Making Amends
I woke up encompassed in warmth tucked in my bed. I was no longer nauseous but I had a headache. I scrunched my eyes closed before opening them. It was almost noon. Crap. I was late for school. I jolted up, my head spinning slightly and moved to get out of bed. I couldn't move though, my body didn't let me get up.
"Where do you think you're going, Princess?" Paul's voice was stern even though he just woke up.
"School. I'm late," I said, trying to get up.
"No you're not. Your father already phoned the school. Seems like you're not the only one who came down with a stomach bug," he sounded exhausted.
"Fine. At least let me go pee and wash up," I replied. As soon as I stood up, everything felt like it was spinning. I didn't have time to hit the floor before I was cradled in his lap. What was he doing here anyway?
"How about I start a bath for you instead? Then you and I need to talk."
I nodded my head reluctantly. He carried me to the bathroom and sat me down on the toilet seat. It smelled of bleach and windex. The bathroom was remarkably clean. I reached over and pushed the window up letting the fresh air assault my lungs. Paul was a gentleman, I was surprised by that. He gently helped me into the warm bath, made sure I had everything I needed before taking his leave. I breathed in the bath oils he added, lilac and vanilla. They were calming my over-active nerves. My brain was running a mile a minute. Paul admitted that he loved me; but was he in love with me?
I finished my bath and wrapped a towel around myself before heading into my room. Paul was nowhere to be seen, though my outside doors were open. I walked over to my closet catching a glimpse of him on my favorite chase lounge reading my favorite book. It was a sight. He was wearing only a pair of basket ball shorts and slip on sandals. I cringed at his choice of foot wear. Why wasn't he barefooted like usual? I quickly dressed in a pair of sweats and a tank top. I was too exhausted for undergarments.
He grinned at me when I stepped outside to sit at the table. I could feel the blush coloring my cheeks. He stood up and walked over, taking my hand he pulled me to my feet. The height difference between us was astounding, he had to be at least 6'5" and I swear he was bigger than the last time I was so close to him. I couldn't help but inhale him, he had a woodsy smell tinted with his musk.
"So what is it that we need to talk about," I asked shaking my head to clear my thoughts. My mind was fantasizing about tasting him, I wanted to run my tongue over those tight abdominal muscles.
He had a wicked gleam in those beautiful dark eyes. "Why don't we take a walk to the beach," he replied smiling.
"I'm not dressed to swim," I said confused.
"I'm not either, but that won't stop me," his grin grew wider. I rolled my eyes at what he was implying.
I smirked at him. "It doesn't matter if I'm naked or not, I'm not easy. Besides I do have natural coverage," I gave him a cautious look.
"I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, beautiful. If it makes you feel comfortable to change first, then by all means. I can wait," he took a seat in the cushioned chair closest to him.
"Why don't we just talk here?" I asked curiously. What was wrong with my room?
"Because, it's too tempting and I have more respect for you than that. Besides you haven't been to this beach," he said sheepishly looking away.
"Tempting?" I asked confused. "You respect me?" I couldn't help the snort that escaped. He sure hasn't respected me before. This was all recent and new. Whatever made him change, I was grateful for. But it still didn't excuse his past behavior. He was still the reason Jake didn't want to talk to me. I was still upset about it and he wouldn't answer any of my questions.
"Look, I know we didn't get off on a very good start. I would like to change that and try to be more for you. No matter what you need," he admitted.
"Where is this coming from," I asked. Since when was he caring towards me other than the obvious want. He wasn't exactly shy about it.
"It's nice not being the only pack member who knows. Especially when said pack member is imprinted." He scoffed at something he thought about.
"Embry?" I asked, he nodded. "He imprinted on Lauren?" I asked nearly throwing up. She was the rudest girl I have ever met, and now she was in on the supernatural. It was sickening.
"Yeah, I know. I was surprised too. Of course it happened during the worst possible moment," he chuckled, seeming to remember something funny.
"Do I want to know?" I said in his direction.
"It is pretty funny," he replied.
I rolled my eyes and motioned for him to continue. He clapped his hands and had a huge grin on his face. He patted the spot next to him, I sat facing him.
"I know what I did to hurt you and I'm sorry. It was literally right after Lauren and I were together. The pack was at the diner and she was there -probably stalking me- when she bumped into Embry by the bathroom. See, she was covered in my scent since, you know. And well, he kind of beat the hell out of me," he said in a rush and taking a deep breath when he finished.
"You deserved it. Him beating the hell out of you," I said looking out at the forest.
He didn't say anything further, he just stared at me. I couldn't stop thinking about Jacob.
"He hasn't phased yet," Paul whispered.
I turned to look at him, confused.
"Jacob Black. He hasn't phased yet, but he's close. It's why he snapped at you and the reason he broke up with you. We are preparing him," he was quiet.
"It's not your fault. I knew it would end eventually, especially if you and I are soulmates. I just felt that I owed him a chance. I just hope we can mend things between us. He's my best friend and I don't want to lose him," my voice came out small. I couldn't help that I still blamed him anyway. It hurt knowing Jake was going through the process. He was going to be apart of the pack soon. If I wanted to keep his friendship I'd have to tell the rest of the pack my secret, and soon. Maybe at the end of the school year.
"What are you going to do about the whole, fish out of water? Embry will want to tell Jake, they're best buddies you know." Paul took my hand in his.
"I have a plan. Just tell Embry to keep it a secret till the summer. I need time to think," I sighed.
"Did you really mean it? That you're going to break the imprint?" His voice cracked trying to hide the emotion.
"I don't know. You kept hurting me and I know I wasn't exactly sympathetic about the whole imprint thing, but it was a lot to take it. And then I almost lost control with Jake and my inner siren almost took over. Then I started hearing a voice and it was telling me to trust my heart," I was rambling.
"What do you mean 'hearing a voice'? How can you lose control?" He asked.
"Honestly, this is all new to me. I'm still learning new things. I need to get information from another merfolk and I might be able to over the summer, before I turn eighteen." My voice trailed off. I avoided his questions unable to find the words to answer.
"I guess this means that you're planning on running after telling the pack and Black everything?" If I wasn't sitting next to him, I'm sure he would have cried. It made my heart clench.
"I don't want to lie to you Paul, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't. It makes sense to me to give them time to process everything," I replied.
"So you're just going to run?" His voice was accusing.
"I need answers I can only get from another merfolk," my voice raising.
"So this is it then?" He stood turning towards me, anger in his beautiful features.
"I won't be gone long. Probably a day or two. Especially given that I recently found out there's merfolk close by." He seemed to calm down at this new information.
I stood up and looked up at him. He was so much taller than me. I couldn't give into him that easily either. He hurt me on purpose over something I couldn't control. I just wanted him to love me naturally without this imprint forcing him to. I wanted to give Jake a chance but he threw it away before we could really get anywhere.
"So, Embry and Lauren?" I asked walking into the house, Paul following close behind.
"You can't control the imprint. Honestly I'm surprised that she took it so well. Given everything we were going through. She was accepting of Em right away. Of course it didn't help that he imprinted on her right after I... yeah." He replied.
"After you fucked her?" I cringed at the word.
"I can't say I'm sorry for it. I am sorry it was hurting you though. If I could take it back to be with you, I would."
"You're not sorry for fucking her?" My tone was one of disbelief.
"Honestly I'm not because it happened already and I can't take it back. If I could take it back I would. But it wasn't a one time thing." His words cutting like a knife in my chest.
"I see." But I didn't. I don't understand how he couldn't apologize for something like that.
"We aren't together so I have nothing to apologize for Swan." I tried to ignore him. Typical Paul, of course he was right but what about the imprint thing? It obviously isn't that strong. Besides, if I am tied to him, he'd probably do it again.
"Ok," I replied curtly.
"Look what else do you want me to say?" He waved his arms around as if emphasizing his question.
"Nothing," my happy mood was gone.
"Are you mad now?" His expression unreadable.
I ignored him, making my way to the kitchen. I pulled out ingredients for pancakes and waffles. Finally after whisking the ingredients together, I turned and gave him a hard stare.
"You really are something, aren't you? You have a lot of nerve. Just because I'm your imprint doesn't give you the right to behave like you do," I poured a few pancakes on the flat grill and then the waffle pan before turning back to him.
"Just because you're my imprint doesn't mean we're together. You forget you were dating Black of all people." He exaggerated Jacob's surname.
"I'll give you that. But we were already together before you imprinted on me. Don't blame Jake, because he didn't have anything to do with it," I snapped.
"And, you aren't together anymore. What about that?" He clenched his fists in a tight ball.
"If you cared, you'd give me the time I needed to consolidate the breakup with Jake," I replied, flipping the pancakes.
It was silent for a while as I continued to cook. When I was finished I quickly cleaned up the mess setting the table. I piled several pancakes on a plate for Paul before grabbing a couple for myself. I took a seat and took a bite. Paul sat in the chair next to me and pulled me into his lap.
"What are you doing?" I asked confused and shocked.
"It's comforting to have you so close," he whispered before taking a huge bite. Syrup dripping down his chin. I couldn't hold in my amusement as I giggled. I reached up and wiped it away, pausing when the tension began to grow heavy. His eyes becoming dark with lust. I let out a small cough before turning back to my plate.
It was so easy being around him, at least when he wasn't being obnoxious on purpose. He nuzzled my neck as I ate quietly. Give into the bond young one! The voice whispered in a soothing tone. I swallowed hard trying to not let him notice anything amiss.
"Something wrong, princess?" He quirked his eyebrow in my direction.
"It's just a mermaid thing. You wouldn't understand." I forked another mouthful in my mouth, avoiding his gaze.
"Try me," he replied.
"I don't think so. Besides I'll just sound crazy," I took a drink of my orange juice, gulping it.
"You're avoiding the question," he chuckled.
"I can sometimes hear a voice in my head, it gives me advice sometimes. I think it's my mermaid within or inner siren. Honestly I don't know, I'm hoping to get answers when I... seek them." I shoved the remainder of my top pancake in my mouth.
"Is that a constant thing, or just sometimes?" I was surprised that he didn't think I was losing my mind.
"Only sometimes. There's nothing about this in my grandmother's journals. I have nothing to go on." I hopped off his lap grabbing our plates and cleaned up.
"Maybe we shouldn't wait for you to tell the pack what you are, beautiful. Maybe the elders know something." His voice was soft.
"I'll think about it. But for now I like my privacy. At least what I have." I sighed, I hated lying to him. He didn't know the whole Cullen coven knew. It would upset him knowing that they knew but not the pack.
"What? There's something you're not telling me, princess." Ever so perceptive, damn him for being a werewolf.
"Don't get mad at me. Technically it's partially your fault anyway," I sucked in a deep breath before continuing. "The Cullens know. About me. What I am." I watched his expression harden at that.
"Seriously," he spat.
"I got hurt Paul. Who do you think stitched me up after Embry Call shredded half of my body!" I shouted back at him. That shut him up.
"And if I remember correctly, didn't you break my wrist way before that?" He flinched at my words. It was something we never discussed and he never apologized. I didn't bring it up, but it was a low blow bringing something up that happened months ago.
"That's not fair," he said in a low voice before turning away and heading out the door. I heard the door slam shut, I stayed taking a deep breath. I stood there for a moment, getting my bearings before heading towards the stairs. I was halfway up the steps when someone knocked on the door. I paused mid step letting out a groan. I could ignore it and go to bed, I thought.
"I know you're in there Bella," I heard a familiar voice say.
"What do you want? Did you come here to gloat?" I shouted down the steps.
"Listen, as much as I don't really care about you, unfortunately we're going to be seeing a lot of each other in the future. So why don't you let me in so we can talk. Don't worry I promise I won't bite."
I sighed, I headed back down and reluctantly opened the door for my visitor. Lauren looked radiant. She looked happy, and she wasn't usually a happy person.
"Come in," I said in a monotone. I wasn't thrilled she was here nor did I care to show differently. She was the one Paul had preferred to be with after hurting me. I still had the mark on my chest and I was thankful for Alice and Rose going out of their way to get me a good foundation to cover it up.
Lauren walked in and turned to face me. It was weird that she was smiling at me and it didn't look fake for once. I couldn't look away, it was just so peculiar. I nodded slowly, unable to smile back.
"So, Embry told me he came to talk to you and that you slammed the door in his face." She got serious when she talked about Embry.
"I didn't do it intentionally. I got sick." I replied, rolling my eyes.
"Well he told me what he did to you. And..." she took a deep breath. "And he told me what you are."
Everything stood still. I could hear her heart beating, I could hear the wings of a hummingbird in the garden out front.i was shocked and didn't know how to respond to her. Obviously I couldn't lie to her, especially if Embry told her.
"It's okay Bella, I won't say anything. I promised Embry I would keep your secret." She was actually being nice to me.
"Thanks?" Was the only reply I could give.
"So... you missed the biology field trip today." She said.
"I know. I was sick yesterday. I kinda slept in late." I mumbled.
"Well you totally missed it. Mike asked Jessica to prom yesterday. Today, Edward Cullen asked Angela Webber to prom!" She sounded surprised.
I couldn't grasp the fact that Lauren was in my house, and she was being nice to me. I guess Embry imprinting on her, changed her for the better. Now that she was close, I could actually see how much makeup she wore.
"Wait. Did you just say Edward asked Angela Webber to prom?" I asked shocked.
"Uh, yeah. They're apparently mates or whatever. Yeah I know about the Cullens too. Crazy shit if you ask me. Makes you wonder what else is out there ya know." Lauren knew about the Cullens being vampires? What was this world coming to?
"So, Embry told you everything?" I asked in a dazed tone.
"Yeah. And honestly Bella you should totally forgive him. I mean he didn't mean it. Besides he said that you are an imprint as well. Who imprinted on you? Embry won't tell me, said your wolf wasn't ready to share about it. Em doesn't know what the big deal is, I mean it can't be that bad."
Lauren was a talkative girl. I sat and listened to her talk about the drama happening at school. She told me the rumors about Mike cheating on Jess weren't true, because Leah wasn't even living on the Reservation. Apparently she lived on the Makah Reservation. I started paying closer attention when she brought up Jacob.
"Em said he's close. Said they've prepared him for what to expect. Now they just need to find a way to trigger his first phase. Of course Em thinks you'd be of help in that department. Though I don't think it's safe for you." She paused staring at me.
"Why wouldn't it be safe for me?" I asked.
"Duh, Bella. He'll lose his temper and turn into a giant wolf. Aren't you listening?" She continued on about the rest of the pack.
Apparently we weren't the only imprints of the wolves. She told me about Emily and Kim. Emily was Sam's imprint and Kim was Jared's.
"So you've met the rest of the pack?" I asked with a pang of jealousy.
"Yes! They're pretty great actually. They're always getting together to have a bonfire or a cookout. And let me tell you girl, those boys can eat!" She rambled on about how great it was being an imprint.
In my perspective, it wasn't all that great. But then again I was still Paul's dirty secret. And what's worse is his ex was actually talking to me as if we were besties. Was she really that stupid that she didn't figure it out? There's only four wolves and obviously four imprints.
Finally she started to stand from the couch as if to leave. I walked her to the door when she suddenly froze in her spot. She turned around, squinting at me.
"Holy fuck! You're Paul's imprint? Aren't you?" She demanded.
I didn't reply. Her tone didn't sound like she was happy about it. Quite frankly I wasn't liking it either.
"Why hasn't he told the pack about you? I mean it's not like he's ashamed of you right?" I kept quiet. "Wait! You're the girl he was trying to forget! The reason he even stayed with me." I was speechless.
"I gotta hand it to you Bella, if I were you I wouldn't let any girl touch my wolf! He shouldn't even be able to have sex with anyone else unless you haven't accepted the imprint. Wait, you haven't, have you."
I felt the tears starting to form. Stupid traitorous tears! I was shocked when she hugged me tightly. Lauren Mallory was actually hugging me.
"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't know, I mean how could I have known. He can be a real jerk sometimes. I just wanted to come by and hopefully make amends with you. Let bygones be bygones. I hope you can forgive me."
"It's not your fault Lauren," I replied.
"Please Bella, call me Lor. We're family after. But really I am sorry. I can't imagine what you went through."
It suddenly hit me that she was the only one who seemed to apologize for everything. Why can't he do the same? I was afraid of finding out who he would fuck next. If not Lauren, who?
"So are we like friends now?" I asked curiously.
"Of course! You're the only imprint I can relate to. Anyways, I hope to see you at school tomorrow. Can I sit with you at lunch?" She asked sheepishly.
"Uh. Sure, I don't mind." I replied.
She gave me a hug before turning back towards the door. I stood there shocked, watching her leave. After I heard her car drive off, I collapsed in the middle of the living room. Why was he ashamed of me? He could tell the pack about me without revealing what I am. I took a deep breath trying to think clearly.
I made dinner for Charlie and placed it in the microwave with a note taped to the microwave door. I felt helpless and tired. When was this rollercoaster going to stop and let me off? I didn't have the energy to keep fighting Paul. He was ashamed of me, I could feel it. I felt the mark on my chest burn a little as I laid in my bed and cried.
I wanted to hate him, but I knew I would never be able to. Today was such an eye opener. I became friends with Lauren Mallory of all people. I couldn't wait to tell Jazz tomorrow. I wish I could call Jake. I wish we were still best friends. I cried harder, mourning my lost friendship. I might as well be dead to him at this rate.
As I cried, I heard a loud howl in the forest close by. It only made me cry harder. I cried till I couldn't anymore. I cried till I ran dry, and couldn't cry anymore. I cried till I grew tired and finally I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.