The room is silent. Nobody answers Finn's question, nobody even sighs or moves but me. I get up for some medicine for my throbbing head, sitting down and making the room still and quiet again. Nobody dares ask Peeta anything, or look at him for that matter, and I can see in his hurting eyes that he notices. Haymitch has been passed out for a while now, and Johanna now holds his bottle of alchohol in her hand. I see Peeta get up out of the corner of my eye and a few of us turn to look at him.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry. That hospital food was awful."
"I'll come help you make dinner," Rowan says. Since when is he so helpful and generous? I get up and tag along, ready to scold Rowan when he snaps at his father. When I reach the kitchen, Peeta is in the newly stocked pantry pulling out bread, and Rowan is standing across the room, leaning on the counter near the sink. I hear the shuffling of feet behind me and I turn to see Willow standing there.
"Mom? Dad?" she asks.
"Yeah?" Peeta and I both ask. He now has all the ingredients for sandwiches and is beginning to make some.
"Are you getting a divorce?" she asks cautiously. We both smile at each other and I walk over to him, kissing his lips.
"No, Willow," Peeta says, smiling faintly at me. "Your mother and I will love each other forever."
"Then what was...all that? Finn told us, Dad. Why did you do that?"
"Willow, we need to leave this alone. At least for right now. We just need to finish dinner, then we can watch the rest of the tape and go to bed," I say.
"Tomorrow we'll let you ask us anything, okay?" Peeta says. "We'll even tell you about Uncle Finnick, Aunt Prim, my brothers, your grandparents. Everything, honey, alright?"
"Why do you always push stuff until tomorrow?"
"We didn't know I'd be going to the hospital today, we thought we'd have more time."
"We also didn't know Dad was going to let the sociopath inside him come to the surface, either," Rowan mutters. Peeta turns back to the sandwiches.
"Go to your room, Rowan," I whisper.
"I knew they were too young for this," Johanna says as she opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of wine. Is she right? Are they too young to truly understand how terrible our country was before we stepped in and made some changes? Maybe Finn can understand, maybe Willow a little, but somewhere inside of me I knew that Rowan and Henry would be too young for this. I knew that this wasn't going to work and that this could never end well. How bad would it have been to wait until they were more grown up? In their twenties? Thirties? I know that that wouldn't work any better, either. They'd complain about how we've never trusted them and how we should've told them sooner.
Annie and the others walk in after Johanna. I call Rowan down for supper, give him a good scolding and tell him to make a sandwhich.
"How far are you into yours, Jo?" I ask as everybody takes their spot at the table.
She chews and swallows, "Just cut my first head off."
"Oh, we aren't that far," Peeta says. "Katniss was just cutting down the tracker jackers."
"Is that why you had an attack?" Annie asks quietly from the other end of the table.
"Yeah," he says. "The...shiny memories. That's where it all kind of started."
"Where all what kind of started?" Henry asks.
Peeta gets a little tense for a moment, "The false memories of Katniss."
"What kinds of memories?"
"Bad memories," he says. "You kids have no idea how lucky you are. When we were kids," he motions around the room. "This house was considered a luxury."
"Not many of us had a house," Johanna adds.
"You were homeless, Mom?" Henry asks in shock.
"No," I tell him. "We had little tiny houses. My house wasn't even half of this one," I tell the kids. "Before my father passed away my sister and I would play hide and go seek with him. There were only a few places to look," I laugh lightly with the other adults.
"Remember when we were little and you and Gale would come to my house with strawberries?"
"Oh my gosh, yes! I loved that, your father always gave us may too much money."
"I thought you guys didn't know each other very well before the games?" Finn says. "Or at least that's what Willow said."
"Well, not exactly," I say. "But everybody knew Peeta Mellark. He was on the wrestling team and his dad owned the only bakery in town. It was hard not to know him."
"What about your mom, Dad?" Willow asks.
Peeta doesn't say anything for a moment, as if he's trying to gently arrage the words he will say in his head, "That's not really a dinner topic."
"I didn't know there were rules," she says. "Aunt Jo gets to talk about chopping off heads but you can't tell me about my grandmother?"
"You have a grandmother," I say to her dismissively. "My mother."
"She hardly counts. She only comes for Christmas for a few days, pinches my cheeks and leaves."
"Can we not talk about this?" Peeta asks, trying a dissmissive tone aswell.
"Fine. Let's talk about this Gale character that Mom went strawberry picking with."
"What about him?" I ask.
"Who was he?"
"He was my hunting partner."
"Did you ever date him?"
"No," I say, causing Johanna, Annie, Leo and Peeta to look at me curiously. "Not exactly. I never really dated. Your father and I didn't even go on real dates until we were married."
"Seriously?" Johanna smirks.
"Seriously. It wasn't the right time. Peeta's family had just passed away, he was dealing with the venom, Finnick just passed away, Prim."
"Why was everybody dying all of a sudden?" Henry asks no on in particular.
Finally I couldn't take the questions, I couldn't continue to keep in the truth.
The ugly truth: The rebellion.
"We need to watch the tapes, and we just need to sleep on it and you can ask us questions in the morning."
I stand up and walk out the door. Everybody was done eating, anyway, so I knew they'd follow after me in a minute or so. Rowan was the first to join me on the couch in Peeta's old house.
"Can I ask you something, Mom?"
I turn to look at him and I smile faintly, the day catching up to me.
"Sure, honey, what is it?"
"Did Dad ever hurt you?"
I sigh, knowing there's no way out of this one. I know I'm out of lying energy and that he'd find out, anyway. So I tell him,"Yeah, a few times."
"Did you ever hurt Dad?"
"Yeah, a lot, actually. But I think I hurt him the worst. I basically ripped his heart out and stomped on it, whereas he hurt me under the influence of a dangerous drug."
"When did you do that?"
"Everything will be answered tomorrow, but for today, jot down your questions on paper."
He stands up and goes into the office, where all of the memories of the games are held in boxes. I follow him and grab a few pens for all the kids to write down their question. I don't notice until I stand up straight instead of bending over for pens, but Rowan is holding a folder.
"How many times did you and dad go to the hospitol?" he asks, thumbing through the papers. I recognize the folder now, it holds all of our hospital records. Including all of my visits, and Peeta's. Some of them are more recent, like when I was pregnant, or when Peeta had his final checkups with his doctor who took care of his special condition. The doctor who told us he was cured unless there was some sort of image that brought him back to his torturing days, causing him to see me as a mutt.
I snatch the folder from him and toss it into the box again.
"Get out of this room, Rowan. I'll get the paper and pens."
"Why can't I stay in here? This isn't just your house, you know."
"No, it's not, it's your fathers. But it sure as hell isn't yours," I say this calmly, yet firmly.
He makes a face like he's about to say something back to me, but I can tell that he knows now isn't an appropriate time. Instead, he grunts and walks back to the living room. When I leave the office and appear in the living room everyone is gathered there. I hand the kids a notepad and a pen, telling them to write down their questions.
"Even if they were already answered you can write them down, that way everyone can know and the adults can share their side of the story," Peeta adds. I know the kids will be kind of shy of him for a a while, but they'll get over it when everything's explained tomorrow. Peeta smiles brightly, even in this time of sadness.
"Let's go upstairs," Leo says, nudging Henry.
"You're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do," Henry snaps. Johanna silently scolds him and tells him to go upstairs.
"You go, too, Leo, start without me. I need to talk to Katniss."
Annie and Finn go upstairs as well. I tell the kids to start without me, seeing as we're not even halfway through.
"What did you want to talk about?" She asks.
"Finnick."
I sigh, remembering when I saw him and Annie together for the first time. They were so happy, so fascinated with each other. Seeing them made my need for Peeta even stronger, but I remember the disappointment that weighed heavily on my heart the minute he charged at me.
"What about him?" I ask.
"How did he die?"
"It was sickening, it was horrible," I tell her. "There were mutts, almost lizard like, it was weird. Everbody was climbing out of this tunnel and I thought everyone was following me, but I heard a scream," my voice cracks a little at this. "When I turned around one of the mutts was ripping his head off," Johanna and I aren't usually the kind of friends who cry together, but remembering Finnick is a different circumstance. We both hug eachother and cry deeply.
"I wish I had asked before," she sobs.
"I wish he was still here," I say as we pull out of he hug and our sobs are controlled.
"We all do, he had a way of making the best of everything and not wasting a moment being sad when he could be happy."
"And he was funny," I laugh. "He and Peeta both were the highlight of my life back then, they could always get me laugh."
"That was the only reason I didn't completely hate mentoring," she says with a smile. "Being able to see everybody. Finnick always made me feel better, he always said he bet someone from 7 would win," she laughs lightly."I'll leave you to it. Henry is probably ready to rip out Leo's throat, so I should make sure that doesn't happen."
I smile,"Okay, come on down when you're done."
She jogs up the steps and I take my place next to Peeta on the couch and we lean into each other.
"What was that about?"
"Finnick. She never heard how he died."
"Oh," is all he says.
"So, did I pass out already?" I ask, trying to smile and erase the fact I was crying in the kitchen with Johanna.
"Yeah," Rowan says, scribbling away on his notepad.
"Some girl spit on you," Willow adds, also jotting down a question.
"Rue?" I ask Peeta.
"Yeah."
It cuts to Peeta with the careers.
'We don't need you anymore, you're worthless,' Cato tells Peeta.
'We can find her again,' he insists desperately.
'No! Glimmer's already dead, we can't risk anyone else, we're going to have to get rid of you.'
"You might not want to watch this," Peeta warns the kids, who both curiously look at the screen, ignoring their fathers warning.
Cato's long knife cuts deeply into Peeta's leg and he lets out a wail, only to have his mouth covered by Marvel.
'Let him go,' Cato says to Marvel, who lets Peeta loose. He hobbles away into the woods and Cato smiles at his work.
'You should've killed him,' Clove tells him as she sharpens her knifes.
'The infection will take care of that.'
Willow and Rowan both scribble on their notepads.
The next day on screen goes by quickly. Peeta finds a way to camoflouge himself, the kids jot down some questions, Rue chews some leaves and puts them on my stings, and the career pack gets some rest.
I watch as the three days I was out go by with only two people dying. When I finally wake up I see myself look around and Rue quickly hides behind a tree.
'Rue?' I asks cautiously as I peer around the tree. She lets out a small gasp and I smile at her, 'It's okay,' I tell her. 'I'm not going to hurt you.'
Rue and I get a squirrel and cook it on a small fire. I watch as she hungrily eats the meat and I give her an extra leg.
'So how long was I asleep?'
'Couple of days. I changed your leaves twice.'
'Thank you,' I tell her as she eats the squirrel. 'So what happened while I was out?'
'The girl from 1 and the boy from 10,' she says somewhat sadly. I look down for a minute before asking something else.
'And the, uh...the boy from my district?'
She smiles a little, 'Yeah, he's alright. I think he's down by the river,' she says something else after seeing my relief. 'Is all of that true?'
'What?'
She makes a face where I can't tell if she's smirking or smiling. That's a face Prim would've made if she were right there next to me. 'You and him?' she sort of sings it. Another thing Prim would do. Both sixteen year-old Katniss and me lightly laugh, and Willow scribbbles on her notepad.
'So where are Cato and the others?'
'They've got their stuff by the lake, it's piled up in this great big pyramid.'
The screen flashes to where Cato, Clove, Marvel, and the boy I think was from 8 or 9 are gathered. Or maybe 7?
I smile knowingly at her, 'Sounds tempting.'
Rowan writes another question on his notepad.
The screen flashes around to different tributes, even to Peeta, before it comes back to Rue and I that night. We lie in the tree, both wedged into the same sleeping bag.
In the morning, when Rue and I are placing the branches to light on fire in their places. I explain the plan to her and I see both my kids write on their notepads.
I feel Peeta hand move up and down my arm and I lean into him. He knows that soon I'll have to see Rue die all over again.
"Are you going to be okay?" he whispers.
"Yeah," I tell him. "It feels better knowing that her and Prim are up there together."
He smiles at me, "I bet they're best friends," his smile widens."I bet they're waiting for us, too. And imagine when Prim meets the kids."
Tears pool my eyes, but they're happy tears. I even smile at him, "I know, it'll be the best moment of my...death?"
He and I lightly chuckle. The whole conversation goes unnoticed by the kids, and I find that now sixteen year-old Katniss is watching Foxface swiftly avoid the landmines. Willow and Rowan are both looking down at their notepads and they're quickly writing. By just glancing I can tell that Rowan's handwriting is much sloppier than Willow.
I see Foxface run hastily from the landmines and the boy who was left to guard the stuff turns his head as she disappears. At that moment load an arrow and aim for the apple sack.
Willow writes two questions on her notebook and I notice that both she and Rowan have their pens poised.
I shoot a couple more arrows until I finally blow up the career's supplies.
"Did you say this is when you went deaf?" Peeta asks, loud enough for the kids to hear.
"Yeah, just in the one ear, though."
Rowan and Willow are about to ask another question but instead they both scribble on their notepad.
I stumble back into the woods, trying to find my way back to Rue. I do the whistle signal we discussed earlier, and when she doesn't respond I repeat the signal.
'Katniss!' Rue screams. I feel my eyes watering up and Peeta pulls me even closer to him.
'Rue?!' I shout, trying to locate my ally.
'Katniss! Katniss, help!'
'Rue!' I scream, flying to where she is caught in a net. I quickly cut through the rope and everyone's eyes are staring so insistingly at the screen as Rue and I hug. We both assure each other for a matter of seconds and her breathing picks up as she points to Marvel. I quickly load an arrow and shoot him.
My first kill. The first kill my kids have ever seen me commit.
When I turn back to Rue and see her slowly fall I put out my arms to catch her. I decide it's okay to cry again, so I cry with teenage Katniss.
'It's okay,' I sure her, sniffling. 'You're okay.'
'Katniss,' she whispers. 'You have to win.'
I nod several times, stroking her hair desperately trying to grasp the few seconds of life I know she has left.
'Can you sing?' her voice cracks and she lets a tear fall. The three of us, Rue, Teenage Katniss, and I all cry. Rowan looks at us and jots down a question. I see Willow to lean over and read it, then jot it down on her notepad aswell.
'Deep in the meadow, under the willow,' She slowly dies in my arms. 'a bed of grass, a soft green pillow.'
The canon fires.
She is dead.
I hear myself start to cry, both of me.
Ahhhh! 3,273 words, whew! I love it, do you? Let me know in the reviews!
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