On his way back to Brancaster from London Bertie Pelham wondered what he would do next. Perhaps it would be wiser to write Edith a letter after all? But no, he just couldn't do that. Waiting for the answer would literally drive him mad. And he wouldn't even be sure that she had got it - a letter could get lost as well as just unanswered. Or thrown into the fire-place.
So he decided to try to find her again in London, as soon as he was able to find the time to go there again.
...
"How was your trip to London? Did you get everything done", Bertie's mother asked him at the breakfast table at Brancaster the next morning.
They had agreed that his mother would move to one of the houses in the village, she was having it renovated now to suit her. But until Bertie was married she was to stay at Brancaster and act as his hostess.
Right now Bertie wondered if he would ever get married. And he found his mother's question a little difficult to answer.
"Yes, yes, I got all the estate business done", he said, hoping his mother would leave it at that.
But she didn't.
"The estate business, yes. But was that really the reason for you to go there?"
Bertie sometimes hated his mother's ability to see right through him. Instead of giving her an answer he pretended to be deep into an article in his morning paper.
That didn't stop her, of course.
"What happened to that Crawley girl you used to be so fond of?" she asked.
Bertie regretted that he had talked so much about Edith to his mother during their courtship, telling mother about helping Edith with the magazine and taking part in the open house at Downton Abbey.
But of course, he had thought he was going to marry Edith at the time. He hadn't only been thinking about Edith all the time they were apart, he had been talking about her a lot also.
"It didn't work out", he said, well knowing that his mother wouldn't give up until he gave her an answer. "I told her I couldn't marry her and now I'm regretting that."
To Bertie's surprise his mother didn't say any more about it. She just took a new sip on her coffee.
...
Later in the day, when Bertie was working in the library, his mother came in.
"I got the new Sketch today. There is a column in it which I think you ought to see. Written by Lady Edith Crawley. I'm sure it will lead to some debate, it's quite controversial."
The headline she pointed to read Be careful with words! That didn't sound very controversial.
But Bertie longed to hear something from Edith, so he started to read at once when his mother handed the magazine over to him.
...
As he read Bertie thought that it was just as if Edith was talking directly to him. Every word was written with passion, every word went right down into his soul.
Bertie agreed to all that she had written. And he had never thought of little Marigold as a bastard, still less said it.
That hadn't been the problem. But if what Edith wrote was considered controversial, then it was easy to see that her secret hadn't been an easy one to tell.
...
His mother waited till he had read the article through.
"Does she have one herself?" she asked then, blunt as ever. "A child out of wedlock? Is that why you broke up with her?"
Once again Bertie didn't know what to answer. He didn't want to give Edith's secret away, but he was sure his mother would try to get it out of him anyway. Suddenly it made him angry.
"Actually, I've no intention of discussing this with you."
Bertie looked at his mother in a way she had never seen her docile son do before. She could see that he was angry.
"Fair enough", she said. "I guess it is not your secret to tell."
"I'm fully determined to have her back", Bertie said then. "No matter what or how long it will take. If she will only let me."
"I'm glad", his mother said, much to Bertie's surprise. "And there is a thing I ought to tell you. A thing I should have told you long ago."
...
"So, what is it you want to tell me, then", Bertie asked a little while later, when his mother didn't go on.
"You could so easily have been one yourself."
Bertie didn't understand what she was talking about.
"One what?"
"One of the children called ugly names. A child born out of wedlock."
"Oh!"
"Well, I was so much in love... I got carried away... If it hadn't been for your father's goodness..."
"What! I'm his child, am I not?"
"Yes, of course you are. But the general belief was that the woman only had herself to blame if she did something like that before she was married. That was even worse in those days. Your father could very easily have refused to marry me, no one would really have blamed him. God knows what would have happened to the two of us then."
"Oh!" Bertie said again. "I see!"
"That's why I felt that your Edith was talking directly to me in that article. I hope you will manage to patch things up. I'm so looking forward to meeting her! And her child, if there is one. You don't have to tell me if it is a secret."
Your Edith! Bertie liked the sound of that.
"I'll go to London again next week", he said. "I hope I will manage to get things right again."
...
Bertie couldn't help smiling when thinking about their conversation in bed that evening. His strict and controlled mother getting carried away like that! He never would have thought it.
Well, he could only be happy about it. Because if it hadn't happened he would never have been born.
But he was also happy because it would make his mother kind to Edith and Marigold. If he only managed to get Edith back...
...
Five days later Bertie was on his way back to London again. He was happy to know that he had his mother's wholehearted support in this - he never would have expected it.
He didn't know what else to do, so he went back to Edith's apartment and rang the bell. Nobody answered this time either, so he sat down with a coffee and his newspaper in the café again. But this time he was more lucky. Just a couple of hours later he saw Edith walking down the pavement at the other side of the street and opening the door with her key.
His heart started pounding as he got up from his chair and out of the café. Never in his life had he been so nervous about anything. His hand was shaking as he rang the bell.
...
"Yes?" Edith said with a smile, opening the door with her coat still on. She looked up at Bertie and when she realised that it was him her smile faded away. She looked like she had seen a ghost.
"Edith, please, can I come in?" Bertie was ready to turn away and leave if she said no, but instead she moved backwards a few steps to make room for him and perhaps also to avoid getting too close to him.
"Yes, of course", she said, still with panic in her eyes.
He took a step forward and closed the door behind him. He had had plenty of time to think over what he would say to her when he met her again, but now his brain was a complete void.
"Edith!" was all he managed to say.
She seemed to be so afraid of him - she looked so scared. He didn't want this. It tore his heart apart to have her looking at him like that. He felt the tears coming into his eyes.
"Edith!" he stuttered once more. "Forgive me!"
After that he was lost for words. He wondered later why he hadn't thought of the obvious "I love you!", but he hadn't.
But he did see just a little glimpse of relief in her eyes. So instead of saying anything more he took one step forward and put his lips against hers, desperately hoping that it wouldn't offend her.
AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you very much for the nice comments to last chapter! Please leave a comment!
...
I'm sure Bertie's mother won't be like this in the CS, but this is the way I want her to be.