Yeah... I'm a jerk. I guess I kinda sorta went on hiatus for a little while, but I am back and ready to get writing again :) I seriously missed it. Anyways, I'm updating this really late tonight so it'll be a breakfast read for some of you!
Cassandra C. owns all the characters not me.
Clary, standing close to Simon against the railing of the gazebo, twists her head around in surprise. The voice had seemed to come out of nowhere; she hadn't heard footsteps to come with it. As her green eyes adjusted to the darkness outside of the softly lit gazebo, she could just make out the outline of a boy. As she squinted her eyes, she could also see that he had his hands shoved into his pockets and his shoulders were at ease, giving him a very relaxed posture. The figure moved towards them and as the light bended and reflected off of the sharp features of his recognizable face, she knew immediately who it was.
Jace.
A melee of emotions barraged her; shock, puzzlement, relief, happiness, anger and frustration. Shock that he had actually come, puzzlement over how he had actually gotten to the party, relief that he had decided to be there, happiness that he was there with her, anger that he had come when he had been such an ass to her a few days prior, and finally frustration that he had interrupted Simon just before he was about to tell her something. As he ascended the few steps and stepped inside the gazebo, she was sure that all of these emotions were written plainly on her face. She did nothing to hide them in her surprise. Turning to Simon, who still stood motionless in front of her, she gave him a 'What the fuck?' look and received a blank look in return. Did he already know he was here? She thought, confused.
She snapped her gaze to Jace where she looked him over quickly, noting that he was in all black; not wearing a white button down, but a black one covered by a lustrous black vest and tie to be underneath his tuxedo. Clary tried not to notice the way that formal wear suited his body so well, his broad shoulders and strong upper body flaunted themselves even when covered by clothing. Her chest started to flutter as the thought just wouldn't leave her brain. She let her eyes scour his figure quickly before she chastised herself internally and skittered her eyes to his. Seeing his knowing cocky glance, she narrowed her eyes and set her thin shoulders indignantly.
She heard him chuckle. "You like it?" he said, running his hands over his jacket. "I don't particularly enjoy it, but if you do…" he trailed off, still laughing quietly under his breath. Clary locked her jaw in frustration.
"What I would like, is for you to leave. Now."Her gritted teeth grated against one another like the way that his attitude was grating on her nerves. How could he just stand there and act this way to her when he had just been yelling at her to get away from him two days ago? She didn't understand how he could be acting so casual about the entire thing. It was as if he was completely disregarding his aversive attitude towards her for the past few weeks and he was now replacing it with the 'I don't care at all' attitude. If he wasn't going to acknowledge what had happened, she sure wasn't either.
His face turned down in mock disappointment. "Oh, so you can have your little chat with Simon?" His features switched to an exaggerated expression of surprise. "Was I interrupting it?" he asked innocently, his ochre eyes flashing to Simon. "Sorry, I hadn't noticed," his voice, saturated with sarcasm, certainly did not sound sorry in the least as he directed the comment at him.
Simon returned his gaze icily, but said nothing in return. He seemed to be trying to hold in his anger, his fists were balled up at his sides and the muscles in his neck and jaw were rigid with restraint. Clary did not need to have a fight on her hands, especially at a party like this. She turned fully to Jace, wanting to tell him to fuck off, but as she opened her mouth she was only cut off by his snide voice once again. "Don't think I don't know what you were going to tell her, Lewis," he said with another demeaning laugh. "As soon as you saw me in the dining room you whisked," he made a fluttery motion with his fingers and hands, "her away to tell her to stay away from me, and to tell her how you really feel about her." His face had turned almost vicious as he went on, his mouth forming into an unbecoming sneer. "To tell you the truth, I don't think she returns those feelings buddy-boy."
Simon, having heard enough, started towards him quickly with his face red with anger and his fists balled up so tight that his white knuckles stood out on his skin. But Clary stepped in front of him, effectively blocking his path to Jace who stood about two feet away inside the gazebo with them. She was in between the two boys, one visibly ticked off and the other having a cool and collected demeanour that egged the other on.
"Shut up!" Clary's voice rang clear and loud. She couldn't stand the way that he was doing this to Simon. He had never done anything to Jace as far as she knew and so he didn't deserve it. He seemed to be getting some kind of sick joy out of getting Simon angry at him, and he was good at it too. Simon may have been easy to get angry but Jace had his soft spots targeted. "Why the hell are you even here, Jace? I thought you had too much work." Her voice picked up at the end, enunciating the last syllable with an annoyed bark.
When his eyes flickered down to her figure she could almost swear, for a moment, that there was a small amount of gratification in his golden eyes. But it could also have just as easily been the glint of the light reflecting off of them. He gave her a relaxed smile. "I'm taking my break," his voice was sarcastic but not in the frustrating way as it had been before. Now, there was only a slight teasing tone to it, which Clary found amusing, but she wasn't about to show him that. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction; he didn't deserve it, not after the way that he had been treating her. What he really deserved was a slap in the face, but she stopped herself from doing so.
Instead, she narrowed her eyes at him as she felt Simon's chest press into her back agitatedly. Clary could feel the tension him Simon's muscles and she knew that he was ready to start something between the two of them. "Simon, stop. I'm not gonna let you do something stupid," she directed what she said over her shoulder to Simon as Jace, in her peripheral, laughed again.
"No you're not, are you, wittle Simon-cakes?"
That pushed Simon over the edge. He moved to rush around Clary's side and Jace, with a sick smile on his face stepped forward also, ready to take him. Thinking of nothing else to do, Clary darted in front of the both of them again and pushed against their chests with her palms, pushing them away from her. She could feel both of them pushing against her hands on each of their chests as they each tried to move around her, Jace laughing easily and Simon growling and muttering a string of profanities at him. "Oh, for God's sake!" Clary gave both of them a shove and they staggered back. She had definitely gotten their attention now; Simon was looking at her with a look that was somewhere between surprise and treachery, where Jace was looking at her like she had just ruined all of the fun. "Stop it! The both of you! You're acting like idiots."
"Not all of us need to act," Simon growled. Jace, however, looked delighted.
"That's you're only comeback this entire time? Wow, I think you need to work on that," he chortled.
Simon started towards him again with his face twisted with his aggression, and Clary quickly whipped around to face him, putting both her hands against his chest to stop him from getting any closer. "Simon. I think you should leave," she said warningly. Behind her, Jace gave him a smug grin as Simon, ignoring Jace's immaturity, gave her a disbelieving look and opened his mouth to object. "Just go back inside. I need to talk to him, and if you keep charging him like this I'm not going to be able to say anything." His face was a mixture of hurt and confusion as he relaxed his shoulders and arms, defeated.
Behind his glasses, his chocolate eyes softened before he spoke, "But-"
"Go, Simon. I'll be fine." Clary felt horrible as he gave her a scowl and turned abruptly from her and strode down the small steps past Jace, staring him down with a death glare as he did so. She watched his form disappear into the shadows of the ink black night as she mentally kicked herself for making him feel like she liked Jace better. That was certainly not the case and she hadn't wanted him to think that. But judging by his face as he turned to leave, that was exactly what he was thinking. She whipped around to face Jace as he stood, relaxed with a superior look on his face. Instantly she was filled with an extreme urge to hit something or someone, most preferably Jace. How can he look so calm? Ugh! She thought angrily. It was his fault, everything was Jace's fault.
Without even thinking about it, she rushed up to him and pushed him square in his chest roughly. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" At his astonished face, she pushed him again. "Why are you even here? You said you wanted me to stay away from you, and I am! What more do you want?" Her voice had risen to a shriek and, in the back of her mind, she was glad that they were far enough from the party that no one would hear her. Not even caring about the amazed look on his face, she continued with another shove and his back slammed against the railing. He used his arms to brace himself against the wooden barrier and his hands crushed a few of the pretty white blooms that twined around it. "I just can't understand you!"
She stopped her shouting and looked him straight in the eyes as her chest heaved up and down agitatedly. She hadn't yelled like this in ages and it was actually very refreshing. She could get out all of her frustrations this way. A new form of therapy…
He raised his eyebrows at her, astonished. "Are you done?" Again, that stupid smirk covered his lips in the most annoying fashion. She almost growled at him.
"NO! Why are you getting Simon angry?" She took a step closer to him, still glaring at him as she pushed his back further into the railing. "He never did anything to you! NEVER! And you just egg him on like that? You're the stupidest person I know, and I hate-"
Suddenly, his hands were off of the flowers and were wrapping around her waist. He brought her to him quickly and before she could protest, he crashed his lips onto hers and cut off her furious rant. His lips were hard against her own in his attempt to get her to quiet herself. Clary, who was absolutely baffled by the gesture, stood as still as a rock. The only thing that she could think was why? Had he been lying when he told her to stay away from him? But he wasn't that good of an actor… was he? Questions flooded her mind as his kiss softened slightly just before he pulled away but still staying close enough to have his arms circled around her.
"Now are you done?" his voice shook slightly as he spoke, his warm and inviting breath fanning over her face and bringing her out of her stupor.
She faltered before answering this time. "Y-You said-"
His lips stopped her from arguing with him once more but this time less suddenly and softer than before. She had to work to not crumple into the warmth of his chest as his arms tightened around her, bringing her even closer to him. She didn't want to give in to him, but hadn't she wanted this? It felt right to be in the crook of his arm and to have his hands reaching for her touch, but she wasn't about to forget about the way he had acted. But it wasn't as if she didn't like this; his lips had the softly tart taste of a fresh green apple and she wondered distantly if he had just finished eating one. The hands on her waist pulled her ever closer, trying to engage her more into the kiss but Clary, not wanting to be made the fool, remained still. Although, it took an immense effort not to just give in and kiss him back.
Feeling her reluctance, Jace pulled back minutely and gave her a questioning look. Half of her wanted to continue her angry rant, but the other half wanted to have him kiss her once more. Jace noted the confused expression on her face with a small smile on his perfect lips. Her eyes darted up and down from his eyes to his mouth quite a few times as she debated what she wanted; to try not to succumb to the thrill of him holding her like this, or to give up and relish in this moment. His hands squeezed her gently, comfortingly. Oh, what the hell.
Seemingly reading her thoughts, Jace leaned forward once more and pressed his lips to hers again, but this time somewhat more urgent and needing. His hands roamed over her back more freely this time, warming her body from the inside out. Her anger took a backseat and she was left wondering why she was even so angry at him in the first place. She laced her fingers into his golden hair and he leaned closer to her, the buttons of his tux jacket pressing into her abdomen hard enough to almost be uncomfortable. In contrast, his kiss was so soft and inviting and she practically melted into his arms in search of more. She was getting so lost in his kiss and she couldn't imagine walking away from him. He was warm and hard and soft all at the same time. She could almost completely forget her frustration at him for-
She broke off from him suddenly and staggered away from him, his face a mixture of hurt and anger. Clary's breathing was ragged and irregular as she tried to calm the palpitations of her heart beat. Her conflicting emotions had Jace three steps behind her and he was staring at her in disbelief. He was sure that he could get her to forget her anger but that didn't seem to be the case with her. His brain tried to form a complete sentence as the thoughts within his mind were jumbled from her kiss. "What now? Do you want to yell at me some more?" he said, his voice too shaky and weak for his liking.
"No, I- I want to know why." Her eyes were darting to everything except him; the crushed flowers next to his left elbow, the soft twinkle lights that surrounded the gazebo, and even the darkness beyond the lit enclave that held a small sliver of a moon.
He stared at her in confusion. "Why what?" How she could even be thinking about something else was beyond him. All he could think about at the moment was how beautiful that Clary looked at the moment with her pale cheeks stained a soft pink in her embarrassment and her eyes standing out like green orbs compared to her dress. Thinking about the way she was dressed, he let his gaze wander over her figure and he saw that even though she always covered herself up in big clothing, she was actually tinier than he had originally thought; he could fit one of his arms almost completely around her waist. He watched her look down nervously.
She took a deep breath and sighed, "Why are you so…" she paused, thinking for the correct word, but was unable to find one that suited the way he was acting. He watched her bite her lip and waited for her to continue. When she didn't Clary saw his eyebrow raise, uncomprehending. "It's just… you say these things but they're so… vague. You never say what you're feeling and I… I wonder if it's because…" She finally trailed off at the suddenly guarded expression on his face. She had lost him, lost the one moment that she could have to truly start understanding him. But she wasn't about to give it up without a fight.
Taking a step closer to him she began again, speaking faster and trying to get his attention back. "After the race you just had seemed like you really wanted to tell me something and you were talking all confusing and stuff, and then a week later you were telling me to stay the fuck away from you and that you had never even wanted to say anything to me in the first place." She was near tears, not because of anger but because of the thought of the look on his face that day when he had been so harsh to her. She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked her eyes before she continued, "I just get the feeling that you… want to well…get to know me?" She didn't exactly know how to say that she thought that he liked her without sounding creepy so she had settled on get to know her. I'm such an idiot, she thought."But it's just that you don't want to… let your guard down and have me… get to know you too."
Nearing the end of her sentence she had seen his eyes narrow and his brows furrow. Before he even spoke she knew that he was going to deny everything again, just to seem like he didn't have any feelings. Clary, being a girl, liked to believe that she knew when I guy liked her or was lying to her. But seeing as how she had never been in a situation like this, she doubted herself. She wanted to finally know exactly why he had been acting hot and cold to her ever since they had met, and she just knew that her questions wouldn't be answered tonight and maybe not ever. Her face reddened and she looked at her feet in embarrassment. She had thought that maybe he had come to the party to apologize to her but it seemed that her intuition was wrong once again. But then again, he had just been kissing her minutes before. He seemed like he wasn't just doing it to make her shut up. But maybe he had been and I was just imagining things again… wouldn't be the first time.
There was a moment where all she could hear was the crickets and the night around her, suffocating her as she waited with baited breath for his answer. Not that she was expecting a good one but… still. She needed an answer from him whether it was good or bad. She just couldn't go on without knowing it; her riding was suffering and her nightmares would get worse and even more vivid when she was stressing about him. If he didn't like her the way that she had thought, she hoped that at least knowing what he felt would stop this constant thinking of him. It wasn't healthy for her and she knew it. She watched him anxiously as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. Clary thought he looked just as confused with their situation as she was.
He stayed like that for a few minutes, which was enough time for Clary to think that he wasn't going to answer her after all. She would be OK with the fact that he didn't like her, and if not, she would make herself OK with it. Just as she was about to tell him to forget she said anything about it, he took his hand from his face and took a step to her, placing his hands in her arms just below her shoulders. He still did not make eye contact with her.
"Clary."
Oh no. He doesn't. He must think I'm brain dead. Oh my God. She was freaking out and she felt like she was ready to sprint away and go anywhere but where she was now. Her arms were tense as she made herself stand still to await his answer; she needed to know what he was thinking, truly.
"I have never been close to anyone, and I- I don't really know how things like this-" he gestured between the two of them, "are supposed to work." She wished that he would look at her so that she could see his eyes. She had only known him about a month but she knew from the first day they met that her best bet of knowing what he was truly thinking rested in his liquid gold eyes. "I just- I dunno- I don't want to screw it up."
He finally looked at her and Clary could see the confusion right in his eyes. But behind that confusion was a sadness that she couldn't understand. She wanted more than anything to reach out to comfort him in some way but the expression on his face led her to believe that he wasn't finished talking and that any contact from her would ruin what he was about to say. What that was, was still completely unknown to Clary.
"I never have actually had a…" He paused, hesitating as if something he was about to say was painful or in some way unpleasant to think about. She searched his eyes, silently urging him to move on. He cleared his throat lowly as he looked at her with an almost sheepish expression, as if he thought she was going to punch him again for his next words. "Had an actual girlfriend. I usually just- erm- date…" Clary knew this to mean that he wasn't exactly the nicest guy to girls when it came to relationships: in other words, he was a player. She tried to fight down the sudden warmth that came to her cheeks and neck but she was unsuccessful. Cheeks a scarlet red, she looked down and tried to avoid eye contact with him.
She felt stupid. Of course he wasn't going to want to be with her, not if he was used to girls just throwing themselves at him without any sort of commitment. How could she have thought for even a second that he would be a loyal boyfriend to her? He had no experience with actual relationships…but neither do I, said a small voice in the back of her mind. But the difference between them was that she had had no experience with guys in a romantic way, whereas Jace had had experience with girls. Probably many times. Clary made an attempt to shield her inevitable scowl from his inquisitive tawny eyes as he gazed at her imploringly.
Had he been expecting someone just to 'casually date' with and then be done with them? Was he trying to find that in her? If he was, he was sadly mistaken. Clary wasn't about to stand there and just be used by this stupid boy. She wasn't the girl who would just give herself away to someone that only sought her out for selfish reasons, or to just add her name to the long list of girls he had most certainly been with. She didn't want to and would never be that brainless girl that fell for the guy that never would consider her enough to have an actual relationship with.
Her embarrassment for her thoughtless idea that he saw her as something more than that left and was replaced by another wave of anger towards him. "Well," she said looking up into his eyes and wrenching her arms away from his grasp with a jerk, "since I'm not your usual, I guess I'll just be going now." She whipped around to face the steps and took them two at a time, bunching up her dress to walk faster.
Not even able to look at him anymore, she didn't turn around when she heard him calling after her. Her small feet clacked on the flat slate walkway as the blood rushed in her ears loudly, although, she could still hear his own footfalls close behind her. How he could even think that she would stop and listen to another word that came out of his mouth was beyond her. She was done with him; he obviously wasn't ready to have any commitment with anyone and it would be even more foolish for her to settle for him after him telling her this little fact about himself. Clary had thought that he was different from other people her age, but it turns out, even guys that are older than her still don't have the level of dedication that she was looking for. Growing angrier, she hiked up her dress further to take the steps into the warmly lit rotunda.
As she stewed over his most recent douche-y move, she remembered just how angry she had been at him before. How he had been almost begging for Simon to just come out and punch him, how he had screamed at her to stay away from him, and now how he had just came to this stupid party and to tell her such an idiotic story about his previous love interests. She huffed, irritated, as he continued to call out to her with his voice getting nearer with every step she took away from him.
"Clary wait!" he said again, this time grabbing hold of her right shoulder on the third marble step. She tensed and turned to face him swiftly, her curls swaying around her face with the motion of her head.
She narrowed her eyes and spoke through clenched teeth, trying to keep her voice down in fear that someone from within the mansion would overhear them. "What now?" Seeing him flinch back didn't incite any regret in her from her tone with him. As far as she was concerned, he deserved to have his ass handed to him. She was done trying to understand him and the way that he felt about her. He didn't, and obviously wouldn't care about her so it was a moot point for her to even try. "I just completely made a fool of myself only to realize that you don't do relationships! What more could you possibly want from me?"
He spoke quickly, "I didn't mean-"
But his next words were drowned out by the sound of Sebastian's voice saying, "What's going on here?" Looking up to Sebastian for the first time with gratitude, Clary jumped onto the opportunity to get rid of Jace. She gave Sebastian a sweet smile as she looked directly into his black eyes.
"Nothing. He," she jerked her head towards Jace, "was just about to leave." Tugging her shoulder away from his grasp, she walked up the next three steps to stand closely next to Sebastian and wind her arm through his. She felt his arm tighten around hers almost possessively and she watched Jace's expression turn from dumbfounded to furious. Clary glanced coldly down at Jace as she leaned into Sebastian, pretending to be as interested in him as he seemed to be in her. "Now get the hell away from me."
Before she could feel bad about saying it, she turned so that he couldn't say anything else to her and brought Sebastian with her into the large circular room, pulling him by the arm. She just couldn't wait to get away from Jace; the whole point of her coming to the gala was to get her mind off of him. By him coming also and screwing everything up, she had only become more infuriated. At this point she just wanted to go home but she knew that Jace was most likely on his way there right now and seeing him would only worsen the situation. She kept walking and practically dragging Sebastian behind her. Not knowing exactly where she was going, she just let her feet lead her wherever they wanted. She hoped that Sebastian wouldn't ask questions about what he had seen and overheard. He hadn't been a trustworthy person so far…
Suddenly, while fast-walking through the hall that led to the dining room, she felt Sebastian tug back slightly to pull her into the shadows of an adjacent corridor. Her eyes tried to adjust in the sudden darkness and without even having her eyesight as an aid she could tell that the space was small; Sebastian's chest brushed against her own with each of his breaths.
"What was that about?" Sebastian's voice rang out, cutting through the buzzing within her ears. Clary hadn't noticed until now, but her headache had come back with enough force to make her sway on her feet a bit. The pain killers had definitely worn out and now she was left with an empty stomach and a huge migraine. Thankfully Sebastian was there to steady her before she fell over in her heels. Mumbling a meek 'thanks' to the invisible arms that had caught her she tried to step away from him, not comfortable being so close to someone whom she didn't know and didn't trust.
She brought her hand to her temple and rubbed as her mind tried to answer his question without giving away too much information to him. "Nothing. We were just talking and we… It's really no big deal."Her voice sounded weak and tired, but Clary hoped that Sebastian wouldn't take any notice. Too bad that he did. As her eyes finally started to get accustomed to the dimness, she could faintly see his brows furrow and his mouth turn into a frown. In this lighting, she could almost say that he looked sympathetic but, knowing what his attitude was like, she knew that her eyes were playing tricks on her.
His first question seemingly completely forgotten, he asked, "Are you feeling well? Do you need to go home?" There was an undeniable note of concern in his voice and Clary tried to ignore it. She didn't want to think that Sebastian wouldn't be his usual pompous self and then be disappointed when he was. She had been disappointed enough tonight and she didn't want to deal with anything else.
"I'm fine… I just, I think I need to get out of here," her mind was running on empty and she wasn't stupid enough to think that she didn't need some rest. However, she was reluctant to leave when she knew that Jace would be at home. Plus, she still hadn't gotten to have a conversation with Mr. Dubois. She had been counting on this party to at least get her name out there but her plan had turned out to be a complete failure. She sighed heavily and stared at the marble floor.
He took a step closer to her, his eyes as soft as his voice. "I can take you to your home, if you would like that is. I know that you don't trust me."
Apparently she wasn't hiding her distrust of him very well. She was taken aback that he would say something about it though and it brought her up short of an answer. No, she did not trust him and she would really rather have someone else take her home, but she hadn't seen Luke or Amatis anywhere. And even if she had found them she certainly wouldn't want to be a baby and have them take her home just because she had a headache. Another option would have been asking Isabelle but last time Clary had seen her she was having fun dancing with an extremely good looking guy and Clary didn't want to ruin what she had going on. She bit her lip as she forced her brain to decide what a good decision was before she answered him in a small but thankful voice.
"Please. I can't stand being here anymore," she said, her body feeling the entirety of the weight that she had been carrying over the past few days. Her shoulders slumped forward slightly in defeat; she couldn't try to pretend that she didn't need help right now. She had been trying her hardest this last week to truly do things on her own and do her best as a jockey but all of this concentration and exhaustion was only bringing her further from where she wanted to be. That, plus the fact that Jace had been constantly on her mind did nothing for her. Now, she was planning on starting over next week after a weekend of nice, restful sleep. Working herself to the bone nearly every day was definitely grounds to take a weekend off. She could talk to Mr. Dubois at another time; she was positive that this party would not be the last one that she would see in the near future. Although she was disappointed that she hadn't actually talked to him, he seemed to have noticed her when she was talking to Magnus. And being friendly with Magnus certainly didn't look bad considering his popularity.
She kept thinking about the positives as Sebastian led her through the crowds of people with his hand on the small of her back to keep her steady. I haven't fallen once tonight, well, at least not yet, I don't have to deal with Jace as a problem anymore… She couldn't think of anything else besides that. She started to focus on the pounding pain in her head again and she had to bite her lip to keep from gasping. Not thinking about the pain lessened it but her mind was running blank at this point and it was all she could think about. She had had headaches before, typically when she wasn't sleeping as much as she should, but this was the worst migraine she had ever had. The left side of her head was throbbing and she felt as if she would throw up but there was nothing in her stomach. She leaned into Sebastian some, trying to just make it out the door and to his car so she could sit down. As they walked down the marble steps she distantly felt Sebastian's arm tighten around her waist to keep her from falling. "Come on, my car is just over here."
His car happened to be the black BMW that Clary had seen as they drove up to the Lightwood's house. She was surprised she had actually remembered such a small thing but she didn't question it as she gratefully slid into the passenger seat, clicked on her seatbelt, and laid her head back into the soft and supple leather seating.
""""""""
The radio in Sebastian's car was turned on low to some classical station; the soft symphonies making Clary's headache dull slightly, to which she was glad. She was also glad that Sebastian didn't talk on the way to her house. But whether that was because he didn't want to talk or because he thought that she didn't want him to talk was something that Clary didn't know and didn't exactly care about. At least he isn't, she thought. All she was thinking about now was changing out of her dress and collapsing onto her bed and just sleeping for the remainder of her life. At this point, getting up would be near impossible for her to do. Clary guessed it was about eleven o'clock but she didn't even have the energy to shift her position to look at the digital clock on the dashboard. However, she did get a quick glance at the barn as the car passed it and she saw it dark as it always was at this time of night.
Her mind was in a sort of dream like state and she almost wondered if she was sleeping when Sebastian parked the car right beside Michael's truck. I thought he was still at the party…she thought, confused. Why would he come back here anyways? Wouldn't he want to go home? As she kept asking herself questions, she started to feel the throbbing in her head intensify and she decided that whatever Michael was doing was not worth the pain that fussing over it caused.
Unbuckling her seatbelt and slowly opening the door, she stepped out and started walking mechanically to the front door with Sebastian beside her. His arms were out, seemingly waiting for her to faint and fall into them. His carefulness annoyed her but overall she was grateful that he had taken her home- even if he was babying her now. She waved his arms away as she walked up the steps and came to a halt at the top of them. "I've got it from here Sebastian. Thanks for taking me home," she said tiredly as she shuffled through her clutch to find the keys.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw him nod silently. "It was no problem, Clarissa," he said softly. His voice held the quietness of someone visiting a patient at a hospital. This was another thing that irked her but she brushed it off telling herself she was cranky from loss of sleep. She didn't want to be a bitch to him after he had been so nice to her tonight, and if she was going to be truthful she would say that she was starting to trust him. But one thing was definitely confusing her after tonight's happenings with him. Something didn't make sense with the way that he was acting now.
"Sebastian?" she asked after grabbing a hold of her keys and turning to him. He looked up from his shiny shoes to look into her eyes expectantly. She cleared her throat, "Why did you do what you did at the race?"
He stared at her for a few moments, assessing something about her before he answered. "You mean, why did I risk my license to bump Caspian?" Clary nodded stiffly, remembering that day when she was so angry with him. "Maryse. She wanted to win by any way necessary, and that meant threatening my career if I didn't do as she asked. I initially wanted to quit and be rid of her but… you know how much power she holds over racing. She would have ruined me. I- I never wanted to hurt you or your family." He paused, his features pained. "I'm so sorry for my actions." He sounded genuinely regretful for what he had done; he no longer had the superior look he had had on that first day that she had met him. For now, he was an equal.
A wave of hatred crossed over her, but in the back of her mind she had always known that Maryse had had something to do with what had happened. She was not angry at Sebastian though, she was happy that he thought her important enough not to lie to her about something so serious. He was basically forced to do what he had done. Not that Clary would have done the same as he had done, but she could understand where he was coming from. "Thank you for telling me," she said with a thoughtful nod before she started turning back to the door.
As she rested her hand on the doorknob, she turned one last time to look at him as he was walking down the steps to his car. "Call me Clary."
He opened his car door and looked up at her, nodding, before he got in and thrummed the engine to life. Clary closed the door just as she heard him speed away down the driveway. She was glad that the two of them had come to an understanding with each other, even though they seemed to come from two completely different worlds. But, what she really wanted to do now was strangle Maryse Lightwood. Where did she get off telling people to harm others horses just so her horse would win? It wasn't fair, but Clary knew that she couldn't do anything about it. If she told the racing board she was sure nothing would come of it; Maryse had friends on the inside. The bump during the race had been an obvious foul but this was something different. Her friends would cover up for her and whatever Clary said would just be brushed off as if she were a silly child.
The only thing she could do was kick Maryse's ass in the next race that they were both in.
Clary yawned hugely on her way to her bedroom. She was done thinking for the night; her head was still throbbing and her stomach was still empty. Quickly, she slipped off her dress, hung it up neatly so the beautiful fabric wouldn't get wrinkled, and pulled on her favourite Winnie the Pooh night shirt. She shuffled over to her nightstand and popped a few of the painkillers she had into her mouth and washed them down with water from the tap in the bathroom. She felt the cold liquid run down her throat and into her empty stomach where she felt it rumble and groan. She was tired but she figured if she didn't eat something the painkillers wouldn't even work that well. She continued to shuffle into the kitchen.
Opening the refrigerator, she stood there and stared blankly at its contents. Nothing looked appealing, so she opened the freezer door and took out a pint of her favourite ice-cream. Chocolate hazelnut. Her fuzzy slippers scraped against the floor as she made her way over to the couch where she laid down on her back and ate another spoonful. She could lay there forever just herself, her ice-cream and Pooh. Shifting the pillow behind her head, she finished another spoonful and her eyes started drifting shut. Wanting to give in to her drowsiness she put the empty ice-cream container on the floor and curled up, wriggling her toes in her slippers as she got comfortable.
If she had been expecting a dreamless sleep she had been mistaken. Again, her mind was troubled with images from the night of her mother's death: the soft hallway light illuminated her mother's frightened face as she stood, back against the wall, cowering away from a man that stood in front of her. The blade that was put to her mother's throat glinted ominously from the man's hand. But it the hand didn't look the same at it had before. No, it had changed. It was younger, belonging to someone that hadn't seen as much of the hardships of life as the one before it had. As she looked at the entire scene she saw that the man was even wearing different clothing than before. His arms, no longer sheathed, bore the black markings of ink. She wanted to see who this new man was, to try to stop him from hurting her mother further. But his back was to her.
Clary, standing motionless by the cracked door, saw the man press the knife into her mother's throat harder causing her to whimper and plead for him to stop. She always tried to help her mother, and this time was no different. She thrashed and screamed but her dream-self didn't move no matter how hard she tried. She heard the sound of the blade cutting through flesh echo in her ears as she watched the blood pour down and blossom slowly onto the hardwood floors in absolute horror. For once, her dream allowed her scream to be heard.
But, just as she thought she couldn't stand it any longer, the man turned and showed his face to her. It was no longer the man that she had first seen on that fateful night. This was not a man. This was a boy that she saw before her and he had his hands covered with her mother's blood as she laid limply, eyes unseeing, on the cold flooring. She saw the wicked flash in his topaz eyes and she knew exactly who it was. Jace. He smiled depravedly as if he had found nothing wrong with what he had just done. Her dream-self screamed again as she heard his heavy footsteps coming towards her. Thump. She tried to wrench herself away from the door as she saw him take out the blade again but she still could not move away. Thump. He stood only feet away and he was whispering something to her that she couldn't understand. Thump. She started hearing a voice in the distance to accompany the thumping and she strained to hear what it was saying.
Just before the blade slashed toward her the scene was gone and she was back inside her own house. She jolted up, afraid and sweating, and noticed that the room was bright with a natural light. Much too bright for it to be night time still, the second thing she noticed was that the thumping in her dream was actually someone knocking on the door. She tried to get up to answer it but her legs were tangled up in a large knitted blanket. Amatis and Luke must have come by late last night, she thought quickly as she ripped it off of herself to answer the frenzied knocks on the door.
She hurried to the door and thrust it open only to slam it shut again as soon as she saw who stood behind it. "What the hell Clary!" Jace's voice shouted angrily at the closed door. She already didn't feel like talking to him after what had happened last night but after her unsettling dream she especially felt no need to even go near him. "Open the door for Christ sakes! We've got a problem." She debated locking the door and walking away but something in his voice stopped her. He sounded worried. Really worried.
Heaving a sigh, she opened the door again. "What is it now?"
Review please if you are still bothering to read this... ;) I hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday break! Cheers!
PS: You guys can expect another chapter before the holiday break is over