldn't see. She turned to see Mike standing near her with a frown on his face.

She noticed that the only sign of him leaving the house anytime soon were the smart pants he was wearing, but he didn't seem liked he planned to go anywhere. "He's ... probably stuck in traffic." Whilst she spoke she gave Mike a purposeful look that told him that he needed to get moving. Mike got the message and quickly rushed off to get the rest of his clothes.

"Right." Ross sounded like he didn't believe her, "I'll try his cell again." With that Ross put the phone down. Alex looked at the receiver and shrugged, placing it back in it's cradle.

"Alex?" Mike called out, rushing back into the room as he buttoned his shirt up, "What did he say?" He knew who it was, he'd completely forgotten that he was meant to go back to work.

She looked at him and replied with another shrug, "Just wanted to know where you were."

"He didn't say anything else?" Mike asked, as he pulled his shoes on.

Alex shook her head, "I didn't know you had to go back."

"Neither did I, till yesterday." Mike replied, sounding irritated and annoyed at the prospect of having to go back, "Goren gave me the message from him. I guess I forgot." He grabbed his tie and jacket, heading for the door, stopping to get his car keys from the sideboard and then as he reached the door, his arm out in front of him to pull at the door handle, he stopped and slowly turned back to her. Alex was stood by the phone, still. She looked at him curiously. Mike stepped away from the door and walked over to her. "Are you gonna be alright?"

She nodded, "I'll be fine." Mike looked at her, unsure. "No, really, go!"

But Mike looked around the empty house and shook his head, "C'mon, I'll drive you to your parents house."

Alex shook her head, "Ross is waiting for you."

"Ah, who cares?" Mike replied, holding out his arm to say she should come with him, "I'm stuck in traffic. Let's go." She took his hand and followed him out the door; the first time she'd left since she'd insisted she stay.

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"You know, detective, if you're going to be late you should let your partner know."

Ross had that perturbed look on his face that told Mike he was being serious. Standing in the Captain's office, that was starting to look like he owned it now, his new squad system up on the wall, Mike was watching Ross, who was standing next to his desk. "In all fairness, I've not met my new partner yet." Mike had to say something, he couldn't just let this new captain walk all over him.

"That was for future reference. In terms of today, you should've told me."

Mike nodded, refusing to look or feel guilty, "Sorry." Ross shot him a look, "I'll remember... for future reference."

Ross sighed, "You were stuck in traffic for a long time."

"Yeah, it was hectic." Mike agreed, nodding. Mike got the feeling that Ross could see right through him but after a moment of staring at each other, Ross finally conceded defeat and walked towards the door.

Opening it, he shouted out into the squadroom, "Wheeler." Mike watched as a very young looking woman walked over towards the office, looked at Ross before entering the room and then gave Mike a once over as if sizing him up, although Mike doubted that's what she was doing.

After a small moment she held out her hand to greet him, "I'm Detective Megan Wheeler."

All Mike could do was shake her hand and reply, "Logan, Mike Logan." Momentarily wondering which James Bond she'd actually remember the most, Pierce Brosnan? Wheeler raised an eyebrow but she didn't comment on the way Mike had phrased his greeting.

"Right." Ross spoke up, "I'm glad the two of you have met because you've got a crime scene to go to."

Mike looked at him, "Now?" He asked, incredulously.

Ross nodded, "Yes, now." They nodded and headed towards the door. "And Logan?" Mike turned back around as Wheeler carried on walking, "I know that, just like Goren, you're going to want time but the only person getting it is Detective Eames. Understood?" Mike nodded, knowing that arguing wasn't going to help him with this at all. Walking out of the office and closing the door behind him, he saw that Wheeler was waiting for him, close to Bobby's desk and next to the exit. Mike sighed and decided to get on with it. He had a job to do and he had no choice but do it.

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Life goes on.

At least it's meant to.

Alex was sat in her old bedroom at her parents house wondering just how moved life had really moved on. Not much, since she was listening to same old radio she'd had as a child, although it had been repaired a billion times since she'd bought it, and she was laying on the same bed she'd slept in as a child so did life really go on?

If it didn't then she was screwed because if she couldn't past this moment in her life she'd never be able to live again.

Looking at the clock she saw that it was only 3 hours to go until her first counselling session with Elizabeth Olivet. Sighing, she wished time would speed up so that the three hours would pass quicker; she felt like time was dragging itself out just to punish her.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" The sound of her fathers concerned voice pulled Alex back to reality and made her sit up to see him at the doorway. John Eames was stood there, leaning against the doorframe, looking at his youngest daughter with concern. Alex offered him a small smile and nodded. John walked further into the room, closing the door behind him. "I'm only asking because your mother was nagging at me to come and see you."

Alex snorted a small laugh and looked at her father; knowing that that just wasn't true. "Tell Mom that I'm fine."

John nodded, sitting on the foot of the bed. "I will do."

"Good." Alex nodded too, both of them suddenly feeling a sense of deja vu. Had they done this before? Well, actually, countless times if Alex thought about it properly. She'd always been the rebellious one, the young woman who found herself struggling with issues that required her father to come and sit on her bed and talk to her about it. She always found that he helped her, even when she didn't want it. Alex looked at him and sighed, "Dad?" He looked at her, expectantly, "Do I...? Am I...?" Alex stopped trying and lowered her head, the words weren't coming. The thoughts were there but she didn't know how to ask what she wanted to and if she was honest with herself she didn't really have the courage to either.

"Are you different?" John asked, causing Alex to look up at him, stunned that he'd read her mind again. "Of course you are." That was the answer Alex really didn't want to hear, she looked back down at her hands. "But then anyone would be after going through that. If you weren't I'd be worried." Alex looked back up and saw that he was being sincere, like always. "But you'll learn to live with it." He sounded hopefully and it was almost contagious; almost. He could see that but he didn't have the right words either.

She looked back at the clock and noticed that only 5 minutes had passed. She sighed and turned back to her father. "Will you come with me?" She asked, "Mike and Bobby both had to go back to work so..."

John nodded with a smile, "Yeah, I'll go." He held out his arms, "How about giving your old man a hug, huh?" He asked with a grin. A smile crept up onto Alex's face as she leaned into her father's arms and allowed him to hold her.

How she hoped life really did go on. Her father always seemed to look like it did. After everything he'd been through in his life, he still smiled and he was still happy with it.

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TBC

I hope that's not too cheesy. I tried to change it but it just wouldn't come out any differently, oh well.