Olivia left the apartment the next morning before Alex had gotten up. The blonde had gone looking for her after getting ready for work and was a bit concerned when she realized the detective was gone. Shaking it off, she finished getting ready for work and made a note to call Olivia later.

Olivia was feeling out of sorts and wanted to get to some place safe where she could think. That place was the bullpen. She arrived well before anyone else and dove into a stack of files on her desk. Elliot found her engrossed in a witness statement when he came in.

"How'd it go last night?"

"Eh. Now he's rethinking his decision to just write a check." Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, my thoughts exactly."

"So…."

"I told him to get an attorney and we'd let the courts sort it out." She caught Elliot's look. "What?"

He rolled his shoulders. "Uh, Liv, look, you keep saying nothing is going on between you and Alex…."

"Elliot…."

"Hear me out." Sure he had her attention he continued, "I'm just sayin' do you really want to rock the custody battle boat by shacking up with another woman?"

"I assure you detective, we are not shacking up." Both Elliot and Olivia turned to see Alex. "And might I also remind you that if we were shacking up, New York is one of the more liberal states in terms of gay rights. And worse case scenario, should we ever become romantically involved, we can always move to New Jersey or my family home in Boston and get married."

"Alex?"

"Olivia, could I please speak with you?" She didn't wait for an answer; she simply turned on her heel and made her way to an interrogation room.

Inside the room, Alex looked Olivia over and moved toward her. "Are you ok?" When Olivia didn't answer her, she moved even closer to the other woman. "Don't listen to what Elliot says, Liv."

"He has a point Alex." She forestalled any argument by holding up her hand. "Not about any possible romantic relationship we may or may not ever have, but about my living situation. It won't be long until this baby gets here. 5 months isn't a long time and am I just supposed to keep living in your spare room?"

"I…let's just talk about all of this tonight, ok? I just wanted to make sure you were ok? You were gone when I got up this morning and I was just a bit worried." She searched Olivia's eyes. "We're still on for tonight, right?"

"I know you said something about going out for dinner, but would it be ok if we just stayed in? I'm just…I'm feeling out of sorts."

"Of course." She moved toward Olivia, hesitated and then closed the distance and hugged the other woman. She also brushed her lips across Olivia's cheek.

As she left the bullpen, she noticed that her flowers were still on Olivia's desk and the red roses Serena told her Kurt had sent Olivia were no where to be found. She smiled inwardly and began changing plans for dinner in her mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia left the station just after 5 that day. She wanted some alone time before Alex came home and she wanted to try and catch a quick nap. She went straight to her bedroom and climbed under the covers, content to let sleep take her away.

"Liv? Liv?"

She woke with a start and rolled over to see Alex standing in her doorway. "What time is it?" She rubbed her eyes and tried to find her clock.

"Just after 7. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I thought you might need to freshen up a bit before we eat?"

Olivia nodded, stretched and yawned. "I'll be right there."

Alex had just finished setting the table when Olivia came into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Alex served pot roast with new potatoes and carrots, a spinach salad, and Pellegrino water. She had made the salad dressing out of yogurt.

They ate in silence and Alex couldn't help notice that Olivia tore into her roast with fervor.

"Hungry?"

"Starved. Some days I can't seem to get enough food! Must be those prenatal vitamins!"

They shared a laugh and fell back into a comfortable silence.

Alex took a deep breath. "When I first came back from the program, I was bound a determined to pick up where I'd left off career wise. I felt like I'd been given a new lease on life and a second chance; I set my course and never intended on looking back. I wanted so badly to see you and the guys, but I also knew my feelings for you had only grown over time and while being a lesbian claims adjuster in Wisconsin was ok, being a lesbian ADA with an eye on a political future was not."

She shrugged, looked away and then continued. "So I suppressed my yearnings for you and dove right in to work." She looked down. "I also dove head long into an affair with Jim Steel. I knew him from before my time in WP and I was attracted to him. It seemed simple enough; nothing beyond the physical, nothing serious, and I didn't have to be alone."

She got up to get desert and to collect her thoughts about her next admission. Taking her time, she prepared the cheesecake and fruit. Taking a deep breath, she went back to the table.

"What about Robert?"

Alex gave her a weak smile. "Things aren't always what they seem Olivia." She sighed. "I am about to betray a confidence, but I know it won't go any further than you." She waited for Olivia to acknowledge her statement. "Have you ever wondered why a man as successful as Robert, as powerful, has never been married?"

Olivia chewed on that for a minute before blurting out, "He's gay?"

Alex nodded, thought about what she was about to say and then said it any way. "More or less. More importantly, he's impotent. A number of years ago he was in the hospital and they were going to cath him. The resident on duty hadn't slept in over 48 hours and pushed a little too hard. Severed two crucial nerves. All the Viagra in the world isn't going to help him."

"Ouch."

Alex nodded. "Anyway, a mutual friend introduced us and he seemed to sense a kinship with me. We started 'dating' if that's what you want to call it, and I broke off my affair with Jim. I genuinely liked Robert and after seeing him for a month with no attempts by him to make our union physical, I began to wonder. I began to add up all the little things and came to the conclusion he was gay."

"Why, because he made no attempt to sleep with you?"

Alex smirked. "Well, there was that! No, seriously, things just didn't add up. All the old clippings of him with beautiful women and not one whisper of a love child? No almost engagements or even the nibble of a sex tape? And the man had his underwear ironed! Who does that?"

"Ewww!"

"So I decided to try and seduce him one night. When his body failed to react, I told him I understood and he told me I did not." She began chewing on her lip. "He told me he gave a whole new meaning to the word 'limp dick'. And then he told me the story about his accident."

Something in the way Alex told the story did not ring true for Olivia. She processed what she'd just learned and allowed the detective in her to kick in.

"What else Alex? What about Jim?"

"Robert tried to meet my needs. He really did." She looked at Olivia, her face faintly coloring. "He, uh, he tried going down on me, and that was just….awful. He even tried strapping one on and that was just…bizarre." She shuddered.

"But if he was gay…."

"He had yet to admit that to me. Then the night before we got engaged, Jim and I were working late and well, we had one of our fights." She again refused to look at Olivia and shrugged. "One thing led to another and well, we ended up having sex. I could make all the excuses in the world Olivia, but it was just wrong. I knew it was wrong as we were doing it and I've never felt so guilty, so dirty as I did when it was over." She wrapped her arms around herself and shuddered.

"I cheated Olivia. The one thing I'd never done and I cheated. I felt so guilty, dirty. I hurried home and took a shower. He found me crying in the bathroom the next morning. He told me it didn't matter, that he understood and then he asked me to marry him. He made a very compelling case." She smiled. "He sold me on the 'my power, your ambition' plan, and he was just so damn understanding! " She scoffed. "That really should have been a big clue."

Confused, Olivia asked, "To what?"

"How about we move this into the living room?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I never kept tabs on Robert; his comings and goings were his business. We settled in to a very nice routine that was comfortable if not inspiring. I confessed my desire to have a baby and he even agreed; said we could pick out a donor or adopt. I was thrilled. I knew that having a baby would help fill the void in my life and make up for whatever physical needs Robert couldn't meet. Or so I thought."

Alex had moved from the couch to the window and was now pacing.

"Alex? What is it?"

"I was preparing for a big case Nick Potter was trying so I called and let Robert know I wouldn't be home until very late. Oddly this was one time Nick had his crap together and we finished well ahead of time so I hurried home. I'd narrowed my list of donors down and wanted to go over them with Robert."

She bowed her head and let out a bitter laugh. "I found him alright…He was harnessed up and doing a very young boy in our bed!"

"How young Alex?"

"17. Just past the age of consent here in New York."

"Ok." No matter how Olivia tried to slice it, what Robert had done was no different than what Alex had done. True, doing someone in the bed you share with your lover is pretty low, but aside from that, he did nothing worse than what Alex had done with Jim Steel.

"I know what you are thinking Olivia and I would agree with you if not for what happened next." She rubbed her forehead. "He pretty much said what you were thinking and then he…he invited me to join them. He said this could be the solution to all our problems. That poor boy, he looked terrified." She looked at Olivia and whispered, "He looked like Sam Cavanaugh."

"Oh Alex!" She moved to the blonde and tried to hug her, but Alex wouldn't let her.

"When he saw I wasn't going to join in, he told the boy to get dressed and leave. I was frozen in place Olivia. And then he dropped the bomb. He told me if the 'fine young gentleman' wasn't to my liking, he could arrange for any number of fine young women. He had found out all about my time in Wisconsin and Portland." She shook her head. "I left the penthouse that night and refused to talk to him for a solid week. I was…."

"Hurt?"

"I was not hurt. I was just…livid. He was just this side of being a pedophile, he wanted me to engage in threesomes and multi-partner sex and…I had trusted him. So I broke it off with him. He begged, pleaded, said he was sorry, blah, blah, blah. All I could see was the face of Sam Cavanaugh."

"Alex, I'm sorry."

The blonde smiled at Olivia and shrugged. "I take full responsibility for my situation with Robert; and the situation you now find yourself in."

"Me? Alex, the only person I have to blame for this, is me!"

Alex moved back to the couch and sat next to Olivia. "No. Had I been honest with myself when I came back, I would have realized that my political aspirations were gone before I even left for WP. My life was changing, even back then and things were changing between us. Had I been honest upon my return, I would have marched right down to the station and told you how I felt. Then I wouldn't have been involved with Jim or Robert. Then I wouldn't have kissed you and sent you running into a man's bed, which resulted in this. " She moved her hand over Olivia's small belly and seeking permission, she gently touched the bulge. "I don't doubt your feelings for me or mine for you, but I shouldn't have sprung that kiss on you. I knew you weren't ready, and I ended up sending you back to his bed. If I'd just taken my time, given you time, things might be different now. And maybe this would be our baby."

"Alex…"

"I'm sorry….I shouldn't have said that." She patted Olivia's hand. "I know you aren't ready to even entertain the possibility of 'us.'"

Alex started to rise but Olivia stopped her.

"I am."

"What?"

"I am ready to explore a relationship with you Alex. I just…I have no experience in this."

Alex smiled at her. "What about Casey?"

"Nothing…"

"Happened. Except she's kissed you and felt you up." At Olivia's frustrated look she laughed. "I'm just giving you a hard time." She pulled Olivia to her. "So…you're ready to try this?"

Olivia nodded. "Will you sleep with me tonight?"

Suddenly panicked, Olivia struggled to sit up. "Alex!"

"Shhh. I actually meant sleep with me as in sleep; not sex. I want to hold you. Both of you."

"Ok."

Smiling, Alex helped her up and led her down the hall to her bedroom